J K Rowling - [Harry Potter 0X]

by Harry Potter

  Remus was still smiling like it was a practical joke.

  “I’m pregnant,” repeated Tonks. However, her tone wasn’t lifeless as before. No, her voice was full of panic and doubt. Tears of fear and trepidation shined in her dark eyes.

  “Um, yes,” Hermione reasserted apprehensively.

  Remus was smiling as before, but this time, he was pitching backwards. His head hit the cushions of the couch and he fainted... while still smiling mind you.

  “I’m pregnant,” the Auror nearly shouted; her voice full of anger and her face twisted in rage.

  “Y-y-yes,” stammered Hermione with fear. Harry was genuinely concerned with Tonks’ rapid and extreme emotional mood changes. The first time she said the phrase, she was emotionless, as if it had not sunk in. The second time she uttered the phrase, it appeared that being pregnant was a horrible thing that should be feared. But her most recent reaction put Harry on high alert. Tonks really didn’t like the idea of being with child. In fact, it looked like she hated it and was in a rage. A rage she was going to take out on he and Hermione just because they had been the ones who had brought her the bad news.

  Harry moved to pull his wand out; he was intending to Stun Tonks for both her sake - such an outburst of rage couldn’t be good for the baby - and for his and Hermione’s. But the moment his fingers touched his holly wand, Tonks said the phrase again.

  “I’m pregnant,” she said with tears cascading down her face. But this time, the tears were not caused by doubt or even anger, but pure joy. The biggest smile Harry had ever seen on Tonks spread across her face and her cheeks glowed with happiness. The pink haired witch’s smile combined with her glow made her incredibly beautiful in Harry’s eyes. He found himself dreaming of making Hermione that beautifully happy one day. Tonks lovingly held her belly in her hands and sobbed with joy.

  “Are you okay?” Hermione asked. It was apparent by her voice that Hermione was uncertain whether or not Tonks would have another mood swing.

  “Yes, I’m perfect,” Tonks hiccupped and great globs of tears fell from her eyes. It was at this point that Remus regained consciousness. The Marauder stood on unsteady knees. Tonks turned to her lover and joyously heralded “We’re going to have a baby!”

  Remus placed his hands on Tonks’ belly along with hers and he started to cry as well. Harry blinked and he noticed that he too was starting to cry out of happiness for his friends.

  Hermione rushed to Remus and Tonks and threw her arms around them and joyously proclaimed; “I’m so happy for you two.”

  Tonks returned the hug and said; “You kids better take off,” she paused to wipe her tears that were still streaming. “‘Cus I’m gonna fuck this old wolf silly in about two seconds and I’m not like you lot; I don’t want an audience while we’re going to try to make twins.”

  With the prospect of a mind-blowing shag, Remus ushered Harry and Hermione to fireplace politely but rather quickly. The werewolf threw some floo powder in the fire and Hermione stepped in. She announced “Hogwarts; Headmistress’ Office” and disappeared. Harry quickly followed her. But as he spun out of Remus’ fireplace he heard joyous giggles coming from the cottage and Harry could have sworn he heard Remus and Tonks’ clothing being discarded in a very quick fashion. When Harry fell out of the Headmistress’ fireplace, he turned to Hermione and asked; “They can’t make twins that way can they?”

  “No,” she said while dabbing the tears from her eyes. “Tonks was just kidding about making twins. I hope. But I don’t think she was kidding about the silly shag.”

  Hermione helped Harry to stand and whispered in his ear: “Speaking of shagging, let’s make love.”

  It was at that precise moment that ‘Harry, Jr.’ sprang to life. His penis instantly swelled to its full erect state in eager anticipation. Harry was more than willing to do it right then and there and a naughty idea occurred to him.

  “Do you want to do it here?” he asked with a wicked grin.

  Hermione returned the grin and it was obvious that naughty-Hermione was very keen on the idea of making love in the Headmistress’ office.

  But before Hermione could respond in the positive, a stern voice answered for her.

  “I would advise against fornicating in my office,” Professor McGonagall stated firmly.

  “Oh Professor, we didn’t see you,” Hermione said in a very embarrassed tone.

  “Obviously,” the Headmistress said simply.

  For a full twenty seconds no one moved or talked. Harry and Hermione stood in front of McGonagall nervously as she eyed them. It seemed to him that McGonagall didn’t officially approve of the idea of Harry and Hermione having sex, but that she also didn’t disapprove either. So he felt that the Headmistress was giving her silent approval to go ahead and shag... just not in her office. Harry took Hermione’s hand and led her slowly out of the office. After he closed the door behind him, he heard Dumbledore’s painting comment, “Ah, young love.”

  The two lovers walked briskly back to the Common Room. Harry felt like sprinting there so that he and Hermione could make love all the sooner, but he realized that it would seem desperate. That and he reckoned that he’d be too winded to perform.

  Harry became very excited as he saw the portrait of the Fat Lady come into view. In just a few short minutes, he and Hermione would share each other’s virginity.

  But as in all things in life - seemingly more often in Harry’s life than most others - things don’t always go as planned.

  With a loud crack, a small creature wearing a ridiculously large sombrero appeared between the two teen lovers and the entrance to the Gryffindor Common Room.

  “Hola! Como esta?” Dobby heralded. The little house-elf promptly pitched forward and fell flat on his face due to the weight of the massive sombrero that he was wearing.

  Harry was sorely tempted to just wave “hello” to Dobby as he stepped over the house-elf while heading to the Common Room so he could have sex. Despite how much he wanted to make love to Hermione, he couldn’t just ignore Dobby. Harry cursed his well mannered nature.

  With a grunt, Harry hoisted Dobby to his feet.

  “We’s be -” Dobby began but fell once again. The hat was rather large; Harry reckoned that if he wore the large hat that he’d hurt his neck because of the sheer weight of it. Hermione helped the house elf up this time and Harry placed one of his hands under Dobby’s arm to support him.

  “We’s be back!” Dobby cheered. Harry shared a worried look with Hermione and he knew she was thinking the same thing he was; now that the house-elves were back, the little creatures would try to put a damper on their activities.

  “We’s done telling every house-elfs in the world,” Dobby continued. “But we’s not finding Kreacher”

  With a desperate gleam in her eye, Hermione suggested; “Well, take every elf and go tell him then.” It was desperate, because Harry knew that it would take the house-elves less than five minutes to Apparate to wherever Kreacher was, tell him, and return. Harry doubted that they could have sex in that short amount of time. Then he did a quick calculation in his head; if he and Hermione ran into the Common Room, bolted up the stairs while tearing off each other’s clothes, hopped into bed and if they were quick at the act, it just might work. Of course if he were Ron, he’d have no problem finishing before the house-elves returned seeing that he lasted around two minutes according to Luna.

  “Oh, no’s, we’s can’t be finding Kreacher because Kreacher can’t be’s found,” informed Dobby.

  “He must be somewhere under the Fidelius Charm,” offered Hermione.

  “Is Dobby interrupting something, Harry Potter sir and Great One?” Dobby asked hesitantly.

  “It’s nothing,” Hermione began and the house-elf’s eyes bulged - well, even more than they usually do. Harry followed Dobby’s eyes and saw that the little creature was staring directly at the bulge caused by an erect ‘Harry, Jr.’. Apparently, Harry’s organ had been hard ever since he offered to perform the
ritual in McGonagall’s office.

  “Oh, Dobby is being sorry,” Dobby said while blushing. “You’s two is being busy,” he said the word “busy” much like a six year old would say a naughty word; soft and under his breath. “Dobby will distract the others.”

  “Thanks Dobby,” Hermione said with a smile. Harry thought that Dobby was a true friend.

  The house-elf disappeared and the two rushed into the Common Room.

  “Your room,” ordered Hermione and Harry led the way. He ran up the stairs while Hermione followed.

  Once they got in the room, Harry spun around with his eyes closed and kissed his girlfriend passionately. He moaned while his lips traced her wrinkly skin... then it hit him; Hermione didn’t have wrinkly skin.

  “Ah, Harry,” Hermione said nervously.

  Harry opened his eyes to find that he was passionately kissing the cheek of a fairly old house-elf. The old house-elf was standing on the shoulders of another house-elf. Apparently, Dobby’s distraction hadn’t worked.

  “Gah!” Harry grunted as he recoiled. The two elves gave Harry the evil eye.

  “We’s knows what you’s been doing!” the elf on the bottom scolded.

  “You’s trick us house-elves,” the old one added with a hiss. “You’s just tells us to go spread the word just so’s that you’s two could do nasty things together.”

  “Piss off!” Harry growled at them. His patience was wearing thin. These house-elves were impeding on his sex-time. The sooner these two house-elves left, the sooner he could make love to Hermione.

  “No’s,” the old one said defiantly.

  Hermione commanded: “Leave us alone!”

  “Fabbie sorry, Oh Great One,” the old one, apparently Fabbie, said rebelliously. “We’s be here to be protecting the Great One’s virtue!”

  “But the Great One doesn’t want her virtue any more,” Hermione argued. It was strange for Harry to see her refer to herself in the third person.

  “No, we’s knows what’s best,” Fabbie stated confidently. “We’s not be like the heathens who says the Great One can be making fun times with The One of the Mark.”

  Harry wondered briefly if it was even possible to make love to Hermione while these two house-elves physically blocked them from touching each other. In an attempt to see if it was feasible, Harry made a move toward Hermione.

  Fabbie hopped off of the other elf and pushed with all of his weight against Harry. Thankfully, his hands were on Harry’s hips, if Fabbie had decided to move his hand in a little, he’d be pushing on ‘Harry, Jr.’ and that wouldn’t be good for Harry.

  “Let’s just go, Harry,” Hermione said knowingly. Judging by her tone, Harry was positive that Hermione had a plan. He took her hand and the couple ran out of Harry’s room and out through the Common Room into the hall. Hermione led the way down a familiar path; they were heading to the Room of Requirement! She was brilliant! Once they got there, they could just ask the Room not to let any house-elves in and they’d be unmolested... err... well they’d be molesting each other kind of, but this way, they wouldn’t be bothered by house-elves.

  As they approached the area where the Room of Requirement was, Harry’s heart sunk. The door was visible and open, which meant it was being used! The couple approached the door and the sounds of a party reached their ears. When they looked into the Room, it was packed with house-elves wearing party hats.

  “Welcomes to ‘The One of the Mark ain’t gonna get any’ party!” one tiny elf heralded and ushered Harry and Hermione in. Any doubt as to if the party’s theme was directed at Harry was thrown out the window the moment he saw a giant poster with his likeness on the wall. On the poster version of him, Harry noticed that there was a very large international “no” symbol drawn over his crotch, as if it was warning everyone that his genitals were off-limits.

  “Whose is that?” Hermione asked pointing to a large and very detailed painting of a vagina. Harry didn’t need to ask who it belonged to; he had become intimately familiar with it over the past few weeks.

  “It be the ‘Bald Feline’,” one elf answered and every house-elf bowed to the painting in prayer.

  “That’s my pussy?” Hermione asked, scandalized that a large group of house-elves where paying homage to her naked vagina. Harry, on the other hand thought it was very appropriate to worship her flower; he did it quite often. He wondered for a moment how the house-elves were able to paint an exact replica of his girlfriend’s flower, but then he remembered that every single house-elf in the castle got see it up close and in person when they had discovered that she was the Great One.

  Realizing that they wouldn’t be able to make love here or anywhere else in the castle, Harry led Hermione out onto the grounds.

  “Was that an accurate painting?” Hermione asked.

  “Very,” replied Harry while he scanned the surrounding area that would be good enough to hide from the house-elves.

  “There,” Hermione pointed off into the distance. Harry looked to where she was pointing and saw the Whomping Willow.

  He really wanted to have sex, but under the Whomping Willow? Was Hermione so kinky that the thought of danger turned her on? Or maybe she was hoping that its swinging limbs would deter any house-elf from approaching them while they made love.

  “You want to make love under something that could kill us?” Harry asked in amazement.

  “No, the Shrieking Shack,” corrected Hermione. “It’s far enough off of school bounds that the elves shouldn’t bother us. That and I doubt that they’d look for us there.”

  Harry believed that Hermione deserved a kiss for being so smart and he did just that. As he approached the Whomping Willow, Harry banished a hand-sized rock at the hidden knot at the base of the tree causing the Willow’s limbs to stop their deadly swinging. The two young lovers ran into the tiny opening under the tree and disappeared from view.

  The only lights in the dark tunnel were the two thin beams of light emanating from Harry and Hermione’s wands as the two traveled through the tunnel in silence. Harry’s mind was filled with anticipation; what was it going to feel like? Would he feel different after he lost his virginity?

  Harry pushed open the trap door and after he pulled himself into the Shrieking Shack, he helped Hermione in. Harry looked around the dark and dust-covered room before asking; “Um, where should we do it?”

  “Upstairs, in one of the bedrooms,” offered Hermione nervously while she wiped the sweat from her palms onto her slacks. Harry copied her action because his hands were just as sweaty.

  The stairs creaked as they walked up to the top floor. Harry passed the room where he had first met Sirius; the thought of losing his virginity in that same room was almost sacrilegious to him. But a nagging voice in his head, sounding an awful lot like Sirius, was urging him to use that room.

  “Do it, man!” the voice sounded. “Who cares about me? Take her wherever you can!”

  Even with the voice’s support, Harry opted for another room. He led Hermione into a small bedroom that had an attached loo. From what he could see of the bathroom, the toilet was obviously broken; the pot had snapped off from the wall. Off in the corner of the bedroom was a bed lying on top of a broken frame. Everything in the room was coated in a thick layer of dust and grime.

  As she walked to the bathroom, Hermione said “I’ll be out in a minute, I just have to perform an Anti-Conception Charm, and the process is a little awkward.”

  After she closed the door, Harry surveyed the room. It really didn’t matter what the room looked like to him. He was a bloke and therefore didn’t care where he would do it just as long as he had sex. But Hermione was special to him; she deserved more than to have her first time on a broken and filthy bed. Thankfully, Harry was a wizard and could use magic to change the room a bit.

  Pulling out his wand, Harry figured that he would clean the place and transfigure the bed into something a little more comfortable. Then he realized that with his power boost he could do more th
an just clean the dust away. Maybe he’d conjure up a few candles for a romantic effect.

  He closed his eyes and tapped into his love core by focusing on how much he loved Hermione and waved his wand. Harry didn’t think of any spell in particular as he pushed his magic through his wand. Rather he only thought of turning the room into something more romantic so that it would be more pleasing for Hermione.

  Harry’s eyes popped open when he heard thunderously loud sounds from all around him; it sounded as if dozens of planks of wood were being dropped on the floor. What he saw made him lose his breath.

  The room was stretching and growing in width and height. New floor boards were appearing in mid-air and falling into the gaps that were created by the expanding room. The broken bed hopped up into the air and began to spin like a top. After a moment, it dropped to the ground with a thud. The bed was now enormous and was covered in the softest looking red satin sheets Harry had ever seen. Dozens and dozens of candles popped into existence - some were placed on top of elegant looking trays, sconces, and holders, while others just hovered in the air as if their were held up by invisible stings from the ceiling - and their wicks lit up. All the dust and muck vanished and a warm red color spread across the walls. Harry gulped in amazement at the room. He had no idea he had such power. Hermione would be so impressed when she came out of the dirty bathroom and saw the changes he made.

  “Ah, Harry,” Hermione’s muffled voice sounded from behind the door leading to the loo. “What did you do?”

  “I just wanted to make the room look nicer,” Harry answered with pride.

  “Would you mind coming in here?” she asked.

  Harry walked over and opened the door and what he saw made him a very happy wizard.

  Hermione was standing in the middle of the room holding her wand in her hand and wearing not even a stitch of clothing. He really did like seeing her naked.

  “What did you do?” Hermione asked again and pointed to the room surrounding her. Harry hesitantly took his eyes off her naked breasts - he’s a bloke - and took in his surroundings.

  “Whoops,” muttered Harry.