Ashes of Revival (The Abdicate Series Book 1)

by Alex Shobe

  “She was going to betray us again—you and I both know this—but at least we can use it to our advantage.”

  “What advantage is there? You’re surrendering to that piece of shit.” His body is shaking from the anger building within. I reach out and lay a hand over his. His skin is hot as flames simmer in his veins, but his shuddering calms at my touch.

  “Colton,” I say delicately, “while I am there, the rest of you need to continue with the plan. Regroup with the rest of the men in Oerdin and find a way to take the castle.”

  “What about you?”

  My smile reaches my eyes and I withdraw my hand. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll do what I can from the inside—hopefully that includes killing Aerok.” He casts a sidelong glance and chews on his bottom lip. “I can do this,” I say, trying to convince myself more than him.

  “And what if he kills you on the spot?”

  “He has no reason to kill me if he believes I’m no longer a threat. It would still be in his best interest to marry me.”

  He rubs his palms against his eyes. “You’re insane. You know that, yeah?”

  I laugh and it catches him off guard. He looks at me as though I have two heads and one is on fire.

  “Why are you laughing? You’re literally walking up to the devil’s door.”

  I try to suppress my grin, but it breaks through the seams. “This is the most levelheaded I’ve felt in a long while. I can’t keep letting others fight all my battles. Too many people have already died because of me and it’s time I extend the same risk.”

  He drags his hand down his face. A plume of smoke rises from the shop’s chimney. We watch in silence as the smoke loosens its shape and scatters into the night.

  “I don’t want you to get hurt.” Colton fixes his view onto the ground in front of him. He plucks a blade of grass from the soil and wraps it around his finger.

  My mouth shifts into a smirk. “It almost seems like you care about me.”

  “And what if I do?” His face is firm, no humor visible. He blinks. Blinks again.

  My smile wanes. “You can’t… You don’t even know me.”

  “I know how I feel when I’m around you.” He flicks the grass away. “It’s like I can finally breathe again, and my issues aren’t weighing me down.”

  My heart freezes. I shake my head, my thoughts rattling. “I can’t be your… escape from reality.”

  He runs his hand through his hair and sighs. “No, I know. I mean—I can’t be the only one who feels something between us? The only one who felt something last time?”

  I’ve made it a point to not think about what happened last time. I can’t afford the distractions, not when we’re so close to everything changing. Then again, not only would I be lying to him, but I’d be lying to myself by dismissing whatever feelings dredge up to the surface.

  I wrap my arms around my torso and look up into the night sky. I search for an answer in the cosmic sea but its ruthless, watching as I drown, refusing to throw me a buoy. I can feel Colton watching me as well, awaiting my answer.

  My eyes land back on his. I clear my throat and focus to steady my voice. “You’re not the only one.” A lightness fills my chest as I say the words.

  He releases a slow exhale and smiles. It’s contagious, and soon I’m smiling, too. He leans over. “Really?” His voice is a whisper, but I hear him perfectly. The warmth of his breath tickles my cheek and sends a chill down my spine.

  I nod and his nose grazes my face. He’s testing me. Again. He knows if I turn my head, we’ll make contact.

  So,

  I close my eyes

  and turn.

  Our lips meet in a gentle way. I break the connection and shake my head. “You don’t know me,” I whisper against his mouth. His hand comes up behind me as his fingers suspend themselves in my hair. He cradles a palm against my cheek. His thumb brushes against my bottom lip.

  “I’ll get to know you,” he replies. He presses his lips to mine again. I pull away.

  “You have secrets.” My fingers skim the length of his arm and I hold his hand against my face. I breathe in the scent of his skin.

  “And one day,” he says in between the kisses, “I hope to tell you of them.” He deepens the kiss and any other excuse I had fades from my thoughts. He lowers me onto the ground and slides down beside me. His arms, muscular and rigid, wrap around my waist, pulling me close.

  For a moment, I remember something else. My eyes shift to the stone wall. “What about Rhyn? He’s been keeping an eye on me.”

  Colton looks back toward the wall. “He knows I’m out here with you, so he went back inside.”

  I nod my acknowledgment and let his lips continue to taste mine. I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed this. I’ve missed the way I feel when his arms are around me—the way they envelop me with a sense of safety I’ve never known.

  My hands explore his chest, the hills and valleys of his torso. His muscles tense as I pass over them. He shivers against me and his breathing quickens. I smile against his lips. He pulls back and looks at me.

  “What?” He grins as his finger trails the side of my face.

  “Nothing. It’s just, I like that I can make you shake like this.”

  He pulls me closer. “Oh, is that right?” His lips find my neck. I angle my head to let him in. I choke back a gasp, but it doesn’t keep my body from quaking. He lifts his head, smiling, pleased with himself. “You were saying?”

  My hand slides under his shirt, along his rib cage. Even without seeing the scars, I know when I’ve touched them by the sudden change in texture. His eyes are bright in the dark. He sits up and takes off his shirt, then tosses it aside. I press a palm against the ground and push myself up as well. He wastes no time guiding my lips to his. He slips a hand down my back and follows the curve of my spine. It arches in response. I hook a hand behind his neck and throw my leg over his so I’m sitting in his lap. His breathing shallows.

  Right now, there’s nothing else in the world that matters. In this moment, it is me and him and the thousands of stars looking on in wonder. Part of me cares for him—and that’s the part that scares me. I’ve never prepared for the recklessness that comes with being a young adult. And yet, I feel so ready.

  I hitch up my dress and pull it over my head. His mouth parts and his eyes never leave my skin. They drink me in with an insatiable thirst. There’s a sudden chill in the air that hits my back, but the warmth of his hands caressing me quickly resolves this.

  He looks me over, his face betraying the anxiety his eyes try to hide. “You want to…?” His fingertips trail the curves of my waist.

  I nod, biting my lip. I force away the urge to cover my unclothed body. “But I’ve never done… this.” A fluttery feeling rolls in my stomach. I’m almost embarrassed to admit nineteen years have passed and I haven’t executed such a basic human task. He doesn’t react to the news in the way I feared.

  Instead, he smiles and pulls me to him, our bare chests sparking a fire in the night. Smoke rises above, sending a signal that I don’t need a buoy, after all. He kisses my forehead and nose before his mouth finds a home against mine. He’s drawing me in, holding me close with the same hands that once threatened my life. It’s peculiar how circumstance can change perception.

  The sounds of nature play us a lullaby as our breathing quickens and he lays me down. His body hovers over mine while he showers me with kisses. His lips journey across my skin, touching old places, new places, all of which are good places. There’s a gentleness to him, one he doesn’t let exposed too often. My steel walls are down, and I completely surrender myself to him.

  The moon drifts across the region and begins to abandon the night in lieu of the sun. There’s still enough darkness that the morning birds haven’t awoken yet. Carefully, I unwrap Colton’s arm from my waist. He sleeps soundlessly. No nightmares. No sleep-talking. Just effortless rest. For a while, I watched him sleep. I committed the image of his face—this face, one wi
thout burden—to the safest vaults of my mind.

  I pull my dress back on and quickly finger-comb my hair. Blades of grass tumble out of the strands. I walk back toward the house, pausing at the stone wall to catch a last glimpse of him. His body is silver in the moonlight.

  Inside, the house is quiet. Aiden and Kaleo finally yielded to the night after working diligently on crafting weapons for use. The dagger Aiden made me sits on a table near the door. I inspect it, marveling at the beauty of such a deadly device. With one hand, I wind my hair into a thick rope and use the hair pin to secure a coil to the back of my head.

  Floorboards creak in the distance. I look up.

  “Ready?” Merethe asks. A bag is hoisted over her back. Her bow is securely cradled in her fingers.

  I nod. “Let’s go.”

  Merethe and I quickly put distance between us and the others left in Durst. Our horses charge forward, the sounds of hooves thundering against the ground. We limit our time on the main road to avoid unnecessary trouble.

  A sense of acceptance washes down my back, flowing out as my cloak trails behind me in the breeze. I could turn back if I wanted to. I could tell Colton that he was right, that I am insane, and let his lips kiss my worries away. But I won’t. I’m a queen, and this is the burden of my status.

  I meant it when I told Colton I can’t always let people fight my battles, even if their loyalty to me swears them to. I must’ve missed the lesson where I should cower behind a net of safety and let others bleed for me. Maybe I am insane. Maybe this is why I’ll fail as a monarch. Or maybe, this is the type of response my reign requires for its success. I need to show my people—my traitors—that I won’t be bullied or casted aside while my nation collapses. I live for my country. I will die for it, too.

  We take occasional breaks to rest the horses, and by nightfall, we’re over halfway there. Halfway home. Halfway to the point of no return.

  We make camp in an area of a forest dense with trees. The small fire between us fills the silence of the night. The wood crackles as the flames consume everything it touches. The blaze is similar to my half-sister. Her eyes are down, focused on the bread she’s been picking at for the past few minutes.

  I clear my throat and her eyes dart up abruptly. The fire turns her face a deeper golden color. She looks so much like Gracen, with the complexion of my father. Our father.

  “I find it ironic that your loyalty lies with your family, and yet you so easily are willing to betray me although we are bound by blood.”

  She sits up straight and holds the bread in her lap. “Didn’t you threaten to kill me, dear sister?” She chuckles. “How’s that for irony?”

  “I’m protecting myself. I have no clue who you really are, and you’ve already proven that you can’t be trusted.”

  “So why are you letting me take you back? Why have you let me know the flip side of your plan?”

  “Because,” I say, keeping my eyes trained on hers, “you wouldn’t have stopped trying to betray us until you got your aunt back. At least this way, after she’s freed, you can crawl back to whatever shadow you stumbled out of, and my people can finish doing what they need to do.

  She twists her mouth as though she tasted something sour. “And how do you know I won’t just tell Aerok what you’re really doing?” Her age is highlighted in her tone.

  “I don’t. But I’m hoping that if family means anything to you, you won’t interfere.”

  She tears off a piece of bread and tosses it into her mouth. Her eyes stare into the flames.

  “Besides,” I continue, “in a way, Gracen was my family, too. I won’t dishonor her by letting her sister’s life hang by the thread of a madman.”

  Merethe smiles but it disappears as quickly as it comes. “Did she suffer?”

  Images flash in my mind, one after the other, of a time filled with much more chaos than I’ve ever known. It has been nearly a week since Gracen died, but when I close my eyes, it’s like I’m standing back in my bedchamber, watching helplessly as her blood stains the marble. I watched the moment when she knew she would not make it out alive. She died trying to warn me, and for that, I’ll always be grateful.

  I shake my head. “No. It was quick.” Truth is, I don’t know if she suffered at all. I don’t know how many seconds lulled between the time the blade ran through her to the time she took her last breath. And I don’t want to know. Neither should Merethe.

  Thankfully, she doesn’t press the topic further. We sit in silence and let the flames hold its own conversation. The moonless night is made darker by our pasts. Only the glow of the fire brings about a glimmer of a future.

  “I wouldn’t have pegged bat-shit crazy as your type.”

  I cock my head. “Excuse me?”

  She grins. “You and Pretty Boy.”

  Warmth finds my cheeks in an uncontrollable blush. I wrap my cloak tighter around my shoulders. “What are you talking about?”

  “No need to be bashful.” She laughs. “I saw you two. He’s very attractive”—she connects her thumb and forefinger together in a circle, the other three fingers pointing skyward—“so good job on that. I’m just surprised you can see past his psycho-ness.”

  “He’s not psychotic,” I snap.

  She throws her arms up defensively, making no effort to hide her display of amusement. “I was just joking. Lighten up.”

  I drag my bag closer to me and lay my head against it. My mental capacity to engage in an altercation with her has dwindled with the heat of the fire. I brush dirt over the remaining embers until they’re snuffed out. Merethe scoffs then shuffles against the ground to make herself comfortable.

  “Goodnight,” she says in an animated tone.

  I don’t respond. Instead, I press my eyes closed and hope I don’t end up killing her before morning comes.

  Colton

  By morning, Aiden finishes up our new weapons. The humid air sticks to my face as I test my sword in front of the house. The grip of it feels extremely comfortable in my hand. I flex my wrist, shifting the blade with ease as though it were a weightless device. Aiden’s talent will change weapon-making for years to come. He discovered a way to thin out the blade to reduce the weight, then also temper it so the thinness doesn’t interfere with its durability. Bladesmith work certainly suits him.

  Kaleo’s weapon of choice, a warhammer, is beyond intimidating. On both sides of the hammer, four sharp points will do extensive damage should someone ever find themselves at the business end of it. Its weight is massive. I tried wielding it yesterday and nearly pulled a shoulder. Kaleo’s tall and broad stature has no problem swinging it like it was made of clouds. A brutal weapon for a brutal man. Well, when he has to be.

  He’d never openly admit it, but the distance away from his family is weighing on him again. At times, I’ve noticed him toying with the leather wrist cuff his wife made for him. He’d run his fingers over the tattered material, his eyes concentrated in deep thought. He never takes it off. He told me that once, while in the dungeons, one very foolish man tried to steal it from him while he slept. Needless to say, that man didn’t have to wait until the arena to pay for his crimes.

  My sword makes a clean zing when I sheathe it. I jog past Skylar as he lets out a yawn and enter the house to find Aiden.

  “Are you almost ready to go?” Aiden glances over his shoulder as my footsteps approach. He’s hunched over a wrought iron table in the sitting room, stuffing the last of his supplies into his bag.

  “Yeah, and you might want to pat Skylar down before we leave.” I plop into a chair at the table. “Pretty sure I saw something gold in his jacket.”

  Aiden groans. “He would steal the blue from the ocean if he thought it had value.”

  My mouth widens into a smile. That’s probably true. Skylar, or Coyote, has made his living off other people’s wealth. Although he fancies the nobles as targets, he wouldn’t miss an opportunity if it came knocking in Durst.

  Aiden lifts a leather-bound journa
l to put it in the bag and reveals a small wooden coin underneath. I pick it up from the tabletop and hold it between two fingers. The oblong edges are smooth, though it feels as if they’d been jagged at one point. One side of the coin has a sloppily carved ‘AH,’ while the other has a ‘BC’ etched with precision.

  “What’s this?”

  Aiden holds his hand out and I drop the coin into his waiting palm. Color flushes his cheeks. “It’s a good luck charm.”

  “Did you make it?”

  He nods and slips the charm into his pocket. “It’s the first thing he taught me how to make when I came here.” His shoulders droop and his voice cracks at the mention of his mentor. Until now, I haven’t seen him display any raw emotion over his loss, but I suppose we all grieve in different ways.

  I nudge his arm. “Everyone else is waiting outside. You want a minute in here before we go?”

  He looks at me, his eyes reddening around the edges. “I’ll be out in a bit.”

  I stand and walk toward the door, leaving Aiden as he stares distantly across the room.

  The sun is long gone by the time we reach the outskirts of Oerdin. A sack of weapons is slung across each of our backs, Aiden’s designs making the load effortless. Despite Rhyn’s objection, we decided to leave the horses behind. They would’ve been too much to maintain when we reach the village. There’s a subtle shift in the terrain that lets us know we’re getting close. Dry dirt patches replace the full greenery.

  It’s been two whole days since Leona left. She was gone before the sun rose, before any of us had a chance to protest. Though, I realize now Aiden had to have known her plans.

  That night with her was nothing short of amazing. Her skin was so soft. Her body the perfect proportion to mine. We fit. When she kissed me, I felt a new freedom of something, and for that moment, she kept my demons at bay. Her lips, her hands, both left an imprint on my skin that I can still feel under the surface.

  And now, she’s gone. I have no idea whether she’ll survive her stubborn idea. I should’ve stayed awake. I should’ve tried harder to talk her out of it. I should’ve made sure I went with her, to protect her from Aerok—and that girl. I drag my hand down my face and try to shake the thoughts from my mind.