A Handful of Hope

by Elizabeth Maddrey

  “You miss them.”

  Jen gave a half-hearted shrug. She did, but she hadn’t been able to swing the cost of the trip anyway. “Like I said, we’re a unit.”

  His watch started beeping and he looked down before silencing it. “I need to hit the road. But...will you be at work next week?”

  “Monday through Thursday. Friday’s New Year’s Eve.”

  “Want to grab lunch on Tuesday?”

  She studied him. He seemed nice enough, and he was cute, but it wasn’t as if she’d taken one look across the room and felt her heart start to sing. On the other hand, it was lunch. And making new friends, especially with her current set all pairing off, was never a bad idea. “Sure.”

  His face lit up and he reached into his shirt pocket to extract his cell. “Really? Cool. Put your number in and I’ll give you a call on Monday to confirm.”

  She took his phone and opened his text messages. She sent a quick text to herself before handing him back the phone. “Now I have your number, too.”

  David nodded as he slipped his phone back into his pocket. “Talk to you Monday.”

  David slid behind the wheel and started the engine. He cranked the heat to its highest setting, even though it wouldn’t start to blow until the engine was warmer. At least knowing the heat was coming kept his teeth from chattering. He scrolled to his grandparent’s address in the car’s GPS and set the destination. Once he hit the highway he’d be fine, but the B&B was nestled in the middle of nowhere in central Virginia and his sense of direction wasn’t strong enough to get him on the right road. At least not on the first try.

  He turned right out of the driveway and punched his mother’s number.

  “David, you’re on the way?”

  “Hi, Mom. Yeah, I’m leaving now. It says an hour and a half. That’s probably close enough.”

  “We should still be up. Someone got your Uncle Jin talking about his college days.”

  David chuckled. Uncle Jin could talk for hours and keep everyone in stitches. You’d never know to look at him, but his father’s brother was quite the entertainer. “I’m sorry I’m missing it.”

  “You’ve heard all the stories before. You know how he and your father get. How was the wedding?”

  “Nice, I guess. They got married. No one seemed upset that it was a surprise elopement. The food was good.”

  “Hmm. But?”

  But it wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to get married in their church, to go forward on a Sunday morning as part of the service with his bride on his arm to say their vows. He couldn’t tell his mother that, she’d start looking for someone to throw his way. “I wasn’t sure what to expect.”

  The laughing conversation in the background faded. His mother must have moved into a different room. “David, God will bring the right girl your way. I know it’s hard to wait and watch as your friends marry, but try not to worry over it too much. Your father and I are proud of you. We raised you, and your siblings, to be men and women who put God first. And you do. Keep doing that and when the right girl comes along, you’ll know.”

  Jen’s smiling face as she watched Rebecca and Ben kiss at the end of the ceremony flashed through his mind. “What if she’s not Korean?”

  His chest constricted. Had he just said that out loud? David cringed, turning when the navigation system dinged. Signs for the interstate glowed ahead. Maybe his mother hadn’t heard him.

  “If she’s the woman who God truly has for you, then your grandparents will adjust. It might be a hard sell, but you know your father and I will support you.” Humor trickled into her voice. “Still, they won’t object to God’s direction for your life. What’s her name?”

  David eased the car into the on-ramp. “I don’t have anyone in particular in mind. I’m...not sure where that came from.”

  “Mmmhmm.” He waited for her to push. She’d always known when he tried to get something past her. “Drive safely, honey. I’ll see you soon.”

  He ended the call and pressed down on the accelerator. What had he been thinking? He hadn’t been, obviously. He’d met Jen twice. Both times for less than two hours. Maybe they’d had a good conversation about nothing tonight, but marriage? Did he want to see her again, get to know her better? Yes. There was a pull there. Did she feel it? She didn’t give any indication that she did. But wanting to get to know someone was a far cry from asking her to share the rest of his days.

  He’d keep reminding himself of that. And maybe he’d find a way to forget the tingling warmth that had spread through him when she took his arm.

  David wiped sweaty palms on his jeans. This was lunch with a friend. Or, sort of a friend. Friend of a friend’s friend? He stepped off the elevator when it stopped on her floor. Had he ever even been here? He checked his watch.

  Jen stepped through an unmarked door and stopped short. “I’m not late, am I?”

  “No, you’re early. I’m early.” He smiled and gave himself a mental kick. Stop being an idiot. “I can wait if you’re not ready.”

  “It’s fine, we can go. Where’d you want to eat?”

  David cleared his throat. He’d considered the cafeteria or the place across the street, but the food was average on a good day at both places. And if she was anything like most of the employees, she’d eaten at one or the other so often neither would rank high on the list unless starvation was imminent. Which meant driving somewhere or a long-ish walk. “Do you like Peruvian chicken?”

  “If it’s good, I love it. I haven’t found one in Tyson’s that I love though.”

  “Hmm. Have you been to Peru Chix? It’s hidden behind a car dealership down a few blocks.” David hooked his thumbs in his pockets. He had backup ideas, but he’d been dreaming about the chicken since Christmas.

  Jen shook her head. “I haven’t even heard of that one. Let’s give it a try.”

  “Excellent. Come on, I’ll drive.” He pushed the button for the elevator. Apparently no one needed it after he got off. It dinged and opened the doors immediately. When they were in, he pushed the button for the garage. “Did you have a good Christmas?”

  “It was okay. Got to video chat with my parents for a bit and see the beach, even if I couldn’t be there with them. Then I spent the rest of the day working on the five thousand piece puzzle they got me.”

  He coughed. “Five thousand pieces? That’s a big puzzle. You finished it?”

  Jen laughed. “No. Not even close. But I got about half of the border put together. And I got caught up on most of the shows I stream. How was your family thing?”

  She sounded lonely. And a little sad. Probably better not to mention that though. The elevator stopped and he gestured for her to go first, pointing to the car in the closest spot. “This is me. My day was good. I enjoy spending time with my family. And when everyone’s there it’s this big, crazy explosion of laughter and noise. I wouldn’t want to do it every day, but I like it.”

  “Everyone still lives in the area?” She slid into the car, offering a smile as he pushed the door closed.

  He rounded the hood and got in. “Most of us. Some of my dad’s siblings have moved to Richmond or Charlottesville. But that’s still close enough for them to make the major holidays without too much trouble.”

  “And your mom’s family?”

  David started the engine. “They’re all in California. We don’t see them that often. Mom tries to go out once a year though. Where’s your extended family?”

  “My mom’s parents are divorced. Both remarried, but neither is able to be polite to the other still, and they try to put her in the middle. So we don’t see them...at all, really. I think the last time I saw either of her parents I was in middle school. Dad’s parents are still married, but they’re missionaries in Thailand. It’s a lot cheaper to get to the Caribbean than Asia. They haven’t been back to the states in five years or so. And when they are back, they’re usually busy fundraising, not simply vacationing.” Jen shrugged.

  What would that be li
ke? He shook his head; the picture just wouldn’t form. She seemed fine with it—why wouldn’t she be? It was her normal. What would she think of his family? Would they be too much for her? Maybe it was too soon to worry about it, but...Mom was already pressing, unwilling to let go of his slip on the phone. David pulled into a parking spot outside a dilapidated storefront. “Here we are. Don’t let the look fool you, the food’s great.”

  David leaned away from his monitor and turned to look out the window. When was the last time he’d enjoyed lunch with someone that much? Jen was funny and real and just...fascinating. But she gave no indication whether or not she felt the same way. Was there any possibility of this becoming more? Was it even realistic to want it?

  His parents...would be okay with it. They’d grown up in America and had always encouraged him and his siblings to be Americans. Understand Korean culture, yes, but not hold to it for the sake of history. And even then, Jesus was more important. His family was deeply rooted in Christ, thanks to the missionaries who had visited his grandparent’s village and, in the end, helped them flee. But his grandparents would be disappointed. Did it matter? He hated to disappoint anyone. He’d been brought up to respect and honor his elders. But loving Jen wasn’t dishonoring them, was it?

  Not that he was in love. But he could see it happening down the road.

  The phone on his desk rang. Just as well, since he wasn’t making any great mental strides.

  “David Pak.”

  “Hey, little brother. Figured you’d be at work today.”

  He chuckled. “Hi, Ji-Yoon. You’re not working?”

  “Oh, fine. Yes, I’m at work too. But that’s mostly because Min took the kids down to the zoo so I could. There’s a big deadline the second week of January and it’s giving me anxiety.”

  “Make any headway?” His sister was a worrier. Probably came from being the oldest of six and, essentially, a second mother to the youngest three.

  “Enough that I can start sleeping at night again. Not why I called though. Mom says you met someone?”

  David banged his head against the back of the chair. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

  “Hmm. Sounds serious.”

  He frowned at the laughter in her voice. “I met her for the second time on Christmas Eve—really the first time. We barely said hello the first time we were in the same place. And I don’t know if she’s even interested.”

  “Is she stupid?”

  “What kind of question is that? She’s a programmer, same company, actually, though I hadn’t realized that.”

  Ji’s laugh was like tinkling glass. “If she’s not stupid, she’s interested. When do we get to meet her?”

  He cringed. “Can we hold off on that for a while? Like maybe until we’ve been actually dating for a few months?”

  “I suppose that’s fair. What about just me?”

  “Mom’s curious, isn’t she?”

  “You always were smart. Mom said this girl’s not Korean?”

  David pinched his nose. “No.”

  “Cool. You know I don’t care, right? I nearly married Jared, if you recall.”

  Jared. David hadn’t thought of him in years. Even though he’d just been a kid when Ji was dating him, their break-up had shaken the family. Not because he was white, but because he’d had the lack of class to cheat on Ji and get caught by Dad. David had never seen his usually soft-spoken, mild-mannered father so close to violence before or since. “Close shave there.”

  “That it was. But my point is that it doesn’t matter. To me, or to Mom and Dad. So you shouldn’t worry about that.”

  He chuckled. “How’d you know?”

  “I know you, little brother. Tell you what, maybe after the New Year, you can ask her to lunch and happen to run into me. Then it’s not as intimidating as asking her to meet your family—or even just your older sister. And I can get back to Mom and everyone will be happy.”

  Maybe not everyone. But it was inevitable. If he’d managed to keep his mouth shut...but he hadn’t. Which meant this was the least horrific option. “Yeah, okay. I’ll let you know. Kiss my niece and nephew for me.”

  “That I will. They’re still enamored with the stop motion movie set you gave them, you hit a home run with that one. It’s been ‘Uncle David’ this and ‘Uncle David’ that all weekend. Don’t forget about lunch though. Got it?”

  He smiled. “Got it. Bye, Ji.”

  Jen kicked off her shoes and left them where they fell. Lunch with David had been pleasant. And filling. Which got her out of having to figure out dinner. She could find a snack and call it good.

  “But you’re hungry, Tribble, aren’t you?” She squatted by the crate where her silky terrier quivered with excitement. “Come on, we’ll go for a little walk and then get you some food.”

  Jen clipped the leash to Tribble’s collar and slid her feet into the flip-flops she kept by the back door. The ground-level apartment had the added bonus of being just three short steps from a grassy area, which made walking Tribble much less of a chore. The small dog didn’t need long walks—or runs—for exercise. She just needed a place to do her business that wasn’t the carpet. Jen could toss the ball while she worked on the puzzle and the little dog would get plenty of running.

  After they’d made three circuits of the square patch of lawn, Tribble bounced toward the sliding glass door of Jen’s apartment. Ready to eat. Jen smiled. Dogs were good reminders of how to keep life basic. All you needed was someone to love you, food, a place to play, and naps. Her smile faded. Her parents loved her, so did God, but wouldn’t it be nice to have someone else, someone who didn’t have to love her but did anyway, because they wanted to? It wasn’t likely to happen. Even if it did, how long would it last? She could put on the happy front at work and with friends, but when she was home, it was nice not to have to force the smile and act like getting out of bed wasn’t the hardest thing she’d done that day.

  Jen checked to be sure the patio door was locked and the nails, top and bottom, that were supposed to keep would-be robbers from being able to jimmy the door off its track, firmly in place before pushing thoughts of love from her mind and angling into the kitchen.

  “Come on, Trib. I think tonight’s a night for beef stew. There’s just enough nip in the air to justify the treat.” She unclipped the leash and hung it back up by the door.

  Tribble’s ears perked up at the word ‘treat’ and she whined before yipping and scurrying into the kitchen where she pranced in place for a moment before dropping into a perfect, lady-like sit in front of her bowl. Jen popped the top of the small can of dog food, wrinkling her nose as the wet, not-quite-meaty smell filled the room.

  “I don’t know how you eat this stuff.” She stuck out her tongue and spooned the gloppy mixture out. Tribble quivered, a tiny rope of drool escaping from her mouth as her brown eyes followed the spoon on its course from can to bowl and back again. “Good girl. Eat.”

  Tribble bolted forward and began devouring her meal as the doorbell buzzed.

  Who on Earth? Jen checked the time as she passed by the stove. It wasn’t late, but she wasn’t expecting anyone. She peeked through the spy hole in the door and sighed. Sara. Turning the locks, Jen tugged open the door. “I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight.”

  Sara grinned and started to pull Jen into a hug, stopping midway with a pained look on her face. “What is that smell?”

  Jen sniffed and glanced down at the dog food can still in her hand, the spoon lolling around within. “Sorry, I was just—”

  “You’re not eating that, are you?” Sara made a gagging face as she pushed the door closed behind her.

  “Ha ha. No. It’s for Trib, figured it could be a treat night. Did you have dinner yet?” Jen ambled back into the kitchen and rinsed out the can before dropping it into the recycling bin under the sink and washing her hands. Hopefully Sara had eaten. But if Jen didn’t offer, she’d be setting herself up for another lecture on good nutrition and the importance of small
meals spaced throughout the day rather than one big lunch and a whole lot of water. Jen wasn’t in the mood to hear it.

  Sara angled her head to the side and studied Jen as she came back into the living room. “I did. Did you?”

  “Not yet. I had a huge lunch. I’ll eat something, I promise. Just later, okay?” She’d at least have a cracker before bed. Then it wasn’t a complete lie. Better to change the subject before Sara pursued the topic. “So what brings you by?”

  Her friend’s face morphed into an angelic grin, the glow nearly blinding. “Luc. Oh, Jen. I think I’m in love.”

  Jen’s eyebrows shot up. “That was fast.”

  Sara dropped onto Jen’s couch, kicked off her shoes, and tucked her feet under her. “Don’t be that way. We have a connection.”

  Jen fought the urge to roll her eyes and lowered herself into her comfy chair. It was her favorite garage sale find, ugly as an alley cat under the cheerful hot-pink slip cover, but sitting in it was like floating on a cloud. She propped her feet on the dark purple ottoman she’d made from an old plastic milk crate, some quilt batting, and scraps of fabric her mom had floating around in her craft room. “What kind of connection?”

  Sara’s hands flew around wildly. “Just...a soul connection. He understands me. We can talk for hours at a time—have been, since Thursday. He’s so amazing.”

  “Sara.” Jen licked her lips and tried to organize her thoughts. Tribble darted out of the kitchen and jumped up on the couch with a yip, then crawled into Sara’s lap. Sara grinned and scratched behind the dog’s ears before looking back at Jen with an expectant expression. “Go slow, okay? Wasn’t it about this time last month that you were in love with Paul. It was Paul, right? And before him was, oh what was his name?”

  “George. His name was George. And I see what you’re saying. But this is different.”

  It was always different. Except it never was. Sara went through men like tissue paper, soaring from high to earth-crashing thuds in days. For a while last year, she’d managed some kind of sanity in her dating life, and then something happened and she was back to her old habits of the Man of the Month. “What’s different this time?”