Chasing the Wild Sparks

by Alexander, Ren

  I move my hands so I can stroke my fingers against the nape of his neck. Peeking up at him, I see him staring down at me. I say, “Same here, baby. To also risk being cliché, without you, my heart painfully aches. You’re my missing puzzle piece.” I rest my head against his chest and glance up. His head is inclined over mine and I see his lips spread into a smile as he rocks us slowly to the song. I’m impressed that he’s trying these things for me that he said he never would. “I love dancing with you, Mr. Wilder.”

  I feel his small laugh and he clears his throat. “I didn’t know you could dance like that…with Rodwell.”

  I straighten and study the tie I bought for him. “How much did you see?”

  “A lot.”

  “Oh.” Yikes. “You weren’t really going to punch him, were you?” I bite my lip, fearing the answer.

  He raises his head as I slightly pull back from him so I can see his face. He regards me momentarily before resolutely saying, “Positively, and then rip his balls off.”

  I look up at his baby face. “Finn.” I notice he suddenly looks tired. “Why were you that mad about us dancing in front of a crowd?”

  He glances over my head, like he can’t look at me as he makes his confession this time. “I can’t tell you what I was thinking because I was numb. I thought I’d see you dancing, but not like that and not with Rod. I couldn’t believe it was the two of you.”

  I sigh and skate my hand to his jaw, stroking his prickly hair. “I’m sorry. Rod and I always dance together at the firm’s parties. It’s our thing, I guess. You’re just not there to see us. It’s fun.”

  “It was hard for me to watch,” he confesses, while still avoiding looking me in the eye. I nod as I stare at his jaw, feeling the tension underneath my fingers. He continues, “You two looked great together, which at first, shocked the hell out of me. And then someone nearby commented that you and Rod must have a hot sex life. That enraged me. I thought maybe I had been missing something and that you belonged with him instead of me.”

  I shake my head, and slide my thumb over his bottom lip. He lowers his head, pushing his lip against my thumb and closes his eyes. “No. I love you. There’s no comparison.” The smell of alcohol encircles me as he heavily sighs and tightens his grip on me.

  Abruptly, he stands straight and I move my hands from his lip to his biceps, where his tattoos are hiding. His eyes scour my face and then down to my chest. He says, “I didn’t mention how fucking sexy you look, did I?” What?

  “No. I do?” I look like a streetwalker on payday.

  “I saw the pictures and I didn’t know it was you at first with all the heavy makeup. I didn’t know why I was getting pictures of some woman on my phone, or who they were from. I looked again trying to figure out who it was when I realized it was my Becks.” He looks down and I can hear him swallow through the music. “Morgan nailed it.”

  I examine his face in uncertainty. “What do you mean?”

  Finn looks up, his eyes weary. “I couldn’t concentrate at all. I kept stammering, messing up scores and not reading the teleprompter right. I blamed it on my contacts. Our director, Alan, told me to get the surgery already. There’s no way I’m doing that.” My daredevil can get tattoos and jump off buildings, but not have corrective eye surgery. A pained look traverses his handsome face. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you out dancing somewhere and getting hit on. And since I’ve been such an asshole to you, I thought that you might leave me. I was so pissed off. It was driving me fucking crazy.” Hesitantly, he peers at me again.

  “Rod wouldn’t have let that happen anyway. He’s protective of me, too, Finn. You may think he’s just a goofy guy, but he’s a great friend to me. He’s like a brother. He wouldn’t have allowed anyone to do that.” I playfully smile. “I think he could take you on.” I giggle as his big laugh vibrates the air between us.

  He mumbles, “I’ll apologize to him.”

  “Thank you.” Another slow song starts, giving us some more time alone.

  Finn lifts his head up and leans over to kiss my cheek, tracking his lips over to my ear, nibbling on my lobe; his hot, liquored breath sending cold chills down my spine. His hands glide from my back down to my hips, his fingers dragging over my ass and pressing into my skirt. I tell him, “I thought you were going to tell me you didn’t want to dance with me in front of all those beautiful, twenty-something women.”

  He whispers into my ear, “Never.”

  “You weren’t saying anything to me. I was…”

  “Embarrassed? I know. That made it so much hotter. You put yourself out there for me. You wanted those average-looking women to know that I’m yours.”

  I reach back up into his hair and I move my lips closer to his. “Always.”

  Finn’s hands drift up under my top, gliding smoothly over my skin with his palms, but his fingertips roughly burrow into my skin. My nipples painfully stretch against the tape covering them. His lips travel across my jaw and brusquely collide with mine, the alcohol sharply pervading me once more as he ravenously licks my tongue. His fingers sharply tug at my skin as they move dangerously upward. My breasts are taped up, but not only that, we’re in public. I pull on his hair to get his lips to release mine, but it only revs him up more. Ultimately, I have to push down on his hands to lower them. He then drops them down to the buttons of my skirt, toying with them. I didn’t mean for him to do that! I think the most recent shots he drank are beginning to hit him.

  I mumble, “We’re in public.”

  “Uh-huh,” he utters over my lips. He bends his body while still kissing me so he can unbutton the bottom of my skirt.

  “Finn.” He kisses me and works on the second button, making me wriggle.

  I move my mouth away. “Stop.” I try to fix my skirt, but his hands push mine away.

  Looking down so he can speed up his task, he asks, “Do you know what I want to do right now?” I shake my head, but it’s not hard to guess what he wants.

  He glances up at me, his big brown eyes now full of cocky desire. “I want to feel how much I turn you on.” He can’t see it on my face or hear it in my breathing?

  I scan the area around us. “Not here, Finn.”

  He ignores me and pulls at the skirt’s opening. “Then I want to take you over to that booth in the corner where it’s dark.” He sharply nods behind us to the corner of the room.

  “And?” Do I really want to know? I won’t be able to stop myself from allowing him to do just that if he tells me.

  He lets go of my skirt and grabs my arms, whispering in my ear. “I want you to sit on my lap.” I close my eyes. There’s no way he wants me to do that and not try to get something else out of it.

  “Why?” Am I really stupid enough to ask that?

  He sticks his tongue inside my ear before saying, “So I can fuck you.” Holy shit.

  I inhale, trying to gather my willpower. I have to fight the urge to let him. “Finn.”

  He moves so he can stare into my eyes. “Would you want to do that, Becks? Have sex with me in public?” His voice is heated and copious with excitement. He slants over to my ear again and rouses, “I dare you.”

  I have to say no. We can’t do that here. We’ll get caught, arrested and he’ll lose his job. We’ll both be so embarrassed, probably me more than him. Nevertheless, I reply, “Not here.”

  He drags his lips to my throat. “Why not? It’s dark. I’d just unzip my pants and pull your underwear to the side. Nobody would see us.” Right. There are always witnesses to Finn Wilder’s every move.

  “We don’t have any birth control.”

  “Right now, I don’t fucking care.” What? What?

  I intolerantly frown. “You would if I got pregnant.” We had this very argument this morning. I know he likes to tempt fate, but why is he pushing the boundaries more and more?

  His mouth drifts down to the bottom of my throat, his voice vibrating against it. “It’s just once, baby.”

  I close my eyes.
Is this really happening? He’s again risking getting me pregnant? Taunting me? “That’s all it takes, Finn,” I say sullenly. He can’t keep doing this to me.

  He kisses me and says against my lips, “I want you, Becks. Now. I want my ecstasy that’s in your skirt.”

  Keeping my eyes closed, I tightly swallow. “Finn, you’re drunk. You’ll regret it tomorrow if we risked it.”

  “I’m not drunk,” he replies with an ironic slur. He’s definitely tipsy. I saw that glassy look in his eyes and it wasn’t because of his contacts this time.

  “Morgan and Rod probably want to leave. They’ll come looking for us.”

  I open my eyes and his rake slowly over me as he licks his bottom lip. “With you dressed like this, it won’t take me long.” He impishly smirks. “I’m halfway there now.” Oh, Finn. I want you, but we can’t. You’d hate me. “We wouldn’t have to move a lot.” His fingers dig into my hips. “It’s even loud in here. You could yell Finnigan all you want, baby.”

  His sexy voice is tempting me to do something I want, and possibly creating something he doesn’t. I can’t look into his eyes because he’ll hypnotize me again like he did this morning. I glance down at the floor beside us. “Please, Finn. I want to, but…”

  He hugs me to him and his mouth hovers over my ear. “Please, baby. I have to have you. Your tits, that ass, those legs, these shoulders… I want to make love to you.” He pushes his hand through the split in my skirt and skims his fingers over the crotch of my underwear. “Are you ready for me?” I’m always ready for you, Finn.

  I put my hand on his wrist to stop him. “Finn, no. We’ll get caught.”

  He withdraws his hand and rests it on my neck, caressing my throat with his thumb. “Then let’s go to your apartment. I need you, Becks. I need to show you how much I love you.” He angles his head, then he pauses and all of his cockiness evaporates. “And I want you to show me how much you love me.” Oh, God. How do I refuse that?

  “I want that, too, so much, but I’m staying with Morgan tonight. I need to get back to her.”

  He instantly stops stroking my throat. “You’re not going home?” Tension precipitously laces his voice and body.

  I swallow and stare at the floor. There I go pissing him off again. “No.”

  His fingers suddenly feel cold on my neck. “We’re really not spending the night together?”

  I shake my head. “No.”

  He heaves a frustrated sigh. “Becks, I’ve barely seen you all weekend! We only had last night together! I sound like a fucking broken record! Why can’t you stay home with me tonight?”

  I blink at him and scowl, looking away from his indignant glare. “Because I told Morgan I would. All of my things are over at her house.”

  He’s all business. “We’ll go get them.”

  I quickly regard him. “You’re drunk, Finn. You shouldn’t even be driving.”

  “You can drive.”

  “I can’t drive your stick.” Shit. That came out wrong. Now I sound like Rod.

  He wickedly chuckles. “I beg to differ. You’re the only one that can drive my stick.”

  I irritably roll my eyes. “Morgan can give you a ride home.”

  He stiffly straightens. “No. I’ll find a ride.”

  “I’ll call Ricky.”

  “I’m fine, Becks!” he snaps with annoyance. He takes a step back from me, clasps both hands behind his head and looks at the floor.

  “No, you’re not, Finn!”

  With his hands still on his head, he glowers at me. “Becks, I’ll handle it! Why can’t we be together tonight? Fuck!” His hands fall as he gazes up at the ceiling.

  I rub my neck and glance around. So far, a few people are paying attention. I hiss, “Finn, calm down! Why do you want to be with me so much tonight? It’s late and we have to get up early.”

  Feverishly, he scoops a hand through his hair. “Because I fucking miss you! I can’t do this anymore—all this weekend shit! I’m lonely without you!”

  I wince. “I am, too!”

  Impatiently, he shakes his head and points at me, growling, “No! No, don’t even give me that shit! It can be easily fixed, but you choose not to!” His regards me accusingly. “You don’t want me with you for some reason. Why?” He caustically inhales and anger flashes through his eyes. “Are you fucking someone else?”

  Now he’s full-blown intoxicated. I was wondering when the most recent round of alcohol he had was going to finally kick in. “No!” Again, I check for more bystanders and then step closer to him and plead, “Finn, calm down.”

  His glassy-eyed glare becomes harder and he yells, “Stop telling me to calm the fuck down, Becks!” Why the hell can’t we move in together? I told you I’d even move into your shithole of an apartment for a while before we find someplace in the middle! Why won’t you give me that? I’ll give up my apartment and move twice for you!”

  “Finn, I told you I’ll think about it.”

  Casting an arm out to the side, he argues, “What’s to think about? Let’s just do it!”

  I look away and see Rod approaching. Thank, God! “Are you okay? Morgan’s having a fucking fit!” He glances at Finn and then at me. “She knows something’s going on over here. Ivan’s restraining her, but he can’t hold her for long.”

  Grabbing Rod’s arm, I summarily tell him, “Get my phone. Call Ricky. Tell him that Finn needs him to pick him up. Now.”

  Finn sharply pulls my hand. Rod gives him a once-over and says, “I’ll have Morgan do it. I’ll be right back.” He makes a quick retreat to the table. Finn had put Ricky’s number in my phone because I’m supposed to call Ricky if I ever run into any trouble when Finn isn’t around. I guess he’s my second bodyguard, since Finn claimed the first spot. So much for my number one bodyguard right now. It’s kind of humorous that he doesn’t seem to want Morgan’s number. He would’ve known who sent him the pictures.

  I return my attention to Finn when he lets go of me. Rubbing his hands together derisively, he speaks excitedly, “What? Is he staying the night with you girls? A big slumber party with Rod? Are you going to make prank phone calls and talk about boys?” I notice that there is a crowd of women watching us. “Are you going to talk about me?” He’s shouting so much louder now and I bite my lip, wishing he would be quiet and Ricky would instantly appear. He goes on, “Tell them about our first date? Our first kiss?” I urgently tug on his arm to get him to follow me, away from the onlookers; however, he doesn’t budge and his tone suddenly takes a sharp turn. “Our first fuck?” I freeze, which matches his ice-cold panache. “And how long you made me wait for it? How you deliberately teased me over and over by wearing skimpy shorts and tight T-shirts? Huh? How you wouldn’t spread your legs for me until I had to beg for it? How you still won’t give me a blow job even if your life depended on it?”

  I gasp and cover my mouth, my black nail polish gleaming under the white lights. I can’t believe even drunk, he’s saying these things.

  He shouts, “I certainly go down on you, but nope, nothing in return for Finn Wilder, not even a few licks!” I’m beyond mortified. Rod suddenly yanks me from behind and drags me away. Finn angrily follows us. “Will he get to see you naked?” he yells.

  “Where’s Morgan?” I ask Rod.

  “In the car. Ivan made her go out there to wait for Ricky.”

  Finn grabs my arm. “You’re not leaving me! That’s all you do, Becks, is leave me!”

  “Finn, stop!” I escape Rod’s hold, but he is on me like a shadow. Bodyguard number three? “Baby, let’s go sit down,” I plead with Finn as he jerks me to him.

  He resentfully retorts, “Why? You didn’t want me to fuck you here!” His voice drops. “You don’t want me at all.”

  “That’s not why I said no!”

  Rod tugs on my other arm again. “Hadley, come on!” I feel like a wishbone.

  Finn glares at Rod as he tightens his fingers on my arm. “Leave her the fuck alone, Rodwell!” Turning he drill
s his cynical eyes into me. “He had better not be fucking you, Becks, because that would tear my fucking heart out!” I stare at him in utter shock. His eyes glow with anger and booze. What happened to him? Where’d my Finn go?

  I wrench my arm from Rod. “I’m not, baby! I told you it’s only you!” I slide my fingers along Finn’s dress shirt, next to his tie, attempting to soothe him. I have to keep him from jumping in his car before Ricky gets here.

  His inebriated chocolate eyes fall to mine, abruptly seeming vulnerable. “I’m trying to be everything you need, baby. I-I just can’t be.”

  “Finn, you are. I don’t—”

  Like a whirlwind, he’s angry again. “Don’t what? Want to move in with me? Love me? I know you don’t!”

  “That’s not true!”

  “Which one, Becks?”

  “I love you!”

  He laughs humorlessly. “Oh, I know what you want!”

  “Hadley, now!” Rod shouts louder.

  I look around. There are more people curiously eyeing us. We need to stop this.

  “Finn, we’ll talk about this later.”

  “So, it’s final! You won’t move in with me unless we get…married?” He articulates fuck more easily than he can say married.

  I glare at my drunk boyfriend. Do I placate him, or do I tell him the truth and risk him making a scene?

  “Finn, let’s go sit down.” I grab his forearm; his skin is hot from his booziness and anger. He jolts his arm from mine.

  “Answer my fucking question, Becks!”

  I furiously shake my head. “No! I’m not going to move in with you!” His eyes widen and for a moment, he looks sober as my words sink in.

  His jaw ripples with hostility and he closes his eyes. “Fuck this!” He storms past Rod and me and towards the door. He is not driving drunk!