Fancy Free

by Shelley Munro

  “Tell us about James.”

  “There is nothing to tell. Don’t you have jobs to do?” Alice added pointedly.

  “You and James are more than work buddies,” Harriet said.

  Bother. They weren’t listening in the slightest. “We test the condoms together. That’s it. Period.” Alice flinched, wishing she hadn’t mentioned that particular word. The truth—she was crazy in love with James and since he’d made his views clear, she intended to store up crumbs to remember on the nights when she lay in bed alone.

  “You went out for dinner the other night.” Harriet watched her closely for the slightest reaction. “You were caught having sex outside on the car and now you’ve moved out of the bed and breakfast and you’re living with James.”

  “I have my own room,” Alice snapped. Even if it was only used for storage.

  “Maybe, but I’m thinking it’s only used for storage. I bet you share a bed with James every night.” Harriet finished with a smirk, her faded blue eyes sparkling with shrewd insight.

  Was Harriet a mind reader? She would not blush. She would not. “It’s none of your business,” Alice said finally, rushing in to fill the blooming silence. A tinge of color had crept into her cheeks. She could feel the glow of heat that blazed from her face. And every single one of the oldies regarded her closely. Too closely.

  “Ah-ha!” Joseph said, clicking his fingers. “That blush and those downcast eyes look like proof to me. Alice and James are officially a couple. Okay, guys. Pay up.” He held out his right hand and waited with clear expectation.

  “I’m not convinced.” Ben scratched his bald pate.

  “Bah, you’re just a bad loser. James and Alice are a couple. I know it. You know it. Time to pay up.”

  “He’s right.” Harriet beamed. The clack of her knitting needles seemed to highlight her glee. She finished her row, bent to rifle through her knitting bag and pulled out a black purse. After perusing the contents, she extracted two five-dollar notes and placed them on the table.

  “Aw, all right.” Richard tugged his wallet from his rear trouser pocket and pulled out a ten-dollar note. He tossed it into the middle of the table.

  Alice watched open-mouthed while several of the other oldies tossed notes onto the boardroom table.

  Joseph raked the notes up and placed them in a pile, sending a wink in her direction. “Thanks, Alice.”

  “But I’m not with James. James is leaving soon. We’re not a couple, I tell you.”

  “Methinks she argues too much.” Joseph winked again.

  “Lots of things can happen in a few months,” Katarina said. “The writing is on the wall.”

  Huh? If there was writing somewhere stating James and she would get together, she hadn’t seen it. Besides, if James learned she was possibly pregnant, he wouldn’t be too happy. In fact, she could picture him racing from the rabbit hole called Sloan, dust clouds obscuring his form while he ran for cover.

  “Nice doing business with you all,” Joseph said. “You coming?” He prodded the two men. “We need to sort out those extra orders for James and deliver them. Have a business to run, you know.”

  The men trooped out leaving Alice with Katarina and Harriet. She didn’t feel any more secure when the men left. Deciding businesslike was best, she said, “What do you want to tackle first? Going through the results for Rodney or trying to organize the packaging and final color combinations?”

  Harriet started a new row, using bright yellow wool. “Let’s do the color combinations first. Those men are hopeless when it comes to color sense. We know that women like to see something smart, a combination that’s modern and snappy.”

  Alice pulled out the latex color swatches and spread them. Gold, silver, turquoise, royal blue, bronze, red and green along with white and natural. “I like the original discussion we had about using the color grading of gold, silver and bronze.”

  “It would make it easy for customers to recall which version they prefer,” Katarina said.

  “The outer packaging plus the foil packaging should match the condom inside,” Harriet said. “We already have condoms with racing stripes and colored dots. I think we should stick with plain and stylish with the Good Vibration.”

  “We could market a combined pack and call it the box of champions,” Alice suggested. “Or something along those lines.”

  “Love it,” Harriet said, her hands moving the entire time, working on her knitting. She cackled. “Appeal to the male psyche, the need to go out there and win.”

  “That would be a great marketing angle to introduce the product,” Katarina agreed. “Maybe we could con some Olympic champions into promoting our product.”

  “Never mind Olympic champions,” Harriet said. “We need some All Blacks.”

  “Pooh, that young Dan Carter is the same age as your grandchildren,” Katarina said, but there was a sparkle in her eyes.

  “But he was very good in the underwear ads.” A smile pursed Harriet’s lips.

  Alice’s eyes widened and she opened her mouth.

  “What’s the matter, missy? We might be old but we’re not dead. That young man is very fine and he’d be perfect in our advertising promotion,” Harriet said.

  “What she said,” Katarina said. “We like sex. No need to be ashamed of it. We were young once.”

  “And we’re still young at heart,” Harriet snapped.

  “But…but…I think Dan Carter earns enough money from his professional sporting status without needing to display his…ah…”

  “Penis,” Katarina said.

  “That’s the word.” Alice silently cursed the blush she felt crawling across her face. She blamed the lack of sleep the previous night. Every time she closed her eyes, she’d seen clown faces smirking at her. When she’d finally fallen asleep, it had seemed only a matter of minutes before James had woken her. “Yeah, I doubt any of the All Blacks would want to display their nude bodies even with parts clothed in our products.”

  “She’s probably right, dang it,” Katarina said.

  “We could always ask,” Harriet said.

  Alice stared at them, her gaze moving from Harriet to Katarina and back. “You’re winding me up. You are!”

  The two oldies grinned at each other before Harriet spoke. “Of course we are, dear, but it’s good to see a little color in your face again.”

  “That wasn’t very nice. I’m meant to be in charge,” Alice said.

  They roared with laughter and Alice gave up trying to maintain an impassive expression. Her lips quirked before she gave in totally and chuckled along with the oldies.

  The click of the door closing drew Alice’s attention.

  “Well, well, this is very cozy.”

  Alice gasped. “How…how did you get in here?”

  The clown cocked its head to the side and made a tsk-tsk sound. “We walked in of course.”

  “What do you want?” Harriet demanded. “Going around and frightening people.”

  “You need to get a life,” Katarina snapped. “Go and bother someone else—someone who cares.”

  “Shut up,” the dog snarled.

  Alice’s heart pounded. Every time she looked at the clown a shudder zapped down her spine, but she took courage from Harriet and Katarina. Three against two. That was fairly good odds if it came to a struggle. “What do you want?”

  The dog let out a bark of rusty laughter.

  Alice frowned. She knew that laugh. Beneath that tan and white dog suit was a person she knew, but she had no idea who among her acquaintances hated her enough to persecute her in this manner.

  “You. We want you, missy.” The clown produced a gun from its pocket and pointed it directly at Alice. “You’re coming with us.”

  All thoughts of fight left Alice then. The addition of a gun into the equation made a difference. She couldn’t put Harriet or Katarina at risk. They had families. Children and grandchildren.

  “All right.” Alice’s voice sounded surprisingly leve
l considering her knees knocked so hard. “I’ll come with you. You don’t need to hurt anyone.”

  “No, Alice,” Harriet snapped. “They’ll hurt you.”

  “Shut up,” the dog barked.

  “You, sit there where we can see you, and you, missy, are coming with us,” the clown ordered.

  The gun never wavered.

  “What has Alice ever done to you?” Katarina demanded.

  Alice found herself nodding. Yeah, that’s exactly what she wanted to know.

  “She shouldn’t have come to Sloan,” the dog snarled. “She doesn’t belong here.”

  “You,” the clown snapped, pointing to Katarina. “Get in the storage cupboard.”

  “There’s mice in there,” Katarina said, giving a theatrical shiver. “I think the dog should go first. Scare them away so an old lady doesn’t have a heart attack.”

  The dog snarled again and Alice caught a glimpse of shiny white teeth.

  “In the cupboard.” Pure agitation shaded the clown’s voice and it contrasted sharply with the big red smile. Alice didn’t like the way the gun had started waving all over the place. To her way of thinking, the clown appeared a trifle unstable while the dog, although it seemed in better control, had started to snap and snarl.

  “Oh, all right.” Katarina used a put-upon voice.

  “Well, I can’t go yet. I need to finish my row.”

  “Put the freakin’ knitting down,” the clown roared.

  The dog strode over to Harriet and grabbed for the knitting.

  “Now!” Katarina sprang at the clown while Harriet wielded her knitting needles like weapons. She jabbed the dog in the thigh.

  For an instant Alice froze before her wits returned. She grabbed a fiberglass penis sans condom and thumped the clown over the back of the head. The sound of the penis connecting with the clown’s scalp sent horror through her but she did it again. A dull thud. Alice repeated the move and the clown dropped to the floor. Katarina immediately turned her attention to the dog and Alice followed suit.

  Harriet jabbed at the dog with her knitting needles. The dog howled when she connected. Katarina bent to pick up a chair. She wobbled unsteadily and Alice grabbed it from her, indicating with a jerk of her head that she should move around the front to distract the dog. Alice bypassed the chair by in favor of the bin. She scooped it up and crept closer before raising it above her head.

  Without warning the dog turned. Alice stomped on the dog’s foot and a few seconds later Harriet poked it in the butt with one of her knitting needles. When the dog howled in pain, Alice decked it with her rubbish bin. This time she took great satisfaction in the crunch that sounded when head and bin connected. The dog crumpled like a popped balloon.

  Harriet set her knitting aside with a scowl. “Damn fool dog made me drop a stitch. Call Luke, Alice. We’ll throw their asses in jail. Look!” Harriet shook her fist at the dog and kicked it. “They’ve ruined my scarf.”

  “Who are they?” Katarina asked, hobbling over to stand by the clown.

  “Are you both okay?” Alice demanded. With shaky hands, she reached for the phone and dialed the police station. Luke promised he’d be there in a few minutes, and she hung up.

  “No, I’m not fine. My knitting is ruined,” Harriet muttered.

  A sound at the door had them all whirling to face the door. At the back of her mind Alice noted with amusement that all of them wore belligerent don’t-mess-with-me expressions.

  “What the hell happened here?” James asked. “Is everyone all right?”

  “No, I’m not. That stupid dog ruined my knitting,” Harriet snapped. Alice grabbed the elderly woman before she kicked the dog in the ribs again.

  “Have you called Luke?” James asked. “Where’s Richard?”

  “Yes, I’ve called Luke,” Alice said.

  “Luke shouldn’t be far away because he told me he had paperwork to do today.” Richard stood in the doorway. His gaze took in the dog and the clown, both unconscious on the floor. “You haven’t killed them, have you?” As he spoke, Richard stooped beside the clown and checked for a pulse.

  “We should have. They ruined my—”

  “Harriet, that’s enough about your knitting,” Katarina snapped. “We’re all in shock. We need a good strong cup of tea with a shot of whiskey.”

  “No whiskey for me,” Alice said hastily. “But I’ll make tea.”

  “Who are they?” James demanded.

  “I don’t know,” Richard said. “But we’ll find out.” He jerked the red wig off the clown’s head. “It’s one of the guys from the cult.”

  They all turned to look at the still body of the dog. James stalked over and crouched beside it. He tugged on the head and eased it off slowly. “Hell, it’s Rita.”

  Alice literally felt the shock and sense of betrayal that rippled through the room.

  “Rita! That double-crossing witch,” Katarina said.

  Harriet glared at the silent, still figure. “She ruined my knitting. Damn, I should have jabbed her a little harder with my knitting needle.”

  Luke walked into the boardroom. “Everyone all right? Hell, is that Rita?” His gaze moved to the man in the clown suit. “That looks like one of the cult guys.”

  Rita started to stir.

  “Tell me what happened,” Luke said.

  They all started to talk at once.

  “Stop.” Luke held up his right hand in a stop gesture and scanned their faces. “One at the time. Alice. You first.”

  Alice took a deep breath. James moved closer and wrapped his arm around her waist, giving her silent reassurance. “Harriet, Katarina and I were working in here. The clown and dog walked in and started issuing orders. They wanted me to go with them and wanted to lock Harriet and Katarina in the cupboard. I didn’t think much of the idea and I picked up the penis model and hit the clown on the head. I think I took the clown by surprise. They didn’t expect us to fight back.”

  Luke’s mouth quivered and his eyes danced with silent humor. “A penis, huh?”

  “Yes.” Alice stared back, silently daring him to make another comment.

  Beside her, James dared to laugh. “Must have been a hard one.”

  The men snickered. Every last one of them. Alice started quivering, but it wasn’t with laughter. Her stomach danced and roiled and tears poured down her face. “It wasn’t funny. They wanted to hurt me.”

  “Sweetheart.” James pulled her into his solid embrace and held her tight.

  “They’re going to have headaches but they both have strong pulses. I’ll call the doctor to come and check them out,” Richard said.

  Luke nodded at his father. “Looks like Rita is stirring. I’ll need to take formal statements from you all.”

  “Can Alice come down to the station later? She doesn’t look too well,” James said.

  “That’s fine. In fact, you can all go and I’ll catch up with you later this afternoon for statements,” Luke said.

  James guided Alice from the boardroom. She heard Harriet’s strident demands that Luke add a charge about destruction of property. Her knitting was property, wasn’t it? Alice tried to smile, but her mouth refused to cooperate. Her legs didn’t seem to want to follow her directions either. Her footsteps wavered, making Alice glad of James’ help.

  “I was right,” she muttered. The entire affair appeared so surreal. Bizarre. It fit right in with her initial impressions of Sloan.

  “Right about what?”

  “Sloan is a rabbit hole. We’re all living in a parallel universe. A rabbit hole just like Wonderland.”

  James chuckled, the sound reverberating through her. One of comfort. Familiarity. Lord, she wished James would stay in the rabbit hole with her instead of leaving. But on the other hand, a person could go crazy in a place like this—if they stayed too long. Maybe that was why he intended leaving.

  “You might be right, sweetheart. Some days Sloan sure as hell feels like a rabbit hole.”

  Chapter Sixte
en

  James helped Alice climb into his SUV, a surge of protectiveness filling him. Her face appeared so pale that every freckle stood out in stark relief. He wondered if he should take her to the doctor since she’d had a shock. A rabbit hole. Damned if he didn’t think she was right. James climbed into his vehicle and when he glanced across at Alice, noticed she’d fallen asleep. Probably the best thing for her.

  She slept for the whole journey, only waking when James pulled up outside his house. He helped her inside and removed her shoes and outer clothing before putting her to bed. He frowned, worried about her lethargy and paleness. James touched his hand to her forehead. Normal. Maybe she just needed to catch up on her sleep. He knew she hadn’t slept well during the last week or so, the shadows under her eyes confirming it. Yeah, maybe all she needed was sleep.

  Alice slept through the afternoon and early evening, waking briefly when he joined her in bed.

  “Go back to sleep,” he whispered.

  She climbed from bed and wandered through to the bathroom before returning. “I’m not tired.” Alice stripped off the rest of her clothes, the ones he’d left on when he’d undressed her, and slipped between the sheets naked.

  James pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose, prepared to cuddle and do nothing else. Alice accepted the first kiss and sought more. Her lips felt soft beneath his, teasing yet purposeful. Hell, he could take a hint. He wrapped his arms around her soft body, stroking the smooth fragranced skin and fitting their bodies together.

  His breath eased out. He’d become used to this, to having Alice in his bed each night. Sometimes they didn’t need to test condoms but they made love anyway.

  He tried not to think about what that meant. Alice hadn’t commented so he didn’t either. He just went with the flow, enjoying the closeness and the feminine presence in his life. The time on his contract was almost up and he’d leave soon. He’d taught Alice everything he knew about running the company. She didn’t need him anymore. James cupped Alice’s head and took the kiss deeper. He explored the interior of her mouth but kept it slow and easy. Their tongues twined together and he savored the rub of her breasts against his chest, the soft, fragrant hair beneath his hands. He loved the groans of pleasure and appreciation she made, her floral scent that he’d remember at the strangest of times.