The Unusual Suspects (The Sisters Grimm, Book 2)

by Michael Buckley

  "Don't worry, old lady," Puck crowed. "I'll keep this one out of trouble."

  ************************************

  Granny Relda, Canis, and Puck headed off to meet with Principal Hamelin about enrolling "his majesty" into the sixth grade. As Puck was an Everafter, Granny decided an Everafter should take care of his enrollment and bypassed Mr. Sheepshank entirely. Sabrina was fairly sure the boy was a moron, so she wondered what Granny had planned if the principal decided Puck should be in kindergarten.

  Sabrina had assured her grandmother that she could walk to homeroom alone, but regretted the decision when someone grabbed her from behind and dragged her into the girls' rest-room. When she spun around, ready to sock her attacker, she found Bella with a brush and some hair spray in hand.

  "You need some serious help," the blond girl said, ushering her over to the mirror, turning her around, and going to work on her hair with the brush. "How did you get your hair this way?"

  "It's a long story," Sabrina said sheepishly.

  Bella tugged and pulled with her brush, coated Sabrina's head with hair spray, and then tied the unruly mane up with a pink rubber band. To Sabrina's surprise, Bella had done something in seconds that Sabrina had been trying to do for herself for two days. She had made Sabrina look normal.

  "It'll hold until lunch," Bella said, handing Sabrina her brush and can of hair spray. "After that, well, we may have to call in a professional."

  Sabrina was so happy she could have cried. "Thank you."

  "Don't thank me," Bella said. "You have the seat in front of mine in science class and with that head of hair there was no way I was going to be able to see the film strip."

  Sabrina laughed. It felt good when Bella joined her. Just then, the bell rang.

  "We better get to class," the blond girl said. "Old battle-ax will be mad if we're late."

  "Didn't you hear?" Sabrina said. "Our teacher was killed last night."

  "I think the fumes from the hair spray are affecting your brain. I saw her walking down the hall just a couple of minutes ago."

  "Her? Our teacher was a him," Sabrina said.

  But Bella had already rushed out of the restroom.

  Sabrina walked down the hallway and prepared herself for the sadness and confusion the other students would be feeling when they discovered Mr. Grumpner was dead. She assumed there would be a ceremony to honor their murdered teacher. The school had probably brought in some grief counselors to console them and answer questions. Everyone would make a giant condolence card and sign it for Mr. Grumpner's wife and family. But when she stepped into the classroom, there were no tears running down faces, there were no confused, brokenhearted kids, there was not a single sad face.

  In fact, the kids acted as if nothing had happened at all. Like the day before, they were sleepy and bored. Sabrina was shocked. Sure, Mr. Grumpner had been a bitter pill to swallow but he was still a human being and he had died a horrible death. Didn't anyone care?

  Bewildered, Sabrina went to her seat, sat down, and scanned the room for anyone who might need someone to talk to. Across the room, Bella smiled and gave her the "thumbs up" gesture.

  Has the world gone insane? Sabrina wondered to herself. A man died in this classroom less than twenty-four hours ago and they’re acting like it's just another day!

  A roly-poly woman lumbered into the room and set a handful of books down on Grumpner's desk. She had flaming red hair, done up in a bouffant, and a makeup job that looked as if it had been applied with a paintball gun. Something about her seemed oddly familiar.

  "Good morning, class," she said. "Yesterday we were talking about transitive verbs. Let's pass your homework forward and see how you did at identifying them."

  Sabrina was dumbfounded. Homework?

  "Grumpner didn't assign any homework," Sabrina said to the sleepy girl next to her.

  "Who's Grumpner?" the girl asked, taking out her assignment and handing it up the aisle.

  The teacher glanced around the room, absorbing the faces of her students. When she spotted Sabrina, her smile suddenly dissolved and was replaced with a bitter scowl. It was then that Sabrina recognized her. Sabrina had seen her when she and Daphne had snuck into the Ferryport Landing Ball—the Queen of Hearts.

  "Grimm," she snapped. "A word, please."

  Sabrina reluctantly got up from her desk and joined the woman at the front of the room. She had never actually met the queen, but after reading Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Sabrina was familiar with her notorious disciplinary tactics. More than a few citizens of Wonderland had lost their heads when the queen lost her temper. Looking into the woman's face, it seemed to Sabrina that her own head might be next on the chopping block.

  "Child, I know what you are up to," the queen said in a low voice.

  "I'm not sure what you mean."

  "You've come here to spy on me," the woman said. "Well you can tell that old busybody grandmother of yours that she's wasting her time."

  "I'm not spying on you," Sabrina said. How dare the woman accuse her of such a thing? The queen didn't even know her.

  "I know it drives you Grimms crazy that there are Everafters working around human children."

  "I swear I'm not here to spy. I'm eleven. I have to go to school. It's the law," Sabrina snapped. She looked around the room and noticed that even some of the drowsy kids were listening to their conversation. She flushed with anger and embarrassment.

  "A likely excuse, but I'm watching you, child. You step out of line just once with me and it's . . ."

  "It's what, off with my head?" the girl interrupted as anger flooded over her. She realized she was shouting, but she couldn't help herself. "You're a paranoid old kook. If you want to start off like this on your first day, be my guest!"

  "First day?" the queen said nervously. "Sabrina, I've been this class's teacher since the beginning of the year. Don't you remember?"

  Suddenly, everything made sense. The reason no one was upset about Grumpner's murder was because no one remembered him. Grumpner had been erased! The Everafters had covered the entire town in forgetful dust and wiped him from everyone's memory. The only reason Sabrina remembered him was because her house was covered with protection spells that kept the family safe from magical attacks.

  She didn't know why she was so surprised. The lousy Everafters were always making inconvenient things disappear. When something got in the way, it vanished. Just like her parents. Just like her entire family, if the Everafters got the chance.

  "You erased him!" Sabrina shouted, unable to control her anger. "You wiped him away, just like that! Just like you did with my parents, but I won't let you do it again. You tell your dirty Everafter friends that I'm going to find my mom and dad. And I'm going to find who killed Mr. Grumpner, too!"

  The queen's face reeled in horror. Sabrina had betrayed an unspoken rule of Ferryport Landing—never reveal the truth! She looked up at the nasty teacher's face, hoping the queen could see that she was tired of secrets. Daphne was right. Mr. Grumpner's murder needed to be solved, if only to show the Everafters that they couldn't get away with their tricks anymore.

  Suddenly, Wendell, the boy who had been late for school the day before, rushed into the room. He looked confused for a moment as he spotted the queen, then he recovered and hurried down the aisle to his seat, an odd, chalky dust trailing behind him. He sat down awkwardly and hid his face in his textbook.

  Sabrina's eyes watered and she sneezed loudly as the cloud of dust settled to the floor.

  "Cut it out, Grimm," Toby cried from across the room. "You're spraying your cooties all over the place."

  Sabrina turned on the boy, walked down the aisle, and grabbed him by the shirt collar. Still full of rage, she shouted, "Shut your mouth you little bug-eyed freak!"

  Toby stared into her face and just smiled.

  "Mrs. Heart, I'm sorry to interrupt," a voice said from the doorway. Sabrina spun around and saw Principal Hamelin. "I'd like to introduce a new student.
"

  "Take your seat, Ms. Grimm," the queen said between gritted teeth. The angry girl marched back to her desk.

  "Mrs. Heart, class, this is Robin Goodfellow," the principal said as Puck marched into the room, waving and bowing as if he were a movie star.

  "Taa-daa," Puck sang. "Please, don't make a fuss."

  "Robin is here all the way from Akron, Ohio, and he'll be staying with Sabrina Grimm's family," Hamelin announced.

  "Robin Goodfellow?" the queen muttered knowingly. It was obvious to Sabrina that the teacher recognized the boy.

  Puck winked at her. "That's my name, don't wear it out," he crowed.

  "Take a seat in the back. There's one near your friend."

  The boy looked around the room. "Is that the only seat available? The Grimm girl tends to have a very foul odor," he said with a wicked grin. "She's a real stinker."

  The half of the class that wasn't asleep roared with laughter and Sabrina blushed.

  "And she's got quite a temper, too," the queen replied. "Sorry, Mr. Goodfellow. If the rest of the class has to suffer, so do you."

  The students roared again.

  "So, Mrs. Heart, he's all yours," the principal said and left the room.

  Sabrina's head was pounding and she had a fever. How had she gotten so angry so quickly? Mirror was right. Puberty was really screwing with her head and if she didn't get control over it she was going to be the school weirdo forever. She glanced around the room and noticed that kids were staring at her. How humiliating the whole thing had been. The only kids who didn't seem to care were the ones who had slept through it all and Wendell. The chubby little Everafter boy had been busy reading and keeping his head down the whole time Puck was being introduced by the principal, almost as if he'd wanted to avoid his father's gaze. There was something unusual about the boy. His feet were covered in white chalk. It had made Sabrina sneeze, just like the dust they had found in Mr. Grumpner's footprints. This odd boy with the runny nose had been in the same place their murdered teacher had been.

  "Ms. Grimm," Mrs. Heart said—she had come down the aisle and was standing over Sabrina with her grade book in hand—"No homework today?"

  Sabrina's eyes flared as they met the queen's. "I didn't know we had any homework today," she snapped.

  "That's a shame, Ms. Grimm," the teacher said with a wicked smile. "I'm going to have to give you a zero."

  The girl met her grin with a bitter scowl.

  "Since you're having trouble keeping up with your assignments, maybe we should set up some special time for you to get them done," Mrs. Heart said. “I’ll see you in detention this afternoon."

  "What's a detention?" Puck asked.

  "It means I have to stay after school for an hour," Sabrina whispered

  "An hour!" The boy laughed. "That's the most twisted, depraved punishment I have ever heard of. I've been here for five minutes and it's already an intolerable agony!"

  "Well, then, Mr. Goodfellow, maybe you should join her," Mrs. Heart suggested.

  "Your Majesty!" Puck cried, leaping from his seat. He threw his arms around the woman and wailed. "Show some mercy!"

  The Queen of Hearts waited patiently for Puck's dramatics to end and for the students to stop giggling. When he released her, the teacher spun around and headed to the front of the classroom.

  "Now, class, let's talk about past participles," she said, turning toward the chalkboard. On the queen's back was a sheet of paper that read I KISS GOATS. The kids who were awake fell over themselves laughing.

  The teacher spun around and flashed the class a mascara-heavy evil eye. She turned back to the board and the class exploded again.

  "Anyone who wants to join Ms. Grimm and Mr. Goodfellow tonight in detention, just keep it up," she shouted.

  By the time the bell rang, the entire class was looking at Puck as if he were a rock star.

  "Hilarious!" one kid snorted as the students emptied into the hall. Puck absorbed their praise like a greedy sponge and agreed with each one wholeheartedly that he was indeed a genius. But Sabrina had no interest in Puck's groupies. Her eyes were fixed on Wendell, who now hurried down the hallway, followed by a cloud of dust. She rushed after him.

  "Hey, stink-pot," Puck said, breaking away from his followers. "You're not supposed to leave my sight."

  Sabrina didn't reply. Instead, she darted through crowds and dodged open lockers as she trailed the chubby boy through the over-packed hallway. He raced down a flight of stairs and slipped through a door. By the time Sabrina caught up, he had already slammed the door behind him. The sign on it read BOILER ROOM.

  "Where are you going?" Puck asked, grabbing Sabrina's wrist and pulling her back before she could open the door.

  "I think that boy knows something about Grumpner's death," she replied, reaching for the door.

  "You're not supposed to go anywhere without me."

  "Well, you're here now, let's go."

  "I don't feel like it."

  "Puck, it's the boiler room. I bet it's dirty and gross in there," Sabrina said, trying to play to the boy's biggest weakness—filth. "I bet there's a greasy floor you could roll around on."

  Puck's eyes lit up and he nodded vigorously. It was nice to see that she could manipulate him when it was important. She reached for the doorknob again, but before she could turn it, a muscular, grizzled-looking man stepped in her way.

  "Where do you kids think you're going?" he asked. He was tall and strong, with arms as big as tree trunks and a chest as wide as the family car. It was obvious that he hadn't shaved in several days and could probably use some sleep. His blue coverall uniform had a patch on it that told everyone his name was Charlie and the smell coming off of him told everyone his uniform needed a trip to the laundromat. But it was the mop slung over his shoulder that told her this was the school janitor, and the boiler room was his domain.

  "I was looking for my next class," Sabrina lied.

  "In the boiler room?" Charlie laughed, spraying his corned-beef-and-cigarette breath all over her. "Ain't nothing in there but a bunch of mops and brooms."

  "My mistake," she said. She turned around and together she and Puck headed down the hallway. She snuck a peek back, hoping Charlie had moved on, but he was still there, leaning against the door.

  "I could lure him upstairs and push him out a window," Puck offered.

  "No, we can't do that. We'll come back later. For now, just go to your next class," Sabrina replied. "Where is it?"

  She snatched his schedule out of his hand and looked at it. "Puck, you're in all my classes!"

  "The old lady and Canis negotiated it with the principal," the boy explained.

  Sabrina knew what kind of negotiating Mr. Canis could do. Now Sabrina would have Puck practically riding on her back.

  There were several kids walking behind them and one of them laughed loudly and said, "Hello, Smelly Stink-pot."

  Sabrina spun around to see who had insulted her but the kids just walked away.

  "Smelly Stink-pot? What does that mean?" Sabrina asked Puck.

  "Who knows?" he said. "Kids can be cruel."

  It would be hours before Bella stopped her in the hallway and

  removed a sign that had been taped onto Sabrina's back. It read, PLEASED TO MEET YOU, I'M SMELLY STINK-POT!

  ************************************

  The rest of the day, Sabrina and Puck kept a watchful eye out for Wendell, but it seemed as if the boy had disappeared. During a break between classes, Puck even rushed outside and summoned some pixies with his flute, to look for their chubby suspect. As Sabrina and Puck waited for word back, they went from one class to the next, and in each the Trickster King did his best to humiliate his housemate. Unlike a normal kid, Puck didn't bring pencils or a notebook to class; he brought what he called the essentials: a squirt gun, stink pellets, a shock buzzer, and his personal favorite—a whoopee cushion. Now, to Sabrina, fart jokes were so old-fashioned. She believed kids were pretty sophisticated in the t
wenty-first century. It would take more than an obnoxious noise to get a modern kid laughing.

  Unfortunately, Sabrina was wrong. Puck let the whoopee cushion go in every class, making it seem as if Sabrina were having intestinal issues, and the kids just thought it got funnier and funnier. Eventually, he added a little acting to his routine, pretending to gag on Sabrina's imaginary fumes. When this proved to be wildly popular as well, it quickly evolved into an elaborate death scene, which ended with Puck shaking in convulsions on the floor. His performances, and Sabrina's threats of a serious beating, helped the two rack up an impressive five detentions apiece by midday. At the rate they were going, Sabrina suspected they would be in detention until they were twenty-five.