431 YEAS OF DEATH: The origin

by Divya Singh

  Manny riddled: “ How come your android’s head is severed?” and looked at me with a suspicion.

  I was about to say something out of guilt, but suddenly ZA-vi managed uttering fumbled words before I could.

  ZA-vi: ”I had asked her to slit open my neck as I had faced some difficulty in getting her to believe that I am actually a robot. She doesn’t believe me anymore that I am and that I am carving some kind of silly storyline to lure her into something which she would otherwise not agree to. She also does not trust me because she believes that I am a human being with feelings. She also suspects why and how could I read her thoughts. Um…and what I looked like, underneath this skin of mine. I thought that she possesses a right to see for herself or so I thought. You know, it’s a complicated human-cyborg relationship.”

  All this time for which I heard his nonsense reply, I felt it was really a little too much for a machine to tell a lie. ZA-vi had gone far ahead than his capacity for just me; to save me from being caught in the act. To save me from the ocean of guilt I was drowning in.

  Manny, who stood right to Sammy, looked at Sammy, and said-

  Manny:”I did not understand what he meant, did you understand what he just said?”

  Sammy: ”No! I too did not understand a word. Forget it. Let us just do our job. We must not waste any moment in doing our job efficiently. After all it seems to be about something between a case and her robot. Let us do it! Hurry up!”

  They looked at each other and then resumed doing their work which they were assigned to do. Manny picked up ZA-vi’s head and Sammy started dragging his body behind him but could not do that because ZA-vi seemed to weigh a lot. Then Manny stepped back and held right arm of ZA-vi by his left hand and both dragged ZA-vi out, his head and body separated and wires hung from between the two parts of his body. ZA-vi glanced at me just for one moment, but I was not prepared with guts to stare into those eyes. It made me feel ashamed of myself.

  It was one of those things which made me feel like I was drowning in a pool of guilt. I would not want for such kind of things to be done by me. I am not a criminal by intent. I believed that I have had a wonderful soul that I trusted, but I really did not understand what went wrong with me today.

  May be it is all because of this dystopian life I am bound to live. It seems to actually be my this new life which is a nightmare. Or it may be the prolonged state of being dead. It could be the shocks I was administered to, in order to be reanimated which may have caused serious side effects. It could be unending overdose of drugs I have to be put onto. Or maybe it is the synthetic blue blood or therapeutic that’s not actually compatible with my thinking process. Or just being this much weak.

  It could be the fact of being the lab rat for way too long a period. Or that the people acted really strange with me here, deliberately concealing every meager detail of my own life from me. This all was breaking me up on a subconscious level. Evil took over upon me and made me do what I did today with my own cyborg and against evil I can’t stand to face the circumstances and when this happens I lose control over my own actions. Uncontrollability coupled with excessive protocols, unnecessary security and blatant secrecy might be unknowingly drifting me to darkness once and for all, and this was what I began to fear now.

  This night felt hard on me. I was seemingly capable of guilt and shame and fear and regret. My might was developing at a quick pace. I did not want to incorporate such negative feelings in the development of my mind. I wanted memories but not a life full of guilt and regret. I always preferred death to such a life. Somehow I could fall asleep.

  Chapter 14: The man from the past: I was not alone

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  I woke up with a start. ZA-vi woke me up as he kept his metal cold hand over my shoulder. But for the end of such a grave night filled with repentance, no morning could have gotten any better. Seeing ZA-vi was getting innocent once again. Then he waved-

  “Good Morning Madam.” He said to me.

  I heaved a sigh of relief and said, “Good Morning ZA-vi! I am ashamed that I inflicted assault on you, tried to kill you. You are really my friend and actually the most efficient machine-person-robot I have ever met. I promise I will never hurt you or even ask you anything about myself or my past nor will I ever let anyone harm you.” My words were laden with emotions.

  ZA-vi: “OK Madam! Consider me a human for now, who just understood your emotions. Although you know that I don’t. OK now something of a great significance! It is your first day of having been authorized to explore the nooks and corners of this ship. So are you ready?”

  I said: “Please wait for a half an hour, arrange me new robes, let me do my hair & freshen up, so that I can spend time with humans. I am really excited. By the time please do some work you can.”

  ZA-vi smiled and said: “OK Madam as you wish.”

  Seeing that smile around was indeed very convincing. Anyway I had to step on the past and move on to new life. Today is special, I am a welcomed person on the ship, authorized to roam about, interact with everything surrounding me that I wish and investigate. I am a little nervous too. I don’t know if people on the deck shall ever approve of my appearance. I know I look ugly and blue and a complex mix of man and woman. I know nobody would like a corpse walking on the deck. People will interrogate about me before I could investigate about the surroundings or interact with them. It will really be strange for them. So I must brace myself up for any kind of trouble. I am determined to ward off any such criticism. I will stand strong and not back down on any of such ill talking.

  I was given a second chance to life and I had to live it up as a challenge. I had a right to live and fight for my right.

  Whatever I looked like, I am me. I have to believe in myself and will convince others to believe in me. Everyone must accept and appreciate my existence. Every life on the earth has a reason behind its existence. I will use my voice in my defense. I was sure not all of them will see me with hatred. I thought that I will be brave to go through it all. I was all ready irrespective of the expected negative reactions of people who would meet me. I wanted to be accepted but my life was my own, I would live it even if I am despised. I have gone through death to have this new life. To know what I must do, and to accomplish it with all my right will be my sole purpose.

  Just then ZA-vi stepped in with new robes for me. I was going to wear tight white dress then. No long, apron or sick hospital type light blue loose clothes. A white top and coat on white pants.

  ZA-vi said: “The dress code on the deck is white; doctors wear light blue, though you can wear any color elsewhere. But to ease all the unwelcoming eyes I suggest going out in the dress code, first day.”

  I said: “OK I am ready to go out in white. Please step out, and I will join you in a few minutes.”

  ZA-vi nodded and went out of the room. I changed my clothes, looked at my hair and face on the screen. Fluffed my white robes again and patted my back for looking my best I could. I stepped out and joined ZA-vi and we reached the elevator and I proudly called out my passkey-

  ZA-vi: “So where would you like to go now Madam?”

  I said : “I think that we will start a new floor, what about ‘-12’

  “What do they have there? You would be knowing, if that is not a top secret type floor?”

  ZA-vi: “That is a medical ward, hospital in other words. That would not be interesting for you and you will be unwanted in the hospital. I do not suppose your trip will be useful there.”

  I said: “Then I am willing to take risk. I want to go to the hospital and see if I can find anything worthy there.” and I pressed button reading ’-12’

  The doors opened on the next floor. When I peeked out of the elevator, this floor interior looked almost identical to that of the Navigator. Just with the difference of transparent glass walls. Here all the rooms are opaque and smaller and are numbered. It really looked like a hospi
tal with private wards. ZA-vi led me towards the end of the right corridor. This corridor did not start in front of my elevator but we had to walk till the end of the elevators to the right and then this well lit corridor began, it had rooms double as big as the ones in the corridor facing the elevator we got off from.

  These rooms were transparent, as I walked past them. I saw some of them had lights and were empty, but others were pitch black. Then we reached one on my right it had two big cylindrical glass enclosures first one was empty , the other had a body suspended in a liquid which reminded me of my first memories of this life as I woke up with just a head inside a liquid.

  It was a male body. I knew this, because I think some of my memories were coming back, and general concepts were memorized by my brain more quickly as against the particular events of my own life. But this I knew that this was a male body coming from past. His reproductive organs were normal sized and not vestigial. So I have had a guess that he belongs to the past just like me.

  Another clue that suggested me of his life in past was that he was suspended in liquid just as my brain was. So be it either way, he must have been living in a different era than this. Then I thought my android could help. I turned to ZA-vi for more.

  ZA-vi : “ I have never seen this body before and I cannot tell you much because I have no intelligence in this respect but all that I can say is that this body does not belong to this era. What you think must be correct.”

  “Ok! ” I said and looked back at the male body. It was tall-ish not sharp but beautiful features, white, brown hair and broad shoulders with big hands. It was naked hence my female brain was tickled with amusement. I thought, oh good I got to see a human male capable of reproduction from the past, otherwise in an era which grows humans in labs it would not make for an easy sight to be around. I felt like I was in a museum with a rare arte fact. It was amazing to see a proper naked man and I smiled at ZA-vi triumphantly. I telepathically told him that my decision of coming to this hospital floor was justified. Then we stepped away from the room holding the male from the past.

  ZA-vi turned right and led me to an oversized enormous hall with glasses for walls. It was bright and white lights whispered the optimism of being a human again into my ears. I was pleased to go unmasked in lights.

  Chapter 15: Dr. Doom and a heated argument

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  One woman who was stepping out of the hall looked at me startled and almost stopped, but then resumed her rhythm. Still I am sure she must have stared at my back. I was reminded of my awkwardness. A sense of sadness just crept in.

  Still my footsteps kept advancing ahead. A nurse who was pushing a trolley gave me a hard stare, but she quickly turned to her right hand door. At the end of the hall towards left two women and a man stood discussing some topic which seemed to be of utmost importance. The man looked up as we reached there the woman on left faced the woman in the middle who had turned her face away as she was looking at machine and equipments.

  Now they all faced towards us, obviously the man would have alerted them.

  ZA-vi: “ Hello Dr. Despondra! This is case DS, a special case OF Dr Shelly and …..”

  Despondra: “Yeah Yeah, I Know. No need for introduction. Even blind will recognize Shelly & KEAH’s mistake. Look at the ultraviolet skin she has got. Tragic! I don’t even know if this miracle is a he or she. Relentless!”

  ZA-vi to me: “Madam! This is Dr. Despondra, director of our Hospital.”

  I nodded my head in the acknowledgement of her presence, but from inside I was bewildered to notice her harsh nature and outspoken attitude spilling hatred. I said, “Hello! But she did not stop here and continued-

  Despondra: “I do not believe in reanimation one bit. I hate the idea of raising a corpse from death. I mean we can work on achieving in-vitro fertilization and raise real people. I do not understand why life extension procedures like cryo are available at first place. It does not go well with me. I mean why we need corpses to walk on earth. I can tolerate cloning too for the purpose of repopulating the Earth, if the real humans are not born anymore. I will accept anything but not reanimation.”

  I said: ”why do you have to hate me so much?”

  Despondra: ”I don’t even understand the validity of a reason to not to hate you. Do you think that what you just asked was a question? Come on! Everybody who will see you like this, do you think they will love you? Or do you, love yourself speaking honestly?

  I said: “I do not remember any of myself. But I certainly do not hate myself being honest and upfront. Repentance is not for me.” The relevance of a statement made earlier by ZA-vi was clear to my eyes now.

  Despondra: “So you do not remember anything right? How pathetic? Is this a life you chose for yourself? Is this what you wanted? Argh!!! Why would you even remember that? It gets sickening to me. Have you noticed that you look different? Strange? Oh no! You look ugly! Saying ironically, you look horrifying. Do people look at you with a welcoming gaze? I feel pity for them for they have to bear the frightening sight of a corpse with blue veins walking before them. They must be aghast with the sight. May God give them strength to bear the horrible sight.”

  I said: “I know that I don’t look pretty pleasant but these blue violet veins lasts only till I get red blood from a natural donor and get proper treatment for pigmentation which will cover the uneven complexion. Dr. SHELLY says my bone marrows are not going to be working for some time until I find a donor to transplant it to me.”

  Despondra: “It is an obvious fact that you aren’t going to find any donor either for blood or bone marrow stem cells. If it is, what you have come here for, I must tell you a ‘NO’ already and you don’t even need to put up enquiry at the Bank on desk. You should just return and learn to find peace with disappointment because it is just the start of your woes.”

  I said: “I can’t believe that you are a doctor! The ones I have met, that is the likes of SHELLY, KEAH, Von etc. they bring back the dead to life and what a contrast you are against them? You wish to see dead, a person who is alive.”

  Despondra: “You certainly have guts Blue Monster! Dr. SHELLY? KEAH? Who the hell are they? They are insane doctors on Earth who unleash curse on Earth! They create monsters like you, in a world already full of monsters. Like we needed a few more and call them their Miracles? You are a ghost whom I hate, but I also feel pity for you because perhaps you have lost your mind in the reanimation process that makes you think that you are in some way alive. It’s funny but it’s somehow actually horrible. I am doing some important work here concerned with saving real human beings already scarce in number in the world. I do not want to waste my one precious minute over you. So please get lost and try not to come over to me again. I don’t want to ruin my mood again.” Then, she turned her back on to my face and carried on with her task again.

  I murmured, “You shouldn’t have gone that far.” My blue blood must have reached its boiling point in anger and hatred by then. I saw ZA-vi looking at me; I turned all the way back to the corridor with him catching up with my strides. I was really very frustrated. No, I was furious! I was furious at myself for having heard that much from this Despondra witch, and it made me feel that if I hadn’t turned back and returned I could have killed her. She really got on my nerves. I told ZA-vi, to stop me from making any attempt to return back to her and inflict injury to her person. I did not want to make a mistake again, not so soon in the gust of the moment. I held him by his arm and said-

  I said: “Take me back to my room right now!”

  And we came back.

  I sat on my bed and said: “That woman called me a monster, do you know how it feels ZA-vi?” I was burning in anger. “I wish you knew.”

  ZA-vi, bringing a glass full of water to me-

  ZA-vi: “Here take this water down and choose peace.”

  I said: “I forgot that robots do not have feelings!” I taunted Z
A-vi.

  ZA-vi: “I know that she has humiliated and offended you. I understand that much in words, if not in feelings. But try to stay calm. What she said is not true and we both know this.”

  Inside I wanted to punish her very badly. She called me a monster? What does she know about me for having said that? If she was me, would she have hated herself? If she has abused good part of me, I think she deserves my bad as well. But how do I show her the evil?

  Then I thought, I am monstrous because I don’t have blood and functioning marrow, then why not transfuse her blood into my body and gain some Red Blood Cells? If she has called me a blue monster she is the one whom it must cost to. I thought good or bad, but she bore the seeds of hatred in her heart for me. My existence was now undignified. Despondra had expelled puke saying enough evil against me. It was pure humiliation which I was not intending to assimilate.

  After all if it was her views about not bringing the dead to life, what would have made me object of her hatred and distaste? But then who the hell is she to decide that who should live and who should not? How could she get judgmental over my life?

  I have been given a right to live and it doesn’t become worthless just because she hates me. If she hates me I have a right to make her pay for having said humiliating crap and devaluing my life in front of 2 people and ZA-vi, my android.

  If she says that nobody will volunteer to donate blood and bone marrow to me then why not start with borrowing some blood from her? Her, this, hard abhorrence towards human life actually undervalues her own existence rendering her thereby, a fit candidate for blood transfusion to me.

  I thought that I will suction out as much blood as possible from her body and transfuse it into my veins, where else and how would I find a donor who deserves a little pain; who deserves being forced into such a service to the monster for whom she bore irreverence. Most significantly she must pay the price for hatred towards humanity; towards people like me who were awarded second chances in their lives and beyond.