by Sophia Sharp
I start wondering if I could have done anything different with Andrew. There was nobody around when he left me. What was to stop me from dragging him up here myself?
I sigh and turn over. Now I’m just as bad as Katy. Still, I can’t help but wish that Andrew had the guts—the courage—to disregard the rules for one night and steal into my room.
I wish I had the courage to lead him here.
A sudden banging on the entrance door causes me to jolt upright. My heart skips a beat. Could that be Andrew?
I run out my room and down the hall. The banging continues, loud and angry.
I’m breathless with anticipation by the time I reach the door. My hand shakes as I fumble with the lock. The mechanism clicks in place. I throw the door open…
And find Spencer standing in the hallway.
I’m too stunned for words. There’s sweat on his forehead, as if he’d just run ten miles. His cheeks are red and he’s breathing hard.
My surprise doesn’t last long. I steady myself. “If you’re here for Katy,” I tell him in my best no-nonsense voice, “she’s not here.”
Spencer looks confused for a moment. “Katy?” He shakes his head. “No. No, I’m here for you.”
I look at him in disbelief. “Why?”
“Why? Fuck, woman! Why do you think?”
“I don’t know,” I say plainly, crossing my arms.
He growls. “I’m here for you because of what happened at the party. Shit! I must have spent half the night running around trying to find you.”
Something about his words makes me feel uncomfortably fluttery inside. I narrow my eyes to try to stamp the feeling out. “Well, here I am. Congratulations, you found me.” I start closing the door. “Now you can go.”
He stops it with his hand. “I’m not going anywhere until I talk to you.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I say, trying to force the door to move. Spencer is too strong. There’s an intensity in his eyes that frightens me.
“I need to talk to you,” he repeats. “To explain myself.”
“Explain yourself?” I bark a laugh. “How much is there to explain, Spencer?” I know I’m not going to win the battle with the door, so I let go, as if I don’t care about it anymore. “I saw what you were doing. Even an innocent girl like me can figure it out.” I spit the word he’d used to describe me once. “You’re a man-whore. And I want nothing to do with you. Now leave.”
“Dammit, it’s not like that!” He makes me jump by slamming his fist against the door.
“So you have a temper, too,” I note. “How attractive.”
He takes a breath to compose himself. “I don’t have a temper. It’s you. It’s what you do to me.”
Oh, no. I’ve heard that one before. “You can’t manipulate me into thinking any of this is my fault. I don’t even know why I’m having this discussion with you, Spencer. I should be asleep.”
“You should be asleep…” he mumbles under his breath. His eyes shoot up to meet mine. “No. Dammit, no, you shouldn’t. Answer one question. If the answer’s no, I’ll leave right now. I’ll leave you alone. Like you say you want. Even if I know that’s not what you really want.”
“Fine,” I say, deciding to humor him. “What is it?”
“You left the party because of me.”
I shift under his possessive stare. “That’s not a question.”
“That’s what I want to know.”
Dammit. I’m caught. “I don’t see what that has to do with anything—”
“Just answer the question!”
I swallow. “Yes,” I admit.
Spencer nods. “That’s what I thought.” He steps through the doorway past me. “Now I have to tell you my side of the story.”
“Spencer, there is no your side of the story!” I say, exasperated. “I saw what I saw. Things are pretty black and white. It doesn’t even matter. I don’t care what you do.”
“If you really don’t care,” Spencer says, turning on me, “why did you leave?”
“I…” I don’t know how to answer. He’s caught me again. I decide evasion is the best course of action.
I cross the room to get some distance between us. “It doesn’t matter why I left,” I mutter. “Maybe I just didn’t want to be there anymore.”
“But I invited you. That’s what upset you, isn’t it? That I invited you and then—” he grimaces, “—forgot about you.”
“So what if it is?” I ask. How is it that my actions are so transparent? Spencer’s reading me like a book. It’s unnerving. “I don’t care anymore, Spencer. You can do whatever the hell you want. You told me I’ll see the truth of your reputation at the party. Well, you definitely delivered on that promise.”
“This is not like that,” he stresses. In three quick strides he’s across the room, backing me into a corner. “I was waiting for you all night. All fucking night. There were a lot of people there. It’s easy to get lost. All night, I was waiting, and searching, and waiting. And then I finally find you,” his words turn into a low, angry growl, “on the dance floor. Grinding up to some other guy. Then he started putting his hands on you, and I… I just snapped. I wanted to rip his fucking head off.
“I don’t know what it is about you, but you evoke that in me.” He smirks. “But you probably don’t believe me. After all, you probably think all females are the same to me. Two legs and a vagina. That’s what Kate poisoned your mind with, isn’t it?”
He’s standing so close I’m afraid to move. I can feel the heat radiate from his body. I can feel the intensity of his words. My heart’s pounding like crazy in my chest.
“Don’t trust everything she says,” Spencer continues. “Kate has her own reasons for doing things.”
“So what?” I say, trying to create some space between us. I feel very small with his looming body in front of me. Every breath I take fills my lungs with his deeply masculine scent. “You expect me to think of you as some kind of saint now?”
“No. Listen.” Spencer’s hands jut out to either side of me. He presses them against the walls. I’m boxed in. “I was on my way to pull the bastard off you when Steph grabbed my arm. She invited me with her. I wasn’t thinking straight. Fuck, maybe I was. I thought, ‘Who am I to decide who you dance with?’”
He grunts. “It made sense at the time. You clearly were more interested in him. So, why would I stay and wait for you? I was angry, pissed off. Steph was a sure thing. I went with her.”
“You sound like a pig,” I declare.
That earns me a crooked smile. “I do, don’t I?” he says softly. “I can’t help it. It’s what you do to me.” He bends his elbows so that he’s leaning into me. My back is pressed up against the wall. Spencer’s body is hard against mine.
“Sometimes,” he whispers in my ear, “I act like one, too.”
Suddenly, his mouth is on mine. He kisses me hard. His hand goes in my hair and holds me by my roots to keep me in place. His tongue strokes my lower lip, and then glides into my mouth to meet mine. And—without thinking—I kiss him back.
Spencer grunts and steps into me. One of my legs folds up to wrap around his hips. I gasp at the foreign feeling of his shaft pressing into my belly. Need pools between my legs. I moan, wanting more. Somewhere in the depths of my mind, alarm bells are going off. I’m kissing Spencer. Oh my God, I’m kissing Spencer!
His hands fly down to my waist and he spins us around. Now I’m the one falling into him. I clamber for support as my knees don’t want to hold me anymore. Spencer’s holding me tight by the small of my back. My hands brush over his hard shoulders, slide down his firm, very muscular chest.
“No!” I break away, breathing hard. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. Every heartbeat sends adrenaline rushing through my body. “No. Spencer—no. No! What are we doing?” I look wildly around the room. I’m a freaking mess. “You can’t just—you can’t…”
Spencer stands still in the corner. He watches me, eyes sharp
and focused. Waiting on my reaction.
“You can’t just… kiss me like that!” I spit at him. I stagger back. I can’t get far enough. The room feels too small. Too cramped. The walls loom over me.
Spencer doesn’t move. He stands and waits, giving me the space I need.
I feel like yelling. Like screaming. Like crying. I’m emotional, but I don’t even know how. Tens, dozens, hell, hundreds of different emotions are swirling around inside me like snowflakes caught in a gale.
I turn away, take two steps. Stop. I twirl back. Go to the couch. Lean against it for support. I feel like I’m about to explode. I feel like going hysterical. The room starts to spin…
“It’s okay.” Spencer’s soft voice brings me back to myself. He still hasn’t moved from the corner. “It was just a kiss.”
“Just a kiss. Just a kiss? Hah!” I stop, one hand on my hip, the other brushing the hair from my face. My cheeks are burning, my lips swollen from the assault by Spencer’s mouth. “That was not just a kiss!”
“No?” Spencer takes a cautious step forward. “Tell me it was more, then. Tell me what you felt.”
“I…” How can I put anything I felt into words? It’s beyond me.
Kissing Spencer was unlike anything I’d felt before. It was exciting because it was forbidden. Thrilling because it was so dangerous. Guilt tears at me for secretly wanting more. Need makes my body shake.
“Yes?” Spencer encourages. He takes another step toward me. “You can say it.”
“It… it was wrong, Spencer. Wrong and inappropriate. I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t want it.”
He chuckles. “We both know that’s not true.”
How can he see through me so easily? What scares me the most is how right he is. As we kissed, I wanted Spencer more than anything in the world.
“You don’t need to fight your feelings,” he continues. He stops in front of me and picks up my hand. I feel like a doe caught in the headlights, too startled to move. “I know it was more than a kiss. I felt it, too.” His other hand comes up to cup the side of my face.
I hold down the shiver of delight that tries to crawl up my spine. Spencer’s rough hand against my smooth cheek feels so right it should be illegal.
“There’s an energy between us,” he says, dropping his voice to a whisper. “A magnetism. It pulls me to you and you to me. You can’t deny it. You can’t tell me it’s not there.” His voice is hoarse. Each syllable’s reverberation penetrates far into my core. “I’m not going to do anything you don’t want. If you tell me to leave now, I will. But I can’t get your sweet taste off my mind.”
His intensity reaches into me and pulls out something primal. A part of myself I’d never known was there is awakened by his words.
Rational thought abandons me, and I act on instinct.
I throw my arms around his shoulders and latch my mouth onto his.
Now I know why I’ve always been on my guard around Spencer. I have a weakness for him. Something somewhere in the depths of my conscious always knew that. It knew that if I lost control, even for a second, I would be… lost. In him. In his presence. His aura. His being.
Spencer represents everything in the world that is wrong for me.
That is why I want him so much.
We collapse onto the couch in a tangle of arms and legs. Sucking, nipping, kissing, tasting. Devouring. His knee pins down right between my legs. I move my hips instinctively against his thigh, gasping at the amazing sensation that that elicits. I can’t remember why I ever thought this was wrong.
Spencer lifts his mouth to start trialing hot kisses down my exposed neck. I moan and arch into him. His hands move down my body and sweep over my breasts. He kisses my collarbone, my shoulder. My fingers fight to get a grip on his hard back. I can feel the individual muscles twist beneath my palms.
His kisses start moving down my body, toward my chest. My breathing comes faster in anticipation. Spencer’s hands dip under the hem of my tank top. I can feel them on my belly, skin on sinful skin. He makes a sound a lot like a growl as he starts to lift my shirt up.
I tense up. No. What am I doing? No. No, this is not right!
“Spencer, no. Stop!” I gasp.
He stops and looks at me. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“I can’t… I can’t…” I can’t admit that I’ve never done this before. I feel panic rise up in me. I start breathing hard, nearly hyperventilating. “I can’t,” I repeat. “I can’t. I can’t.”
Spencer bites his lip and very slowly eases himself off me. I feel cool air rush against my hot skin. It’s such a welcome reprieve.
The little bit of panic subsides.
“I said I wouldn’t do anything you’re not comfortable with,” Spencer tells me under his breath. “I meant it. If you’re not ready, I’m not going to push.”
I close my eyes and breathe a sigh of relief. Immediately the tension dissipates.
“But I can’t stay,” Spencer says, standing up. “Not like this. Not with you so close… like this. I won’t be able to control myself otherwise.” He turns around and walks unsteadily to the door. He opens it, bathing the room with light from the hallway.
He looks back at me for a moment. My chest continues to heave with each breath. A part of me wants him to close the door and run back in. A part of me wants the thrill of his body against mine, and to hell with indecision.
It’s a wild part that I need to control.
Spencer closes his eyes. Opens them. Runs them up and down my body. And finally leaves.
Chapter Twelve
I sit in the dark, unable to move. My heart had slowed a long time ago. My breathing has returned to normal. Still, I’m paralyzed.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think. I’m overwhelmed, completely and utterly overcome with emotion.
I need somebody to talk to. Unfortunately, I doubt Katy will be back tonight. It’s too late.
I alternate between periods of intense guilt and intense longing. The heavy make-out session woke something in me. I am not entirely comfortable with that dark, hidden side of myself. I’d promised Andrew I would wait. And then, the first chance I get, I give in to temptation?
No. No, this is not my fault. All of this is Spencer’s fault. If he hadn’t come up here, proclaiming he was looking for me… if he hadn’t forced his way onto me like some kind of animal—
No. This is not Spencer’s fault, either. At least, not entirely. My body had been shaking with need when he kissed me. He knew what I wanted better than I did.
Spencer knew what I craved. And he gave it to me.
Thank God he left when he did. Otherwise, I’m afraid of how far things could have progressed. I keep remembering the night I caught him in bed with Katy. I remember her moans, his grunts, his glistening body above her. What would it be like if that had been me on the bed with him?
Stop. I don’t know where all these thoughts are coming from. I should not be attracted to Spencer. I should be repulsed by him. After all, I know the way he treats women…
And what way is that? a tiny voice in the back of my head asks. You saw him take care of Katy after she drank too much.
That’s true. And even though he definitely initiated things with me, he let up the moment I became uncomfortable. Hell, even his twisted explanation of what he was doing in the bathroom earlier tonight makes sense, if I try to think of it from his perspective.
I wish Katy were here. She’d know what to do. What was that thing Spencer told me about her? “Don’t trust everything she says?” I wonder where that came from.
My mind goes back to Andrew. Back to Andrew, and the last kiss we shared. Not the one from earlier tonight, where he’d been stiff as a mannequin. The one from a week ago, before either of us knew of the peer group situation.
His kiss, while passionate, was also safe and gentle. It didn’t bring me anywhere near the level of arousal that Spencer’s did.
Spencer’s kiss was molten fir
e and fury. When our lips met, I became his. He possessed me. There is no other way to describe it.
Spencer kissed me the way I want to be kissed. He pushed me to my boundaries without going over. His kiss sparked a level of longing deep inside my body that I had never experienced before. It made me feel alive.
It was like being awakened by being thrown into a pool of icy water.
And what the hell is going on between Spencer and Andrew? Obviously, they know each other. Katy and I had seen them arguing. What about?
All that and more weighs on my mind as I sit in the dark, listening to the distant tick-tock of the clock’s second hand. Christ, I’m a mess.
I’d gone my whole life without having a single guy interested in me. And now, in the span of a week, I have two?
I honestly don’t know what to do. Sleep seems like a good option, but sleep is a long time coming even after I lie in bed and close my eyes.
***
I wake up Saturday morning determined to put last night’s events behind me. I can’t change the past. The only thing I can do is make the right decisions in the future.
It’s pretty clear that the right choice is to forget about Spencer. Not that I think it’s going to be easy. Not with his level of intensity.
Still, I have to make it clear to him that what happened last night was a mistake. I want him to know that he should not expect a repeat of that in the future.
Then comes the hard part: I have to tell Andrew what happened. I don’t know how he’ll react.
The only thing going in my favor is that things did not progress past kissing last night. Maybe it will help Andrew forgive me. Things could have easily turned much more… physical… between me and Spencer.
All that will have to wait until Monday. I want a day or two to collect my thoughts and sort out my feelings. Tomorrow is my first day at work. Being in the water will be a welcome familiarity.
I glance at the top bunk as I get out of bed. It’s unoccupied, as expected. I go down the hall to check the other room. The door is open, and there is nobody there, either. I wonder where Katy spent the night.
