Evening Stars

by Susan Mallery

  She stopped in the middle of the living room and faced him. His expression was tight, his gaze hard.

  “Are you crying about him?” he asked.

  She shook her head, then sank down onto the black leather sofa. She covered her face with her hands and started to sob.

  The cries came from deep inside of her. She felt herself shaking and knew she should probably try to get control, only she didn’t care enough. How had this happened? When had she lost sight of everything that was important?

  Time passed, and eventually the tears slowed. She sniffed, then opened her eyes and saw a box of tissues in front of her. She reached for a couple and wiped her face, then blew her nose.

  Dylan walked in from the kitchen. He had an open bottle of wine in one hand and two glasses in the other. He poured and handed her one.

  He took a seat across from her. He wore jeans and a T-shirt. His feet were bare. It was late enough in the day that he had a little stubble on his jaw, which made him look surprisingly sexy.

  She sniffed again and wadded up the tissues, then picked up the glass of wine.

  “I’m sorry,” she said before taking a sip. “I’m a complete mess.”

  “What happened?”

  “Everything. Nothing.” She sniffed again. “I can’t keep control of all of it. My mother and the painting. You know that’s going to be a disaster. Odds are she’s going to be swindled out of the whole thing and end up owing Ambrose for his work and the bank for storage.”

  “Bertie’s there to steady her, and despite how she acts, your mom respects your opinion.”

  “No, she blames me for being the grown-up in the relationship.” She took another sip. “I was at the store today. It’s doing really well. I mean, better than any of us ever dreamed. Cindy has organized the inventory. Mom and Bertie do have a good eye for things.”

  She leaned back against the soft cushions. “My first thought was this was great. We can get the roof fixed and the two of them can take a salary and I can finally start saving money and thinking about...”

  She pressed her lips together as her eyes filled with tears. “It’s not any of that,” she said, avoiding his gaze. “It’s not Averil being an idiot about her marriage or my mom or the roof. It’s the island.”

  Dylan frowned. “What about the island?”

  “It’s so small. I never knew that. Or I forgot. I’ve been trapped on something the size of a postage stamp. I thought I had a real life here, but I don’t. Look at me. I’m thirty and I still live with my mother. I try to control everyone around me, and it doesn’t work. No one listens. I gave up everything for nothing and now I’m stuck.”

  She stood and moved to the sliding glass door. It was partially open, and she closed her eyes against the gentle breeze. The truth was right there, within reach. If only she was willing to admit it.

  “Stuck is wrong,” she whispered. “I’m not stuck. I’m afraid. I’ve always been afraid. Of change, of possibilities. I’ve told myself I can’t leave. At first it was about money. Averil needed to go to UCLA and someone had to pay for that. Then there was my mom. She wasn’t ready to be on her own. What if she and Bertie broke up? What if...”

  She risked looking at him and found he was watching her, but she had no idea what he was thinking. Maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe the point of this was to say the words, not get a response.

  “You got away,” she continued. “You did what you said. You became a doctor and came back because you’d promised you would. I never did any of that. I’ve been fooling myself. I thought I didn’t have a choice, but I always did. I was too afraid to take it.”

  She walked over to the coffee table and put down her wine. Dylan continued to watch her without speaking.

  “I’m sorry about the party,” she said. “I won’t apologize for seeing Kyle because I wasn’t doing anything wrong, but I never meant to make you uncomfortable. You and I aren’t dating or anything romantic. You’ve been there for me and I appreciate your help. I thought we were friends. You never said you wanted anything more.”

  He stood. “You’re right. I didn’t. Who is he?”

  “He’s a fighter pilot for the Navy. I used to babysit his little sister. He showed up a few weeks ago.” She swallowed the rest of the words. Dylan didn’t need to know how Kyle had claimed she was his fantasy.

  “Now what?” he asked.

  “Are you talking about my life or Kyle?”

  “Both.”

  “I have no idea,” she admitted. “I just figured out I’ve been fooling myself for years. Pretending a self-importance that didn’t exist. I’ve been so busy thinking I was taking care of everyone that I never bothered to notice I was carefully trapping myself so I would have the perfect excuse not to leave my comfort zone.”

  “What are you going to do about it?”

  “I don’t know. I thought about simply leaving, but that’s hardly the mature response. I don’t want to change things for the sake of it. I need to live with the revelation for a while. Right now I’m still in shock.”

  Not to mention battered, she thought. She couldn’t believe how stupid she’d been, how blind. A ridiculous figure.

  “Hey.”

  She looked at Dylan, only to find he’d opened his arms. As if inviting her in. Without thinking about the consequences, she walked into his embrace. She wrapped both arms around him and hung on tight.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  AVERIL STEPPED OUT of the shower and reached for her towel. She’d gotten up later than usual, mostly because she’d stayed awake until nearly two in the morning, working on her book.

  She was making progress, she thought as she dried off, then reached for her lotion. Real progress. She loved the story, loved the characters and had a rough outline for the whole second half. She’d written more in the past three weeks than at any time in her life. Not counting her articles, of course.

  She loved the energy she felt, the excitement. Kevin had been reading her pages every night, and he’d offered an insightful, encouraging critique.

  This is what she was meant to do. Nothing angsty or literary. Just fun, flirty stories for the teens who read the magazine. She understood them, adored them and connected with them.

  She knew she probably wouldn’t sell her first book. Most authors didn’t. But that was okay. She would keep on trying until she found an editor who understood her and her work.

  She dressed, then wrapped the towel around her hair. After digging through her cosmetics bag, she pulled out her moisturizer and sunscreen, then her birth control pills. She dropped a single pill on her palm and came to a stop.

  What was she doing? Averil looked up and stared at herself in the mirror. What was she doing? Why was she working in an antique store rather than at her job? Why was she cooking for her mother and Bertie and Nina instead of Kevin? Why was she talking to him on the phone instead of in person? Why was she still on Blackberry Island? Why hadn’t she gone home?

  She’d been faithfully taking her birth control pills every morning and for what purpose? To not have a child? But she wanted kids—she wanted kids with Kevin. Fierce longing swept through her as she thought about being with him. Not just making love, but having dinner together, seeing him. Being in the rhythm of their life.

  She tossed the pill into the trash, then quickly applied her moisturizer and sunscreen before combing out her hair. She didn’t bother with the blow-dryer, but instead gathered up all her toiletries and hurried to her room.

  Penny was waiting for her on the bed.

  “This is crazy,” she told the dog. “What am I waiting for? Kevin to leave me? I’m not sure why I even came here.” Penny wagged her tail.

  Averil smiled. “Yes, I’m sure part of it was so I could find you. I guess I also needed to take a long look at my past. Figure out my connection with Nina. It turns out my sister is as screwed up as the rest of us.”

  She knew there was more. She’d needed to prove to herself that she could write. Maybe she
’d needed to be by herself to finish growing up. Whatever the reasons, she was ready now. Ready to be the kind of person a man like Kevin would want to spend the rest of his life with. As important, she needed to be the kind of person she could be proud of.

  She set her suitcase on the bed and began filling it with her clothes. She barely folded her shirts, instead quickly rolling them into balls and shoving them inside. She was more careful with her laptop and her notes.

  When she’d packed up all her things, she collected Penny’s belongings. She found Bertie in the kitchen, sipping coffee.

  “Where’s Mom?” Averil asked, crossing to the pot and pouring herself a cup.

  “Out for a walk. She was in the mood to commune with nature.”

  Which could mean any of a thousand things, Averil thought. “I’m going home,” she said. “I miss Kevin and I need to get back to my life.”

  Bertie smiled at her. “I’m glad. He’s a good guy and very sweet to you.”

  “I know. I got lucky when I found him.” She cradled the cup. “What about what’s happening here? The painting and Nina and everything else.”

  “We’ll be fine. If we lose the painting, then we’re no worse off than we were before. Nina and I had a long talk last night. She’s having a bit of a crisis, although she didn’t say over what. But she did say that the store is doing well. Cindy has been a find. I promised to get more involved. I’ll keep Bonnie from imploding. At least financially.”

  Averil put down her coffee and hugged her mother’s partner. “I’m glad you’re a part of our family.”

  “Me, too. Now go home to your husband.”

  Averil grinned. “I think I will.”

  She loaded everything into her trunk. Bonnie rounded the corner just as the last of the suitcases were put in place. Averil explained she was leaving and why.

  “It’s time,” her mother told her, hugging her close. “I loved seeing you, but you need to be with Kevin. You love him.”

  “I do, Mom.” She stepped back. “I love you, too. And so does Nina.”

  Bonnie’s expression tightened. “Your sister,” she began.

  Averil shook her head. “No. Don’t say anything bad about her. She’s done the best she could with a really tough job.” She squeezed her mother’s arm. “You know it’s time.”

  Bonnie ignored the comment and kissed her cheek. “I love you. Drive safely.”

  “Promise.”

  Averil held open the back door for Penny. When the dog was settled, Averil got in on the driver’s side and started the engine. She had one stop to make before heading home, one last conversation.

  Nina’s office was in a beautifully restored Queen Anne house on a hill. When Averil had been growing up, the house had been empty and neglected, and a favorite make-out spot. She was sure today’s teenagers had found another place for their night activities and was pleased to see the house looking so happy.

  “Give me five minutes,” she told Penny.

  The dog studied her for a second before putting her head down on her paws and closing her eyes.

  Averil climbed the stairs, then opened the front door. There was only one mother and her toddler in the waiting room.

  “I’m Nina’s sister. Could I see her for a second?”

  Holly, the receptionist, nodded. “She’s not with a patient. Come on back.”

  Averil followed her to Nina’s office. Her sister sat behind her desk. She looked tired and almost lost. Something that couldn’t be possible, Averil thought. Nina was always in charge.

  “Hey,” she said as she walked in. “I wanted to come by and say goodbye.”

  Nina blinked a couple of times. “You’re leaving?”

  “Going home.”

  “Mischief Bay,” Nina murmured. “It’s beautiful there.”

  Something was off, Averil thought. “Are you feeling okay?”

  “I’m fine. Just thinking about things.” Nina looked at her. “What changed your mind? Why are you suddenly ready?”

  Averil sank into the spare chair and put her hands on the desk. “I’m not sure. I got out of the shower this morning, and I knew it was time. Maybe past time. I came here because I was confused. Something wasn’t right in my life. I like writing for the magazine, but I want something other than that. I think in my heart I always felt that I hadn’t made a choice. That I’d been pushed into my choices.”

  Nina’s mouth twisted. “I’m sure now you want to blame me.”

  Averil thought about all her sister had done for her. All the sacrifices, all the worry. “No,” she said quietly. “You held it all together for everyone. You took care of me and loved me and I will always be grateful. Yes, it was your decision for me to go to UCLA, but I could have said no and didn’t. I made the choices. I’m responsible. That’s what I never saw before. It’s up to me.”

  There was more she could say. She’d handed over the decision-making to everyone around her and then had resented when they’d chosen for her. Even though she and Kevin had talked about having a baby, in her heart, she’d told herself he’d made the choice for her.

  “I don’t take much responsibility in my life,” she admitted. “I need to stop doing that. I want to be married to Kevin, and I need to act like the kind of wife he deserves to have. I want to be a novelist, so I need to get my ass in a chair and write books.”

  She smiled. “I think this means I’m finally ready to grow up.”

  Nina nodded. “Good for you. Drive safe. Let me know when you get there.”

  “I will.”

  Nina walked around her desk. They embraced.

  “Be proud of yourself,” Nina whispered. “You’ve done so much. I love you, sis.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Averil blinked away tears. “Come visit us,” she said impulsively. “I know you’re going to say you can’t get away, but please try.”

  “I will,” Nina told her. “I mean it. I’ll come see you.”

  * * *

  On her way home from work, Nina swung by Blackberry Preserves. She had some fence-mending to do with Cindy.

  She parked in front of the store and went inside. Cindy was with a couple of customers. They looked to be mother and daughter and were discussing a pair of chairs. While Cindy showed them the details of the construction and the manufacturer’s mark underneath the seat, Nina walked through the crowded aisles of the store.

  Every time she came through, the store was more and more organized, she thought. The air was fresh, and there was more light without those hideous drapes. In the storeroom she found information on alarm systems and a receipt from a locksmith for a new set of deadbolts and a lock for the wardrobe. She collapsed into the desk chair and rested her head in her hands.

  “You look like you need some tea,” Cindy said.

  Nina looked up and saw the other woman walking to the microwave.

  “I have some oolong my mother-in-law bought for me.” Cindy flashed her a grin. “I’ve been drinking it for a couple of weeks now, so I’m sure it’s not poisoned.”

  Nina managed a slight smile. “Good to know.”

  Cindy put two mugs into the microwave and pushed the start button. Nina picked up the receipt.

  “You got new locks.”

  “You were concerned about security.”

  “I was having a meltdown,” Nina admitted. “Things have been changing so fast. Or maybe it’s just me.”

  “The painting isn’t helping,” Cindy said, putting tea leaves into two small infusers and setting them into the mugs. “I wish your mom hadn’t gone so crazy with the news crews. They still call here. I tell them the painting has been moved and the family hasn’t made a decision. Most of the time that gets them off the phone, but not always.”

  “You’ve been terrific,” Nina told the other woman. “I’m sorry about yesterday. None of it was about you. I really appreciate being able to relax about the store. I want to give you a raise.”

  Cindy pulled out the infusers and han
ded her a mug. “I’d like that.”

  “Also, if you want to take any classes on antiques, we’ll pay for them.”

  “That would be fun. Thank you.” She took a sip. “Want to talk about it?”

  “It?”

  “Whatever is bothering you. I’m not trying to pry, but there’s obviously something wrong.”

  Nina thought about everything that had happened. “I saw the island.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I saw it. Yesterday. From the sky. Do you know how small it is?”

  Cindy shook her head. “Not in the way you mean.”

  “I’ve lived here all my life. I was supposed to leave, but I didn’t. I got stuck or scared.... It’s so small. I barely slept last night because I was trying to figure out where I got off course. Was it when Dylan broke up with me? Was I afraid to go out on my own? Were there real pressures keeping me here or is that an excuse?” She paused. “Sorry. You don’t need to deal with any of this.”

  “I asked,” Cindy told her. “While I’d miss you if you left, you shouldn’t stay if being here isn’t what you want.”

  “But that’s the thing. I don’t have anywhere to go.”

  Cindy shook her head. “I don’t buy that.” She sighed. “Sometimes we get off course. Or we start to believe a story that isn’t true. Like with me and my mother-in-law. The truth is she can be difficult. But she also loves my husband and my kids, and the other day I caught her putting fresh flowers on my desk at home. It made me stop and think that she’s struggling to fit in, too. We all are. Life goes by fast.”

  Cindy smiled. “It seems like just last week I was twenty-five. Be careful. You’ll wake up tomorrow in your sixties. If you’re not happy, now’s the time to make changes.”

  * * *

  Nina got home a little after six. She’d left the store and had driven around the island for a little while, then realized that going in circles wasn’t going to help. She needed a plan—something well-thought-out. She didn’t want to simply jump for the sake of movement. She needed to figure out what her goals were and then move toward them. It wasn’t as if the island was shrinking and she had to go right this second.