A Handful of Hope

by Elizabeth Maddrey

  “Don’t sweat it. I know how it goes.”

  “How many?” The hostess smiled.

  “Two.” David shook his head. “How’s being a pub owner treating you? For that matter, how are you away on a Friday?”

  Colin slipped into a chair at their table, set the menu aside and tented his fingers. “I finally found a fantastic manager, which makes being a pub owner considerably less stressful and gives me the chance to dabble with computer consulting here and there as the whim strikes. We’ve also found several more local musicians who are excited about taking a turn on the stage. So, while I get first dibs, I can take an evening or three off from that and share the wealth.”

  “Sounds...ideal.” David fought a frown. Colin had had his setbacks. It was good that things were finally smoothing out. Why did it make his heart twist? Was he really that shallow that he couldn’t be genuinely happy for a friend?

  Colin angled his head to the side. “I take it things aren’t that perfect in your world?”

  Shallow and, apparently, transparent. David rubbed his temples. “Far from it. I’m losing three of my best people at the end of next week and only have a replacement for one—and not even the most important one. I’m going to end up absorbing their duties, or alienating some of the other team members as I share the work out, while we take the job listings outside. I was really praying there’d be someone who could transfer internally.”

  “That’s it?” Colin paused as the server returned with glasses of water and took their orders. “Just work?”

  How long had it been since he and Colin really had a heart-to-heart? Too long. Were they even that kind of friends anymore? Not that he had anyone else that he’d consider that type of friend, for all that he had a ton of friends. They were all superficial—people to hang out with, not people you bared your soul to. Colin...was both. Always had been. “There’s this girl.”

  “Aha. I thought there might be.”

  David smiled. “No need to be smug.”

  “Of course there is. Us soon-to-be-married guys always are, or didn’t you get that memo?” Colin sipped his water and lifted a finger as he swallowed. “Speaking of which, before we get into the deep details of your love life, you’ll be my groomsman, right?”

  “I...yeah, sure. You’re sure?” David’s thoughts scattered. “I thought you were having a small, family thing.”

  “We are. Rachel has her aunt standing up for her. We thought about just asking her new uncle to do the same, and then your name popped into my head.”

  “Cool. When?”

  Colin cleared his throat. “So, it’s a little hokey.”

  David drummed his fingers on the table and held his friend’s gaze.

  “Valentine’s Day.”

  David snickered. “I guess you won’t forget the date at least.”

  “I know, I know. But it’s the soonest Siobhan, Rachel’s aunt, could get tickets. And we want—need—it to be soon.”

  David nodded. They’d been settled in Annapolis over a year, engaged for at least half of that. “I’ll be there. Just get me the details.”

  “Absolutely. Now, you can tell me about your mystery woman and then I’ll get to meet her in February.”

  “I...don’t think you’ll get to meet her.” David described their time at Ben and Rebecca’s wedding, subsequent lunches, and disastrous date. “I signed up for an online dating site last week. Haven’t seen anyone that I’m tempted to ask to coffee yet, but...it takes time. Right?”

  “Have you at least talked to Jen since your date?”

  “Just the once, when I’d been hoping to have lunch. Our schedules haven’t meshed. It happens.”

  Colin shook his head. “I don’t think so. She’s avoiding you. Or you’re avoiding her.”

  “I’m not.” David snapped his mouth closed on the words. Maybe, just maybe, he could’ve done things differently and found time. Didn’t she have to meet him half-way?

  “If you say so.” Colin leaned back as the server put his plate in front of him with a smile. “You’re praying about it.”

  It wasn’t a question. David stiffened. He was. Wasn’t he? “Wouldn’t our date have gone well if she’s the woman God has for me?”

  Colin laughed. “Sure. Just like Rachel fell into my arms with joy in Kinsale. You know better than that.”

  “I just don’t think it’s supposed to be this hard.”

  Was he being a wuss? David stared at the ceiling above his bed and listened to the creaks and ticks of the building in the night. Someone had their stereo on, loud enough that muffled thumps from the baseline worked their way through the walls. It wasn’t that he was afraid of hard work. His job, his relationship with his family, ought to be proof of that. But Jen...where had things gone wrong?

  “Jesus? Everyone keeps telling me to pray about it, and I have been—sort of. You know my heart. You know I want to find the woman You have for me. Is it Jen? Is that even possible? Or is it someone online whose profile I haven’t run across yet? Can you make it clear to me, please? I’m not scared of a challenging relationship...well, maybe I am. I haven’t had one before, so it could be that I have no idea what I’m saying. I probably don’t. But if that’s what You have for me, then it’s what I want. I don’t want something just because it’s easy. Not if it it’s not from You.” David flipped onto his stomach and let out a heavy sigh as he forced his eyes closed. “Please, Jesus. Give me wisdom. And some sleep. Amen.”

  “No, no, no. You bailed on us Wednesday, and last night, but you’re not getting out of Saturday shopping. I’ll be there in thirty minutes to pick you up. Be ready.”

  The line went dead. Jen frowned at her phone before setting it aside. Rebecca had been hounding her all week. Texts. Calls. The only thing she hadn’t done was drop by. Looked like that was going to change. Thirty minutes? So much for a lazy day in pajamas, the one thing she’d been looking forward to all week. But she’d managed to smile and get through work, she could manage an afternoon with friends.

  And if anyone asked, she’d just say she hated shopping. That much was true.

  Jen dashed through a shower and threw on jeans and a light sweater. They were in the middle of the sneak peek of spring that always seemed to happen at the end of January in D.C. But it was still chilly enough. And the sweater hid the fact that she hadn’t eaten much this week, leaving her jeans baggy at the waist. Where was her belt? She dug through the pile of clothes and shoes on the floor of her closet—she needed to get that all picked up—and finally emerged with a brown leather belt. Tribble danced around her feet as she carried her shoes into the living room and checked the clock. Ten minutes to spare.

  “Come on, girl, let’s go outside.” Jen opened the sliding door and stepped across the concrete patio to the grassy spot where Tribble was busy sniffing around. When the dog was finished, they went back inside and Jen double-checked the locks. She slipped her phone into her small purse and dropped onto the couch to wait. She should’ve tried harder to get out of this. Her energy had already leeched out of her bones. What would be better than stretching out, dragging a blanket up over her, and zoning out in front of the television for the day? Napping off and on, and just generally not dealing with life.

  Someone banged on the door. Jen sighed, forced a smile, and pulled herself up.

  “You’re ready. I figured I’d have to push you into the shower and...no makeup?”

  Jen shrugged. “It’s Saturday. We’re shopping. Do I need to be self-conscious?”

  “No. I’m just not used to you going out without at least foundation on. If you’re good, I’m good. Ready?”

  Not really. She cast a longing look at the couch where Tribble was curled up. “I guess. What are we shopping for?”

  Rebecca looked at her like she’d grown an extra head. “Whatever we find. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “’Course. Just wanted to be sure there wasn’t something specific on your list.”

  “Nope. I’m simply look
ing forward to a day with my friends.”

  “Because married life is so boring you already need to get away?”

  Rebecca snickered and bumped Jen’s shoulder. “Nope. Come on. Sara’s meeting us there.”

  Oh goody. Jen followed Rebecca out the front door. “Bye, Trib. Be good.”

  In the car, Jen snapped her seatbelt into place.

  “How was your week? Any hot lunch dates other than the one you bailed on, leaving me to hear Sara rhapsodize about Luc all by myself? You owe me for that, by the way.”

  “I don’t see how. I had to deal with it while you were on your honeymoon. Did she tell you she tried to bring him on a Sunday lunch?”

  Rebecca nodded. “She mentioned it. Seems like as the days go by with him out of town, sanity is returning.”

  That was good at least. Maybe the day wouldn’t be full of Sara’s incoherent ramblings about destiny and love at first sight.

  “You didn’t answer my question. I take it that means no, you didn’t have lunch with David this week?”

  “It was a busy week. If I didn’t have lunch with you, why would I go out with him? He doesn’t even like me.”

  Rebecca glanced over, a frown etched into her features. “Yes, he does. I don’t know why you say that.”

  “How would you even know? One conversation at church last week where he asked where I was? I’m telling you, that doesn’t mean anything. At best, he was being nice.” Jen’s money was on him making sure she wasn’t going to show up.

  Rebecca shrugged. “I just know these things.”

  Jen scoffed. Time to change the subject. “Tell me about St. Thomas.”

  Tribble greeted her at the door with a shoe in her mouth.

  Jen sighed. She should’ve put the dog in her crate. All the trainers said that dogs like their crates, but it killed her to do it. And yet, faced with the alternative...dumb dog. “Tribble. No.”

  Tribble dropped the shoe and pranced off toward the sliding door. Clearly she wasn’t scarred for life. Or at all. Jen hooked the shoe with one finger, grimacing at the slime that dripped down her hand. Ugh. She dropped it in the kitchen trash before unlocking the slider to let Tribble out. Her day with Rebecca and Sara had been nice. Surprisingly. After the first hour, she hadn’t needed to remind herself to smile, and for a while, at least, the weight on her chest had lifted.

  Jen took out her phone as it started to ring, one eye on Tribble happily bounding about in the small grassy area. “Hello?”

  “Hi, Jen? It’s David.”

  Her stomach clenched. “Hi.”

  “I’m sorry we missed each other all week. I was really hoping we’d be able to do lunch at least once.”

  Jen frowned. That couldn’t possibly be true. Except...why would he call just to lie to her? It’d be easier to say nothing and fade away. Isn’t that what most people did these days? So maybe there was a little truth there? “Me too. But I know how it gets.”

  “I...were you planning to go to church tomorrow? Your usual church?”

  Rebecca had asked her the same thing. She honestly hadn’t decided one way or the other. Most of her wanted to stay home and take advantage of the quiet, avoid the effort that convincing people you were happy required. And if she did her Bible study and spent extra time praying, wasn’t that basically the same thing? “Probably.”

  “Cool. Would it be okay if I sat with you?”

  Jen patted her leg, calling Tribble to her. She leaned down and scooped up the pup when she got close enough and headed back inside. “Yeah. Sure. I usually sit with Sara and Rebecca. Which of course means Ben, Jackson, and Paige now, too. And Zach, if he’s making the trek out of the city.”

  He chuckled. “So I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  “Sounds like it.”

  “Looking forward to it. ‘Night.”

  “Night.” Jen hit end and shook her head. That was...weird. Weird was the only possible word to describe that conversation. It wasn’t as if she’d get up and move to a different pew if he came and sat down with them. So why would he ask if it was okay? It made it sound like he was coming to church again to see her. But that wasn’t possible. After their date...was there even a chance they could stay friends?

  Her heart ached. She wanted to stay friends. She wanted more than that, if she was honest with herself. He was cute, interesting, and he made her laugh. Plus, there was no denying they had chemistry. What went wrong on their date? It was her. It had to be. Heaviness settled over her, pushing away any of the last strains of joy she’d found shopping with her friends. She scooped dry food into Tribble’s bowl and went back out to the living room. Laying down on the couch, she dragged a blanket over her and clicked on the TV.

  Looks like she’d get that binge watching in after all. Why, God? Why did you make me this way? Why couldn’t you make me someone worth loving?

  David jingled the change in his pocket. She wasn’t here yet. Why wasn’t she here? Everyone else was already in the sanctuary. He’d gone in to put his Bible down, to save a spot as much as to know where to sit. But no Jen. She’d said she was coming. Strains of music from the worship band blasted through the door as a group of people opened it and filed in. He should just go sit. She’d either come or not.

  He wanted to see her.

  David tugged open the door to the sanctuary and made his way to the pew where everyone was sitting. He picked up his Bible and looked back toward the foyer before taking a seat.

  “Is she usually late?”

  Sara, seated next to him, shook her head. “She’s usually the first one here. Did you text her?”

  “I didn’t want to seem like I was nagging.”

  Sara scoffed. “It’s not nagging, it’s interest. Text her. If she doesn’t appreciate it, I’ll kick her.”

  David slipped his cell out of his pocket.

  “Sorry. I know I’m late.” Jen slid into the pew, brushing past David and leaving a swath of tingles behind her. Sara scooted over, making space for Jen to sit next to him.

  David put his phone away. “I’m glad you made it.”

  Pink colored her cheeks and she looked down.

  “Let’s stand and praise the Lord together.” The worship leader stepped back and nodded to the band who kicked the music into high gear. Words flashed onto the screens on either side of the stage.

  David stood, watching Jen out of the side of his eye. She was pale—other than the blush that still tinged her cheeks—and there were dark circles under her eyes. What had caused those? His fingers itched to twine with hers. That would be too forward. Somewhere in the middle of the night, he’d made the decision that Jen was worth pursuing. He just had to figure out the right tactic. It seemed like the usual method, the straightforward method, wasn’t going to work as well with Jen as it did with other women. Not that he was particularly adept with other women, but still.

  He struggled through the service, his mind constantly wandering to the woman beside him. She took notes furiously through the sermon. And when she wasn’t writing, she was drawing interlocking swirls along the side of her page. Did she even realize she doodled, or was it just reflex? David jotted down the scripture references and a few points, but he was going to have to spend time this afternoon reading them again, maybe replaying the podcast, if he was going to get anything more from the service than confirmation that he found Jen attractive and wanted to know her better.

  As the recessional started, David shifted to face Jen. “Lunch?”

  “Sure.” Jen turned to include Sara in the conversation. “We’re doing lunch, right?”

  “Think so. Lunch, right guys?” Sara raised her voice over the din of families filing out of the church.

  David fought a frown. He hadn’t intended it to be a group exercise. But...maybe it was for the best. He needed to figure out a plan.

  David finished the email to his friend in HR and hit send. Hopefully the woman down on six would be a good fit for the team lead job. She looked good on paper. Who did he kno
w on six? He drummed his fingers on his desk, then smiled and opened a new email. He tapped out a quick question to a guy he’d worked with on a proposal last year. With any luck, he’d know the woman and give the straight scoop on why she was looking for an internal transfer. Her current contract wasn’t up. That didn’t necessarily mean something bad. But it was better to know for sure going in. He checked the time on his screen. It might be a little early, but if he went down now, Jen couldn’t claim she’d already eaten. He locked his machine, tucked his phone in his pocket, and left his office.

  “David. Just the man I was looking for.”

  David winced as his boss hailed him. “Kurt. What’s up?”

  “Any progress filling your vacancies yet?”

  “I think so. Got a lead for an internal just this morning. I’m hoping I can meet with her today, tomorrow at the latest. It’d be nice to have time for an actual transition if we can swing it.”

  “Good. That’s good.” Kurt nodded. “I’m going to need you to help with a new proposal effort. I’ll send you the information this afternoon, but clear some space for that, okay?”

  David nodded, his stomach sinking. Proposals. His very least favorite thing. They were necessary, he got that. But still, what a waste of time. Kurt had to know how much he detested them. Seemed like the man took great pleasure assigning them to him. “Will do.”

  “Great. Have a good lunch.”

  “Thanks.” He stabbed the elevator button. That had been relatively painless at least. And it hadn’t taken too long. Maybe he still had a chance to catch Jen. He entered the elevator with a nod to the handful of folks already on board, and pressed Jen’s floor, his lips curving into a smile. He’d spent yesterday afternoon and evening praying and planning. It was time to put the plan into action.

  When it stopped on Jen’s floor, David stepped off the elevator and took a deep breath. Please, Jesus, let this be the right thing. And if it’s not—if Jen isn’t who you have for me—make it clear. He swiped his badge and went through the door from the elevator lobby into the maze of offices, nodding to the few faces that were becoming familiar from his visits to Jen’s. When he got to her office, her door was mostly closed, so he knocked once and pushed it open a tad more.