All for Maddie

by Jettie Woodruff

  “Hi,” he said taking her hand.

  This was when I hated the people that Maddie was exposed to. I swear the girl would talk to Bigfoot. She wasn’t shy a bit. I wanted her to hide behind me and scream, throw herself to the ground, and refuse to talk to him. She didn’t.

  “What that?” she asked, touching the fancy gold tie clip.

  “That’s my tie pin. Do you want to wear it?” he asked, taking it from his tie and pinning it to her pink floral shirt. She giggled and looked up to me. I smiled a sad smile down at her. Please don’t like him.

  “I’m sure you would like to check out where she will be staying,” Alex assumed. Was he really being nice to me?

  “Yes, that would be nice.”

  Maddie let him hold her hand as he led us inside his home. Goddamnit, Madelyn Rae, don’t hold his hand.

  “Hi, I’m Madelyn’s mom.” I introduced myself to the same blonde that I had seen him with the past two times.

  “Kendall,” she smiled a fake smile with her perfect too white teeth. I didn’t like her.

  “What dis?” Maddie asked, touching the nose of some ugly, skinny dog statue with shiny gold eyes.

  “That’s a dog,” Alex replied.

  “What him name?”

  “He doesn’t have a name.”

  Yes, that was my look. My daughter looked up to him, giving him that stupid look that my dad hated.

  “Him don’t have a name?” Maddie asked, cocking her hip. I was sad, but I couldn’t help but smile.

  I squatted to her and the dog. “How about you give him a name,” I offered. She smiled.

  “Um….him name can be Nemo,” she decided. Everyone’s name was Nemo: her fish, her dolls, her stuffed animals, and even the rubber ducky that swam in her bathwater.

  “I’d like to see her room,” I requested, looking at Alex. I’m not sure where Barbie went. She walked off with her cellphone.

  I held Maddie’s hand as Alex led us down a long hall. He opened the door to a spare room, I presumed.

  “She’s sleeping here? You do realize she is three, right?”

  “Yeah, what’s wrong with it?”

  I rolled my eyes and gave him a disgusted look. Un-fucking-believable! And I was being forced to leave her with him. “How do you expect her to get into that bed? How do you expect her to get out without breaking her neck? What if she needs to go pee during the night?”

  “Oh, you think it’s too tall?”

  “Uh, yeah, Alex. She’s thirty-six inches tall. That bed is what, four feet?”

  “I’m sure she will be fine for a couple of days. I plan to turn this room into hers anyway. I’ll buy her new furniture.”

  “And where do you sleep?”

  “Upstairs.”

  “I can’t leave her here,” I assured him, picking her up.

  “I don’t think you have a choice. What is your problem?”

  “How many kids have you been around, Alex? You can’t sleep upstairs and leave her down here by herself. This house is huge. Do you really think you’re going to hear her when she wakes up screaming?”

  “Does she do that?”

  “Yeah, sometimes she does. She’s a little girl. She has bad dreams.”

  “A gemin get under da bed,” Maddie explained.

  “A what?” Alex asked, looking at me. I wasn’t about to tell him that Jaron let her watch the Gremlins.

  “A monster,” I used instead.

  He smiled at Maddie. “Daddy won’t let any monsters come in here,” he assured her.

  “Are you kidding me, Alex?”

  “Now what? Why don’t you just leave, and let my daughter and I get acquainted?”

  I wanted to punch him in the face. I might have done it, had Maddie not been in my arms. I didn’t even reply. I had no words. He was ignorant, plain and simply ignorant. She had never seen the guy in her life and he was calling himself daddy. Idiot!!

  I sat Maddie down, holding her close to me. “Mommy’s going to go visit Kylie, and you’re going to stay here with Alex,” I said, looking up to him. “Your princess movie is in your bag with your jammies. Maybe Alex will read you a story before you go to bed. Mommy brought you some books too, and your elephant is in your bag. I’ll call you later, okay?” Oh my God, I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t let Maddie see me cry, let alone that asshole.

  “What’s your number? I want to call and check on her later,” I asked, holding my cellphone to input his number.

  “I have yours. We’ll call you.”

  This guy was on some sort of power trip. I didn’t give a shit about his supremacy. He had my daughter and I wanted a number.

  “What’s your number?” I asked again, trying to be stern. He reluctantly gave it to me.

  I hugged Maddie tight. “I love you, baby girl.”

  “I come wif you, k?” she asked, sensing that I was about to leave her with this stranger. What kind of mother does this? What kind of father does this?

  “Hey Maddie, do you want to go see the pond?”

  “A fish in a pond?” she asked, forgetting me.

  “You have a pond, lovely. One more thing for me to worry about.”

  “She’s going to be fine. We’ll call you later,” he said, taking Maddie’s hand. “There is a bunch of fish in it,” he assured her. “See yourself out,” Alex said, giving me the same disgusted look that I had given him ten times in the last ten minutes.

  I made it to the truck and broke. I was leaving her here with him. The tears once again returned. Where the hell were they coming from? This would be the longest day of my life.

  I sat in a fog most of the day by Kylie’s pool, declining the multiple drinks that she thought I needed to get through this. I didn’t want to be drinking if Maddie needed me and I had to go to her. I already didn’t like the fact that Kylie lived twenty minutes from him. That was so far away.

  I couldn’t believe it when he hadn’t called by seven. Did she have lunch? Supper? Did she get a bath? I forgot to tell him how she doesn’t like soap in her eyes. Surely he would know what the pull-up was for. I forgot to explain that too.

  Eight o’clock. That was enough. I walked into my room and dialed his number.

  “We were going to call you,” Alex answered.

  “Well, you didn’t. How is she?”

  “She’s fine. We just had a bath, and now we’re going to watch a princess movie. Never did I think I would be doing that,” he joked.

  Really? He thought it was okay to joke with me about her? I hated him. “I will gladly watch a princess movie with her. Can I talk to her?”

  “Maddie, your mother is on the phone.”

  “I come home now, K?”

  “Hi sweetie, Alex wants to watch your movie with you.”

  “Him da daddy,” she informed me.

  “Him is your daddy?” I needed clarification.

  “Uh-huh.”

  Great, I was going to have fun explaining that one to my dad.

  “What have you been doing? Did you see the fish?”

  “No, dem wasn’t hungry. I swim in a big pool,” she excitedly told me.

  Great, a pool too. “You did!” I asked, trying to sound cheerful for her.

  “Uh-huh, and I go real fast down a slide.”

  I was going to have a heart attack sure as shit. “Was it fun?”

  “Uh-huh, me was faster than daddy too. You come get me now?”

  Son of a bitch.

  “Hey, you ready to watch a movie and eat some popcorn?” I heard Alex in the background.

  “Yeah!” she yelled, forgetting about me…again. I was so easily replaced.

  Alex didn’t even get back on the phone. I didn’t get to tell her goodnight or that I loved her. He just hung up. I wanted him dead. I wondered how much a hit man would cost. Where did you find those guys?

  “Now will you have a drink? She’s fine?” Kylie tried.

  “No Kylie, I can’t drink, knowing that my daughter is being forced to stay with that mo
nster.”

  “You didn’t think he was a monster when you were doing him behind my back. I still can’t believe you never told me you were having sex with Alex Wesson. I would have had a heart attack.”

  “It didn’t last that long.”

  “But, I’m still your best friend. We’re supposed to tell each other everything.”

  “Can we not discuss that right now? I did have sex with him, and I got pregnant. I’m too distraught about my daughter being there to care about teenage secrets.”

  “You shouldn’t have kept her from him.”

  Oh my God, why the hell didn’t I get a hotel?

  “I’m going to turn in,” I stated, leaving her alone by her extravagant pool.

  “I didn’t mean to make you mad Whit, but it’s a fact. You shouldn’t have hid her from him.”

  “You know what, Ky? You know nothing about it. You have no idea what I did. So don’t go judging me for shit you don’t know.”

  “Jesus, Whit, I’m sorry.”

  I shook my head with an exasperated breath. “I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you. I’m just on edge about all of this. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  I brushed my teeth, slid into a pair of shorts and a clean t-shirt, and then crawled into the luxurious bed with the lavish sheets. They truly felt like cotton and silk mixed together. I probably would have slept like a queen, had Maddie been in bed with me. I wouldn’t sleep until Sunday, when I had her safely back with me in my non-toxic little cabin at the resort.

  I lay awake staring up at the pattern swirled onto the ceiling. It was almost eleven and I didn’t feel at all sleepy. At least Maddie should be asleep, that eased my mind a little. I wondered if she went right to sleep. I hoped she didn’t cry for me.

  I was startled out of my trance by my phone. My heart dropped when I saw the number; something happened, there was something wrong. I could feel it. I heard Maddie screaming before I heard Alex.

  “Alex, what is wrong with her?”

  “She wants you, you have to come here and settle her down. I can’t do anything with her.”

  “Let me talk to her.”

  “Maddie, your mommy wants to talk to you.”

  Maddie couldn’t even talk to me, she was crying so hard. All I got was: I want you.

  “I’m on my way baby, stop crying, okay? Mommy will be there in a few minutes.”

  I was there in a few minutes, speeding as fast as my old truck would let me. I was fuming. I was beyond furious at him for putting her though this. What kind of devil does that?

  Alex opened the door before I had time to knock. I stormed past him, bumping his shoulder with mine as I went to Maddie. She stood from the sofa and I lifted her into my arms. She sucked in breaths of air from crying so hard and clung to me as if I had left her there forever, like she was afraid I wasn’t coming for her.

  “I hope you’re happy!” I yelled, swaying with my baby girl, rubbing circles on her back. “Get me her things!” I demanded.

  “You’re not taking her, Whitley,” he demanded.

  “You watch me. She doesn’t want to be here. I don’t want her to be here. Do you care about anyone but yourself?”

  “You’re not taking her out of this house,” he said again.

  “I go wif you, mommy,” Maddie said, raising up still gasping air into her little lungs. I didn’t like this. I didn’t like it one bit. Maddie had never seen anyone argue. She knew her mommy was upset. I couldn’t keep my voice at a normal level. I was too mad for that.

  “Where’s your girlfriend? She not the motherly type? Couldn’t calm her down, either?”

  “She left.”

  I blew out a puff of air. “Just let us leave, please,” I begged in a quieter tone, still swaying back and forth with Maddie.

  “No, you stay here until she’s asleep and then you can go. She has to get to know me.”

  “Not like this, Alex. She’s a baby. She needs baby steps. Spend some days with her before you go trying to force her to know you.”

  “You’re not taking her, Whitley.”

  I closed my eyes and plopped to his overstuffed sofa with Maddie. Alex sat in the chair across from me and we exchanged glares. I ran my hand up the back of Maddie’s shirt and rubbed her back. She took a long shaky breath and curled her arms under her belly. She was asleep in a matter of minutes.

  “Why are you doing this, Alex? What gives you the right to come into our lives and mess everything up?”

  “Why did you keep her?” he asked, ignoring my question.

  I kissed Maddie’s head. “I waited too long to abort her. I’m not sure I could have done it anyway.”

  “What do you mean, you waited too long?”

  “I was afraid to tell anyone what had happened to me. I didn’t tell anyone until my stepmom walked in when I was naked. I couldn’t hide my five month pregnant belly.”

  “Why didn’t you give her up for adoption?”

  “I planned on it, all the way up until they placed her in my arms. I couldn’t do it,” I honestly spoke, looking up to him. “I’m not a bad mom, Alex. I love her.”

  “I never said you didn’t love her, but pictures don’t lie.”

  “Like hell they don’t, not one of those photos are reality.”

  Alex snarled his lip in some sort of cocky manner. “Tell the judge that?”

  “Why can’t you go have a baby with your girlfriend, Kendall, was it?”

  He snorted. “I don’t think Kendall and I will be making babies. Does she still need a car seat?”

  “What?”

  “A car seat. I want to take her to the zoo tomorrow.”

  “You can’t just do what you want with her without consulting with me first.”

  “Why? You did it for three years. You think I approve of men coming in and out of your house with my daughter there?”

  “Why is it that you can’t seem to remember that you raped me? Do you remember that night at all, Alex? I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember every single detail about it.”

  “I remember it, but I don’t think you hated it as much as you say you do. I got you off. I know I did.”

  “Yeah, you did. So does that make it not rape? You also…never mind. You know what went on that night.”

  “It doesn’t matter what went on. You still had my child and didn’t tell me. She’s asleep, you can leave now.”

  I couldn’t get anywhere with this dick-wad. He was the most egotistical ass I’d ever had the pleasure of knowing.

  “Just let me take her and bring her back in the morning. What if she wakes up again?”

  “I’m betting she won’t. We’ve had a pretty busy day, she’ll be fine. You can carry her to bed if you want.”

  I didn’t want to carry her to bed. I wanted to carry her right out of that house. Why didn’t I? Why didn’t I just get up and do just that? Because I was afraid to, that’s why. I was afraid that he would prove me unfit, and I would lose her. I couldn’t let that happen. I had to do whatever this bastard told me to do.

  Maddie was out. Alex pulled the covers back in the too tall bed for me to lay her down.

  “Move the pillow to the middle,” I quietly ordered not wanting her to roll out of bed.

  She rolled to her stomach and moved her arms under her. I covered her and lay down beside her when she opened her eyes, afraid that I wasn’t there. I rubbed her back and kissed her head. “I love you,” I whispered as she drifted back to sleep.

  I quietly moved off the bed, lightly kissing her forehead one more time, before giving Alex a vengeful glare and leaving him. I had half a notion to sleep right there in his driveway in my truck.

  <><><>

  I couldn’t believe how selfish Alex was being. It was nearly four in the afternoon and I hadn’t heard one word, other than the one text message when I had tried to call around noon.

  AT THE ZOO. SHE’S FINE.

  I texted right back, telling him that I wanted to talk to her, but he ignored it. I
had to lie to my dad around five when he called to check on her. I told him that she hadn’t had a nap all day and that she had fallen asleep on Kylie’s sofa. He couldn’t wait to see her the following day. This was going to rip his heart out and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

  I texted again at seven. This was ridiculous. He had no reason to keep me from talking to her. It was nothing but a power trip. I’m sure I have never hated someone so much in all of my life.

  I WANT TO TALK TO MY DAUGHTER, I texted. She would be asleep in an hour or so. I had never gone a whole day without talking to her. I’m sure that Kylie wanted me out of her house. I was being such a party pooper, moping around, and not talking to her or Aaron. I wasn’t trying to be rude. I just had other things on my mind. I should have just gotten a hotel.

  SHE’S IN THE TUB. SHE WILL CALL YOU WHEN SHE IS DONE. SHE’S FINE.

  I DON’T CARE IF SHE IS FINE. I WANT TO TALK TO HER!!!!

  No response. Surprise.

  Finally, at a quarter after eight, my phone rang.

  “Hello,” I answered rather harshly.

  “Mommy!” Maddie exclaimed.

  “Hi, baby. What are you doing? I miss you so much.”

  “I go to da animal place. I seed a monkey. I seed six no four, no. How many monkeys, daddy?” I closed my eyes at the sound of those words.

  “Nine, sweetie,” I heard Alex in the background.

  “I did see nine whole monkeys, and guess what else.”

  “What, baby?”

  “A fish, more den nine. A whole, whole, bunch.”

  I wanted to be the one to take her to the zoo for the first time. I felt left out. Like he had made me miss a milestone with my daughter.

  “Was it a big aquarium?”

  “Uh-huh, dem not wet me feed dem. You come get me now?” she asked.

  “Mommy is going to come and get you in the morning, and we’ll go home and see papaw and nana. Okay?”

  “I not sweep here. You come get me now, K?”

  “Mommy’s going to be there first thing in the morning, I promise.” Come on, Alex, distract her before she starts crying.

  “We have to have ice cream, remember.”

  Thank God.

  “I have a go eat ice cream,” Maddie exclaimed. Ice cream was the best thing to distract Maddie’s mind, especially if you had gummy bears to go on top. Once again, Alex hung up.