With Me

by Gabbie S. Duran

  Within minutes I’m coming into his mouth. My restrained moans vibrating through my throat as he sends me over the edge, sending me into a world filled with stars and fireworks exploding behind my closed eyes.

  My body is limp, my breathing labored, and my heart beating uncontrollably. I could only lie there sated and unable to move as I open my eyes to see Joseph already removing his clothing. I watch him remove each piece of clothing in front of me, memorized by his body. He’s down to the last stitch of clothing, his boxers, when his phone starts to ring. At first he ignores it, grabbing for the waistband of his boxers already pushing them down, exposing his long and hard erection, but the phone immediately starts ringing again, this time with a different ring tone, making Joseph curse.

  Confused, I watch as Joseph starts searching his pants looking for his phone.

  Without looking at the screen he answers. “Staff Sergeant Mitchell speaking,” still gazing down at me, his eyes now growing aggravated.

  He listens into the phone, his expression growing angry as his lips go flat. Without saying another word he heads to the kitchen counter, still naked, searching for something. When he finds a pen and paper he begins to quickly write, his eyes focused on the paper.

  “Yeah, I’ll be there in thirty minutes. Give or take,” he clips into the phone, hanging it up soon after. Walking back over in my direction, I see him sigh as he starts getting dressed.

  I’m lying on the couch. Naked. Watching him with disappointment.

  “I’m sorry, Kasey. I’ve got to go. One of my Marines is drunk at a bar that we usually go to and the owner is holding him there until I pick him up.”

  “Can’t he just call a cab or something?” I ask him.

  “Normally I would, but he got into a fight, which is why the owner called me instead of the cops. I’m his get out of jail card,” he explains as he puts on his shirt.

  Knowing there is nothing more I can say or do, I stay silent.

  Joseph leans down to give me a kiss. Unable to resist, my hands make their way to his neck, pulling his body to deepen the kiss. I can taste myself in his mouth as I feel him groan against my lips, making me smile.

  “He might not be going to jail, but I’ll make sure he pays for it,” he mumbles against my mouth, making me chuckle.

  As he pulls himself away from me, looking restrained, he quickly leans back down to me, giving me another quick kiss on the corner of my mouth. Letting him go, knowing he needs to leave, I watch him walk out the door. Leaving me there on the couch, I listen as he locks the door, and his footsteps retreat down the steps. I stand up to head straight for the room. There is no need for me to stay on the couch. Getting dressed in my pajamas, I go to brush my teeth and wash my face for bed. I soon climb into bed next to Josephina and let my dreams take me away into the night.

  Later, I feel Joseph climb into bed next to me, my body already recognizing him as he pulls my body tightly to his. I don’t fight him, or push him away. Instead, I turn so I can wrap my arms around his chest and entwine our legs to get more comfortable. Still in my sleepy state, I feel him kiss me in the hollow of my neck, his warm face nuzzled against my skin, sending me back to sleep.

  THE FEELING OF waking up with Kasey in my arms will never get old. It’s been a week now since they arrived. Every night she’s protesting, telling me we were sending the wrong message to Josephina, but against her protest, I still climbed into bed with them. The minute Kasey fell asleep she’d seek out my body, grabbing onto it, and refusing to let go.

  The only damper on the situation was having Josephina sleeping next to us. I loved my little girl, but because she was in the bed with us, we refused to do anything else but sleep next to her. It still didn’t stop us completely, though. There were a couple of times I’d lost my willpower and literally carried Kasey off to the couch. That couch was proving to be a much-overused piece of furniture in my apartment. I made a mental note to myself to never throw it out. Eventually we would end up back in the bed for the comfort.

  Smiling to myself, I remember last night as I feel Kasey begin to stir against my body, awaking my yearning to be inside of her again. As I grab for her leg to wrap around my waist, her face nuzzles deeper into my neck, making me groan into her ear. She tightens her hold on my body as I feel her giggle. Unable to take her teasing me anymore, I pick her up as I stand up from the bed, already carrying her off to the couch. Kasey wraps her legs around my waist, holding on tight for the ride, as she continues to tease me by kissing on my neck.

  “Mommy you look funny when daddy carries you,” Josephina says, making me stop in my tracks in the middle of the room.

  Letting out a groan, Kasey buries her face into the crook of my neck, her body slumping onto mine. Unwrapping her legs from my waist, she lets them drop to the floor, forcing me to put her down. I keep my arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her against my body, using it to shield my erection from Josephina as we both face her.

  “Daddy was just playing with me, sweetheart. You know how he plays with you?” Kasey tells Josephina as we watch her make her way to the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

  Leaning down to whisper into Kasey’s ear. “Do you think if we ask nicely, she’ll let us keep playing?” I ask, nibbling at her neck, placing a kiss right below her ear.

  I feel her body tremble, but just as quickly she smacks my arm, trying to pull herself away. I keep her in place, rubbing my erection against her ass to prove my point of how badly I want to play. She groans, which means I’ve convinced her as I continue trailing kisses down her throat.

  “Joseph, we really need to stop,” she demands, as if she’s upset about something.

  Hearing the anger in her voice makes me turn Kasey to face me. “Kasey, is something wrong?”

  She doesn’t answer, but shoves me away, walking straight for the bathroom without a backwards glance, to check on Josephina. I’m left there dazed and confused over the situation. What the hell did I do?

  Within seconds I see Josephina exit the bathroom, but the door closes with Kasey still in it. “Daddy, can we make pancakes again?” Josephina eagerly asks, before I hear the water to the shower turn on.

  “Of course, princess,” I tell her, still staring at the closed bathroom door.

  Still wondering what has upset Kasey, I push the thought aside as I walk over to Josephina to scoop her up into my arms and I carry her away. Her tiny body doesn’t feel like Kasey’s, but having her in my arms makes me just as happy.

  STANDING UNDER THE warm water as it runs down my body, I allow the heat from the stream take the built up tension in my body. My mind keeps returning to what happened with Joseph in the room. It’s been happening more often than I wish, but my appetite to have him again keeps taking over. I really need to stop letting my body betray me by giving in so easily to Joseph.

  No matter how many times I kept repeating to Joseph what we were doing was wrong, he simply wouldn’t listen, ignoring my plea for us to stop. We weren’t technically in a relationship, which is the reason why it’s wrong. But I really had no one to blame but myself. No matter how upset I was about the situation, my body would make me cave into my desire and have sex with him. Although it felt amazing each time it happened, I was always left with the shame, and guilt, soon after. Joseph relentlessly claimed he was going to prove his words to me, but wasn’t putting much effort in at all, since the day he said those words. Unless you called consistently wanting sex from me an effort. I promised myself I would give him the week to prove his words to be true, if he didn’t, then I was leaving.

  During the day he would spend time with Josephina and I, taking us somewhere new to discover. However, come night when Josephina was finally asleep, the only thought on his mind was sex and my traitorous body always gave in to his demand. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself I wasn’t going to have sex with him again, we still did.

  My time to leave was soon approaching. I hadn’t told Joseph of my decision, allowing him the time
he needed without having to put any pressure on him, but his time was now up. The week was over and I was scheduled to leave. I was afraid of having to break both their hearts when I tell them my decision. I’ve seen how attached Joseph and Josephina have become to each other. That alone was making having to leave so much harder, but I’d already purchased the tickets back to Madison, and I was leaving regardless of what he said.

  Turning off the shower, I dry myself and quickly get dressed, making my way into the kitchen. I see Joseph already placing breakfast on the table as I take a seat.

  “Daddy, can we go to the zoo again?” Josephina asks around a mouthful of pancakes.

  Joseph finishes chewing the piece of bacon in his mouth before he says, “We just went the day before yesterday, princess. We can go next week.”

  My heart drops into the pit of my stomach as I hear his answer, bracing myself to speak. “Actually, we won’t be here next week,” I tell him, staring down at my plate as I shove my food around with my fork.

  “What do you mean you won’t be here next week?”

  When I look up at him, he’s staring back at me with narrowed eyes. I’ve never seen that look on his face before. I know he must be mad, but he doesn’t scare me.

  Being that I still haven’t answered him, he asks again, “Kasey, what do you mean you won’t be here?”

  “Josephina and I are leaving tomorrow,” I state.

  “Why?” They both ask at the same time. Josephina’s question sounding more of a whine compared to Joseph’s angry growl between his clenched teeth.

  “Joseph, I need to get back to Madison. I have a business to run,” I reply. “I had a client call me at the beginning of the week needing more products and I wasn’t there to give it to her. It’s money I’m losing if I can’t provide her with more to sell,” I declare, watching as his lips go flat, but I continue on. “This business is what provides my income. I won’t get an income if I’m not there to run my business,” I stress to him, refusing to feel intimidated. “We leave tomorrow morning at eight a.m., so we have to be at the airport by six-thirty,” I inform him.

  “No,” he clips out.

  His answer doesn’t surprise me. I was actually expecting it. “Regardless of what you say, Joseph, Josephina and I are leaving tomorrow.”

  “Kasey, I already told you I would provide for you and Josephina. So you really don’t need to work. I don’t understand why you can’t get that through your head?” he scowls.

  “Joseph, I refuse to let you provide for us. I’ve been doing fine on my own since before Josephina was born and I’m pretty sure I will continue to do so without your help. I don’t have a reason to stay, Joseph. My business, my home, is back in Madison. That’s where Josephina and I belong.” It pains me to say the words, but I need Joseph to understand my reasons.

  “So you plan on keeping me from seeing her? Because that’s exactly what you’d be doing if you left, Kasey,” he throws back at me.

  His words hit me like a ton of bricks, making me feel guilty about my decision. “Joseph, how can you say that? You knew we would have to go back. I still don’t understand why you didn’t purchase round trip tickets for Josephina and I.”

  “I didn’t purchase them for a reason, Kasey.”

  “We’ve already gone through the separation once when you came back after your first vacation. I’m pretty sure we’ll learn to live with the distance between us again,” I tell him, already feeling the pain it will cause. “Please, don’t make this anymore difficult than it already has to be,” I say, the words coming out more of a whisper, stinging as I say them.

  “Mommy, can we please stay a little longer? Please…” Josephina whines, but I simply shake my head to answer as I brush a loose strand away from her face. “No, sweetheart. I’ve already bought the tickets. They were very expensive and I can’t change the flights. We have to leave tomorrow,” I say to her.

  She bows her head as she lets out a sniffle.

  My eyes find Joseph’s and the disappointment on his face crushes me. “You can always come see her anytime you want, Joseph, or maybe we can work something out so that she can come visit you,” I convey before narrowing my eyes back at him. “I’d never keep her from seeing you, Joseph. So don’t ever accuse me of it again,” the anger radiates off of me as I state the words.

  Continuing to sit across from me with his body rigid, his eyes turn dark with anger as he stays silent. Eventually he stands up to walk away, making his way towards the bedroom; leaving Josephina and I alone at the table.

  Taking in a deep breath, I sit there, wondering if I’m making a mistake.

  THE DRIVE TO the airport is made in utter silence. You can feel the tension between us. I hated waking up this morning knowing they were leaving today. I didn’t want it to happen. I wanted them to stay, but no matter how many times I asked Kasey… begged her… she wouldn’t change her mind.

  I was so angry by her decision to leave, but regardless of how mad I am, I knew I had to keep my anger under control, for both of them.

  After parking my truck and pulling Josephina out, we make our way to the terminal as I dread every footstep along the way. I had wanted more time with both of them, so I delayed waking them this morning, wanting to keep them next to me longer than I should have. Of course, it now meant Kasey and Josephina only had time for a quick goodbye before she had to make her way through security. Kasey had printed her tickets online last night, so she didn’t have to check in at the counter this morning, which meant I was now going to have to say goodbye the minute we walked into the airport.

  Kneeling down to come eye level with Josephina, I already see the tears in her eyes, making me reach up to wipe them away as they fall. “We aren’t saying goodbye forever, princess. I’ll see you soon,” I tell her, pulling her into my arms to hold her.

  “I’m going to find a way so we can all be together again, okay,” I whisper to her as I kiss her soft head.

  She hugs me tight, her tiny body shaking as she asks, “You promise?”

  “I promise,” I tell her, knowing I will, somehow, someway.

  I can hear her sniffle into my ear as I hug her body tighter in my arms; taking advantage of the last couple of seconds I have with her. I finally let her go, turning to face Kasey who is silently crying, the tears are streaming down her face.

  Standing up, I tug her body towards mine, taking her face in my palms. “You don’t have to leave, Kasey. You can still change your mind and stay,” I beg her, the words barely making it around the lump in my throat.

  She shakes her head, her hands holding on tight to my wrists. “Don’t do this, Joseph. Don’t make me feel guilty for leaving. You know I have to leave. My life is in Wisconsin. I have everything there, I have to go back.”

  “No you don’t, Kasey. You can have your life here, with me,” I argue, pulling her head up to look me directly in the eyes. “Marry me, Kasey. Stay here and marry me. You wouldn’t have to live in Wisconsin. You and Josephina can have your life here with me,” I plead, the tears now building up in my eyes.

  She tightens the hold on my wrists to pull my hands away from her face. I watch as she takes a step back, slowly shaking her head, her blank eyes staring back at me. “No. I’m not going to marry you simply because you want me to stay. You’re not asking me to marry you because you love me; you’re asking for your own selfish reasons, it’s not good enough,” she declares.

  Reaching down, she grabs a hold of Josephina’s hand. “Good bye, Joseph. Thank you for everything,” she blankly says without any emotion to the words, and turns to walk towards the security gates, forcing me to watch her walk away. I’m shocked by her words; my body numb as I take in her denial, my heart shattering into a million pieces.

  Josephina glances back one last time, tears still streaming down her face, as she slowly disappears with Kasey into the crowd. My heart feels like it’s completely stopped, refusing to beat anymore. It’s broken. I stand there feeling empty…I’ve got nothing
left.

  MY HEART IS aching, worse since I know my little girl feels the same way. Knowing I’m the cause of her pain, the reason why we had to walk away this time, it was a stab at the heart. A knife I plunged with my own hands into both our hearts. But it was for the best. I couldn’t stay knowing Joseph only wanted me to marry him so I’d stay. Had he asked me because he loved me, as much as I loved him, I would have said yes, without any hesitation at all. However, I knew he didn’t love me. He would’ve told me so. For that reason, I left.

  The trip back to Wisconsin felt so much longer than it was. Every minute, every hour, felt as it was slowly dragging by. It felt as if we’d never get home, but when we finally did arrive, it no longer felt like home; not like before I went to San Diego with Joseph.

  Joseph’s absence from my side was already affecting me, especially on the way home with my fear of flying. It took every ounce of strength and energy to keep my composure and hide my fear from Josephina while we were on the plane. I kept returning to the memory of Joseph’s kiss to help push the fear away. I would simply close my eyes, imagining his lips on my own, remembering how he calmed me the last time. I imagined him there next to me to help keep me calm, but when we finally landed, I was forced to face the reality of knowing he was no longer at my side. It tore at my heart all over again.