A Handful of Hope

by Elizabeth Maddrey

  David copied Jackson, his eyebrows lifting as the flavors of the tomatoes and peppers hit his tongue. “What’s on top? It’s amazing.”

  Paige beamed. “It’s a chutney I make. You like it?”

  “Oh, yeah. They still taste fresh.”

  “That’s the idea. Glad you like it. Can I get you something to drink? I have an interesting limeade that we’re testing out, if you want.”

  Interesting? That sounded...scary.

  Jackson winced. “Define ‘interesting.’”

  Paige shook her head. “Just try it, okay? I’ll send some over. I’d better get back. Things are going smoothly tonight, but you never know when that’s going to change. I’ll bring another plate before too long though. When’s Jen getting here?”

  Jen? Jen was coming? David blinked and looked at Jackson. “You invited Jen?”

  Jackson shook his head and turned to Paige. “Was I supposed to invite her?”

  “Oh. No. I just thought...you looked so cute together at the wedding, David, I thought that might be why you were here.” Pink burned across Paige’s cheeks. “I’ll just go get back to work.”

  Jackson watched Paige leave before meeting and holding David’s gaze. “So. You and Jen?”

  David shook his head. “No. Not yet, at least. I’m thinking about seeing where things go. But I don’t even know if she’d be interested. We had lunch once after the wedding, before New Year’s, but work has been insane and I haven’t had a chance to ask her again. But she hasn’t reached out, either...maybe that’s my cue to leave it be?”

  “Are you asking for advice?”

  David shrugged. “I guess I am.”

  “Do you like her?” Jackson pulled another piece of bread from the tray to his plate.

  David nodded. “She’s the first woman who’s interested me in a long while.”

  “Then make the time.”

  Make the time. David sipped coffee from a white foam cup and looked over the rim at the swirling dance of fellowship and mingling in the foyer of the small, Korean church he’d been attending since he was an infant. Snippets of conversations, all in Korean, floated past, teasing a smile from his lips. What would it sound like to an outsider who spoke no Korean? He closed his eyes, but the conversations continued to be intelligible. He sighed.

  “What are you doing?” His sister, Ji, nudged him with her elbow.

  Heat crept up the back of his neck. “Wondering what this would sound like if I didn’t speak Korean.”

  Ji nodded. “And?”

  David shrugged. “I can’t figure out how to not understand Korean. So it was a pretty pointless exercise.”

  She laughed. “You don’t have to keep coming to church here. You know that, right? Mom and Dad would understand.”

  “I know. They’ve told me that, too.” Had made a point of it after they got over him breaking up with Soo Yi. “But this is home. Just as much as Mom and Dad’s house is home. I missed it when I was at school and was glad to come back.”

  “It’s not exactly bustling with single people. You’re not going to meet your wife here. You know that, right?”

  He sighed, his heart sinking. The lack of options had been the largest push for him to date Soo Yi in the first place. Look how well that had turned out. His sister was right. Unless there was a huge influx of young, single women to the church next week, his wife wasn’t waiting to be found here. But did he need to change churches to find her? What if they’d already met? “I know.”

  Ji nodded. “Even if this girl...”

  “Jen. Her name is Jen.”

  Ji flashed a grin. “Even if Jen is the one for you and you no longer have to worry about finding your mate at church, it might be time for you to spread your wings. It’s not as if you can’t come back.”

  “I guess. What about Grandpa and Grandma though?”

  “What about them? They love you and want you to be happy. Will they be sad if you change churches? Maybe. But it isn’t as if you’re moving away. Even if you did move across the country, they’d adjust. They always have. Despite being the most American of us, David, sometimes I worry that you care too much what other people think and not enough about what you want.”

  He drew his brows together. “I don’t—”

  “You did so much more ‘normal’ kid stuff than we did. Did you ever take a lunch to school that was different than your friends’?”

  He shook his head. Ji—and his other siblings—always used to complain about leftovers in their lunch sacks. By the time he was going to school, it’d been ham sandwiches and packaged cupcakes or a bag of chips. His parents had even spoken English when his friends were over. Hadn’t they done that for the others? He couldn’t remember. Maybe he had had a more American childhood than his siblings, that didn’t take away the desire to please his parents, to know that they approved of his choices. They’d done so much for him, he wanted to give them the respect they were due.

  “It’s good that you’re respectful and that you value the family. You’re a good son and my favorite little brother. But I think it’s time—and I think Mom and Dad would agree—that you figured out what God wants for you and worried about that, instead of what you think your family wants. Now come on, they’re going to start the service soon.”

  David tossed his cold, barely-touched coffee into the trash and followed his sister. She slipped her arm through her husband’s and herded their kids in front of her. They were their own family. A tiny, cohesive, unit in the larger whole of the Pak clan. Could he find that for himself? Father God, only You know the plans You have for me. Is Jen...is she part of them? I don’t know what to do—have I been avoiding hearing Your voice and listening only to what I thought my family expected? I could use some guidance. Please?

  Jen slid into the pew next to Sara and clamped her jaw shut. Luc? She’d brought Luc to church? Not that she shouldn’t have brought him. Church was a good date...it was just...there was something off about that guy. And Sara was completely oblivious. She nudged her friend with her elbow.

  “What? Oh, hey Jen. You remember Luc?” Sara leaned back as she gestured to the too-good-looking-to-be-true man.

  Jen lifted her fingers. “I thought you’d be back in, where was it? Martinique? By now.”

  “Not when there’s someone as lovely as Sara to keep me here.” He took Sara’s hand and lifted her knuckles to his lips.

  Red stained Sara’s cheeks and stars shone from her eyes. “Isn’t he amazing?”

  “I guess. I thought we were doing lunch after the service today?” Jen frowned. Lunch after church was a tradition and she hadn’t planned on it stopping just because Rebecca was married.

  “Yeah. I just figured Luc...”

  Jen shook her head. “Never mind.”

  “What? He’s not...”

  “No. Look, you don’t bring dates to girls’ lunch. Rebecca never did and she actually knew Ben.”

  Sara bristled. “I do know him. I don’t know what your problem is, but you need to get over it.”

  Jen stood. “I think I’ll see what seating in the balcony is like. I’ve always wondered.”

  “Don’t be an idiot.” Sara snatched at her sleeve.

  Jen shook her arm, dislodging her friend’s hand, and scooted down the pew, mumbling apologies to the families she had to step over. She pushed through the sanctuary doors and stood in the nearly empty foyer, her blood boiling. Rebecca and Ben were back from their honeymoon...was it too soon to call and invite them to lunch? They were both headed back to work tomorrow. Probably better to let them have one last day of vacation with just the two of them. Which left her where? She could head up to the balcony like she’d said, or she could just go home.

  “Jen?” Paige slipped through the doors of the sanctuary and crossed the foyer. “You okay? I saw you leave...”

  Jen sighed. She should smile and let it go. But...Paige might actually know something about Luc. “How well do you know Luc?”

  Something flickered
in Paige’s eyes before she shook her head. “Not at all, really. From a few things Jackson said, Ben doesn’t know him super well. Luc works onsite for several of their longer-term projects, when they’re setting up agriculture or digging wells, those sorts of things. I’m not entirely sure how he came to be in the wedding party. I tried to explain to Rebecca that neither Amy nor I cared if you and Sara walked with the guys, but Rebecca wasn’t having it. Why do you ask?”

  “Sara. She’s completely over the moon about the guy and she barely knows him. And he just seems...off.”

  “You’re sure that’s not jealousy speaking?”

  Jen took a quick breath, an angry retort on her tongue, then stopped. Was it? Luc was handsome, certainly, but...smarmy. And that would be the right adjective even if her dating prospects weren’t in the toilet. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m sure. I mean, okay, I’d like to have a guy who was interested in me. But not him. Throw in how fast Sara has jumped in with both feet and there’s something off there.”

  “I wish I knew what to say. Don’t let it ruin your friendship though, okay? You, Sara, and Rebecca have been friends a long time. Don’t let that go over something like this.”

  Jen nodded. She’d try not to. But it might not be up to her.

  “You want to come sit with me and Jackson?”

  Why not? If she had to sit with a happy couple, it ought to at least be one that didn’t make her physically ill. “Sure. Thanks.”

  Jen turned away from her monitor and looked out her office window. The view was nothing to write home about—just another of Tyson Corner’s tall office buildings—but at least it wasn’t misbehaving code. There had to be something simple she was missing, but she’d been over the program twice already today. Why did it run in the test system but not when it got merged into production?

  Her stomach rumbled. Maybe lunch would help her focus. She could take a few minutes and run across the street to the little deli. It wasn’t amazing, but it’d fill the hole. She grabbed her wallet from her desk drawer. Maybe she’d see if some of the guys wanted to go. They might have a suggestion of where to look for the problem.

  Tugging open her office door, she nearly bumped into David. “Hey.”

  He grinned. “Hey back. You on your way to lunch?”

  “I am, actually. I was going to grab some of the guys and run over to Mia’s.”

  David wrinkled his nose. “Do you have time for something better?”

  “Not a Mia’s fan?”

  He shrugged. “It’s fine. It’s just the first place everyone thinks of and it gets old. It actually got me to bring my lunch for nearly a year. The first eight months I worked here, it was basically the only place I ate. After that, PB&J didn’t sound so bad.”

  Jen chuckled. “All right. Where were you thinking?”

  “Did you need to grab your friends? I don’t want to interrupt something that’s already set up.”

  “Nah. Grabbing them was an afterthought. I’m having trouble debugging something and was going to pick their brains. I can do that after lunch just as easily.” And lunch with David was a more interesting prospect than the guys on her team. She took a deep breath, willing her heart to stop racing. Stopping by was a friendly gesture, nothing more. “How are things up in the teens?”

  David gestured for her to go ahead of him. “Hectic. I had a handful of people come back from their vacation with new jobs.”

  “Ouch.”

  “Basically. So I’ve been running around trying to put out the fires that’s causing. Today’s the first day since New Year’s that I realized it was time to eat before two. I’d intended to get down here sooner.”

  Jen caught one of her team members exaggeratedly batting his eye lashes by the coffee machine. She shot him a look even as her stomach clenched. Was the rumor mill going to be churning about her and David now? Did it matter if it did? “Oh?”

  He stopped and punched the elevator button before turning to hold her gaze. “I’d like to get to know you better. I thought—hoped—you knew that.”

  “Why?” Heat flooded her face. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud...even if it was a valid question. She cleared her throat. “I didn’t mean...I’d like that too.”

  David frowned and opened his mouth. He snapped it shut as the elevator arrived and disgorged its passengers.

  “So, where are we going? Not Mia’s, obviously.” Jen’s laughter sounded forced to her ears, but it coaxed a smile from David.

  “There’s a little diner two blocks over if you have time. They can get crowded.”

  She’d heard of it, but never managed to get there. She didn’t have anything pressing—well, beyond figuring out her code problem—scheduled for the afternoon. “Sounds good.”

  “David?” A stunning Korean woman, maybe in her late thirties, poked her head around the corner of the booth where they were sitting waiting for their server to have time to get to them.

  “Ji. Hi.” David flushed and smiled at Jen. “Jen, this is my sister, Ji-Yoon, Ji-Yoon, my friend Jen.”

  Jen extended her hand. Friend? Was that what they were? They were still getting to know one another. There was attraction—at least on her side—but wouldn’t co-worker have been more accurate? “Pleasure to meet you.”

  “Have you eaten yet?” David looked at his sister.

  “No. Just got here. It’s more crowded than usual today, I’m going to end up sitting at the counter or getting my food to go, I think.”

  “Why don’t you join us?” Jen scooted over, making room beside her instead of hogging the middle of the seat. Hopefully she’d say no, make her excuses. But offering was the polite thing to do and as ingrained as her mother could possibly have hoped.

  “You’re sure you don’t mind?”

  David gestured for his sister to sit. “If Jen doesn’t, I don’t.”

  “Of course not. It’s just a friendly lunch and we have plenty of room.” Jen’s heart sank, her half-formed dreams of lunch turning into a date, or at least the offer of one, disappearing. “You work in the area?”

  Ji nodded. “Two buildings away from David’s office building.”

  Jen pictured it, her eyebrows lifting. That was where their primary competitor had their headquarters.

  Ji grinned.

  David chuckled. “You figured it out fast. But since my big sister was already taking over there, I figured I should apply somewhere else rather than ride her coat tails.”

  Ji shook her head. “I’ll get you over there at some point, I know it. What about you? What do you do, Jen?”

  “I’m a programmer a handful of floors below David. Our division does primarily supply chain solutions, generally not in the government space. I like knowing that we’re helping some of the people and companies that put food on our tables—literally.”

  The server finally appeared and took their orders. The food was going to have to be amazing to make up for the lack of service. Jen didn’t want to spend her whole afternoon at lunch, she did still have a program to debug. And she had to get home at close to the usual time or Tribble was going to have an accident. She really didn’t want to have to pay for new carpet when she moved out of her apartment. Not that she had any immediate plans to do that, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t do her best to keep things pristine.

  “So. Tell me how you and David met.” Ji-Yoon crossed her arms on the table and glanced between Jen and David.

  Jen shot David a look. Hadn’t he said friends? Why was this starting to feel like an interrogation?

  Jen tossed the ball for Tribble and the little dog bounded after it. She still didn’t know what to think about bumping into David’s sister at lunch. Was it really an accident? The woman seemed nice, but she’d had so many questions. They’d bounced from topic to topic with no rhyme or reason; she’d been off balance the whole meal.

  “What was that even about, Trib?” Jen scrubbed the dog’s head and picked up the slobbery ball and tossed it again. The dog tilted her head to the side and
yipped before dashing after her toy.

  “What are you doing out here? It’s getting cold.” Sara rubbed her arms and watched Tribble shaking the ball furiously before loping back toward Jen.

  “Trib needed to play. I wanted the air. What brings you here?” Now that she was paying attention, it had gotten chilly. “Come on, Trib. Let’s go inside.”

  Sara huffed out a breath. “I wanted to say I was sorry. About Sunday. I overreacted.”

  Jen slid open the glass door and waited while Trib and Sara went in. “Okay.”

  “Come on, Jen, don’t be like that.” Sara followed her into the kitchen.

  Tribble lapped water noisily from her dish while Jen filled two mugs at the sink and stuck them in the microwave. “Tea?”

  “Sure. You’re really mad, aren’t you?”

  “No. I’m just...I don’t know what I am. Afraid to be honest, I guess.”

  Sara frowned. “Don’t, okay? Even if I don’t like what you have to say, I still want to hear it. We’re friends. That’s what we do.”

  It used to be what they did, that was true. But it hadn’t been the case where Luc was concerned. And that was part of the problem. “You promise not to bite my head off?”

  Sara nodded.

  “There’s something off about Luc. He glommed on to you at the wedding and I’ve barely seen you since. If I went off with some random stranger, you’d be kicking down my door and wondering what kind of cult I’d gotten involved with.”

  Sara opened her mouth then snapped it shut.

  Jen took the mugs out of the microwave and dropped teabags into them. She handed Sara one and carried the other into the living room, curling onto the sofa. “Do you really know him?”

  “Of course I do. What do you think we do when we’re together?”

  Jen arched a brow.

  “Please. Give me some credit. We talk.”

  “So you know about his childhood? His upbringing? What he does for a living?”