Paranormal is Relative

by S.J. Drew

we are, but are things like this common?” Leah asked. “Is the world just full of holes that open up to other places?”

  “I don't know,” Isabella answered. “My grandmother Ami taught me about doors. And I guess some doors could be holes in the ground.”

  They continued to walk for about fifteen minutes without seeing or hearing anything else. The tunnel started showing signs of plant life and was nearly completely covered with dark green moss and tiny pink flowers when they heard a faint, scurrying sound and they could see a large, black rat running along the wall in their direction.

  Maryann squealed again and jumped out of its path.

  The rat halted when it reached the band. “Well, well,” it said, with a Queens accent. “So here you are.”

  “Did-did you know we were down here?” Isabella asked.

  “The pigeon told me.”

  “That stoolie!” Leah said.

  The band members kind of groaned but the rat sniggered. “Are you going to make puns about my hygiene?”

  “I have no way to know if you are, in fact, a dirty rat,” she said.

  The rat sniggered again. “So, you fell down a hole.”

  “And we'd like to get out again,” Maryann said. “Do you know the way out?”

  “There's only one way out. It's right up there,” the rat said, looking up at the ceiling.

  They followed suit and saw the tiny dot of light right above them.

  “How does that work?” Nora said with exasperation. “We've been walking for nearly twenty minutes!”

  “If you don't know where you're going, how do you expect to get there?” the rat asked.

  “Fair point to the rat,” Leah said.

  “We want out. Can you help?” Nora snapped.

  “The only way out is up there. You have to get out the same way you got in.”

  “We fell down,” Maryann said.

  The rat rubbed its whiskers. “So there you go.”

  “We can't fall down any more and we can't fall up!”

  “No? Well, look, if you can't fly, that's the only other way out.”

  “Can you fall up?” Nora asked snidely.

  It looked at her with beady eyes. “You're touchy. I can get out, but I can't tell you how to do it. You've got to figure it out yourself. Kind of the point, really.”

  “Can you tell us what this place is?” Isabella asked quickly, to cut off a potential angry rant from Nora.

  The rat rubbed its whiskers again. “I don't know what you would call it. I call it a good place to hide from cats. That's why the pigeon was down here. But you can't stay down here. Oh, no, no, that would not be good for you.”

  “Why not? Is there something dangerous down here?” Isabella asked.

  “Not to me, but probably to you. Humans aren't supposed to be down here, you see. That's one of the rules.”

  “Whose rules?”

  “The Hag's rules, of course,” the rat replied.

  “Who's the Hag?” Maryann asked. “And why did she put that hole there?”

  The rat shrugged. “The Hag is the thing that rules. The Hag likes animals. The Hag doesn't like humans. I personally don't care. I mean, humans poison cheese but that's what humans do, so what's the point in hating them for it? But I want you to leave so the Hag doesn't take away my place to hide from cats.”

  “But I want to block the hole so no one else can fall down here,” Isabella said.

  “You can't block the hole,” the rat replied. “But I also don't think most humans can fall through it either or there would probably have been some down here before now. More of you than rats, you know.”

  “Are you just a rat?” Leah asked.

  “As far as I know. No, I don't normally talk outside and I think better down here, but I'm just a rat and that was just a pigeon.”

  “Isabella, is that true?” Nora asked.

  Isabella cast a spirit sight spell on all of them. “Well, it does show up a little weird, but everything here does. I think it is just a rat and whatever this place is makes the rat seem like more.”

  Maryann knelt down next to the rat. “Listen; is it possible there's another way out besides that hole in the roof?”

  “I guess. I mean, I'm not really the curious type. Curiosity killed the rat, you know.”

  “I thought that was the cat,” Leah said.

  “Really? It gets them too?”

  “Can you help us try to find another way out, or figure out how to get out of that hole?” Maryann asked.

  The rat appeared to think this over. “What's in it for me?”

  “The Hag doesn't get mad for finding us here,” Nora said irritably.

  “Hey, I don't know if the Hag will take this place away,” the rat said, looking shifty.

  Maryann dug around in her purse and pulled out a half-eaten granola bar. “How about this? It's all natural, whole grain, no preservatives. All good stuff.”

  The rat sniffed at the air without getting closer. “What, no nacho cheese?”

  “That stuff is bad for you.”

  “Human, I'm a rat. My life is really short. I don't care about all that stuff that may kill me in forty years because I don't live that long. Anyone else got something good? I like sour cream and chives too.”

  “No,” Nora said coldly. “We do care about stuff killing us in forty years.”

  “Fine, fine, touchy human. Okay, I'll take your bribe.” The rat walked up to Maryann and pulled the granola bar out of her hand and started to eat. “But I don't know if I'll be too much help.”

  “Then why did you take the food?” Nora snapped.

  “'Cause I'm a rat, and I'm hungry.”

  “Again, fair point to the rat,” Leah said.

  “So what's your name?” Maryann asked.

  “I don't have a name. I'm a rat.”

  “What do you call other rats?”

  “'Hey, you rat,'” the rat answered. “If there's a particular rat I'm talking to, I'm in their face. If I'm talking to a bunch of rats, it's because something dangerous is coming, and everyone should listen to me anyway. Names are only important to refer to someone who isn't there. Rats aren't really concerned with other rats who aren't right there.”

  “Wow, I am amazed at how smart this rat is,” Leah said.

  “Well, I'm going to call you Templeton if you don't mind,” Maryann said.

  The rat shrugged and continued to eat the granola bar as fast as it could.

  “From Charlotte's Web?” Leah asked.

  The redhead nodded.

  “I'll bet you cried like a baby when you read that.”

  “Everyone cries when they read that,” Maryann said stiffly.

  “Okay, let's start walking,” it said in a voice slightly muffled from the sticky granola still in its mouth. “If we get back around you may be able to get out then. And hope you don't run into the Hag. Oh, and you can put away those lights. You won't need them.”

  “We're not really going to listen to a rat, are we?” Nora asked.

  The others shrugged. “If it's too dark we'll just turn the lights back on again,” Isabella said.

  They reluctantly turned off and put away their flashlights. For a minute they could only see the light of the hole in the ceiling, but there seemed to be some light being emitted from an unseen source. Once their eyes adjusted to the dimmer light they could see fine.

  “Where's the light coming from?” Maryann asked in a lowered voice.

  “I don't know,” the rat answered.

  In a few minutes the tunnel opened up into a large cave with a strange garden. The ceiling was still covered in moss and flowers and the light seemed brighter. Some of the plants were squared off hedges, some were bushes covered with berries or flowers, and some were just flowers. There seemed to be no pattern in the layout of the plants and it was so large they couldn't see the end of the garden.

  “Stay away from the plants,” Templeton said.


  “So we don't catch the Hag's attention?” Maryann asked.

  “No, because a lot of them are definitely poisonous,” it replied irritably. “So I assume they all are, just in case. But hey, you can test that out if you want.”

  Leah recognized one of the plants as an oleander bush, and Isabella recognized a cluster of foxgloves. They were certain, however, that some of the plants were completely alien.

  Suddenly the cave was filled with a horrible wailing sound. The band clapped their hands over their ears, but that didn't seem to diminish the noise. In a moment it stopped.

  “What was that?” Maryann exclaimed.

  Templeton looked agitated. “That was the Hag. It's really unhappy and that might be because of you.”

  “What can we do?” Isabella asked.

  “I'm thinking, I'm thinking.”

  “You're thinking of running off and leaving us,” Nora snapped.

  “Hey, I'm just a rat.” Its ears perked up. “Quick, hide behind that hedge!”

  They ran behind a nearby square hedge and ducked down.

  “Rat! Rat!” said a squeaky voice. “The Hag! The Hag!”

  “Yeah, yeah, I heard it. So what?”

  There was a pause. “Oh, what's that? What's that?”

  “Hey!” Templeton said.

  There was a scurrying sound and a brown rabbit poked its head around the hedge and stared at the band. “Eek! They can't be here!”

  “I know that,” Templeton said irritably. “I'm trying to get them out, but I think they'll need to get back around.”

  “Yes, yes, that might work. But the Hag knows there are intruders and is looking. They'll never get past it!”

  “I know that too. Why don't you help me think of something?”

  The rabbit and rat were silent for a few minutes. “Well,” the rabbit said timidly, “we could take them to the weird crow. It's the smartest creature down here, maybe besides the