Till the Cat Lady Sings (Bought-the-Farm Mystery 4)

by Ellen Riggs

  “Okay,” I said.

  “Can you stop swinging and let me sit down?”

  I kept swinging. “I need the breeze in my face. I can’t shake off the stink, even after two showers.”

  He raised his boot and stopped the swing. “Shove over, Keats.”

  “I need him,” I said, pulling the dog closer.

  “I know. But you need me, too. And I wasn’t there for you in the way I should have been today. I feel terrible about what happened at the station.”

  “I’m sorry I embarrassed you, coming in looking like a crazy woman. Bunhead almost fainted when she realized I really am your girlfriend. Or was.”

  “Are,” he corrected. “Even the Chief of Police makes the occasional misstep.”

  “You lectured me like a child in front of a dozen cops. Including my brother.”

  “Well, you’d put yourself in harm’s way without calling me. Again.” He held up his hand. “That doesn’t justify a public dressing down, I admit. But you scared me, coming in with that femur, Ivy. How am I supposed to protect you if you do things like that?”

  “You’re not. You’re supposed to protect Clover Grove while I take care of myself.”

  “It doesn’t work like that,” he said. “Even if I weren’t chief it wouldn’t work like that. At least for a guy like me. I need to keep my girl safe.”

  “I have Keats for that. And Percy.”

  “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

  I shook my head. “Now I have Edna, too. She is one tough old bird. It’s good she has my back.”

  “I’m seizing the taser and the rubber bullets,” he said. “She can keep the pepper spray.”

  “And the crossbow.”

  “Great,” he said. “Lock up your livestock.”

  He kept the swing going for awhile and gradually I cooled off. Keats stayed quiet, with his muzzle in my lap, knowing his job at the moment was passive therapy.

  Finally, I said, “After Keats brought me the femur, I had to run. Caroline was coming down the trail in my golf cart. Of course, I didn’t know it was her at the time. I was panicking, and all I could think to do was to bring everything to you.”

  “It was the right thing to do in the moment,” he said. “The wrong part was poking around there alone in the first place.”

  “I wasn’t alone. And I knew Keats and Percy could find the cameras your team couldn’t. Which they did, as you know.”

  “I do know. And I expect you’ll be reminding me of that for some time to come.”

  “Oh yeah.” Now Keats raised his head and started a happy pant. He was sandwiched between us and while it was getting warm, I could tell he liked it. My busy dog was definitely learning to slow down and smell the fertilizer.

  “Which means you’re not breaking up with me,” Kellan said, daring to slide his arm across the back of the swing.

  “Not until you tell me what went down after I retreated with my squadron.”

  He sighed. “There were lots of tears. Mostly Michael’s, unfortunately. As far as I can tell at the moment, he’s completely innocent. I dropped him at Hazel’s and they’re grieving together.”

  “At least they have closure over Aaron,” I said. “Plus they’ll get a few of his treasures back.”

  “Michael said he’s moving home and busting Hazel out of Sunny Acres.”

  For the first time since he joined me, I smiled. “Wonderful. I’m so happy for her. They’ll have a good life together, once the stench of cat pee passes.”

  “Caroline also turned in her local accessory. That’s who you guys were tailing through town last night. He’s in custody now, too.”

  “So it’s pretty much wrapped up.”

  Kellan nodded. “I always wondered about Aaron Bingham. I’ve been through that file over and over, and probably stood on the very place he was buried when I searched the grounds.” He gingerly patted Keats’ head and the dog responded by resting his muzzle on Kellan’s uniformed pant leg. There were no complaints about shedding. “Well done, Keats. You deserve a medal.”

  I crossed my legs and let Kellan continue rocking the swing. “A medal for Keats would definitely make me forgive you. And one for Percy, too. I’d like to see their portraits lined up on the wall in your office so that Bunhead needs to see them every day. She didn’t like Percy telling her off.”

  “Well, it was pretty loud. That’s why I left my meeting. It carried right down the hall.”

  “Good. He likes to be heard.”

  “Point taken,” Kellan said. “We all like to be heard. Including me.”

  “I do hear you. You want to protect me, and I appreciate that, I really do. But if I have ways of contributing that you don’t, I want to do it. Especially when my farm, friends or family are implicated.”

  “So that’s how it’s going to be?” he asked. “You throw yourself in front of oncoming crises while I stand there wringing my hands?”

  “We can work out the details,” I said, snuggling in so close that Keats decided to decamp. “No hand-wringing required. Just try to be a little more patient. I’m not perfect, but I’m making progress.”

  He pulled me closer and kissed my forehead. “Oh, you’re perfect all right. For me. Just as you are.”

  “Tell that to Bunhead,” I said, resting my head on his shoulder. “Or wait. Let Percy do the honors.”

  Laughing, he kicked off again, much harder this time. For a second, I thought the whole swing-set might tip over. But it held steady under pressure, just as we had.

  “I’m not selling my truck,” I said. “Buttercup is too capricious.”

  “Fine,” he said. “Can you tell me what that word means tomorrow? I just want to enjoy the peace for a bit.”

  Keats chased Percy across the lawn and they spun into a ball of rolling, growling, yowling fur. Down in the pasture, the donkeys started braying angrily at the disturbance. Drama Llama weighed in at the gate with indignant snorts and threats.

  “So peaceful,” I said, kissing Kellan on the chin. “My little slice of heaven.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  “Wear the new one,” Jilly said, trying to force the hanger with the pink dress I’d bought from Chez Belle into my hand. “It’ll look amazing on you.”

  “I already know how it looks on me, remember? It’s a little too tight and a lot too short.”

  “That’s perfect! Kellan will be entranced.”

  “And Mom will be enraged. They call that stealing the bride’s thunder.”

  “Oh, Dahlia will be wearing red and you know it. There’s no stealing thunder from that woman.” She shoved the dress at me again. “Let her roar.”

  “Uh-uh.” I shoved the dress back at her. “How about I borrow your third best dress and see if I can ruin that, too? You can entrance my brother in this one.”

  She gave up. “Fine. But remember what I said about the power of the dress. And remember what Hazel Bingham says about the shortage of good men in this town.”

  “Kellan and I are fine, I promise. Even after that episode at the station. I don’t think he’ll ever live it down.”

  She waggled the dress. “This will help him forget.”

  Laughing, I retreated to my room with a black number that was fetching enough. Black felt right for the occasion of the reopening of Bloomers. It was a celebration, yes, but also a memorial. I wanted to honor Portia somehow, while acknowledging that we all had to move on.

  The truck got us all there in one piece without a single stall despite my heels. Keats and Percy waltzed ahead into the salon and Mom didn’t bat an eyelid. In fact, she greeted Keats like the second son she’d always wanted and Percy like a necessary evil.

  To our surprise, she was also wearing black. The dress was fitted yet conservative and very flattering.

  “Good find,” I said, gesturing to the dress.

  “It found me,” she said. “When I went in to apologize to Belle Tremblay, she offered to make something special for me.”


  “That was gracious of both of you,” I said.

  “Well, we’re both businesswomen, Ivy. Sometimes you have to grin and bear it.” She gave me a Cheshire smile. “It gets easier when the dresses start rolling in. And Iris is going to give Belle a new cut and color next week.”

  There was a strange warmth in my chest as I watched her. If I didn’t know better I’d say it was pride. “Nicely played, Mom.”

  “Thank you for all you did to clear my name and Bloomers’ reputation, darling. It means a lot to me.” The warmth spread from my chest to my cheeks, but then she added, “Now please, try not to be too weird tonight.”

  “Too weird? That’s the pot calling the kettle black.”

  “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I guess. People say we’re so much alike.” Before I could protest, she added, “I cannot wait to introduce you to my new gentleman friend, darling. He’s a dancer. So elegant.” She fanned her face with her hand. “He’s causing quite a stir in town.”

  “Which increases his appeal no end, I’m sure.”

  She gave me a little push. “There’s Kellan. It’s an honor to have such a fine-looking man in Bloomers. I’m going to offer him my classic barbershop shave… on the house.”

  I was quite sure Kellan wouldn’t allow Mom anywhere near him with a straightedge, but I didn’t ruin the mood by saying so. Instead, I went to greet him, and then we circulated for the first time as a proper couple. I didn’t need to worry about Keats. He split his time between herding Kellan and shadowing Mom, which seemed like an appropriate division of labor.

  There was no lasting harm done to my bond with my dog. Once I realized he didn’t want to leave Caroline unsupervised at the farm with Jilly and his livestock, it explained everything. The dog carried a lot of responsibility and I would never take him for granted again.

  We made the rounds to greet the guests. There were few surprises except Silvio, the bald butcher, who’d dropped his attitude after Remi found Buster in a shelter and reunited them. Turned out he also valued a classic barbershop shave.

  Roy Macintosh sounded a little dubious about the straightedge, but Mom was quickly talking him down, even though Dina, his ex, was getting courted at precisely the same time by Iris. It seemed like Bloomers might stand a chance in this town after all.

  Kellan and I found Hazel sitting with Percy curled up in her lap. Tears filled her eyes and she gripped my free hand tightly. “Thank you for giving my brother back to me, Ivy. And my nephew as well. We’re doing better than can be expected. It turns out he’s very handy and never had a chance to use his skills. Now he’s buffing up the manor to its old glory. We sold one of the stacking dolls to the Langman vultures—I mean sisters—to pay for the work. Aaron would have approved of that, I’m quite sure.”

  “Wonderful,” I said, beckoning to Edna, who hesitated in the doorway. The woman who was brave enough to tase a murderer didn’t want to face the crowd of gossipmongers. I let go of Hazel’s hand to try to grab Edna’s but she shook me off, as I expected. “Channel your inner vigilante,” I said. “You could take down anyone in an instant with your crossbow. Who else can say that?”

  “No one, I hope,” Kellan said. “They’re illegal in Clover Grove, remember?”

  “Such a stick in the mud,” Edna said. “Always were from the age of five, Kellan Harper.”

  “Edna. He’s my stick in the mud, thank you very much. And I wouldn’t have him any other way.”

  “Thanks,” Kellan said. “I think.”

  I asked Dina Macintosh to give up the seat beside Hazel so that Edna could sit down, hoping she’d rekindle an old friendship. Dina moved with such haste that I realized anew the value of having a cop for a boyfriend.

  “This is great,” I said, following him to a corner. The crowd opened before us as everyone stepped away from the Chief of Police. “Everyone’s afraid of you so we don’t have to talk to anyone.”

  He laughed. “Guilty consciences, probably. Everyone’s got a little secret or two, don’t they now?”

  “And someone in this room is going to commit a crime soon,” I said. “I can feel it.”

  “Fantastic,” he said. “Well, at least it’ll keep us busy.”

  I liked the way he said “us,” as if we were now partners in crime fighting.

  Leaning into him, I looked across the room to see Jilly and Asher in pretty much the same position. Tonight she’d surrendered catering fully to Mandy McCain, who was moving through the room with quiet confidence.

  “For the record,” Kellan said, jerking away from me suddenly, “not everyone’s afraid of me.”

  I looked down to see Keats taking little nips at Kellan’s pant legs. “Stop that. Go make sure Mom’s not getting into trouble.”

  Mom was surrounded by men, and Keats started circling to bring them in even closer. It was a boost to both her ego and her clientele.

  The place was so crowded that we tried to take up less and less space.

  “When can we get out of here?” Kellan asked. “I’d rather be at the farm.”

  “Music to my ears, Chief.” I snapped my fingers at Keats. “Play your cards right and I might let you bring in the baby goats.”

  “As long as it isn’t the pig,” he said. “Or the mean llama. I can probably handle baby goats. With Keats to help.”

  And with that, Kellan, Keats, Percy and I slipped out of the party and went home.

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  Mandy’s Pumpkin Pie Squares

  Ingredients

  Crust:

  1 cup all-purpose flour

  1/2 cup each: packed light brown sugar, quick oats

  1/2 cup cold unsalted butter, cut in small pieces

  Topping:

  1/2 cup packed light brown sugar

  1/2 cup chopped pecans

  2 tbsp unsalted butter, at room temperature

  Filling:

  28-oz can pure pumpkin

  12-oz can evaporated milk

  4 large eggs

  1 cup granulated sugar

  2 tsp ground cinnamon

  1 tsp ground ginger

  1/2 tsp each: ground cloves, kosher salt

  For crust, in small bowl, combine flour, oats, sugar and butter. Mix by hand or pastry cutter until crumbly. Press into bottom of greased 9 X 13-inch baking dish.

  * * *

  Bake in preheated 350F oven 20 minutes or until golden. Cool at least 15 minutes.

  * * *

  For topping, in small bowl, combine sugar, nuts and butter.

  * * *

  For filling, combine pumpkin, milk, eggs, sugar, cinnamon, ginger, cloves and salt. Whisk until smooth. Pour over crust.

  * * *

  Bake in preheated 350F oven 45 minutes. Sprinkle with topping. Bake until center is firm and knife inserted in centre comes out clean, about 20 minutes. Cool for at least 15 minutes. Serve warm, if desired, or cool completely, refrigerate and serve cold. Makes about 24.