Broken Hearts

by Rebecca Jenshak

  It’s perfect.

  * * *

  Almost two hours go by before I finally get to see Rhett and the team. There was the trophy ceremony, followed by cutting the net, and then whatever celebrating they did in the locker room.

  Valley fans fill the lobby area waiting to see the team. When the first player walks out, the roaring applause and cheers starts up again.

  Maverick comes out looking more humble and shy than I guy who scored three goals in a championship game. Dakota rushes from my side and jumps into his arms. “Who gets a hat trick at the Frozen Four?”

  He drops his bag and hugs her back, finally laughing and looking more like the Maverick I expected.

  The guys are swarmed as they come out. Rhett and Adam are the last two. I don’t charge him like the other girls did. I let his family congratulate him first, hanging back and watching as he hugs his mom and dad and then picks up Ryder.

  At last it’s my time and he bear-hugs me, lifting me off the ground.

  “Are you ready to celebrate, angel?” He spins me around. “Fuck, I love you.”

  Before I can say it back, he seals his mouth to mine and keeps spinning. I chuckle. “You’re going to make me dizzy.”

  He’s smiling when he puts me down. His parents watch on. His mother looks… not as happy as you’d expect for a mom whose son just won the Frozen Four.

  When Rhett picks her up and spins her around, she finally breaks into a smile. “Put me down.” She swats at him playfully.

  “Me. Me,” Ryder says.

  Rhett spins him around even faster.

  When he stops, Rhett sways. “Woah. Okay, maybe I need to eat something before I keep spinning people around.”

  He’s grinning so big my chest feels like it might burst. I glance at my watch and take a few deep breaths.

  “Are you okay?” Rhett’s happy grin falls, and his gaze darkens.

  “Yes. Just a lot of excitement.”

  He takes me in his arms and stills. “Breathe. Relax. We can have a chill celebration.”

  “Are you kidding?” I turn to face him. “I’ll be fine. Just give me a minute.”

  And he does, holding me steady as we watch the team and their friends and family celebrate.

  Everyone’s phones are ringing and pinging with calls and texts to wish them congratulations. Rhett’s is nowhere to be seen or heard.

  Even his parents are blowing up. His dad has Ryder on his shoulders as he talks to his brother, Rhett’s uncle, laughing and joking about how they nearly gave him a heart attack in the final period. Rhett shoots his dad daggers at that comment, since I’m currently feeling off-kilter thanks to my own heart, but I’m not bothered. Nothing could ruin this night. This moment. It’s perfect.

  His mom is trying to have a much more civilized conversation. She has a finger plugging one ear, phone pressed tightly to the other. She walks away from the commotion, presumably to hear better.

  “Better? Want me to grab one of the trainers?”

  “I’m okay.” The lightheaded feeling is starting to pass, but I still lean into Rhett.

  “All right, men. Let’s load up.” Coach Meyers stands next to the bus.

  “I’ll meet you there,” I say, reluctantly stepping away from him.

  He hugs a sleepy-eyed Ryder. “Thanks for letting me borrow this.” Rhett hands him back the black stone.

  “You can keep it.” Ryder yawns. “It seems like you might need it more than me.”

  The three of us laugh.

  “We’re leaving early in the morning so I guess this is goodbye until graduation.” His dad slaps his back as they hug again.

  “Thanks for being here,” Rhett says.

  His mom finally finishes her call and comes over to say goodbye as well.

  Rhett hugs her. “Thanks, Mom.”

  “We’re going to follow the bus back to your hotel. There’s something I want to talk to you about,” she says.

  “We can talk now,” Rhett says. “It’ll take the guys a few minutes to load.”

  “It’s fine. We’ll just follow you.”

  Rhett’s features contort into confusion. “You’re being weird. What is it?”

  “That was Cory on the phone.”

  “Okay?”

  “Who’s Cory?” I ask when no one speaks.

  “Carrie’s mom,” Rhett says. “It’s cool, Mom. Sienna knows about Carrie.”

  His mom nods and gives me a small smile. Her eyes look a little teary and I’m so confused.

  “What is it? She didn’t drive down here, did she?” He looks around. “She can’t seem to understand that it’s really over.”

  “No, she’s not here.”

  Rhett motions with his hand impatiently.

  “She tried to come.” His mom’s voice breaks. “She left her dorm last night so she could be here today.”

  “Okay. Well, where is she?”

  “She was in an accident near St. Joseph.”

  “Is she okay?”

  His mom shakes her head slowly side to side and she starts to cry. My skin goes clammy and my heart rate accelerates.

  “No, baby. She fell asleep and drove across a median. They took her to the hospital, but it was too late.” She places a shaky hand to her mouth.

  Rhett’s dad puts a hand at his wife’s back and stares at the ground.

  Blood pounds in my ears and I’m warm all over.

  “What?” Rhett asks like he’s not sure he heard her right. His grip around my waist tightens.

  “She didn’t make it, baby. I’m so sorry.”

  My breathing gets shallow and my knees buckle.

  “Shit, Sienna. Are you okay?” He turns his attention to me. There’s no look of sadness on his face, but his eyes are hard and his jaw is set. “You’re white as a sheet. Sit down. I’ll be right back.”

  He helps me sit on the high curb and he takes off.

  “I’m so sorry,” I say to his parents, and then I close my eyes and focus on my breathing.

  27

  Rhett

  “I’m fine, really,” Sienna says, trying to stand.

  “Let’s give it a few more minutes.” Jeff places a hand up to stop her and sits with her on the curb.

  “There’s no reason for everyone to wait. The bus should at least go back.” She ducks her head. I’m standing in front of her, shielding her from anyone who might look, but I don’t really think anyone is paying attention.

  “My parents and I can give her a ride,” I say to Jeff. I’m thankful our trainer was here. He came just to watch as a spectator, but I grabbed him the second Sienna went limp in my arms.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital, just as a precaution?” he asks her for the third or fourth time in the past thirty minutes.

  “I’m sure. They’ll only tell me what I already know. I need to rest.”

  “Okay.” He stands and looks to me. “Text or call me if she needs anything.”

  “Thanks, man.”

  He pauses and lifts a hand to squeeze my shoulder. “And I’m sorry for your loss.”

  Swallowing the lump in my throat, I nod. Focusing on Sienna, I push out everything else. I can’t go there right now. I’m on a teeter-totter with a nine-hundred-pound man. One second, I’m flying high, winning a national championship with my team and the woman I’m stupid in love with by my side, and the next I’m hitting the ground hard. Carrie’s dead? Nah, it doesn’t make any sense.

  Dakota, Reagan, and Ginny move forward when Jeff leaves, hovering over Sienna like three mother hens.

  “Give her some room,” I instruct. Instructions that fall on deaf ears.

  “I’m okay,” Sienna says. Stubborn woman.

  Adam appears at my side. “Hey, I just heard the news. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. Listen, I’m going to stay with Sienna tonight. I already ran it by coach, and he said it was cool. Room’s all yours.”

  He stares blankly.

  “Dude,” Mav say
s, joining us. We’re a freaking circus act. He hugs me tightly, squeezing the air out of my lungs. “I am so sorry for your loss. What can I do?”

  His tone is soft and sympathetic and I cannot handle it right now. I’ve gotta get the hell out of here. “I’m good.”

  “What’s going on?” Reagan asks. The girls don’t know yet, and I don’t want to be around when more people find out.

  I remove myself from Mav’s hold and look to Sienna. “Angel, you ready? My parents will give us a ride. I’m going to stay with you tonight.”

  “Oh.” She glances at the girls. “It’s okay. Go be with your family.”

  “No chance.”

  She glances to Kota “I’m sharing a bed with Dakota.”

  “It’s cool.” She waves her off. “You two can have the bed and the room. These two won’t be sleeping in our room, anyway.” She points to Reagan and Ginny. “And I can find somewhere to crash.”

  “That’s settled then.” I scoop her up in my arms.

  “I can walk, Rhett.”

  “I know, angel.”

  But having her in my arms makes me want to punch something a whole lot less.

  * * *

  “I’m sorry.” Sienna sits on the bed, her back resting against the wall.

  “It’s fine. I don’t really feel like celebrating.” I toss my hat and run my fingers through my hair.

  “I meant about Carrie. Are you okay?”

  I ignore her question because I don’t know the answer right now. I open the mini fridge. “Do you need anything? Water? Food?”

  “Just for you to sit down. I’m okay. You don’t need to worry about me.”

  With a sigh, I go and sit beside her on the bed. “You scared the shit out of me.”

  “I know.” Her hands cup my face. “I’m so sorry.”

  “It doesn’t feel real.”

  She smiles sadly. “If you want to be with your family or by yourself, I’ll understand.”

  I kick off my shoes and drag my legs up so I’m beside her on the bed. “I’m exactly where I want to be.”

  * * *

  I thought I’d have trouble sleeping, but I drift off while Sienna runs her fingers through my hair, letting me stew in silence, and I don’t wake up until the sun shines through a crack in the curtains.

  I ease out of bed carefully so I don’t wake her and pull the curtains together, shrouding the room in darkness.

  Dakota lets herself in as I’m pulling on my jeans.

  “Sorry,” she whispers. “I thought you two would be up.”

  “She should sleep as long as she can. What time are you guys leaving?”

  “Noon.”

  I nod. “I need to go talk with my parents. You’ll be here?”

  “Yes. I’ll keep an eye on her.” She walks forward and hooks an arm around my neck. “I’m really sorry about Carrie.”

  “Thank you.” I grab my shoes and glance back at Sienna.

  My parents are in the lobby when I walk down. My mom looks like she’s been crying all night and I don’t know why, but it sets off my barely-contained rage.

  I grind my teeth as she hugs me.

  “How’s Sienna?”

  “Still sleeping. I just came to say goodbye. Are you guys headed out?”

  “You’re not coming with us?”

  “Why would I come with you?”

  “They haven’t made arrangements yet, but they will soon. Cory said Tuesday, if they can get everything ready.”

  “I don’t think I should go.”

  My mother rests a hand on my chest. “Oh, honey. Of course you should.”

  “We weren’t together anymore,” I say loudly, releasing some of my anger.

  “If you want to go back to Valley with your team first, we’ll get you a flight this week. Right, Julie?” My dad takes her hand. A united front like they’ve always been.

  “If that’s what you want,” she says slowly.

  I nod. Fuck. I know the right answer, but I’m not prepared to head back to Minnesota today. “I’ll just ride with you guys. It makes more sense. Give me thirty minutes?”

  I head back upstairs with breakfast. Sienna’s coming out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her thin frame. She finger-combs her wet hair.

  “I could only carry two plates.” I set them on the TV stand.

  Reagan and Ginny are back and packing their suitcases. They both shoot me sympathetic glances and take turns hugging me.

  “How are you feeling this morning?” I ask Sienna.

  “Better.”

  “You should eat something.”

  She graces me with a small grin that loosens the boulder on my chest. “I will.”

  I raise my brows.

  She grabs half a bagel from the plate. “Are you going back to Valley or…”

  Apparently everyone thought of the funeral except me. Funeral? What the fuck?

  “Leaving with my parents.”

  “What day is the funeral?”

  “Tuesday, I think.”

  “I could maybe come with you.”

  “No. That’s okay. Thank you, but I know you have practice and school, and you need to rest up so that you’re ready for your last competition. Will you still be able to compete?”

  “Yeah, hopefully. I made a doctor’s appointment for Wednesday.”

  I nod thoughtfully. “All right. Well, I guess I should get ready. Are the guys still here? I don’t even know what time the bus is leaving.”

  “They’re still here,” Reagan answers for me. “I think Adam packed for you.”

  “I don’t want to leave you like this,” I say, hugging Sienna.

  “I’m okay.”

  “You keep saying that.” I close my eyes and inhale.

  “One of these times you’re going to believe me.”

  28

  Rhett

  The guys and I hang at the back of the room. It’s packed and so is the hallway outside. Most people I know, or at least recognize. Some I don’t. The sheer volume of people that came should be comforting. It isn’t.

  I’ve been in this funeral home before, a bunch of times. Stood in this very spot, sometimes with Carrie, gone through the line, and offered muttered words meant to help, but that I’m sure didn’t. None of those times felt anything like this. She was only twenty-one. It just doesn’t make any sense.

  Adam and Mav both insisted on making the trip to Minnesota despite my reassurances they didn’t need to. They flew in this morning, and now that we’re at the visitation, I’m glad they did. They’re providing excellent cover and stopping people from approaching me to offer their sympathy.

  As if this situation isn’t awful enough, it’s the first time I’ve been back home since Carrie and I broke up. Everyone is looking at me with these sad, pitying expressions. Clearly, they don’t know that I no longer deserve those glances.

  Along the back wall, three tables are pulled together. Collages with pictures of Carrie from when she was a baby to the present fill the poster boards. Many with me. Carrie and I started dating in high school. She was this beautiful, brave girl. She stomped around like nothing scared her, and I was in awe of that. Everyone was. It takes a special kind of person to walk through the halls of high school already knowing who you are and feeling confident enough to be only that. That was Carrie. Confident and fascinating.

  “Woah! Is that you?” Mav asks, pointing to a picture of Carrie and me at a high school dance.

  She’s in a sparkly dress, her hair curled, arm looped through mine. We were juniors. I was all arms and legs. Scrawny, bad haircut, clothes that my mom probably picked out and forced me to wear so I’d look nice for the dance. I wasn’t exactly shy. It was more that I didn’t care about being cool or fitting in. And I never liked bringing attention to myself outside of hockey. Not that I really needed to worry. If people were looking my way any other time, it was to stare at Carrie.

  That uncomfortable, hide-away feeling never really went away until I got to
Valley and gained twenty pounds. I still don’t give a fuck about fitting in, but I found my people regardless.

  “Yeah, sure is.” I shove both hands in my front pockets to keep myself from running them through my hair, which is styled with gel for a change.

  Maverick covers his mouth with a fist as he laughs. “Oh man, are those pleats?”

  “We can’t all be as stylish as you were in high school. I’ve seen the photos of your nipple rings,” Adam says and nudges him playfully with an elbow.

  Mav scoffs. “Those were awesome, but you wouldn’t have caught me at a school dance. Well, maybe in the parking lot passing around drinks and waiting for girls to get bored of the dance and come ditch with me.”

  “Of course,” I say, a quiet chuckle escapes.

  We fall silent again. My gaze keeps being drawn back to the front, where Carrie’s family receives condolences. My own family hasn’t arrived yet, but they’ll be here. The whole town will stop by either tonight for the visitation or tomorrow for the funeral.

  I shove my hands even deeper in my pockets. I’m gonna rip the seams before the night is over. Guilt seeps from my pores like yesterday’s liquor, leaving my skin clammy. Carrie was on her way to see me, and I blocked her number so I didn’t even know. Did she call? Could I have answered and stopped her?

  I know that I couldn’t have prevented the accident but maybe I could have stopped her from getting in the car altogether. Maybe I could have been a goddamn decent human and actually talked to her until she knew it was really over. Maybe I could have prevented the most awful thing to happen to her. Or that will ever happen to her. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  When my parents arrive, my mom wraps me in a big hug. Her eyes are teary, but she holds it together. My dad shakes my hand. Then the guys’, all while wearing his best somber smile.

  “Where’s Ryder?”

  “We left him with your aunt Leah,” my mom says, then asks, “Have you been up yet?”

  I shake my head.

  “Come on. You can’t hide back here forever.”

  She knows me well. I go with my parents, shuffling forward with the line. Every step closer, my nerves fray a little more.