Evening Stars

by Susan Mallery

  “Nina started it,” Averil said.

  “That’s mature,” Nina told her.

  “There you go again. You start it, then have to have the last word. Don’t you have enough to do in your life? I’d think you were too busy already, what with being critical of everyone and then telling them what to do. With all your free time, you should think about volunteering.”

  “My free time? I have a job with responsibilities. A lot of us can’t simply disappear when the mood strikes. What are you thinking, taking off like you did? Kevin’s a great guy.”

  Averil spun to face her. “Better than I deserve, right? That’s what you think.”

  “He’s certainly patient. You’ve already been gone a week. How long are you staying?”

  “You don’t get to ask that. This is my home as much as yours.”

  “I’m not saying you should leave,” Nina told her. “I’m asking how long you expect him to wait for you to discover yourself. Because that’s what this is about. You and your needs. When is it about Kevin?”

  “Stay out of my marriage,” Averil told her. “It’s not your area of expertise.”

  Nina watched as Bonnie and Bertie got up and left the room. Penny trailed after them.

  “Great. Now you’ve driven them away.”

  Averil turned and stared at the empty sofa. She returned her attention to Nina. “Right. It’s my fault. For someone so big on everyone else being responsible, you sure don’t see what’s lacking in yourself.”

  “And you’re so quick to blame me for what’s wrong, just like you used to. Can’t figure out if you should have a kid? I’m the reason. Don’t know what to do about your marriage? It’s big, bad Nina who messed that up. Let me guess—I’m the reason you’re not writing your novel, too. I come into your room at night and suck out all your creative energy. It must be nice to never have to take personal responsibility.”

  Averil sprang to her feet. Tears filled her blue eyes. “I can’t believe you threw having a baby in my face. That’s low, even for you.”

  She stomped out of the room.

  Nina stayed in her chair, aware that all she wanted was to feel connected, and all she’d done was drive everyone away.

  * * *

  “I hate her,” Averil said into her cell as she wiped away tears. “She’s so sanctimonious.”

  Kevin was quiet for a second. “What happened?”

  “She’s mean and blames me for everything. I don’t understand. What is her problem? Do you think it’s because she doesn’t have a life? She steps in and handles everything for everyone else all the time. Which would be nice, but there’s a price. You have to do it Nina’s way or else.”

  “Maybe that’s an easier solution. You get to do what you want and have a scapegoat.”

  She sniffed. “Do you mean in general or are you talking about me?”

  “You don’t like taking responsibility.”

  Averil stiffened. “That’s not fair. What don’t I take responsibility for?”

  “You told me you were ready to start a family, and then you accused me of pressuring you. You keep talking about your novel, but I’m not sure you’ve even started it. You’re running away from our relationship, and I have no idea why.”

  She sucked in a breath as fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. “What? Do you keep a list of my flaws in your pocket?”

  “I was answering the question. Averil, think about it. You do like to blame other people for your mistakes.”

  “Fine. If I’m so awful, why do you want to have a baby with me?”

  “And now you’re trying to distract me from the main point.”

  “I have to go.”

  She pushed the end button on her cell phone and tossed it on the bed. She’d already pulled the box of tissues close, and now she pulled two free and blew her nose.

  What was wrong with everyone? Was it “be mean” day? She stared at her phone, waiting for it to ring. The seconds ticked by. She grabbed the cell, hit the call button and waited for Kevin to pick up.

  “I’m here,” he said, sounding weary.

  “What is this about?” she demanded. “What’s really going on? If you don’t want to be with me, just say so. I don’t want to play these games.”

  She braced herself for him to say she loved the games, which might be true but wasn’t the point. Instead he sighed.

  Something cold and snakelike coiled in her belly. The sensation made her want to run hard and fast, and it was only when she stood up to bolt that she realized the chill came from fear.

  Because until this second it had never occurred to her that she could lose her husband in all this. That Kevin might not wait for her forever. That he might be weary of the drama and actually like that she was gone.

  “Kevin?”

  “You like to make excuses, and I get tired of that,” he told her. “You’re a good person, Averil. Just look at how you took on Penny. But I want you to be a grown-up with me. I want us to have a partnership. I want to know I can depend on you, Averil. I love you and I want to stay with you. But I don’t know if that’s what you want and I won’t be in this alone. You need to think about what’s important. I know you need time and I’m willing to give it to you, but I won’t wait forever. Good night.”

  With that, he was gone. She dropped the phone on the bed, then stretched out next to it. There were still tears, but there was also confusion and a nagging sense of having missed something very important.

  Chapter Twelve

  “I’M SORRY,” NINA said later that evening, after the dishes had been washed and Averil had retreated to her room.

  She was once again curled up in the big chair with Bonnie and Bertie on the sofa. Penny lay next to Bonnie, her new BFF.

  “I let her get to me and I don’t know why,” Nina continued.

  “She frustrates you,” Bertie said. “You’re used to taking care of her, and that’s hard to let go. Now that you’re both older, you want to simply be sisters, but the old patterns creep into your conversations. You get parental, she rebels and there’s fighting.”

  “It’s my fault,” Bonnie said, petting Penny’s side. “But as you both know, I’m not entirely stable.”

  Acknowledgment followed by excuses, Nina thought, unable to summon any energy on the topic. She had a feeling her mother would never change. Everybody loved Bonnie—she was fun to be around and always game for whatever was exciting and new. A great trait in a friend, but a lousy one in a mother.

  Nina knew she reacted by being the opposite. Not fun and disinterested in anything spontaneous. Which made her sound like the best date ever, she thought grimly.

  “Either way, it’s good to have you two back,” Nina said, hoping the change of topic would get those kinds of thoughts out of her head.

  “It’s good to be back,” her mother told her. “I adore Cindy. She’s done so well with the store. She has a good eye.” She nudged Bertie. “I told you those dolls were worth something.”

  “Yes, you did.”

  Bonnie tucked her hair behind her ear. “We saw dolls on this trip, but they were too scary for me. Those little porcelain hands. You know they’re going to come alive in the night and scoop out our brains.”

  “I assume you mean the entire doll and not just the hands.”

  Bonnie wrinkled her nose. “It’s not like one is better than the other.” She turned to Nina. “Did I tell you that you were right about the tires? As soon as it started snowing, I told Bertie ‘Nina was right. We should have replaced the tires.’”

  Bertie nodded. “I was trying to keep up on the road, but when it’s slick, that old van drives like a bathtub.”

  Bonnie smiled at her. “You kept us safe. You always do.”

  “Thank you.” Bertie looked at Nina. “How are you holding up? There have been a lot of changes.”

  “Just Averil and Penny. And Penny isn’t any trouble.”

  Bertie laughed. “Meaning Averil is? She can be a handful. But I didn’t mea
n just that. What about Dylan being back?”

  Nina thought about seeing him. “I knew he was returning. I didn’t know when.” She told Bertie about her car and the rescue. “I was humiliated, but he was nice.”

  “Any chemistry?” Bonnie asked. “Chemistry is important.”

  “So is stability,” Bertie said gently. “Finding someone you can depend on.”

  Bonnie sighed. “Yes, that’s important, too.”

  “No chemistry,” Nina said. “Dylan and I are friends. What we had was a long time ago.”

  Bertie studied her. “You’d promised to tell me about the new man in your life. If not Dylan, then who?”

  Nina did her best not to squirm. “His name is Kyle.” She felt herself starting to smile. “It’s crazy. He’s four years younger and a fighter pilot. I used to babysit his sister. He was maybe twelve. For a whole summer he followed me around and told anyone who would listen that he was in love with me. It was kind of a joke. I barely remembered him.”

  Bonnie straightened. “I remember that boy. It was very sweet. He had such a crush on you. What’s he like now?”

  “Yummy. Irresistible. He showed up and said I was his fantasy.”

  “That’s a lot to live up to.” Bertie grinned. “He asked you out?”

  “He did. I’ve seen him a couple of times.”

  “Good for you,” Bonnie told her. “How was it?”

  Nina laughed. “He’s gorgeous and sexy and has made it clear he wants to sleep with me. Heady stuff. I know it’s not serious, but I’m okay with that. Right now hot, meaningless sex sounds really good.”

  “You have had a dry spell,” Bertie admitted. “Are you sure it’s meaningless?”

  “He’s too young and very driven. He wants to be a Blue Angel.”

  “I’m sure Blue Angels can be married.”

  Nina rolled her eyes. “Yes. I find it unexpected that you’re so traditional. You want me married. What about you, Mom?”

  Bonnie considered the question. “I want you to be happy,” she said. “That’s enough for me.”

  “What about her having babies?” Bertie asked. “I never wanted to push, but I’m fifty. It’s time for me to be a grandmother. I never got to have children, so I have unmet needs. I expect you and Averil to fulfill them.”

  Bonnie took her partner’s hand.

  “I’ll do my best, but not with Kyle.” A Navy wife? She wasn’t the type.

  “But someone,” Bonnie said. “You do want that.”

  “I do. I was thinking earlier that I thought I would have it all together by now. I’m not sure where everything went wrong. I guess part of it is living on the island. There aren’t a lot of single guys here.”

  “And now there are two.” Bonnie grinned. “I’m so proud. Who will win your love?”

  Nina shook her head. “This isn’t Twilight. I don’t have to pick a guy.”

  “That’s true.” Bertie nodded in agreement. “I want you to be happy, and it’s not like I can offer any advice. I’ve always found relationships with men complicated and perplexing. Which is why I’ve avoided them. Well, that and being gay.”

  Nina laughed. “The latter is probably the bigger reason.” She paused. “You were never with a guy?”

  “No. I always knew. I dated a little, but the first time a boy kissed me, I was horrified. It was so disgusting.” She shuddered. “After that I stopped trying to pretend. I had my first girlfriend in college. It was a revelation. I never looked back. When I met your mom, I knew I’d found the one.”

  She and Bonnie shared a look, and Nina knew this one had nothing to do with her.

  She remembered how Bonnie had introduced Bertie as her friend. There hadn’t been an explanation of their relationship. One night Bertie hadn’t gone home. Nina hadn’t said anything, but Averil had asked about it the next morning.

  “Are you a lesbian, Mom?”

  Bonnie had looked up from her bowl of cereal. That’s what Nina remembered most. The fact that they were having perhaps one of their most significant conversations over cereal and orange juice.

  “Yes, I am. Bertie is going to be with me now.”

  And she had been.

  “You were a welcome addition to the family,” Nina said, shaking off the memories. “It’s been nice having you around. You take care of things.”

  Bonnie frowned. “What does that mean? Nina, not everyone can be like you.”

  “I’m not asking you to be. But there are times...” She paused. “Like the roof. You called once, but only left a message. You never returned Tim’s call, so it didn’t get fixed. I had to deal with it. You said you’d taken care of it, but you didn’t.”

  Bonnie pouted. “It’s not my fault he didn’t pick up when I phoned.”

  “We still had a leaking roof. It’s hard when you promise to deal with something, then don’t.” She felt herself starting to get upset. Not tonight, she told herself. She’d already alienated Averil. Did she want the same with her mother?

  It wasn’t fair. In the end, it was all up to her. If she complained, she was a bitch. If she didn’t, she got stuck doing it all while everyone else went off and had fun. It had always been like that. She was, as she’d realized a couple of weeks ago, trapped in a situation with no win for her.

  “You expect too much,” her mother told her. “That’s always been your problem.”

  Bertie touched her lover’s arm. “You know I think you’re wonderful, but making the decisions and following through isn’t your strength. You shouldn’t offer to do something and then not take care of it.”

  “But I...” Bonnie nodded slowly. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I’m just used to Nina taking care of things.”

  Right, Nina thought bitterly. When her mother didn’t have to try to be responsible for anything.

  Bonnie rose. “I’m going to bed,” she said.

  “I won’t be long,” Bertie told her.

  Bonnie walked to Nina, then bent down and hugged her. “I do love you, daughter of mine.”

  “I love you, too, Mom.”

  Love wasn’t the problem, Nina thought.

  When Bonnie had left, Penny trotting at her side, Bertie turned back to Nina. “I’m glad you found someone for the store.”

  Nina accepted the change in subject the same way she accepted her mother leaving the room. It was what they did as a family. Things only went so far, then there was a strategic retreat. No one was willing to push to the point of clearing the air. From fear, she supposed. Of what the other person would say.

  “Cindy seems to be working out,” Nina said. “She’s organized and willing to learn about antiques. And she doesn’t have a criminal past.”

  Bertie sighed. “Tanya might not have been the best choice.”

  “Sadly, she wasn’t the worst one, either.”

  Bertie looked at her. “I’m willing to help out more than I have,” she said slowly. “I’ve been open to it for a while, but I haven’t wanted to push.”

  “Please, push,” Nina told her. “I don’t like having to worry about everything going on in the store, along with my job and the house.”

  “If you’re sure.”

  “I am.”

  Bertie nodded. “Then I’ll start stepping in. You could also expect a little more from your mother. She’s stronger than everyone thinks.”

  “I don’t doubt her strength, it’s her follow-through I have trouble with. Like the roof.”

  “She’s a work in progress.”

  Nina smiled. “You love her and that’s great. I’m glad she has you. But Bonnie is a complete flake. We’re all guilty of taking care of her, so she never had to grow up. Now I think it’s too late.”

  “I’m not so sure. I’m seeing signs of progress.”

  Nina hoped she was right, but she had a feeling that love made Bertie blind. Which would be nice to experience, she thought.

  Bertie stretched her arms toward the ceiling, then stood. “I’m tired, which makes no sen
se. All I did today was drive.”

  “That’s stressful. You have to concentrate.”

  Bertie smiled and moved toward her. “I’m glad we’re back. We both missed you.”

  They hugged.

  Nina went into her room. She was glad they were back, too. With her mother around, life was never boring.

  She glanced at her phone and saw she’d received a text.

  Just wanted to say hi.

  It was from Kyle. Butterflies hatched in her stomach. She typed back, asking if he was still doing his government thing.

  Nope. Back for the night. Thinking of you. Don’t suppose you could get away?

  It was very close to a booty call, she thought, studying the small display. She was pretty sure that the correct response was to make him actually ask her out. Or beg a little harder. She wasn’t interested in being his go-to sex partner whenever it was convenient for him.

  Only just thinking about being in his arms was enough to get her heart racing. If she lingered on the memories of all he’d done to her body, she found herself not caring about potential damage to her feminist side. A good orgasm or two healed a lot of ills.

  * * *

  “Happy clothes?” Cindy asked, sounding doubtful.

  Averil opened the second box and started pulling out vintage dresses and jackets. “I can’t explain it more scientifically. Some of it is the smell. Old clothes have a scent, which is fine. But sometimes they have an odor that is gross.”

  “Like body odor?”

  Averil laughed. “No, it’s different. I’ll let you know if I find any unhappy clothes. We can’t sell those. They need to be destroyed or at least thrown out.”

  “Because the unhappy cooties will be passed on to the new owner.”

  “I’m not making this up,” Averil said as she pulled out a flapper-style dress and shook it. “This is fabulous. Look at the beading. I’ll bet it was all done by hand.”

  Cindy fingered the fringe. “Expensive. Check to see if there’s a label. I’ll bet it was couture.”