Remembering how worried Josephina and I were about him not answering our phone call, only makes me feel remorseful for not answering his the first time. “I’m sorry for not answering. I was driving. I really hope your fiancée will come around,” I say to him, not knowing what else to say.
As if sensing how uncomfortable I feel about the conversation, he quickly changes the subject by asking what we did over the weekend. Giving him a quick recap, we easily fall into a conversation as I begin to tell him about an upcoming delivery I need to make. Shortly after, we are ending the phone call as we say our goodbyes.
I lay down in bed that night with Josephina, repeating Joseph’s words in my mind. His fiancée’s response keeps me awake for several hours as they repeat themselves in my thoughts. Although Joseph states he’s going to be a part of Josephina’s life, it still worries me whether he’ll keep his promise. How can I really know he’ll stay true to his word once he’s married? He will start a family with her, making it easy for him to forget about Josephina. He’s only just met her; both still strangers to one another. He can claim that he’ll continue to be part of her life, but with Elizabeth at his side, with a new family they make together, his promises can easily be forgotten.
As much as it had warmed my heart to see both of them together, I know it can easily go back to being how it used to be, Josephina without a father around again in her life. The only thing I can do if it happens will be to reassure Josephina that no matter the outcome, we were going to be fine, just like before Joseph came back into our lives.
“MOMMY, WHERE IS Mrs. Thompson?” Josephina impatiently asks as she stares out the window she’s been looking out of for the last twenty minutes.
Placing the lid on the last box needed to go into my SUV, I take another glance at the clock looking at the time. If Mrs. Thompson doesn’t get here in the next ten minutes, I’m going to be late. She was supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago. I try calling her again but the phone call goes straight to voicemail. Same as it did earlier.
I’m starting to grow worried. I really don’t have any room for Josephina to come with me. With all the boxes that are in the SUV, she doesn’t fit. I had to take her booster seat out of my car so I can load this last box. There is no way she is going to fit.
This is the one shipment I make every month without hesitation because of the recipient. It was for Mrs. Berry, the lady who originally showed me how to make soaps to begin with. Due to her arthritis, she stopped making the soaps two years ago, leaving the task up to me. In return for her selling my soaps, I give her fifty percent of the income, which helps provide for her family as well. It’s why I couldn’t afford to take fewer products with me. If I did, it would affect us both.
I’m surprised Mrs. Thompson isn’t here yet. I’ve always made this delivery around the same time every month; she knows being that she always watches Josephina for me. She’d even confirmed with me over the weekend about today.
Sighing, I begin to look through my contact list in hopes I can find someone else to stay with Josephina, but I quickly come up short from the list of people I usually use. They can only watch her at night or on the weekends if they have advance notice.
I’m about to give up when I come across Ashley’s name. I consider the possibility of calling her. Joseph had made me put both hers and Mark's cell numbers, along with their house number, in my phone before he left. Just in case of an emergency.
Although this wasn’t an emergency, it was close to it for me. Looking back at Josephina, still staring out of the window, I think really hard before I make the decision to call her. Taking another deep breath, I press on her number and pray that she’ll answer.
As I listen to the ringing coming into my ear, I’m nervously biting my lip. “Hello,” a confused Ashley answers.
Realizing she probably doesn’t recognize the number, I say, “Hello Ashley, it’s Kasey.”
“Oh, Kasey. How are you?”
“I’m good, thank you. I’m really sorry to be calling you so suddenly, but I was hoping I can ask you for a really huge favor,” I hesitantly ask, waiting for her response.
“Of course. What can I do for you?”
Feeling like the worst person in the world for even asking, I say, “I was hoping you’d be able to watch Josephina for me today, only for the next four or five hours. I have a really huge shipment I have to deliver to the next town over and I don’t have any room to take Josephina with me.”
I go on, further explaining. “The lady who usually watches her hasn’t arrived and I’m already running late. I wouldn’t normally ask, but I can’t afford not to make this shipment. I’m sorry to have to call you last minute like this, Ashley, but I really don’t have anyone else who would watch her right now,” I desperately add.
“I’m about to head home from the grocery store. It’s around the corner from your place. I can swing by to pick Josephina up on the way if you’d like?”
I let out the breath that I was cautiously holding while waiting for her answer. “Thank you, Ashley. Thank you so much.”
She chuckles, telling me not to worry and within ten minutes she’s at my front door. Quickly loading Josephina’s booster seat into her car, I give Josephina one last kiss before I watch them drive away. I just as quickly jump into my car and drive away myself.
It usually takes me an hour drive to get there and an hour back, but I always give myself two extra hours because I like to spend time visiting with Mrs. Berry.
The dreadful thing about the drive is I have to take a narrow two-lane highway the entire way, in both directions. Most of the time it’s a boring drive, the Amish community prefers to be in their own secluded area of the state, keeping to themselves.
Arriving and quickly unloading everything from my SUV, I have my usual coffee with Mrs. Berry as we catch up. She always likes to know how Josephina is doing and of course this visit is more emotional when I tell her about Joseph.
The entire time I lived in the community, I was always questioned about where the father of my child was, but not knowing the exact answer, I always refused to answer. It only made the community isolate me even more. Mrs. Berry was the only person who stood by my side, never once judging me for it, even when my own aunt did so. Because of that reason alone, I was determined to help Mrs. Berry with an income. Without her, I wouldn’t have the gift to give back.
Knowing that I needed to get back to Josephina, I say by usual goodbyes, promising to see her next month. I finally get back into my car and pull out of town to head home.
I’m almost back into Madison when a song I despise at the moment comes on the radio. Scrunching my nose at the melody, wanting to change it, I take one last glance at the road ahead of me and I see it’s still empty and safe to change the station. I look down at the radio to change the station and I quickly glance back up to see a huge truck pull out from a side road without stopping at the intersection. I jerk my car to the side to avoid hitting him, but I lose control of my car, swerving into the opposite lane. My heart stops. The fear of not knowing what to do takes over and I scream in fright. I feel my car hit something head on, the air bag deploying into my face, instantly sending a jolt of pain throughout my body. I can only sit there and let it take over, and immediately I’m dragged into darkness.
I’M FINALLY GETTING off of work. TGIF! The end of the day felt like it would never come. I’m exhausted from having to deal with the bullshit of the week. On top of that, I told Elizabeth I would go back to Vegas this weekend to do some fucking tasting for the wedding. I don’t know why she needed me there for that. My only requirement for the wedding was I get a steak that night, everything else I didn’t care two cents about. The wedding was technically all for her anyway. If it were up to me, we would’ve been married the night I asked her. We were already in Vegas when I proposed. I didn’t see anything wrong with going to the local chapel and getting it done, but she refused, saying that she wanted the fairytale wedding every girl dreams about.
Right now, I just want to get home and get something to eat. Plus, I wanted to speak with Josephina and Kasey really quick before I left. I’ve been looking forward to it all day. There’s nothing I wanted more than to see their faces, even if it’s on a screen.
I’m climbing into my truck when I hear my phone ring and I’m already dreading seeing who it might be. In my head I’m thinking it’s Elizabeth, asking if I’ve already left. All week she insisted I leave work early so I could get to Vegas sooner, but I couldn’t manage it. There was too much going at work, which made it impossible, but it also made for an angry Elizabeth. Another reason why I was dreading going this weekend. I knew I would have to hear her non-stop complaining about it. I look down at my phone and see that it’s not Elizabeth, but Mark’s house number instead.
“Hello,” I answer, wondering why they’d be calling me. Usually Mark would text me for anything.
“Joseph, have you heard from Kasey at all today?” Ashley worriedly asks in a rush as I start to drive away from the parking lot.
Confused, I wonder why she’d be calling me about Kasey. She also sounds desperate for an answer. “No, I haven’t, but I was about to call them when I got home. Why?”
The groan she gives me doesn’t calm my nerves. Instead I start to panic, especially when I hear Josephina on the other end of the line desperately asking Ashley if I’ve heard from Kasey. “Ashley, what is my daughter doing at your house and why is she asking if I’ve seen Kasey?” I demand.
“I’m babysitting her for Kasey. She called this morning needing me to watch her while she made an important delivery out of town. Kasey told me she couldn’t fit everything in her car with Josephina too, so she asked if I could watch her and of course I offered, but she also said she would be back in four hours. That was supposed to be one this afternoon. I tried calling her cell phone, but it keeps going to voicemail. Josephina is really worried because she hasn’t shown up, and to tell you the truth Joseph, so am I. I was hoping she would have called you,” she finishes, her voice sounding frantic as she rambled on.
I look down at the clock on my dashboard to see it’s almost five, Pacific Time and since they’re two hours ahead, it’s well after six. I know Kasey would have called already had she not been able to make it on time. It’s unlike her not too. That alone worries me. The feeling in the pit of my stomach tells me something is wrong.
“Has she called at all?” I ask, hoping for something, anything at all.
“She called me this morning when she arrived to speak to Josephina. She said she would be running a little behind, but she hasn’t called us back since. That’s why I’m calling you,” she indicates.
“Ashley, let me speak to Josephina.”
Within seconds I hear the rustling of the phone, soon followed by a worried little whine. “Hi daddy. Has mommy called you today?” she desperately asks. “She hasn’t come back to get me and I’m really scared now,” she utters, her raspy voice making me picture her crying on the other end. I hear her sniffle, confirming the picture in my mind.
The worry and guilt is beginning to build inside of me, knowing that I can’t be there to comfort my little girl makes it worse. I hate not being able to be there to take her worry away.
“I’m sure she’s fine, princess. I’m going to try calling her and as soon as I get a hold of her I’ll tell her to call you, okay?” I tell her, listening as she sniffles while giving me a muffled “Okay.”
“Why don’t you go and color a pretty picture for her, that way you’ll have something to give her when she shows up,” I cheerfully tell her, trying to mask my worry.
“Okay, daddy. Will I still to be able to FaceTime with you tonight?” she asks, before adding, “Ashley says she has an iPad like mine and I can talk to you on it,” she says, while still trying to get her sobbing under control.
“Of course, princess. We’ll talk as soon as I get home. I’m driving there right now. Now let me talk to Aunty Ashley, that way you can get started on those pictures for your mommy.”
I hear the rustle of the phone before Ashley asks what she should do. The calm collected self that I disguised myself to be for my daughter is gone and my worried, panicked self is back. “Ashley, I need you to keep Josephina calm. I’m already pulling up to my place and I’m going to try calling Kasey myself, if I can’t get a hold of her I’ll start calling the hospitals, just in case.”
She loudly gasps on the other end of the line. “Oh, Joseph, you don’t think something has happened to her, do you?” she asks, almost at a whisper.
“I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure Kasey wouldn’t go this long without checking up on Josephina. It isn’t like her. I’ll call you as soon as I get any news.”
It’s now Ashley who is whimpering through the phone, forcing me to say, “Ashley, please calm down. The stress isn’t good for you or the baby. The last thing I need is Mark getting on my ass because you go into early labor over all this,” I tell her, remembering how Kasey had mentioned stress wasn’t good for her or the baby.
As she tries to mask a sniffle, she says, “Okay, but please keep me updated or I’m going to continue being worried.”
“I will.”
As soon as I reach my apartment complex I practically jump out of my truck running straight up into my apartment. I boot up my laptop and immediately start searching for numbers of the local hospitals in Madison. There are several of them, but I try the first number hoping that they’ll have some news for me. I have to lie to the front desk in the emergency department, telling them I’m Kasey’s husband, to be able to even ask if she’s been admitted. When they confirm the nightmare I was dreading, my heart stops. Kasey had been brought in earlier from a car accident and she was currently still in surgery.
I sit there, shocked, without words, feeling as if I can’t breathe. The only thing I can think of is getting to her and it can’t be fast enough. Ending the phone call, I sit there trying to catch my breath. My heart has resumed its beating, but this time it feels like it’s rapidly racing, as if I can’t get it under control. I’m panicking knowing she’s in surgery, fighting for her life, and I’m not there.
Without thinking, I immediately start making phone calls to my commanding officer, demanding he give me leave. He’s reluctant at first, but I remind him I still have mandatory leave available he kept insisting I take. He didn’t like the idea of the short notice, but after a little explaining, he gives it to me. Even if he hadn’t agreed, I would have left regardless.
Quickly booking an overnight flight back to Madison, I start packing my bags, waiting as the minutes tick by. I call Ashley as promised to give her an update, informing her that I’m on my way. Although I promised Josephina I would FaceTime with her this evening, she soon forgets when I explain to the news of Kasey’s accident to her. She doesn’t take the news of the accident very well, but I didn’t expect her to. She’s still a little girl. This is harder on her than anyone else, because it’s her mother. Ashley promises to take care of her until I get there before we end the call. I continue packing my bags, frantically wanting to leave already.
Packed and ready, my phone starts to ring and I panic thinking it’s the hospital with an update: one I might not want to hear. Demanding they keep me updated with any news, I left them my number, but in my mind I’d only wanted them to deliver good news, nothing more.
Bracing myself, I look down at the screen to see it’s only Mark calling and I already feel relieved. “What’s up Mark?” I clip out, looking around my room one last time to make sure I’m not forgetting anything important.
“I wanted to tell you I’m at the hospital. I was already on my way to the grocery store when you called Ashley. She called me to tell me what hospital Kasey was at and I headed straight over here. When I got here they thought I was her husband that called earlier. Do you happen to know who that would be?” he sarcastically asks, trying to mock me, but the somber tone in his voice overtakes his attempt. “Knowing that they wouldn�
�t give me any information unless I was family, I told them that she was my sister-in-law,” he says with a sigh. “She’s still in surgery Joseph, but they came out a couple of minutes ago to tell me that she had complications. They’d originally thought it was only her spleen, but when they got in there they found some internal bleeding and they’re trying to get it under control.”
My body drops down onto the bed behind me, my legs collapsing from under me, as I close my eyes and force myself to breathe. Running my hand over my head, I pray that she’ll make it. I’m having trouble fighting to keep the tears from coming. I can’t see. My vision becomes blurred from the tears I’m holding at bay.
I feel like I’m about to throw up. The feeling of losing her any moment is killing me and I hate being clear across the county from her, instead of at her side.
“Joseph, you still there man?”
Deeply sighing, I answer, “Yeah, I’m still here,” I force myself to say around the lump still lodged in my throat.
“Joseph, you need to calm down. It’s not like what happened to your parents. Her accident wasn’t as bad. She came out of it alive and she’s currently in surgery, which is a good sign. Your parents never made it that far,” he assures me, reminding me how my parents died. He’s right. They died in their accident. Kasey didn’t.
Attempting to calm my racing heart, I let out the breath I was holding. “You’re right, but it still fucking sucks being so far away from her,” I declare. “I’ve booked a flight already and I’m leaving tonight. I’m going to have someone drop me off at the airport, but I won’t be there until morning.”
“Alright, text me the details and I’ll be there when you land.”
Ending the call, I make a quick phone call to a buddy to take me to the airport.
After checking in and passing through security, I’m soon sitting and waiting at my terminal’s waiting area. Thinking I finally have a chance to breathe, I hear my phone ringing again and the breath is just as easily lost thinking it’s the hospital. However, when I look down at the screen, instead of seeing a Wisconsin number, I see Elizabeth’s house number.
With Me Page 10
