Brawl: A Bully Romance (King of Castleton Book 3)
Page 9
14.
D R A K E
Leaving Birdie’s House
I didn’t have to give up Tarryn.
I could be better. A better Castleton. A better student. A better man.
I was lying to myself.
These were the thoughts cycling through my brain.
The quail had been inedible. The risotto cold and gummy. The dessert warm, its whipped topping deflated. This was my family, without the façade of freshness. A five star meal past its date. This was one of those things old money said about so called new money. It doesn’t last. The glory fades.
Of course, the cash flow wasn’t suffering. That part of the Castleton empire stayed solid. But the foundation of our name—the people who carried it—were rotten.
I wondered if I’d have gotten along with my grandfather Hiram. Maybe if he’d lived longer, we’d be a different kind of family. Maybe my dad wouldn’t be such a son of a bitch, maybe my grandmother wouldn’t be a bitter old woman. Maybe my mother wouldn’t race from spa to spa in a bid to avoid River Valley and everything it entailed.
If... no when I inherited the ‘throne’, I’d change things. Just like I was going to change myself.
And not just so that I’d get what Grandmother had promised, but so that I’d be worth something more. I’d be a decent fucking human being.
Someone worthy of a person like Tarryn, someone who didn’t treat other people like shit.
Grandmother and my father had stared daggers at one another the entire meal.
Watching how much they hated one another made me wonder if I wanted the bait-and-switch that Grandmother offered me. Did I want to rule an empire that was so ugly at its core? It dawned on me that I was winning it by default. I was the only heir and I was getting it out of spite, because my father was such a waste of space.
Would it be better to leave it all behind? Screw the Castleton name and forget the money. I could still go to college, but go for me and not anyone else. Fuck, trade school maybe. I liked cars. Loved bikes. I’d be a goddamn mechanic.
After dinner, dear old dad had insisted on brandy and cigars. So I’d sat in a cloud of smoke while my father had checked his phone a million times, texting and ignoring me. Grandmother Birdie had sat nearer the fireplace, dozing and reading some pretentious leather-bound book.
About two hours after dinner, she’d taken a phone call. When she was done, Grandmother had taken me aside to tell me the video was gone. Her man had just left the Lordes’ home. It seemed insanely quick, but that’s what money could do—open doors, speed timelines, bribe people or threaten people.
I was so glad to leave shortly after the phone call. Maybe thirty minutes or so. I said my fast, hollow goodbyes. My father had spared me a quick glance and a nod. My grandmother had given me a remindful stare.
No more fights.
No more fucking in library closets.
Be a Castleton. Earn your place.
The giant house had seemed smaller and smaller with every passing minute. My grandmother’s words wouldn’t stop playing in my head. And my own worries, my own self-hatred, added fuel to the hurricane.
I jangled the keys in my pocket as Nell closed the door behind me. After a few steps, I remembered Tarryn’s texts from earlier.
Pulling my phone out, a smile quirking my mouth as the image of Tarryn wet from the shower popped into my brain.
I wouldn’t hurt her.
I wouldn’t let myself.
I read Tarryn’s messages again.
Tarryn: Everything going okay at your grandmother’s?
Tarryn: Hanging out with Sasha.
She hadn’t written a third time, hadn’t obsessively checked in on me though I was taking forever to answer. Not clingy. Smart. Gorgeous. She was just fucking amazing. I started typing, smiling and hungry to see her again.
Me: Sorry for the late response.
Me: Lunch was a shit show. They dragged it out until almost dinner.
Me: Having fun? Still with Sasha?
I opened my car door and slid into the driver’s seat, dropping the phone lightly against the passenger cushion. The phone vibrated softly before I even turned the key in the ignition. The buzzing continued for a few moments. I almost laughed, thinking about how fast she’d written back. Maybe a little clingy after all.
I started the car, the engine rumbling to life. That was one of my favorite sounds. The convertible was reliable, one of the only reliable things in my life. I picked up the phone, feeling happy and content and almost excited about a future that would see me as head of Castleton Industries. I could have it all, especially if I had Tarryn.
My expression hardened though when I read the new messages on my phone. They weren’t from Tarryn after all.
Tabitha: I want to see you.
Tabitha: I want to see you or I’ll send this photo to the whole damn school.
Tabitha: [photo]
Tabitha: Don’t think I won’t do it, Drake.
I stared at the messages, anger flowing through me. I jerked my head back, slamming it into the bucket seat headrest. “Goddammit, Tabitha,” I yelled, once again hitting my head back so hard my vision blurred for a second.
Drake: After dark. I’ll come over.
Tabitha: My parents can’t see you.
Drake: Just open your goddamn window.
The video was gone.
But there were photos… and they were worse. They didn’t just hurt me and my reputation. They would hurt Tarryn if they got out. Tarryn, who’d only ever kissed a boy before she got involved with me. Sweet, innocent, smart, beautiful.
I was fucking poison.
I felt like I was spiraling out of control.
Ever since telling Tarryn the truth about Lane, and then seeing Lane, I’d been a schizophrenic mess of emotions. One moment, I could really convince myself that I could change. The next moment, I knew I’d be complete shit until the day I died. I couldn’t avoid becoming my father, couldn’t avoid carrying on the Castleton walk of shame—loveless marriage, cold hard cash, affairs and treating people like they were lesser.
And then Grandmother had bangled the bait.
Everything would be mine, if only I’d fall in line. It would be sweet fucking satisfaction to take it away from my father. To have everything and choose whether or not I wanted to allot my absentee mother with any sort of allowance.
But who would I hurt in the process?
Tarryn. I’d hurt Tarryn.
I debated turning around and going back into grandmother, asking her to once again take care of my dirty sheets. But I needed to be a man. If I was going to claim my place, I needed to learn to get my own hands filthy when necessary.
I’d physically gone too far with a girl before; pushed too hard and left bruises.
I vowed never to do it again.
But Tabitha was cruising.
#
Everything I’d vowed to become whilst warring with my emotions at Grandmother’s home fell away in a waterfall of barely-realized desires as I drove aimlessly, waiting for nightfall and a late enough hour to ensure Tabitha’s parents would be asleep.
Tabitha: Did you think I was joking?
Tabitha: It’s almost midnight, Drake.
I was pulled over on the side of the road a few blocks from her house, trying to reel myself in. But my brain was fighting harder than a two hundred-pound marlin hooked by a novice deep-water fishing tourist.
Tabitha: Fuck you, Drake. I will send these photos to the entire goddamn school.
My hands balled into fists, and dug so hard that I could feel my nails cutting my palms.
Drake: I’m around the corner. Waiting until I was sure your folks were asleep. Last time I went around the block, there were still a lot of lights on.
Tabitha: They stayed up late talking. They went to bed a few minutes ago.
Drake: I’ll wait a bit longer then.
Tabitha: Don’t wait too long. I’m tired of being patient.
Drake: D
on’t push me, Tabs.
Tabitha: No, you don’t push me. I’m in control this time, Drake. Not you.
My fingers clasped around the phone so tightly that I could swear I heard a sharp crack of glass. I dropped it into my lap quickly, knowing that if I held onto it any longer that I’d either snap it in two or write something back to Tabitha that would escalate the situation. Something that would piss her off enough to send the photos immediately without waiting for us to talk.
I closed my eyes, opening and closing my fists and trying to calm myself down. It wouldn’t do any good to go into Tabitha’s while I was so pissed. I couldn’t afford to lose control right now.
After a good ten minutes, I finally felt like my heartrate had slowed enough to drive closer to her house and park.
When I got out of the convertible, I was greeted by late night quiet—the only sounds interrupting the solace were singing crickets and a bullfrog thrumming somewhere nearby. I shoved my phone into my pocket and then my keys after locking the door. Head down, I watched my feet as I crossed over the cracks in the uneven sidewalk.
Her house loomed in the near distance now, and I was brought back to the last time I picked her up. When I took her to that cheap ass hotel a few towns over.
Maybe this was my retribution.
Hurricane Tabitha, here to storm and rage and teach me a lesson.
But getting Tarryn caught in the crosshairs wasn’t okay.
I walked casually. I’d found the best way to avoid suspicion from peeking neighbors was to act like I belonged. A person slinking around, bent over, walking slowly, instantly got branded a creeper. I moved around her house. She was ground floor thankfully, fourth window down the right side.
A golden glow filtered through sheer curtains. I could see her silhouette moving throughout the room. I couldn’t tell if she was decent or not. Wouldn’t matter if she was. We needed to have this out, and now. Whatever the fuck she wanted, I’d give her. To protect Tarryn.
Tapping on the window gently, I took a deep breath. A million inhalations wouldn’t clear my head or make the weight on my chest lessen.
Tabitha padded to the window; I could see her furtive movements.
I hated her in those moments, as she approached the window and was hidden by the curtains. She wasn’t someone I’d ever taken seriously—a quick fuck, a dalliance. She was too pawing, too cowering, too weak.
But I guess I’d been wrong about her.
I’d written her off after she’d left me in the pool house, after she’d said she was moving on. Now that I thought back, it showed backbone. A precursor to these actions, and these moments.
It didn’t matter though. I was Drake Castleton. I’d remind her who was in charge.
The curtains parted and she opened the window.
Her pixie hair was sleeked back, her body still damp from a shower. A pink towel was wrapped around her body loosely, one end tucked carelessly. She didn’t smile when she saw me, and she looked like a different person. Not simpering and fawning.
She stood back from the window, giving me room to climb over the windowsill.
“You’ve got me here, Tabs,” I said once I stood on solid ground. I didn’t bother closing the window. I wasn’t staying long. “Let’s get this fuck over with.”
“It’s not going to be that easy, Drake.” She crossed her arms, pert breasts pushing together. “You never treated me like I mattered. You used me when you wanted. Only let me hang around with you at school as arm candy. I’m done with that. I deserve more.”
I nodded. “Yeah, you do. And I thought this was over,” I waved a hand between us, trying to keep my face and voice neutral though I wanted to snarl at her. “You told me as much. With your high and mighty fucking attitude.”
Her mouth gaped open. “My high and might attitude? Rich coming from a Castleton. I was never gonna be good enough to date, only good enough for a shitty hotel.”
“You act like I repeatedly fucked and left you wet and wanting, Tabs. We had our thing. Off and on. And you even knew you weren’t the only one. Never were. Never would be.” Red seeped into my tone, just a tidge of irritation.
Her cheeks turned peek and her mouth tightened into a hard line. “But Tarryn can be the only one. Is that it?”
“Don’t bring Tarryn into this.”
“She’s already in it. From the minute she walked into our freaking school and turned your head. My chances just,” Tabs snapped her fingers, “went up in smoke.”
“You never had a chance. Tarryn or no Tarryn.” Now I couldn’t help myself. I sounded cruel. She wasn’t going to get it though, not without a dose of fucking reality. “Even if she never showed up, never walked through those goddamn double doors and into class, you wouldn’t have a chance. For fucks sake, Tabs.”
Too fast for me to react, Tabitha uncrossed her arms and rushed forward. Her fists slammed into my chest. And she was surprisingly strong, rocking me back a few inches as I lost my footing for a fleeting moment.
“We could have happened. You’re not better than me.” She slammed me against the chest again. The third time she tried to strike, I caught her wrists.
“I don’t want to hurt you, goddammit.” I held her tightly, forcing her backwards.
“But I want to hurt you, Drake. I want to hurt you so badly that you can’t recover. That your reputation is ruined.” She took a deep, ragged inhalation. “And I want her gone. Little Miss Perfect. She’s done nothing to earn you. She’s not bent over and taken every inch of you over and over again. Not stood by and watched you screw every girl in the school.”
I pushed her, hard, still holding her wrists. “I told you to leave Tarryn out of this.” I kept pushing, feeling pangs of pleasure as she staggered and her face screwed up and she tried to fight me. She couldn’t. No one could. I didn’t lose fights. I didn’t let someone else have control.
“I will not,” she said breathlessly. “Those pictures will be all over school. Everyone will know that your precious, perfect Tarryn’s a goddamn whore just like the rest of us.”
We were at her bed and I shoved her, releasing her wrists and watching her flail as she flew away from me, the towel finally falling away from her body—it was a miracle it had stayed secured around her for this long.
She lay there, chest heaving, body shaking, but her face fierce.
And for the first time, I actually found Tabs intriguing. If she’d been this person all along, maybe I’d have seen her as more than a sex doll.
“You’re going to leave Tarryn alone, Tabs. You’re going to erase the pictures. And I never want to see you again. Never want to hear your voice again. Get your parents to take the hush money my grandmother is offering and maybe move out of the goddamn town.”
“I’m not erasing those pictures, Drake.” She jutted out her lip, trying to look formidable.
All she managed to look like was a kitten, tiny and lost in the middle of a full size bed.
“What do you want, Tabs?”
“I want you.” Her mouth quivered. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“No.” I towered over her. “Where’s your phone.” Turning, I searched the room, spying it on her desk. Before I could start moving towards it, Tabs sat up and grabbed my belt loop.
“I’ve already emailed them to myself. Even if you erase them on my phone, they still exist.”
I whirled back towards her, hands balling into fists. She was sitting up, naked, not bothering to cover herself up.
“Tabitha… I don’t… I don’t want to fucking hurt you.” I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. “Remember the man who came here earlier? About the video? That was the tip of the iceberg if I take this to my grandmother.”
“You’re going to let your grandma fight all your battles for you?” Her voice was acidic, taunting. “Drop Tarryn. Date me.”
“Even if I did, it wouldn’t mean a goddamn thing, Tabs. For the future? I’m going to Ivy League, and you can’t fucking follow.”
“I can’t give you what you want.” I tried to pull away. I could probably get to her email from her phone…
She still had a finger hooked through my belt loop. “Fine,” she sounded deflated, like the fight was leaving her system. “then let me have you now. Right now. I’ll delete the photos.”
I looked down at her. If I got grandmother involved, there wouldn’t be pay offs this time, there’d be Castleton strong-arming. Grandmother would find a way to ruin her parents—take their jobs, their house, their everything.
But I couldn’t do this.
Because of…
God, Tarryn.
It felt like a betrayal.
It turned my stomach to think of being with Tabs. After today… after the lake.
Tarryn had gotten under my skin. Like Lane.
“Just one more time, Drake.” She pulled at me.
The old Drake wouldn’t have thought twice, faced with a naked pretty girl who was basically begging for it.
It was this moment, struggling with the voices in my head—the wanting to be better, but not wanting to be fucking hurt again—that I wanted to taste the freedom that was not giving a shit about emotionally connection, or the future, or really liking someone.
“And you’ll delete the photos?” I questioned, heart pounding, stomach twisting, feeling like the weight on my chest was elephant sized now.
“Yes. All of them.”
“If you fucking lie to me, Tabitha, I won’t forgive you.” I gripped her shoulders again, fingers digging into soft flesh as I stared at her. I knew how my face looked—like my father’s when he was done with someone’s bullshit. Dark, moody, shadowed with threats unspoken.
“Just make me feel like I’m the one you want, Drake.” She held up a hand and touched my face tentatively. “I just want to feel what it was like for her on that lake. For you to respect her, and touch her gently, and want her so badly but not push her into it.”