Getting to the Good Part

by Lolita Files

  “Do you mind if we just leave this whole thing alone?” I asked. “I got your point. I know where you stand. I know where I stand. Let’s just leave this whole thing alone and let the bullshit go. Cool? I’m much too tired to even talk about it anymore.”

  He placed his hand on my forehead.

  “You feel warm,” he said.

  I gently took his hand off my face.

  “I’m fine. I just woke up from a bad dream.”

  “Aw, sweetie,” he cooed, and moved a little closer.

  “Dandre,” I said flatly. “Please… don’t.”

  “All right. I’m sorry. But I need for you to understand something.”

  I exhaled heavily, closing my eyes.

  “And what is that?”

  “You didn’t see what you think you saw tonight.”

  I smirked. Here we go with this shit. The oldest lie in the book.

  “Doesn’t matter. You owe me no explanations, so please, don’t offer any.”

  “That woman was Tiana. She’s an old friend. We used to date a long time ago.”

  I raised my finger tiredly.

  “I told you. I don’t wanna know.”

  “Please, Reesy. Just hear me out.”

  I sat up, opening my eyes.

  “No, Dandre, I need for you to just hear me. I am sooo tired of loving you. Tired. I’m tired of baring my soul, and acting like a gotdam fool for a man who knows exactly how I feel and still doesn’t give a shit to respond to it.”

  He was quiet, watching my mouth.

  “I needed to see tonight, whether I wanted to or not. I needed some closure. Something to make me move on. The fact that you didn’t answer my e-mail helped. Seeing you with another woman tonight did the total trick.”

  I raised up from the couch again.

  “Now, if you don’t mind… I am so tired, it’s not funny. I’m gonna go back to bed and lay down. Let yourself out, okay? I’m not tryna be rude, I’m just exhausted. That’s all. I appreciate you coming by, trying to explain things to me.”

  Before he could respond, I went into the bedroom and climbed back into my bed. I closed my eyes as soon as I lay down. Salt-n-Pepa could show up with Dandre all they wanted. I didn’t give a damn what they did with him now.

  Isn’t that amazing? Without knowing it, in just one night, I had gotten to the point where I didn’t care. It’s funny, how one revelation can make you have a whole change of heart.

  Dandre came in behind me and sat down on the edge of the bed.

  I had my back to him.

  “I went out with Tiana tonight to talk about you,” he said.

  I didn’t open my eyes. Sleep was calling me, but I could still hear him clearly as his words floated through my fading consciousness.

  “When I got your e-mail, my first instinct was to delete it. Reesy, you don’t understand how much pain I’ve gone through over this thing with you.”

  Sleep was dragging me under with both hands.

  “Remember I told you about my moms? And how much my pops loved her?”

  I was completely unresponsive.

  “Remember I told you that she was my standard? Well, when I met you, you met those standards. You were the total woman, lover and friend for me. Imagine how I felt to learn that all that was a game for you.”

  I was entering dream mode. Dandre was walking toward me through a misty fog.

  “It was like something in me just died when it happened. My heart just packed up shop and took off.”

  I didn’t know which one of him was speaking to me. The real one or the dream.

  My body shook weirdly. It shook so that I opened my eyes for real.

  “Whaaa… ?”

  “Sweetie, please,” Dandre whispered. He’d been shaking me gently to get me to wake up. “I need for you to hear me, okay? Talking to you like this isn’t easy for me.”

  “I told you I was tired,” I complained.

  He very deliberately sat me up in the bed.

  “I know. But I just need for you to hear me on this one issue.”

  I sighed heavily, rubbed my eyes, and leaned back against the pillow. His face was pained and intense.

  “Speak,” I said blankly.

  Dandre sighed, looked down at the floor, then looked up at me.

  “I heard everything you said to me in your e-mail. Loud and clear. And I felt it. I really did.”

  I said nothing.

  “Reesy, I know you still love me. I really do. I need you to understand that I do get that message. And you know I still love you as well. You can’t just turn something like that off, no matter what you do.”

  I studied his movements. He was rubbing his right hand against his right pant leg nervously.

  “But you gotta realize how hard this is for me. I wanna be with you. I wanted that from the very beginning. But how do I ever trust you again?”

  “You learn to forgive,” I whispered.

  “That’s easier said than done. You weren’t so willing to forgive me for what happened at Burch.”

  Guess he had me there. I chewed at the inside of my bottom lip.

  “I can’t tell you how many times I read your e-mail last week,” he said.

  “Then why didn’t you give me some kind of sign to let me know you got it?” I asked. “You could have just said Step off bitch, or something. Or did you get a sick thrill out of knowing you were torturing me?”

  “I didn’t know what to do. I was too confused to do anything.”

  “I’ll bet,” I muttered. “That’s why you were out with ol’ girl tonight. Laughing and touching each other on the arm and shit.”

  “I told you, Tiana and I went to talk about you. She’s always been a great sounding board. Especially when Rick’s not around.”

  “I used to be your sounding board,” I said.

  “You used to be a lot of things for me,” Dandre replied.

  “So what did Miss Tiana say?” I asked with sarcasm.

  “She told me I should let my anger go and talk to you. Find a way to move past all of this. Something I already knew, but wanted another perspective on.”

  I was thoroughly surprised.

  “She told you that?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “But if she had told you to drop me, you woulda dropped me, wouldn’t you?”

  “Nope,” he answered. “I was coming back anyway. The feelings were too strong.”

  He locked his gaze onto mine.

  “And as time passed, I was missing you more instead of less, so I knew that something had to give.”

  My insides went soft and my left cheek twitched. I didn’t know what to say to him in response, but I felt like a cloud had just been lifted from my life.

  He moved his face closer to mine. My eyes grew large with surprise.

  “Stop bucking your eyes like that,” he chuckled.

  “What are you doing?” I dumbly asked.

  “I’d like to kiss you, if you’ll let me.”

  “Sorry. You caught me off guard.”

  “Didn’t mean to.”

  He drew nearer to me, scooting closer on the bed, his lips a mere millimeter away from my own. I could feel his breath coursing over my mouth.

  I closed my eyes, waiting.

  He pressed his lips to mine and lingered there. He ran his tongue along the outline of my mouth, then parted my lips and explored inside.

  I felt like I was going to die. I’d been wanting him to do that for so long, it was like pure paradise.

  We kissed like that for maybe five minutes or more. Our eyes closed, gently exploring each other. Dandre’s hand was caressing my face. My arms were thrown around him, pulling him tighter and closer to me.

  After a few more kisses, he pulled away. He peered intensely into my face, searching my eyes for a hint of something.

  He exhaled.

  “All right,” he mumbled. “I guess I feel safe enough to do this now.”

  “Do what?” I whispered.

&n
bsp; “Sssssssssshhhh!!” he admonished. “Just let me talk, all right. This is hard enough as it is.”

  He reached into his pants pocket. “Let me show you something.”

  He pulled out a little purple velvet box.

  “I’ve had this thing so long now, it ain’t even funny,” he chuckled.

  “What is it?” I asked, looking at the funny-shaped box.

  My heart was racing wildly.

  “This is one of the things I talked to Tiana about.”

  He played around with the box in his hands.

  It was shaped like a trapezoid. With Dandre, Lord only knows what it could have contained.

  He took a deep breath, then let it out slow.

  “You know, I bought this three days after we first hooked up. I showed it to Rick and he laughed me off. He told me I was jumping the gun in a biiiiiiiiiiiig way. Bruh scared me. Made me think that maybe I was a bit on the rush.”

  Now he was making me nervous. I didn’t dare to hope.

  Okay, maybe I did dare to hope.

  “So what is it?” I repeated nervously.

  He solemnly flipped the lid and looked into my eyes.

  It was a very, very, very large, very sparkly, marquis-shaped diamond solitaire.

  I gasped, in utter shock.

  “Dandre… ,” I whispered.

  I stared searchingly into his eyes. He was all seriousness and calm.

  I reached for the ring and went to put it on my finger. He stayed my hand.

  “I’ve waited a long time to do that. Can I please have the honors?”

  I giggled.

  “Yeah. Sorry. Go ahead.”

  I handed him the ring.

  With that, Dandre suddenly got dramatic on me.

  He bent down on one knee and held my hand.

  I sat in the bed, staring at him with disbelief. My eyes must have looked like plates, I was stretching them so damn big.

  “Are you sure you wanna be down there like that?” I asked.

  “Reesy, please…”

  I shut up. I’d never expected to see this day, let alone expected it to happen with Dandre.

  “Teresa Snowden… ,” he began, “… despite everything that happened between us, I want you to know that I do love you. Really. No matter how I may act sometimes.”

  I chewed my bottom lip furiously. My nerves were running wild as I listened to him talk.

  “If you can forgive me for what I did to you at Burch, I can put aside what you did to me. You think we can do that?”

  I nodded foolishly, my lips pressed together.

  “You have to answer out loud,” he insisted. “We have to make this serious and official.”

  “Yes, Dandre,” I replied obediently. “I can forgive you, if you can forgive me.”

  He pursed his lips together to keep from laughing.

  “Okay. All right. Here goes… ,” he said.

  He cleared his throat.

  “Teresa Snowden, would you do me the honor of being my wife?”

  I paused, rolling my eyes up casually in the air, considering.

  “You gon’ cheat on me?” I asked.

  “You’ve got your nerve!!” he laughed.

  “This ain’t about my nerve,” I replied. “You gon’ cheat on me or not?”

  “Never,” he answered seriously without missing a beat.

  I pressed my lips together again.

  “Then… I think you better call Tyrone.”

  “What?!”

  I chuckled.

  “My daddy!! We better get on the phone and call up my folks. Looks like their overgrown daughter done caught herself a husband.”

  “Say the words,” he replied. “Remember, we have to make it official.”

  “Okay,” I sighed. “Yes, Dandre LeRon Hilliard. I would love to be your wife.”

  Dandre’s left eyebrow flew up.

  “How you know my middle name?” he asked. “I don’t know yours.”

  “Don’t you worry ‘bout that,” I laughed. “That just goes to show you, don’t be tryna slip nuthin’ past me. You never know what I know and how I know it.”

  “All right, baby girl. That’s a bet.”

  Dandre slid the ring onto my finger. Then he got up from the floor, sat on the edge of the bed again, put his arms around me, and pulled me close to him.

  We kissed tenderly for what seemed like an eternity.

  When we broke free, I leaned my face close against his ear.

  “I was praying that you would let me in again,” I whispered. “You’ve been a godsend to me. I don’t ever want to let you go.”

  He held me tighter.

  “I just hope you remember that forty years from now, when you’re all complacent and cranky, walking ‘round the crib with a mouthful of attitude and a head full of gray braids.”

  I laughed.

  “I’ll have dreads by then,” I replied.

  “Oh, goodness! I better start bracing myself now, then. My angry black wife. Somebody turn off the lights and call the law!”

  “Silly,” I whispered, leaning in to kiss him.

  We sat like that for a few minutes, just laughing and holding each other, varying our positions and kissing.

  When we finally made love, it was a symphony.

  A moment of music that even Maxwell couldn’t top.

  YOU DA BEST, DADA

  We were riding up the highway, on our way to Martha’s Vineyard.

  Misty and Rick had been back for weeks, and were obviously on honeymoon part two.

  Dandre and I hadn’t seen them since their return. But we had other things to address.

  We were in the Z, the sunroof was open, and the wind was blowing wildly through my braids.

  Dandre was behind the wheel, navigating the traffic like the pro that he was.

  Erykah Badu’s live CD was pouring out of the speakers.

  I’d brought nine CDs with me. Mood music, I liked to call it. Music to think by. Music to love by. Music to make memories with.

  I’d brought all three of Maxwell’s joints (… What you think, I’m stupid? I ain’t going nowhere without my boy by my side!), Sweetback, the soundtrack to Love Jones (mostly because Maxwell sang on both—ha! you betta act like you know!), and D’Angelo and Erykah’s first and second albums.

  “Ye Yo,” Erykah’s jam that I loved to sing so much (Dandre was now calling me his ye yo) was playing.

  According to Miss Badu in the song, ye ye, from which she got ye yo I guess, was a Swahili term for mother.

  Dandre had no idea how significant the title was.

  “So… you ready to do this?” he asked.

  “So… you ready to have me do it?” I replied.

  I had my dark shades on and my feet were on the dash. I was cold-chillin’ like a villain.

  “I think I’m ready,” he laughed. “Be patient with me, though. I told you, I’ve never had anybody do this with me before.”

  “I’ll be cool,” I promised.

  We were going to spend some time at his crib by the beach.

  I had taken off another couple of days from the show. Tamara was getting plenty of chances to act as my stand-in. (I didn’t care. No threat there.)

  Dandre and I had a quiet, romantic weekend planned. But, more importantly, we were going to sit out by the ocean, side by side. The two of us together. And we were going to contemplate the sea.

  It was his private thing that he’d done for years and had never shared with anyone.

  But I wasn’t even sweatin’ it. I didn’t know what my man was so nervous about. As far as I was concerned, he and I had already contemplated the sea.

  I’d seen it long ago in a dream. It was almost perfect. Except for the part where we’d talked about Helmut. This time, I knew, as the foam washed over our feet at the water’s edge, we wouldn’t be talking about Helmut at all.

  No way.

  This time, the dream would be absolutely unmarred. Helmut would be the last thing on our minds that aft
ernoon.

  What we would be talking about was this seed in my belly.

  The one we’d planted the night he proposed.

  I hadn’t taken a pregnancy test or anything, so I didn’t have any true proof that I was with child. After all, it had only been a few weeks.

  But, in my heart, I knew it. I’d never been more positive about anything before, other than my love for Dandre.

  A girl knows her body and when she’s going through a change. Whether it’s real or intuitive.

  “What you over there grinnin’ at?” Dandre asked, smiling at me.

  “I’m not grinnin’,” I snapped briskly.

  “You’re grinnin’, black woman. Skinnin’ like a Cheshire cat.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Uh-huh,” he laughed. “Whatever is right!”

  “I’m just thinkin’,” I said. “Can’t a girl just think for a minute?”

  “Well,” he replied, “save some of that thinkin’ for the sea.”

  I took off my shades and glanced over at him.

  “Oh, trust me,” I assured him, “I am. You just make sure you’re ready for some of these thoughts I’m gonna drop.”

  “Lay it on me, ye yo. A brother’s ready for anything you got.”

  I smiled to myself. He wasn’t ready. No way was he ready for this.

  I wasn’t even sure if I was ready.

  As a matter of fact, I couldn’t believe I was even falling into the whole fairy tale bit that I wasn’t sure I ever really believed to begin with. That whole girl-meets-boy, girl-falls-for-boy, girl-gets-married, girl-gets-pregnant (well, maybe not necessarily in that order), girl-lives-happily-ever-after thang.

  Reesy gets rescued by a man and rides off into the sunset.

  The end.

  Uh-uh. I don’t think so.

  It was too easy. It was too trite.

  It was so… not me.

  Even though I’d had Tyrone and Tyrene as examples of marital bliss with a twist, I was still too much of a skeptic to fall for that old bit.

  Suddenly, out of nowhere, I felt a little apprehensive.

  I cut my eyes over at Dandre again.

  Sure, he was sitting over there smiling now. But what would his expression be as he sat behind the wheel this time next year? Or next season? Hell, a week from now?

  Would I even be in the car?

  My heart did a little thunk-a-thunk of fear mixed with dread.

  As I sat there, I slowly began to freak.