The Brooke-Rose Omnibus

by Brooke-Rose, Christine

  Everything comes with practice. Living in the requisitioned room in Hanover sparsely but better than others having access to allied goods sold at a profit. Catching colds in open jeeps with Flight Lieutenant This or Captain That and sometimes also Siegfried according to the type of prisoner interrogated and curing colds at the unpressurised height of two thousand metres eardrums blocked from any voice offering anything not ordered half-desired feared or longed for on the way to München where die Alte Peterskirche barely stands in stark broken façades around its rubble heap and on to Dachau full of German civilian prisoners or the Schloss code-name Dustbin outside Frankfurt full of ex-high officials who can help reconstruct the history of devastation Dorf by Dorf day by day from the enemy point of view.

  Diversion. Umleitung. Achtung Road Repairs now entering the British Zone with a flow of rash enthusiasm speed change of loyalty love hope so much less squat than the collapse behind it. Well but you see, sir, reading English newspapers at the AA, the A.A.? sorry the German Foreign Office one learnt to follow the war from the enemy point of view. The enemy. Ah yes, you mean us. And did you also learn to adopt our point of view? Bluffing a little, looking up unknown words in the dictionary hidden inside the drawer to hide the fact that one had merely passed a test in English learnt at night in Köln air-raid shelters in order to obtain the Dolmetscher Zulage which means that you may now draw 80 RM extra per month on your salary as Assistant Censor. Mes chers parents. J’espère que vous allez bien. Lieber Hans, lieber Helmut, lieber Horst. Sehr geehrtes Fräulein. Dienstverpflichtung. Which means that you have obtained a transfer to the Auswärtige Amt in Berlin, Presseüberwachungsabteilung Ausland (PA) Auslandspresseländergruppe Nord where you will work as wissenschaftlicher Hilfsarbeiter and read about the shelving of the plan to dismember Germany into the smallest possible pieces based on the old principalities and dukedoms in favour of four zones, the Battle of the Bulge, the five hundred sorties by Flying Fortresses hardly encountering any defence from the remains of the Jagdruppe belt scattered in Central Germany dropping their load vertically down despite the anti-aircraft vertically up making no difference upon Cologne Berlin Hamburg Kassel Dresden Leipzig Nürnberg where the old wooden houses by the river burn like ideas none of which deserves a moment of validity in revenge resentment humiliation pride of conquest über alles and longing for the end.

  Founded in 1040 by Henry III Duke of Bavaria and Emperor of Germany, Nürnberg, made a free city of the empire in 1219, retained its independence until 1806. Destroyed in 1127, rapidly rebuilt, it lay on the great European Trade Route to the Mediterranean and grew in importance. Here Wallenstein defeated Gustavus of Sweden in 1632. Nürnberg also produced the Hohenzollerns, one of the ablest families of Europe. As Burgraves of Nürnberg they had thrived in the imperial favour and on the customs dues of a prosperous city. Today it has become the centre of the National Socialist Party and has given its name to the famous Nürnberg Decrees of 1935. The Fuehrer held a most important rally here last year. Natürlich you have passed. I always knew you would Liebchen, congratulations.

  In the imperial dukedom of Bavaria and near Nürnberg die Baronin sits by the narrow darkening window of the Schloss overlooking the Pegnitz. Dankeschön Tante Frieda and in French too, top marks. Ah well that need not surprise us Liebchen and no doubt it will come in useful but German history, well, what a triumph. After all your father, wherever he may have vanished, did come from Bavaria, like so many good things these days, our good government for example began here as you know.

  — Yes, Tante Frieda.

  — Well now we’d better get back to Schiller. You have not yet satisfied me that you understand the Swiss and Austrian political background of Wilhelm Tell. You should feel grateful my child that I take so much trouble with your German education now that you cannot go back to France.

  — Yes, Tante Frieda.

  — And incidentally I heard you mispronounce Heil Hitler when we met the von Berlinghausens in the Marktplatz the other day. You said Hell Hitler. Now if you meant hell bright, the witticism, though ungrammatical, can pass. But I suspect that now you have started English at school you meant something quite different. And if you did you might get it correct for in English you would have to say To Hell Hitler which might not pass quite so easily even as a so-called witticism would you not agree?

  You must forgive these questions Fräulein but in view of your French upbringing we must make sure of your undivided loyalty let us see now until the age of Herr Oberstleutnant at that age one has no loyalties. Ja-ja ich verstehe and your father you say disappeared? You don’t know? You never really knew him? Hmm. However you lived with the Baronin gut-gut until you went to University on a scholarship last year and ja, you selected to study French, French and Provençal? Now why did you do that? You must have realised at the time that it could hardly come in useful in the war-effort. Hmm. Yes well I see you joined the Bund Deutscher Mädel at fifteen gut-gut. And I assume you have not heard at all from your mother in France Fräulein even through the Red Cross? Now how do you feel about that? Herr Oberstleutnant one must do a job, any job, to the best of one’s ability. Man muss? Do you feel so impersonal Fräulein about the Vaterland?

  But where have all the fathers gone?

  Scott! As the boy flashes past on his bicycle down the road curving round the castle to the village and gone. Helmut the young Baron in Lederhosen and brown shirt who bicycles all the way to München and says komm mal her I’ll show you something walking hand in hand into den Alten Peter for a frail skeletal nun in a glass case. Heilige Munditia. Patronin der alleinstehenden Frauen. Corpus Sanctae Munditiae Martyris. She looks a bit like Mutti sehr grauenhaft nicht wahr? I like her. But natürlich you will never need to turn to her will you. French girls never stand alone besides I’ll marry you when I grow up. Says Helmut the young boy Baron who yesterday climbed the cherry-tree in the garden of the Schloss and down again with a felt-feathered hat full of cherries stuffed into two mouths that spit the stones and dark-stained kiss first time ever as he fumbling unbuttons the dirndl top begging only to see the small bare breasts now unsupported by the tight corsage unbuttoned, his hand pushing up the fresh white blouse only to see and touch a little under the cherry-tree. Ich hab noch nie ein französisches Mädchen geküsst. As if at fifteen he had collected nationalities or kissed a whole Bund Deutscher Mädel begging only to see if they too have breasts comparing measuring perhaps weighing found wanting a little with Grüss Gott and gone.

  Yes yes of course we understand but one does one’s job, also, as an instrument. Had you thought of that? Everything comes with practice. Love loyalty change of zone speed rash enthusiasm in the precision of translation bluffing a little with a dictionary hidden in the drawer to hide the fact that General Patton sweeps through Bavaria into Bohemia out of which Wallenstein drove the Saxons and stops, waiting for the Russians to arrive and divide the spoils into old principalities and powers with eardrums blocked from any voice offering anything not ordered half-desired feared or longed for. Ask him please what happened to the statistics of bomb-damage per town per night which his department looked after. He says he doesn’t remember exactly sir. Ask him again, he must remember unless as boss he deserted the sinking ship. He says sir that he thinks they may have obeyed his orders and evacuated all the files from Berlin to Jena. What! Jena sir. They would. In the Russian Zone. What crass stupidity didn’t they see the way things damn. Do you believe him? Yes, sir. Test him ask him why Jena what kind of thinking lay behind that decision. He says sir that we should have joined forces together against the Russians that every German secretly wanted that and yes well we have not come here to find out what every German secretly wanted. Or yes well if every German had openly declared what he now says he secretly wanted we’d have a very different Europe and this interrogation would not take place. But then such conversations never quite occur in such frank facile terms expressing falsely something there no doubt through the bluffing of the mouthpiece to prevent any true excha
nge of thought love desire or mere curiosity under the cherry-tree outside the Schloss posh dining-club for officers in grey-blue dark olive-green and khaki who smooch around with glamour girls in grey-blue dark olive khaki thoughtfully provided by the allies to stop fraternisation in slow fox-trot to a slow fox-trot band of accordeon-violin-piano-drums and gonna-make-a-senni-menn-al journey. Gonna set ma heart at ease. Gonna make a senni-mennal journey. To renoo ole me-e-mo-ries. You can’t bring her in sir. No fraternisation here. Fraternisation! My dear fellow I’ve only just met her give me a chance. That makes no difference sir. Right, well, thanks for putting ideas into my innocent head we’ll fraternise elsewhere won’t we Fräulein my sweet? According to the legislation into effect you may not sentimentalise ole memories out of the non-existent country. Somewhere in Bayern still however die Heilige Munditia the skeletal nun lies in some dark cellar safely evacuated out of the Alte Peter Patronin der alleinstehenden Frauen undamaged unconcerned.

  Everything comes with practice. Seeing the war from the enemy point of view for instance and the damage done by the V1’s, by the V2’s on Deptford or Gravesend some shot down in mid-air and the first list of casualties in Normandy although the enemy lost more. Catching colds in open jeeps and getting smuggled to this party or that given by the Royal Air Force in Hanover or the American Army Intelligence in Hoechst with Flight Lieutenant This and Captain That who hoots pedestrians off the street impatiently, and sometimes with Siegfried to a slow fox-trot band in Schloss Dies or Schloss Das unless Dustbin full of ex-high officials who can help reconstruct the history of devastation Dorf by Dorf day by day from the enemy point of view which positively grovels and I must say I enjoy that. In a requisitioned flat the English Captain says I like eating in the Officers’ Mess at Headquarters the I. G. Farben building you know and bitteschön they say to not a single thank you and hat’s geschmeckt? But Captain excuse me German waiters have said bitteschön since time immemorial and hat’s geschmeckt. What, with OUR food? My dear mamselle don’t you defend the swines that occupied your country AND you didn’t defend it then what would you have done without us to liberate you so now you jolly well occupy them and enjoy seeing them grovel positively grovel all the more so because they have no food and live in cellars on the black market while we occupy their few remaining flats, and serve ’em right they serve us, we help ourselves to anything we may find for a change such as this, look, Schiller, Goethe, nicely bound editions as he slides the glass-front left to right along the low bookshelf varnished in dark brown I think I’ll liberate these. I like German culture. But they belong to the owner of the flat you can’t just take my dear young lady, I’ll liberate you if you go on defending the swinish Hun why, no wonder you frogs all collaborated.

  Kein Eintritt. Bright girl, she translates brilliantly don’t you think? Says the new Boss in Paris new department of simultaneous interpreters for the advancement of cold wars hot peace intercontinental missiles. Meaning come live with me and adorn my gracious Regency London house with your charming French accent or cuisine your German super-lithe Fleissigkeit as well as your elegant cosmopolitan ways.

  Such conversations however never quite occur in such dishonest terms expressing falsely something there no doubt in the bluffing of the mouthpiece in order to belong perhaps, to acquire a change of nationality unless of zones lying forgotten under layers of thickening sensibilities or to prevent any true exchange of cultural curiosities under the cherry-tree in Rothenburg gem-city undamaged by a miracle between the sheets and the tumbled eiderdown dein Bein dein Brust dein belly oh Christ and hats geschmeckt amid the central heating and the wood-panelling on account of mulieris simulationis all the way along the Romantische Strasse from the cherry-tree near Nürnberg to the war-crimes revealed in Bavaria where all good things come from nowadays our good government for example began here as you know. Grüss Gott and gone and hat’s geschmeckt? Und haben Sie noch einen Wunsch?

  You must forgive these questions Fräulein but in view of your French upbringing we must make sure of your undivided loyalty let us see now until the age of kissing the boy Baron at that age one has no loyalties. Ja-ja ich verstehe. And I assume you have not heard at all from your mother in France now how do you feel about that? Man muss? Do you feel so impersonal Fräulein about das Heimatland? About das Vaterland? Translate and comment on the gender of ma douce amour die Heimat nearly always represented as feminine Athena for example Rome Germania Marianne Albion depending on the time the place and whether some languages divide their genders into animate or inanimate while others less primitive into andraic and metandraic which covers objects animals of both sexes and women. Mais la langue peut se contenter de l’opposition de quelque chose avec rien, the unmarked masculine for example deriving from the marked feminine by subtraction, by an absence which signifies eine Abwesenheit die etwas bedeutet. And where has all that absence gone? Non si ricorda esattamente into what rectangles of agriculture brush-stroke size, the forest-blobs the metallic lakes the thin white lines along the pimples cancerous growths that make up an abstract study of some desolate goddess or god perhaps aghast at the catastrophe she or he has provoked as the dark handsome Viennese leans across from the left to photograph the Rhine yellow from der Luft and gone the Tour Eiffel für die Kinder with a tip of nose in the foreground to prevent any true exchange of thoughts above the close breath and the pressurised excitation saying in der luft gibts keine Grenzen. Ah but airports have frontiers still. And travel-talk ensues with Herr Helmut von Irgendetwas who travels in textiles as others travel in simultaneous interpretation. You will find your life-jacket under your seat. To inflate jacket pull red toggle (1). To top up, blow into the mouthpiece (2), obeying the innumerable instructions that translate time speed height mild desire into locality and channel and the slow descent into old matter.

  The hands lie quite still on the red and white checked tablecloth in the kitchen above the rue du Four where no children play but women step out of the hairdresser opposite with puffed-up coiffures blue orange yellow pink black beige, and walk along the shops looking at lizard bags crocodile-shoes nouveautés and of course men also andron Bărbaţi messieurs who have their exits and their entrances. The hands hold the letter from Dear madam. The Vicariatus Urbis has decided the case against you at the Second Hearing on May 19 when the Defensor Vinculi had to make his appeal as explained to you in my earlier letters and here in Rome orally. You will appreciate that you may now challenge this decision at a Third Hearing final and decisive. I shall with pleasure continue to represent you with my abilities and profound studies when I hear from you with a remittance together with the card showing the Ca’ d’Oro on the Grand Canal backed by the words 6 via Barberini, Santa Maria di Salute, Venise 9/6. J’espère que vous allez bien. Donnez-moi je vous prie de vos nouvelles car je ne cesse de penser à vous. Amors de terra lonhdana, Per vos totz lo cors mi dol. Signed B.C. Quite legibly and even bold unless perhaps H.C.? It all depends on the habit of the eye.

  — Just like a tennis-match mein Liebes. Six Love—Love Six. Game to Defensor Vinculi God bless him. Defensor Vinc leads by three games to two in the third set. No wonder I couldn’t wait and I can’t think why you bother.

  — Oh well now it hardly matters. A question of curiosity merely.

  — Expensive curiosity. Where will you find all that money? Oh I know you earn reasonably well, and you don’t eat. Boiled rice du lieber Gott. You look so thin you’ll vanish altogether.

  — One has to give the stomach a pause after endless restaurant and airline meals and congressional banquets. Anyway more than a third of the world population lives on rice or doesn’t live at all.

  — Het Mineraal Spuitwater. Ugh. Though I grant you the Dutch serve no liquid at all with meals, absolutely nothing but a cup of tepid coffee at the end unless one likes beer which oddly enough I don’t. Spoilt by too much travel. Still, you could save your money in other ways than lining your stomach with boiled rice and the Vatican Treasury with 800,000 lire per match per decade
. What difference does it make, you haven’t remarried you can even communicate.

  — Well—

  — Do you communicate now mein Liebes? With whom?

  — Du Witzling.

  — Do you?

  — No.

  — Well then, why spend all that money? You could invest it for your old age it’ll come before you realise believe you me. Between the zest of youth and the wisdom of age a not-so-vast period called The Middle Ages shoots by. Oh well, you know that one you have plenty of money and il piccolo chalet in Wiltshire settled on you by a generous husband. Oh, no I beg your pardon, you bought it yourself for £500 in the days when one could buy piccoli chalets in Wiltshire for £500. Of course you could sell it, it would fetch at least three times that now or more.

  — No.

  — No? Ah yes, your box, your refuge. But seriously Liebes was drückt dich? Not still the old adolescent urge to belong?