All for Maddie

by Jettie Woodruff

  “What time is it, Regan?”

  “Almost three in the morning. Do you need help? I need to get home. Trenton has a ballgame in the morning.”

  “No, I’m fine. You can go.” three in the morning? I left the bar around midnight. Where did the three hours go? I literally lost three hours of my life that I couldn’t account for. I wanted to relax in the hot water and try to regain some of the last few hours of my life. Alex didn’t let me do that. He opened the door and sat on the toilet with two pills and a drink of water.

  “Take this, it’ll help,” he offered. I was pissed. He had been drugging me for months. I wanted to know what the hell I had been taking. Why was everyone making me out to be wacko? I wasn’t crazy. I slapped his hand, trying to send the pills flying across the room. He tightened his fist and held on to them.

  “You can either take them or we can hold you down and give you a shot. It’s just a couple of valium. Take them, Whit.”

  What choice did I have? I took the two pills against my will and swallowed the water. “You can go now,” I snapped with a dirty look.

  I thought he was leaving. He didn’t leave. He only opened the door to let the doctor know that I was an obedient little girl and took his stupid pills, dismissing him to leave.

  “I don’t need you in here while I bathe,” I assured him as he leaned against the countertop, facing me.

  “I’m not leaving you until this alcohol wears off. Just bathe. Wash your face, you have makeup all over yourself.”

  I angrily scrubbed my face with the cloth and pulled the plug. “You need to watch me get out and dress too?” I yelled.

  He handed me a towel and held up the clothes that he had already brought in from behind him with a smirk. I jerked the towel from his hands and covered myself, jerking the clothes from the counter as I walked out. He turned me when I headed toward my room to dress in private.

  “You’re going upstairs.”

  “I am not!” I demanded. No way in hell was he making me sleep in his room. I wasn’t the one that needed to be put in a rubber room. He was.

  “You are. Don’t fight me. I’m tired. I’ve been up all night worrying myself sick about you. Let’s go to bed. We’ll talk about it when we wake.”

  I wanted to protest. I wanted to fight him tooth and nail. I couldn’t. My body suddenly felt the effects of the two pills. I wasn’t sure my muscles were going to make it upstairs, and my eyelids unexpectedly felt like they were being weighted down.

  Alex grabbed my arm when I stumbled. I needed to lie down. Maybe the alcohol was still being mixed with my new drugs. I stepped up the one step and lost my balance. I couldn’t pull myself up. “What the hell did you give me, Alex?” I groggily asked as I was being scooped into his arms in nothing but a towel. He kissed my forehead and shushed me as he carried me up the stairs. That was it. I don’t remember anything else past the first couple of steps.

  “Hey,” I heard Alex say as he sat on the bed next to me. It took me a minute to comprehend what was going on. It was pitch black and I was in his bed. Alex switched on the lamp and I flinched from the brightness.

  “What time is it?” I asked sitting up, holding the sheet close to my breasts realizing I was naked.

  “Almost one. You hungry? I made some lunch.”

  “Why are you doing this, Alex?” I asked. I had a right to know.

  “I’m just worried about you. I feel like you’re spiraling out of control.”

  It was all I could do to keep my cool. I took a deep breath to calm my anger. I didn’t want to be forced into taking something that I didn’t know what it was. “I am spiraling out of control because of you. You’ve managed to take my daughter, my house, my transportation, and now you’ve turned my family against me,” I spoke softly.

  “Your family is not against you, Whit. They love you. They’re only concerned about you. And you still have your house and your old truck. You just need to get better so that you can go home for a visit.”

  “Get better?” Oh my God, I was going to be in prison for murder. I knew exactly what he meant. He meant quit the job and earn his trust so that he would allow me to go home. He was afraid I was going to run. I wouldn’t. I tried that and he found me. I was screwed. I had no other choice. I had to do what this man wanted me to do. He had the control, not me, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. I was at his mercy.

  “Yes, Whitley. I want you to get better and try to make this work for Maddie. Don’t you think she deserves a mommy and daddy that respect each other? My father always told me the best thing a man can do for his children is love their mommy. I believe that, Whit. Let me love you.”

  I almost choked. “Let you love me? Are you serious, Alex? You make me sick. I can’t stand you or your manipulative ways. You don’t earn love by being controlling. You can’t force love. There is no way I could ever love you the way you are insinuating. Look how we started out for Pete’s sake. You forced me then too.”

  “You don’t have to love me in that way, but you are going to be around our families and our daughter. You’re not going back to that job, and you will sleep right here from now on. I’m not going to force you to do anything that you don’t want to do.”

  “That is exactly what you’re doing. You’re forcing me to do what you want me to do. I don’t want to do anything you just said.”

  “Come and eat. It’s not up for debate.”

  That was it. He once again had the upper hand. He stood and left me as I stared after him with my mouth agape. Now what?

  <><><>

  Alex was in the kitchen dipping us both a plate of pasta when I emerged. He nodded towards the barstool. I picked up the fresh cup of coffee. I had it to my lips ready to sip it when I stopped, got up, and walked to the sink with him watching me and dumped it.

  “What’d you do that for?” he asked.

  “I’ll pour my own, thank you. I won’t be needing you to take care of that for me anymore.”

  He snickered. “You don’t have to take anything as long as you behave.”

  “What the hell have you been giving me anyway? That’s why I’ve been feeling so tired, isn’t it?”

  “Nothing that would hurt you. I knew you weren’t taking the medication that Dr. Pierce prescribed.”

  “That’s because I don’t need it. I’m not crazy!” I yelled.

  “Lower your voice, Whit. You sound like you are when you go off the deep end like that. Sit down and eat.”

  It was official. I was crazy. He was making me crazy. “Where is my phone? I need to call Matt and let him know that I’m not going to be allowed out of this house today.”

  Alex handed me my phone from the top of the microwave with a smirk. I’m sure I have never wanted to punch someone as much as I did him. I didn’t have to worry about calling Matt. I had a text message from him wishing me well, and letting me know that he didn’t think I was a good fit there, and it was in the best interest for all of us if I part ways with his company. I was sure that Alex had something to do with that. I knew he did. He had been flirting with me the entire time I’d worked there. I remembered him telling me just the night before that he liked me. Why couldn’t I remember anyone else being there?

  I thought about what I remembered from the night before. I remembered waiting for Matt, willing him to get there before Alex. There was no one but Matt and me. I was sure of it. I was drunk but that was it. I wasn’t out of it. I remember walking around checking out the apartment that I would never live in. Thanks to my keeper here.

  “You okay? Where’d you go?” Alex asked.

  “Trying to figure out what the hell happened last night. I don’t believe you. I don’t think I took my clothes off for anyone. I don’t believe there was anyone else there. It was only Matt and me. I’m sure of it.”

  “Now what are you doing?” Alex asked as I texted Matt.

  Matt, what the hell happened last night?

  “Nothing, Alex. Don’t worry about what I am do
ing,” I snapped.

  I can’t talk to you, Whitley. I hope you are well and I wish you the best, Matt responded with his own text.

  What do you mean? You can’t talk to me? Please answer one question. Were we alone last night?

  Yes. Please don’t tell your boyfriend that I told you that. I don’t want any trouble.

  Tell me what he said. I need to know, Matt. I’m not going to tell him. I need to know what the hell happened.

  Take care, Whitley.

  MATT!?!?

  That was it. He didn’t text me back and I had a feeling I wouldn’t be hearing from Matt again.

  “Will you please eat?” Alex begged.

  I took a bite and dialed my dad, wishing Maddie had her own phone. I didn’t want to talk to my dad or listen to him ask me how I was.

  “Hi, sweetie,” my dad answered.

  “Hey, Dad. Where’s Maddie?”

  “She’s up at the house with Dana. How are you?”

  “I’m fine. I’ll call Dana.”

  “Whitley?”

  “What?” I replied, not meaning to snap at him.

  “You okay?” I felt bad hearing the concern in his voice.

  “Yes, Dad. I’m fine. I just want to talk to Maddie. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

  “Yeah sure, honey.”

  I didn’t get to talk to Maddie, she was napping. Dana too asked me how I was and informed me that she would have Maddie call when she woke.

  “What did you tell my family?” I yelled, slamming my phone down.

  “Whit, stop it. I thought maybe you went there last night. Your dad is just worried about you. You’re fine now calm down.”

  “You knew I didn’t go there. You knew I was with Matt. Didn’t you, Alex?”

  “Do you want to go shopping for Maddie?”

  “No. Shop for what?”

  “A new Easter dress. We’re having dinner at my parents Sunday.”

  I did want to do that. If I didn’t he would do it, and then I would be mad because I didn’t get to pick it out and would hate it.

  “I’ll go with Regan.”

  “It’s Good Friday, Whit. Regan is spending the day with her family. Get ready and we’ll get out of this house today and go shopping.”

  “I want to go talk to Matt.”

  “No. You’re not talking to Matt.”

  “You can’t tell me what to do, Alex. I’m not your property. Hell, I don’t even like you. What did you tell him? Why did I just get fired from the job that I needed?”

  “You don’t need that job. You need to be here with Maddie.”

  “I’ve always worked. I can’t just sit around here and do nothing. What did you tell Matt?” I asked again.

  “I just told him how things were. How you’re not exactly stable right now, how you took my daughter on Christmas morning with a fever and ran away.”

  “I’m not stable? You fucking tricked me into signing over custody of my daughter. You think you’re stable?”

  “You know, Whit. If you marry me that all goes out the window. Your rights are instantly validated.”

  And I was the unstable one…. “Marry you? You’re the one that needs medication.”

  Alex laughed. “Let’s get ready and go shopping. I’ll buy you a new dress for Easter too. I think you look amazing in red. Maybe we’ll go to the Castle and find Maddie something for her birthday.”

  “I already know what I am getting Maddie, and you don’t wear red on Easter.” I pouted, pushing my half empty plate of spaghetti away.

  “I know, that’s all she talks about, but that thing is nothing but cheap plastic. Let’s go to the Castle and by her a real zoo.”

  “What the hell is the castle?”

  “It’s the most amazing toy store you’ve ever seen in your life. I wanted to take you there at Christmas, but you wanted to do all of your shopping with my trouble making sister.”

  “She’s not the trouble maker,” I assured him. He laughed. “Besides, I like her a whole lot more than I like you.”

  I knew that I had no choice. I may as well stop trying to get my life back. I was never going to have my own life with my daughter again. Alex would never allow it. I was finished, and I wasn’t sure if I had anymore fight in me.

  “Hello,” I said, answering Dana’s call.

  “Papaw’s gonna buy me a new fish a day.” I smiled, hearing Maddie’s voice. I wanted to take her and run away from all this mess. I couldn’t. I would never succeed in that mission. I knew it, knowing I wouldn’t try again.

  “Hi, baby. I miss you.”

  “You want to come and buy a fish too?”

  “No, mommy can’t. What are you going to name your fish?” I asked, knowing that it was going to be Nemo.

  “Um, I name him Tweety Bird,” she replied, surprising me.

  I talked to Maddie for a whole three minutes before she asked about her dad.

  “Where my daddy go?”

  “Daddy’s here,” I said, looking up to Alex. I hated that she loved him so much. I wanted her to hate him too.

  “I tell him I buy a fish.”

  “Okay, baby. I love you. I’ll see you in a couple days, okay?”

  “How many sleeping days?”

  “Two, baby.”

  I handed Alex my phone and left him to get dressed.

  Alex didn’t take me into Lincoln, the way I presumed he would. He took me over an hour and a half a way to Omaha. It was nearly four in the evening by the time we got there. He tried to engage in meaningless conversation with me. I ignored him. This wasn’t a date. I answered his questions with yes, no, or I don’t know, never giving any more information.

  We went to a place called Trinity first. It was three stories of nothing but designer clothing. I wanted the first pastel pink dress that I saw. I’m sure my eyes showed it. It was adorable and would look so cute on Maddie. I hated it once I saw that it was over two hundred dollars. She was three. She would wear it once. I put it back and moved on.

  “You don’t like this?” Alex said, picking it up as I placed it back where it could stay until the next sucker came along. “She would look absolutely adorable in this.”

  “She’s three. I’m not buying that.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I don’t like it,” I lied. If I told him it cost too much he would just overpower me and buy it anyway, which is exactly what he did. He held onto it and told me that I could pick something else, but he had to get her that dress. I didn’t pick anything else. She was only going to wear that one once. What was the point in buying two dresses that she wouldn’t wear? I swore that man had no concept of money.

  I picked out the too expensive shoes and little lace socks. I was hoping to get out of there and move on to the toy store that I also knew was going to be expensive. Alex wouldn’t let me. He made me take the escalator to next floor to shop for a dress for myself. I didn’t want to, but of course I did what he wanted. That was my life. Do what Alex wants and maybe people wouldn’t think I was crazy.

  I did pick a red dress, refusing to look at the price tag. I didn’t want new shoes, I had a pair that would go perfect with the dress. Alex insisted that I buy shoes. I did against my will, secretly loving them. I wasn’t about to let him know that though. We moved onto the third floor where I did see the price tag of Alex’s new suit. I could have made my house payment with what he spent on his suit alone. Oh wait, I didn’t have a house payment or a house.

  His suit had to be fitted and then altered. I couldn’t believe the two men that were sucking up to him. It was sickening.

  “What do you think, Mrs. Wesson?” Alex asked, turning to me.

  “Oh no, don’t you even start that,” I demanded, not caring about the spectators waiting for my reaction. My reaction was confused. Had it not been Alex, I’m sure I would have been checking him out. He was undeniably hot. He needed a haircut, but the sophistication that bled from his persona was irrefutable.

  He laughed. “Do you lik
e the suit? How about the pink tie? Will it match with you and Maddie okay?”

  “The tie is fine. The suit is fine. Can we go? I’m hungry.”

  Alex laughed and turned his attention back to the two men, sucking up to him. “Can you have it altered and sent to the Marriott this evening?”

  “Marriott?” I asked. He ignored me. Son of a bitch. He was taking me to a hotel. I was glad that I was in jeans. At least I wouldn’t be expected to go out to some romantic dinner with him.

  “Alex, no, this is ridiculous,” I protested as we walked around the massive zoo display from the Castle. It was ludicrous. I thought the cheap one that I wanted to get her was expensive. This thing came assembled on a huge round table with a split in the middle so that she could reach every part of the zoo. It also came with a three thousand dollar price tag.

  “You can’t tell me this thing isn’t the coolest zoo you’ve ever seen,” he argued. “Look at this aquarium, she will love this. And look at all the people. I want this.” His excitement was what I imagined Maddie’s to be.

  “Alex, she will be happy with the one from the magazine. I assure you, she’ll love it.”

  “Can I get this delivered and setup?” he turned asking the salesman, of course ignoring my objections.

  “Absolutely, sir. Would you like to see some accessories?”

  “Yes,” Alex replied. Another three hundred dollars later we had bunnies, jeeps, flowerpots, fake food, trollies, food stands, you name it. If it was in a zoo, Maddie was going to have it. That thing cost more than my truck. It was unfathomable. I was the twenty-one year old irresponsible one. I was supposed to be the one to waste money, not him.

  “Will you stop pouting? It’s only money. What’s the point in having it if you don’t spend it?” Alex asked back in the car, heading to God only knew where. I knew where. I just wasn’t saying a word about it. If he wanted to go to a hotel room and be ignored. I could do that.

  “Just drop it, Alex. It doesn’t matter what I say. You’re going to disregard it anyway.”

  “Why do you think I don’t care about what you say? I care very much about how you feel.”