A Handful of Hope

by Elizabeth Maddrey

  “Think of it this way, you’ll have a great view.” David’s fingers tightened at her waist.

  “Sure. That’s...oh, we brought you a gift.” She reached into her purse and withdrew an envelope. “Congratulations on your wedding.”

  Colin slipped the envelope into the inside pocket of his suit. “Thanks. Why don’t you have a seat? Rachel’s almost ready, according to her uncle, so we should be able to get things going before too much longer.”

  Jen fought against the heaviness that tried to suffocate her. She wasn’t giving in to this, not today. Her doctor couldn’t see her until next week, and even then, it wasn’t as if the medication would start to work immediately. She needed better coping mechanisms. Find a blessing. That’s what her mother always said, back when Jen was still trying to convince herself that feeling blue now and then wasn’t as big a problem as it had already become. Blessing number one? David.

  It was as if he knew she was struggling. He kept in contact with her, just a light touch. Nothing overwhelming or possessive, but a little reminder that he was here. She shot him a smile and tried to infuse it with gratitude.

  A tiny crack of light wormed its way through the darkness in her mind.

  Okay, blessing two? Organ music started up. Who would have thought a tiny chapel like this would have such a lovely instrument?

  David squeezed her knee. “I think that’s my cue. You’re okay here?”

  She nodded. “I’m fine. Go be a groomsman. Or the groomsman.”

  He laughed and kissed her cheek.

  It took everything she had not to put her hand over the spot he’d kissed. A shiver worked through her. Did he even realize what he’d done? It had seemed like such a natural response. He took something from Colin as they positioned themselves at the altar, then turned and winked at her. An older woman came down the aisle dressed in a powder blue suit, complete with pill-box hat. The music changed and Jen stood, turning to look.

  The bride was resplendent in an ankle-length dress of eyelet lace. The lines were something out of the forties or fifties—very flattering. Though Jen doubted a paper sack would look bad on this woman. She made quick work of the aisle, the older man escorting her was chuckling quietly as he put her hand in Colin’s, then stepped to the side and took the hand of the bridesmaid—matron? Did you call them a bridesmatron? Or was every married woman in a wedding party the matron of honor? Why was she even thinking about it? It didn’t matter.

  Jen sat back down and watched David as the minister began the ceremony. He must have felt her eyes on him. He turned and smiled in her direction. Before long, Rachel and Colin had said their vows and the minister was pronouncing them husband and wife. She clapped as they kissed, her gaze darting to David.

  The bridesmaid grabbed Rachel in a tight hug. The man followed suit. Rachel laughed, one hand holding tight to Colin’s. Jen stood and crossed her arms. Why was she here? This was a time for family and good friends.

  Rachel broke away from the older couple and crossed to Jen. “Hi, I’m Rachel. David said he was bringing someone, so, being full of good deductive reasoning, I’m assuming you’re Jen?”

  “Yes. Hi. Congratulations.” Jen extended her hand. “It was a lovely service.”

  “Thanks. I’m so glad you could come. We thought for a while that some of Colin’s friends from his software days would be able to make it, and then we hoped a few of my old friends might come, but that all fell through so we decided we’d just get married now and have a party another time when people could make the trip. This was the best weekend for my aunt and uncle to come in from Ireland. It’s a slow time for Aunt Siobhan’s B&B, and mine, for that matter. And I’m babbling. Sorry.” She glanced up at her new husband and beamed.

  “I’m pretty sure you’re allowed to babble on your wedding day. Congratulations again. And thanks for letting me come.” Jen reached for David’s hand and swallowed a contented sigh when he wrapped his fingers around hers.

  “Can we take you two to dinner? Did you have something planned? You were a little skimpy on details.” David looked between Colin and Rachel, an eyebrow raised in query.

  “We weren’t sure if you’d have time, with tomorrow being a workday. I know it’s a bit of a drive back to Tyson’s Corner.” Colin moistened his lips and glanced over his shoulder at Rachel’s aunt and uncle. “But I’m game for dinner if you all are. The pub’s closed on Sundays or I’d suggest we could go there.”

  “Ha. I wouldn’t agree to that anyway. We’re in Annapolis, let’s go hunt up seafood.” David winked at Jen. “But not shellfish.”

  Jen chuckled. The rest of the heaviness dissipating, at least for now. “I do make exceptions for a real Maryland crabcake.”

  “Noted. You two know the town better than me at this point—where should we go?”

  “You’re quiet. You okay?” David glanced over then returned his eyes to the road. It was dark, but at least the traffic on the Beltway wasn’t horrible. Yet.

  “Yeah, I’m just tired. Friday night and then today was a lot of people interaction for me. Which sounds dumb.”

  “No, I get it. I need that recoup time too. Sure that’s all?”

  Was it? The conversation with Sara on Friday still bothered her. And today had been another couple choosing a small wedding rather than some extravagant dream. Was one better than the other? “Just thinking about weddings, I guess.”

  “With so many friends getting married this year, that’s not hugely surprising. Anything in particular?”

  How much to tell. Was it betraying a confidence to mention the conversation with Amy and the rest of the girls? “On Friday, we talked about weddings some. Amy’s trying to get started with her planning ‘cause she wants this big, elegant affair. Maybe I’m weird, but I never really had the million-dollar fantasy, you know? I want more than just some random date of my groomsman, mind you, but...it feels like the older I get, the less I worry about the wedding. Are those huge events we see on TV just for young people?”

  “I don’t know about that. Maybe they’re more for people who have a different view of marriage.”

  “What do you mean?”

  David flicked on the turn signal and changed lanes. “As our culture puts more and more emphasis on the party and then ends up with relationships that are over before the bills are paid, I think some Christians are starting to realize we need to get back to focusing on the covenant of marriage. And that doesn’t need a party—in fact, sometimes the party detracts from it.”

  “So you think big weddings are bad?”

  “No. Not at all. Not if you can have one in a sane way—not going into huge debt for it, for example. If you can afford it and it’s what you want, and you can stay true to God’s other commandments for as long as it takes to pull one off, then hey, go nuts. But if any of those things aren’t true? Why not have a small wedding and put the focus on the vows you’re making? You can always have a big party down the road.”

  Jen smiled. “That’s what I said to Amy. I, uh, guess she and Zach are having some temptation issues.”

  David nodded. “He mentioned that. Make sense. It’s a tough situation to be in.”

  That was the truth. What must it be like? Would it be similar, down the road, for her and David? They worked in the same building and already she got chills whenever he was near. When he’d kissed her cheek...well, what would a real kiss be like? It had always been relatively simple when she was in college. Somehow, being young and committed to purity was easier then. Now almost everyone she knew believed like Sara, that staying pure was an old fashioned and unrealistic idea. Maybe her other Christian acquaintances weren’t as straightforward about it as Sara had been but, if you paid attention, you could tell from the comments they made.

  Sometimes she was convinced her mother even thought she was taking it too far.

  “Here we are.” David turned the car into a space near her apartment door and shifted into park. “Thanks again for coming with me. I had a really goo
d time.”

  “Me too.” Jen reached for the door.

  David switched off the engine and touched her arm. “Hang on, I’ll walk you to the door.”

  She smiled and waited as he hopped out and rounded the car to open her door. “Thanks.”

  He took her hand in his and squeezed.

  Jen dug out her keys and stood in front of her apartment. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  “I hope so. Though I’m going to have meetings most of the day. Text me when you’re heading to lunch, I’ll see if I can break free.”

  Her heart sank. It was silly. She’d spent time with him today. But she looked forward to their lunches and just seeing him. It was the bright spot to her day. “Okay.”

  David reached up and brushed a tendril of hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. He left his hand curved under her jaw as he slowly leaned forward. His lips were just the whisper of a touch on hers. She shivered and gripped his waist, returning the kiss and pulling him closer. Every contact point was aflame. The world seemed to spin.

  David eased back.

  Jen pressed her lips together, savoring the tingling.

  “I should go.” David kissed her forehead.

  Jen nodded, not trusting her voice. She unlocked her door and pushed it open. “Tomorrow?”

  “Yeah.” His voice was husky. “’Night, Jen. Sweet dreams.”

  That wasn’t likely to be a problem.

  David hunched his shoulders under his mother’s gaze.

  “You need to bring her to dinner. It’s time. From what Ji’s said, it’s maybe past time.”

  He frowned. “What do you mean? We’ve been out a few times with friends, but only on two real dates. And one was a disaster.”

  “Doesn’t matter. You’re half in-love with her. I can see it.”

  Heat crawled up the back of his neck as a denial formed on his lips. Except...was he? “I don’t think—”

  “Of course not. You haven’t realized it. Take it from your mother, though, you are. And so, I want to meet her.” His mom smiled and patted his hand. “Bring her on Saturday. We’ll have Ji and Min over and no one else. That way it won’t be as intimidating.”

  David scoffed. Limiting it to his parents and older sister wasn’t exactly keeping it laid back. His other siblings—combined—would put Jen through less of a gauntlet. Though maybe, having already had lunch with Ji, it wouldn’t be quite so bad. It wasn’t like he had a choice. Mom was clearly intent on getting her way. “I’ll ask if she’s free.”

  “She will be. If she doesn’t see what she has in you, then she’s not good enough.”

  “Mom.”

  “What? It’s true. You’re a good son, a good man. You deserve someone who recognizes that.”

  Unlike Soo. That was the unspoken finish to the sentence. His parents had been more upset than him when they broke up, but once they realized he wasn’t nearly as hurt as they’d imagined, they acted as if they’d never been in favor of the match. It would be funny if it hadn’t made things awkward at church for at least six months. Which was a moot point now. Especially seeing as he was happy at his new church. Having a group of friends there already didn’t hurt, but it wouldn’t have been enough to keep him if the preaching wasn’t solid.

  “Tell me about the church you’ve been attending.” His mother settled onto a stool at the kitchen island and patted the spot next to her. “Since you don’t come for lunch and I have to bribe you to come over on a Wednesday night, you must be enjoying it.”

  David chuckled and sat. “Sorry. I keep thinking I’ll come to lunch, but there’s a group of people I know who go there and they keep inviting me along.”

  “And Jen is one of them?”

  He nodded.

  “This is good. You like it, then?”

  “I really do. The preaching is so thought-provoking. I find myself thinking about it from one week to the next. The Pastor is focused on what it means to live for Jesus in today’s world and having a consistent, visible faith. Even when it’s hard, and not what the culture would say is reasonable.”

  She smiled. “I’ve heard that. It’s nice to have it confirmed. I miss seeing your face, but I think where you are is better for you in the long run. You were never really challenged at our church, were you?”

  He shook his head. He hadn’t realized that was the case until he tried somewhere else though. How many people stayed where they were comfortable and missed out on the chance to grow?

  “Bring this young woman of yours to dinner. Will she eat Korean food?”

  “I took her for chicken one lunch. She liked that. She seems pretty adventurous.”

  “That will make your father happy, though that man loves a hamburger as much as anyone else. Now, tell me about the wedding. Did you take any pictures?”

  David dug his phone out of his pocket and opened the photo gallery, offering it to his mother as he started to describe the event.

  Back at home, David stretched out on his couch and flipped on the TV. It wasn’t too late—not quite nine o’clock. He poked the speed dial he’d set up for Jen and hit mute on the TV remote, letting the police slash forensics team show keep playing in the background with no sound.

  “Hi there. I was just thinking about you.”

  David grinned. “That’s nice to hear. Anything specific?”

  Jen laughed. “Not really. Just wondering what you were up to. There was a new episode of my favorite cop show on tonight. You mentioned you watch it.”

  “Yep. It’s on right now. I had the DVR start recording, thankfully, since I ended up going to my parents’ for dinner and basically just got home.”

  “Ah. Well, I won’t spoil it for you, then, but it’s a great episode.” She paused and cleared her throat. “How are your parents?”

  She sounded nervous. Why? “They’re doing well. They are actually hoping we could come for dinner on Saturday.”

  “Oh. Um. Okay?”

  “Great. That’s great. I promise it won’t be too bad. My sister Ji, you remember her, right?”

  “Sure. She had lunch with us. I’ve been meaning to ask you, was that set up? Or was it really an accident?”

  David winced. He’d told Ji that Jen hadn’t bought the random bumping into story. “It was arranged. It was that, or this dinner with my parents would’ve been much sooner. They’re...involved. That’s really the best word I can come up with. They’re not overbearing or anything, but they like to know what’s going on and offer opinions on things. But I promise, they don’t care if you don’t do what they recommend. They’re very firm about their children living their own lives.”

  “Okay. That actually makes me feel a little better. The questions she asked were...strange for someone who just happened to bump into us.”

  “I tried to tell her that. She insisted she’d pulled it off. You’re not upset?”

  “Nah. My parents want to meet you, too.”

  They did? His stomach jittered. Would they be able to see how he felt as easily as his own parents could? No, of course they wouldn’t. It wasn’t like he wore his heart on his sleeve. “We can do that, if you want?”

  “I’ll talk to them and set something up. Probably not for this weekend.”

  He chuckled, the tension in his shoulders easing. “That’s a good idea. So. Saturday. Ji and her husband Min will be there. That’s what I’d started to say. And probably her two kids, unless she gets a sitter. I guess I could’ve asked about that.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I like kids. And who knows, they might make it less awkward.”

  David pursed his lips. That was possible. His niece and nephew weren’t known for keeping things to themselves. But their naked honesty came across as cute and endearing rather than overly forward. Then again. “That’s...debatable. But thank you for being okay with whatever. I’ll pick you up at five?”

  “Sounds good. I’m already pretty sure I can’t do lunch tomorrow. We need to have a brainstorming session—we
hit something in the next phase of the deliverable that the guys are struggling to design. I have some ideas, but I need to get them on board.”

  David rubbed the back of his neck. He hated team meetings like that. “Ugh. I’ll be praying for you. Those can be rough. Text me when it’s over and let me know how it went?”

  “Sure. Now, you should go watch that episode so I can talk to you about it. I’m going to read for a little before calling it a night.”

  He smiled. Her voice had grown soft, warmer somehow. “Okay. ‘Night.”

  Half in love with her. Was his mother right? That seemed...fast. And yet, at the same time, right. They weren’t kids, fresh out of college—heck, even in college. He was pushing thirty, she was only what, two years behind him? At some point, did you just realize things were right without all the mucking around?

  Lord, would you let me know—clearly—if this is the way you want things to be progressing? Give me the patience and compassion to weather her depression, and to help her when it hits. Help me to have the right words—or the ability to stay silent, whatever she needs. And help her team to see and accept her ideas tomorrow. Amen.

  David swallowed, but it did nothing to ease the desert in his mouth. “You look amazing. You didn’t have to dress up for this.”

  Jen smoothed a hand down the knee-length black skirt she wore. “Is it too much? I could go put on slacks. Or jeans. You’re wearing khakis.”

  He was. He’d dressed up a little, though khakis and a sweater was still casual. Of course, he’d dressed up for her, not his parents. He suspected the opposite was true of Jen. “Like I said, amazing. Ready?”

  She smiled, her cheeks pinking prettily. “I guess.”

  “You don’t need to be nervous.” He had that covered for both of them.

  “I’ll remind you of that when it’s your turn. Speaking of which, what does next weekend look like for you?”

  David fought a wince. It was only fair. But still. “I can make that work. Just tell me when.”

  “All right. I think my folks will want to go out. Mom isn’t the best cook. She can handle simple things, but I don’t think she’d be confident enough for meeting you the first time.” Her hand flew to her mouth. “But don’t tell her I said that.”