Storms

by Gerri Hill

  “It’s going to be hard.” She smiled and quickly kissed the top of Kerry’s head. “Very, very hard.” Very hard. But she untangled herself from Kerry, backing away. “Stables. I’m going to the stables.”

  Kerry nodded and pointed to the bunkhouse. “And I have supervising to do.”

  Carson walked away without looking back, knowing it was the last time they would be alone. Tonight, her brothers would be there. Dinner would be a group event again. It would be a very solemn and mournful affair, as they would most likely lament the passing of their father. Carson couldn’t begrudge them that. She wondered which of them would take it the hardest. Chance, most likely. He had taken on the role of patriarch and was the closest to him. She would have thought it would be Colt since he was such a daddy’s boy as a kid, but Carson didn’t see that now. In fact, Colt, much like Chase, seemed almost indifferent to his impending death. She assumed much of their grieving would be forced, if only for Chance’s benefit.

  She paused before going into the stables, her gaze traveling across the green valley and up to the mountains in the distance. How close to home were they? It didn’t matter. She would ride for an hour. If she didn’t come upon them, she’d turn back to the ranch. If nothing else, it would give her a chance to organize her thoughts, formulate a plan. She didn’t really think she and Kerry could keep their affair a secret but she had to try.

  For Kerry’s sake.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  After racing through the valley, Carson pulled Windstorm to a fast trot, finally a slower walk as they hit the trail that would take them to the first pass. She bent low, affectionately rubbing his neck.

  “You like to run, don’t you, boy?”

  She took a deep breath, the air cooler up here than it had been in the valley. She didn’t think to bring a jacket, but she had an old sweatshirt tied to the back of the saddle. She would be riding in shadows soon and the temperature would dip. She slowed Windstorm again, taking the time to glance over her shoulder at the valley down below. It was a vibrant green, still bathed in sunlight, the shadows of the mountains starting to creep across it. The lake looked small from up this high, the bunkhouse and stables nothing more than dots on the landscape. She couldn’t make out the ranch house as it was hidden by trees. Her gaze went back to the bunkhouse, wondering if Kerry had watched her ride away. She knew Kerry was nervous, but she didn’t know what to do to ease her trepidation.

  She gave Windstorm a gentle kick and they climbed higher, the forest now becoming thick with spruce and fir trees. She’d been on this trail before as a kid, riding up hours after the herd had passed through, pretending that she was a part of the process. Funny how those same feelings came back to her now, years later. Her mother knew she did it, her only words of caution that she make it back down before dark. One Saturday, she left before daylight, making it all the way to the first pass. She’d been thirteen, a few years before she got Windstorm, but the young gelding she’d ridden back then was full of energy, and they’d made it back to the stables as the sun set behind the mountains. It had been a day of adventure for her, her first full day out alone. That night at dinner, just Carson and her mother, she’d talked nonstop about her trip, and her mother had listened to her every word. They both knew that once her father and brothers returned, there would be no more mention of it.

  After riding more than an hour, she was about ready to turn back, thinking the storm the other night must have set them back a day after all. But Windstorm’s ears perked up and he gave a low whinny.

  “What do you hear, boy?”

  He shook his head and neck, his long white mane fanning out and Carson smoothed it down, her gaze following his farther up the trail. She heard the choppy steps of the horses long before she saw them—her brothers, Johnny Mac, the two full-time cowboys—Greg and Lucas—and the three seasonal cowboys they’d hired on this year. The mules that followed behind were carrying a lighter load than when they started out.

  They all stopped when they saw her. Chance’s and Cody’s eyes wide. Chase was laughing delightfully, but it was Colt who surprised her.

  “Holy shit, Carson, you’re on Windstorm? Are you crazy?”

  Carson laughed. “What? He’s just a big baby. I can’t believe you guys are all scared of him.”

  “That horse nearly broke my back when I tried to ride him,” Johnny Mac said. “I nearly took my pistol after him.”

  Carson knew he was teasing but she took offense nonetheless. “You lay a hand on him and I’ll take a pistol to you.”

  Chase nudged his horse closer, his grin still wide. “Show off,” he murmured.

  “He’s as gentle as a lamb,” she said.

  “He’s a beast. Low on the temperament scale, remember?” He nodded at her. “But you look good on him. Just like old times.”

  “What are you doing up here?” Chance asked.

  “Yeah? Is Kerry okay?” Cody added.

  Carson flicked her eyes at Chase, just barely avoiding a dramatic eye roll. “Yes, Kerry is fine. But...the old man passed away,” she said bluntly.

  “When?”

  “Thursday morning.”

  “Did you call Hanes?” Chance asked.

  “No, Chance. I left him up there. He’s still in his room,” she said sarcastically. “Of course I called Hanes.”

  Chance looked at the brothers, then Johnny Mac, who held one of the cattle dogs in his lap. Solemn faces, some. She was surprised there were no outward displays of grief. She had apparently misjudged their relationship with him.

  “Well, it wasn’t like we weren’t expecting it,” Chance said, as if trying to explain their lack of emotion at the news.

  “He was in a lot of pain,” Cody added.

  Again, Colt was the one who surprised her. “Are we going to pretend we’re heartbroken over this?” he asked. “He hasn’t been the same since...well, since mom died,” he said, glancing over at Carson. “He always treated you bad, but not us. Not until she died. Then he was cold and hard, even with us. He lost the few friends he still had after that.” He kicked his horse, moving again down the trail. “I, for one, am glad it’s over with.”

  Carson expected a rebuttal from Chance, at least, but none came. He, too, lightly gave his horse a kick and followed Colt, the others joining him.

  “Damn, where did that come from?” she asked as she and Chase hung back.

  “It’s what we’re all thinking, I guess. But hell, we never talk. I had no idea Colt felt that way.”

  They started down the mountain, a good ways behind the others. All the guys sported scruffy beards except Chase. He was clean-shaven. She pointed at his face. “You took a razor along? That’s just wrong.”

  “I don’t go for that rugged cowboy look,” he said, rubbing his face. “So Windstorm let you ride him, huh?”

  “Just like old times. I cried when I saw him,” she admitted. “He remembered me. He went behind me like he used to, looking for a carrot.”

  “Oh, yeah. You used to hide them in your back pocket.”

  “The first time I got on him, I let him run. Man, that was great. You could practically see him smiling.”

  “I know he’s missed that. We all tried to ride him after you left. He wouldn’t tolerate anyone. Half the time he wouldn’t even let us get a saddle on him. We finally just gave up.”

  She leaned forward, affectionately rubbing his neck. “I don’t know why we bonded, but he’s as gentle as a lamb with me.”

  “He always was.”

  Carson reached behind her for the water bottle she had tied to the saddle. “So, how was the storm?”

  “Pretty bad. Even down low like we were, the lightning was close. We had a hell of a time keeping the herd together.” He raised an eyebrow. “Everything okay here?”

  “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?”

  He laughed. “Come on, sis. We’ve made our small talk. You’re hiding something. Are you going to make me guess?”

  She felt a blush cr
oss her face. “Is it obvious?”

  “What? Just because you’re glowing I shouldn’t assume that you’ve had sex?”

  “I’m not glowing,” she said weakly, knowing it was true.

  He laughed again. “Oh, yeah, you are. Are you going to tell Cody?”

  “Hell no.”

  “Car, he’s going to find out. It’s going to be ugly.”

  “And it’ll be just as ugly if we tell him outright.”

  “True.” He glanced at her and grinned. “So? How did it happen? I want details.”

  “You’re not getting details. But it just happened,” she said. “I don’t know how to explain it, Chase. She opened doors that I thought I’d shut tight, you know? The attraction was just too strong to fight.” She glanced at him. “For both of us,” she added.

  “How does she feel about it? I mean, with Cody and all?”

  “She’s scared. She’s scared about what he’s going to do to me.”

  “Yeah. Like shoot you,” Chase teased.

  “I think I’m in love with her,” Carson blurted out. “That’s crazy, right? I mean—”

  “Since you don’t fall in love?”

  “Yeah. That.”

  They were silent as they followed the others, then Chase laughed quietly. “So, did she move into your room yet?”

  “I’m glad you’re finding this amusing,” she said, her smile matching his. Actually, she was just glad to be able to tell someone how she felt. Someone besides Rebecca.

  “I’m just trying to figure out how you’re going to pull this off.”

  “You think Cody is going to sneak up the stairs at night and do a bed check?”

  “Wouldn’t surprise me. Especially if he’s suspicious. But—”

  “Why does he think he has a hold on her? Why does he think he has any say in this?”

  “You know, I think that of all of us, Cody is the only one who wanted that traditional marriage and family. We used to think Chance was the one, that he’d marry Marla and they’d live here and start a family. Don’t know why that ended, of course, but I think maybe he didn’t really want that. Then there’s Colt. He doesn’t date. Never really did.” He grinned. “And you know my preference. So that leaves Cody to carry on the family name.”

  “And he thinks Kerry is just the one to do it? God, is he in for a shock.”

  “I think it would be more of a disappointment than a shock. I mean, come on, he’s not blind. Surely he could tell there was an attraction between you and Kerry. Why else was he so adamant that you stay away from her?”

  “Yes, he could tell. But I think he just assumed I was playing with her, playing with him. Just like high school. And she did present herself as straight,” Carson added.

  “But she’s not?” Chase asked cautiously.

  Carson shook her head. “Just because she’d never been with a woman before doesn’t mean she was straight. Chase, this isn’t just about sex. With me, that’s all it ever was before. But not this time. It’s much deeper than that. We have this amazing connection between us. It’s like we were lovers before, in another life.”

  He laughed. “Good God, Carson, you’re making me nauseous. Another life?”

  She grinned. “What? Too romantic?”

  “Oh, hell, maybe I’m just jealous,” he said. “I’d like to meet someone, fall in love, build a life, a home. This,” he said, waving his hand out to the valley below them, “isn’t enough any longer. Getting away a few times a year isn’t enough.”

  “Then get out, Chase. The old man’s gone. Tell the guys you want to move on, start your own place.”

  “I know. It’s just this is all I’ve known. It’s scary to think about leaving and starting over.”

  “Not scary. Exciting,” she said. “Challenging. Something fresh and new. Not scary.”

  “And what about you? What do you want?”

  “I know what I don’t want,” she said. “I don’t want to go back to Manhattan. I don’t want to go back to that life. I think I belong out here.” She glanced at him. “I don’t mean here, as in the ranch, but out here with the wide open spaces, the mountains and valley. This feels right to me.”

  “But?”

  “If I stayed out here somewhere I’d want Kerry with me. And that’s something we’ve not talked about. She’s just starting her own business. I don’t know how we’d manage that. I don’t know if she’d even want to.” Were those words an excuse in case Kerry didn’t feel the same? No. Because she knew. Kerry had fallen in love too. And God, it felt good to know that. No, it felt good to believe that. She had no doubts.

  Not anymore.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Kerry knew he would seek her out. She knew that. And she thought she was prepared. Mr. Burris and his crew had already left and she was doing a walk-through in the bunkhouse. She’d glanced several times out the window, looking for them...looking for Carson. But when Cody burst into the bunkhouse, a big smile on his unshaven face, she wasn’t prepared. She wasn’t prepared for the bear hug he gave her. She wasn’t prepared for his words.

  “I missed you.”

  She shouldn’t have been so annoyed at his exuberance, but she was. And she was annoyed at herself for letting it get this far in the first place. She took a step away from him as he tried to kiss her, his lips grazing her cheek instead of her mouth.

  “You’re back?” she asked, her voice sounding strange to her. She made a show of looking behind him. “Where is everyone?”

  “Still at the barn.” He looked around the room, trying to hide his embarrassment over the botched kiss. “They’ve made progress,” he said, taking a quick walk down the new hallway.

  “Yes. Plumbing is finished. It’ll take another week to finish with the electrical. Then they’ll begin with the siding and we’ll finally have rooms.”

  “You’re doing a good job.”

  She smiled. “Well, Mr. Burris is doing a good job. I tend to get underfoot so he’s always happy when Carson comes to occupy my time.” The words slipped out honestly, but she saw the change in his expression immediately. At first she panicked, wanting to take the words back.

  “Occupy your time?”

  She was surprised by the sudden anger in his eyes and she should have been expecting it. “Yes. We’ve been out riding. She’s showing me around the ranch, remember?”

  “I told you to stay away from her,” he said. “She’s trouble.”

  Kerry matched his anger as she stepped closer to him. “You told me to stay away from her? Cody, why do you think you have the authority to tell me who—or not—to spend time with? I like your sister. We get along great. You obviously have issues with her but that’s your business.”

  “Issues?”

  “Or whatever you want to call it. I enjoy her company.”

  He grabbed her arm, his eyes accusing now. “What has she done?”

  She pulled away from him, frightened by his actions. “What are you talking about?”

  He pointed his finger at her. “You stay away from her.”

  She heard voices outside and knew the others were coming inside to inspect the progress as well. She faced him, wishing she could just tell him the truth. But she couldn’t. She was actually afraid of his anger. Before she could reply to his directive, Colt and Chance walked in and she stepped away from him.

  “Wow, look at this,” Colt said, his smile nearly contagious. “They did a lot in a week.”

  “Yes. They had the old walls down in two days.” Only then did she realize she hadn’t offered her condolences to any of them for the loss of their father. Judging by the looks on their faces, she could almost think Carson hadn’t told them. She glanced at Cody, but went to Chance first, lightly touching his arm. “I’m sorry about your father,” she said quietly.

  He nodded. “Thank you. But it was time.”

  “Yeah,” Colt said. “He laid up there six weeks waiting to die. I’m glad it’s over.”

  “I wish you’d quit sayin
g that,” Cody said. “It’s almost like you wanted him to die.”

  “Didn’t you?”

  “He was our father,” Cody said loudly. “Not some stranger.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that,” Colt said. “I just mean he’s been so sick, in pain, he wanted to die. He told us that when they brought him home from the hospital. Hell, none of us thought it would take six weeks.”

  “Let’s don’t argue,” Chance said. “I’ll call Hanes. We’ll have the service tomorrow.”

  Colt nodded, then looked back at her. “Looks great, Kerry. But I’m ready for a shower and a shave,” he said.

  “Me too,” Chance added. “And I’m looking forward to Martha’s cooking.”

  “I think she’s got a huge roast in the oven,” Kerry said.

  Colt and Chance left and Kerry hoped Cody would join them, but he stayed, presumably to continue their discussion. Before he could say anything, Carson and Chase were standing in the doorway. Kerry hoped her relief didn’t show on her face as she smiled at them.

  “Welcome back.”

  “It’s good to be back.” Chase, too, inspected the work on the bunkhouse. “It hardly looks like the same place,” he said.

  “They’ve been busy,” she said, chancing a quick glance at Carson. Cody didn’t miss a thing as he stepped between them.

  “Now that I’m back, Carson, I can take over the chore of showing Kerry around the ranch,” he said.

  Carson raised an eyebrow. “It’s certainly been no chore, Cody,” she said. “We’ve had fun. Or at least I have.”

  Kerry saw the anger on Cody’s face, but she didn’t know what to say to temper Carson’s words. It was Chase who tried to lighten the mood.

  “I guess you have had fun,” he said. “Windstorm’s probably making up for lost time.”

  “We’ve been all over,” Carson said and Kerry was thankful she didn’t continue to bait Cody. “Found the old trail to the Conley Ranch.”

  “Is it still there? I haven’t been out that way in years,” Chase said. He glanced at Kerry. “Did Car find you a nice mare to ride?”