How could I not melt at this man’s words? The look on his face tells me everything I need to know. He is sincere in his recounting, he’s worried I won’t believe him, and most of all, I can see the love in his eyes as he recalls the whole thing all over again.
“Clara, baby, please. I really like you. Please believe me.”
Just then he reaches out to touch me and I can almost see the electrical current flow making its way toward my arm. It’s this connection that has had me right from the start. That feeling that sizzles over my skin whenever his fingertips brush against my flesh. I could melt on the spot whenever he is in the general vicinity.
“Baby, I feel the exact same way whenever you’re near me. I really like you, too, Devin.”
He expels the breath he has been holding since running after me from Adam’s restaurant.
“Thank God. I was so worried I would have to try harder to make you understand.”
“Devin Zander!”
He can’t help it. Whenever she uses his middle name in exasperation, it’s just so cute that he can’t help but laugh at her expense. Grabbing me hard against his body, I feel a sense of peace I never thought was possible. In that moment, I don’t care if he is stalking me or not. I just know.
He is my everything.
It’s only been two months since we started dating, but we knew from the start that this was a connection neither one of us had felt before. The love that shines between us whenever we see each other walk into a room makes our friends envious. It hasn’t been long, I realize as I watch him walk into Adam’s tavern, but it is everything I could hope for or dream of happening in just a short period of time. This man, this godlike man, is the one I have waited my entire life for. He is it for me, and no other man will be able to replace him. I have finally found my one and only.
Devin’s smile fills his entire face, reaching his eyes. When he finally reaches me, however, he realizes that I have tears in my eyes, and I can see how it makes his chest constrict and his heart sink.
“What is it, sweetheart?”
Taking me by the shoulders, he bends to look into my eyes, which are now were turning red as I try to hold back the tears.
“Nothing, I just love you so much.”
Voicing what I know to be true, I just let out what I’ve been holding back for weeks.
“Same here, honey. Same here.”
Pulling me into his arms, I feel the connection between us fueling the already burning desire we have for each other.
“How about we take our order to go? I have an idea I want to share with you.”
“Oh? Okay.”
Puzzled, I hold my breath, unable to comprehend what’s coming next as he has the server put our order into containers.
Then he takes my hand into his with such care that the tears I have held at bay begin to trickle down my cheek.
“Honey, please don’t cry. It kills me when you cry.”
“I’m sorry, I’m just so happy.”
Brushing my tears away with his thumb and taking my face in his hands, he kisses me with an intense resolve that means he never wants to let this end.
“You okay now?” he asks as he leans away slowly.
“Yes, thank you. I’m sorry.”
“Sweetheart, don’t be sorry. I love you. I love everything about you. Even your girly side.”
“Shut up,” I snort at his retort.
“Can I tell you my plan now?”
We’re walking to our favorite spot just along the boardwalk.
“Sure. Go ahead.”
Turning to face me, Devin takes a deep breath as he prepares himself for my reaction to his thoughts.
“Let’s move in together.”
My eyes grow so big I’m sure my brows are about to disappear, but he’s keeping his composure, waiting to see what I will say. After a few minutes of barely moving, I put my hand through his arm and beginning walking again. The movement helps me think.
All of a sudden, I stop mid-step, causing me to pull at his sleeve.
Devin stops as well, and turns to face me.
“You serious?”
They’re the only words that come to mind as I regard him.
“Yes.”
“But you said we were going too fast.”
I search his face for some clue as to what he must be thinking.
“You said we needed to get to know each other better.” Pausing he takes a breath. “Honey, I’m beginning to get a complex. Yes, I said that about going fast, but now I’ve decided that I just can’t do this anymore.”
“What do you mean?” I ask. “Do what, anymore?”
“Baby, look, I can’t be without you at night anymore. This isn’t working.”
After the first few months of our relationship, I found ways to maneuver around becoming more intimate. That is, until I couldn’t take it any longer and just seduced him one night. I didn’t expect it to happen, but it did. Now I could feel him pulling away, thinking I wasn’t as into him as he was into me, so I decided I had to let myself go with my feelings.
The best part is that it’s been completely worth the wait. The passion we share can’t be duplicated any other way. We worship each other with small seductive gestures all through the night, and well into the morning hours. We wake only when we realize we have to go to work the next day. This whole experience has cemented my fate with this man. Since then, the two of us have barely spent any time apart.
“I miss you too much. I can’t sleep without you.”
Though I still refuse to go shirtless in front of him, we’ve spent many nights together, and most days, for that matter.
“Um, maybe you should take some sleeping pills.”
Not sure what to make of this whole exchange, I begin to hyperventilate with anxiety.
How can I protect him from my past?
It takes a minute for this to register, but Devin turns white when he realizes I am about to faint. This clearly isn’t the way he’d hoped this would go, but with me, I’m sure that nothing seems to go like he thought or planned.
“Deep breaths, honey before you pass out.”
He pulls the food out of the bag so I can use it to take deep breaths. Then he rubs my back as I try to concentrate on my breathing.
“You. Just. Said,” I whisper in between gasps of air.
“Yes, I just said let’s move in together. Your response, though, baby, is not the one I was hoping for.”
“I’m sorry, I just can’t believe what I’m hearing.”
“Baby, we spend all our time together anyway. Yes, it’s only been a few months. Yes, we’re probably rushing things, but I don’t care anymore. I miss you the moment I leave your side. I miss you in the morning when I wake for the day. I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to be with you, walk with you to breakfast at our spot. Go to Starbucks for your iced mocha latte. Everything. I want to do everything with you.”
He’s trying to get me to realize how little effort moving in would be in comparison to the amount of time we’re currently spending together.
Taking a deep breath, as well as a much-needed gulp of my iced mocha, I feel like I’m in a bubble of love. I never thought this could happen to me. This isn’t just some chance to take, I tell myself. This is Devin, the one person in the whole world I trust, the guy who is meant for me.
I just need a moment to calm myself. After this moment, all my secrets will be out there and okay. This is it, I thought. If he loves me enough, he’ll stay. If not, he’ll go and I’ll lose the one person I can’t live without.
Should I take the chance?
“Take the chance. Do it.”
I meet his gaze and realize I’ve done it again. Voiced my thoughts, mumbled them in that way he loves so much. I can’t hide anything from him, so why start now?
Here goes everything…
“Yes.”
It’s barely a whisper when I breathe out the word.
He gasps and gulps down my answer.
“Yes?” Regarding me out of the corner of his eye, he twists his head slightly. “Are you sure? Because I can’t tell if that’s a question, or an answer to my question.”
Concern is etched into his features.
“We’ll need to decide on whose place we’re staying at. What we’re keeping, and what’s going. Where we’ll put the extra furniture. You know, all those sorts of things.”
“Relax, honey. We really don’t need to decide any of those things right now.”
“What?” Is he serious? Of course we need to decide those things! “Yes, we do.”
He just chuckles at me, smiling so big his entire face lights up.
“Let me explain what I’m thinking, then you decide. I’m thinking that we stay at your place until your lease is up. That way, you’ll feel safe as we figure each other out. Then we decide from there what to do next.”
“You have this all figured out already?”
I couldn’t help but contain my smile as I place my hand nervously in front of my mouth. He’s actually already thought this all through? When?
“When I figured out I couldn’t sleep without you.”
He responds to me like he always does when I mumble to myself.
“Oh.”
“You’re gonna have to get used to me answering your mumbling, sweetheart. You know I listen to you when you do that. It’s the only time I really know what you’re thinking.”
“Okay, okay. I surrender. What’s your plan, then? And start from the beginning.”
“My thinking is that we’re both pretty much in sync when it comes to what we like and don’t like, but when we live together, our real selves will come out, and then there will be no turning back. My house is mine, I own it, but I don’t want us to live there yet. You’re not ready for that, and I’m not entirely sure why, so I want to move in with you at your place so we can figure this all out together. All of it. Everything that’s haunting you that you never talk about. I want to know it all. We can do that together when we’re under one roof. Get to know each other more, the good and the bad. There’s no going back after this, and we’ll be in it together. Just us.”
He was rambling, but it was to be expected with such a monumental decision on the table.
Taking in his words and absorbing the feeling of his love, I felt peace like I never had before.
“Just us… I like the sound of that.”
“Me, too, Clara baby.”
Nodding, I blinked several times, coming to a decision.
“Okay, when will this move take place?”
“Well, now actually. My bags are already packed and waiting in the car.”
Stunned, I just look at him as though he has three heads.
“Wow, you really were confident you could close the deal, huh?”
He smiles sheepishly at me.
“Well, no, but a man can hope.”
“Sure, we’ll go with hope,” I say as my eyes narrow, looking up at him.
“Guess that means I need to get you a key and tell the building representative to add you to the unit.”
We begin to walk again, only this time toward his car.
“Yep.”
I couldn’t help but wonder… What else is he planning?
“You’ll see.”
Crap! He’s not going to let me get away with anything.
“Nope.”
He just keeps his eyes forward when I quickly turn to look up at him.
Double crap. Floored again as my mouth drops open, I realize I have finally met my match with Devin Zander Robinson.
***
“You’re gonna nick it!” I exclaim as he pushes and pulls at the huge piece of furniture.
“No, I’m not. Stop backseat moving.”
Not stopping even to take into consideration my concern, Devin kept up his rhythm, desperately trying to move the large object.
“Backseat moving? Is that even a thing?”
“Well, we’re not driving, but you’re still driving me nuts, so yeah, that’s now a thing.”
“Oh, you suck!”
Throwing my hands in the air, I just scream at him.
“No, you suck!” he screams right back.
“What the hell are you doing, anyway?”
“Moving the entertainment center more to the left,” he says matter-of-factly.
“Why?”
I shake my head, hands on my hips, eyes narrowed, glaring at him.
“It’s not centered enough for the room.”
“It’s centered enough for me!”
“Dang it, woman! I’m almost done moving this thing. Will you just hold off a moment until I finish before you rant at me?”
“Rant at you? Is that what this is?”
“Feels like it to me.”
“Devin, leave the stupid thing before you get hurt!”
“I’ve almost finished. Will you please stop gripping? I just about got it.”
He’s grunting out the words as he pushes harder against the piece, until finally, it starts to move into place.
“If you get hurt, I’m not nursing you back to health.”
“If I get hurt, yes, you will.”
“No, I won’t.”
“Yes, you will. And see? All done.” He smacks his hands together as he surveys his accomplishment. “There, now it’s perfect. Let me show you.” Taking my hand into his, he guides me toward the other side of the room. “While you were out, I upgraded the system and set up the lighting for additional affects during movies and games.”
“You can do that?”
“You’d be surprised at what I can do.”
“I’m never surprised what you can do, Dev. I know you’re amazing at everything.”
I eye him as he works the remote. Men and their toys. They always look like they just discovered the space shuttle’s instrument panel, and can’t wait to enter the launch codes. Seriously, what’s with the concentration they put into working those things?
“See? It’s awesome.”
His eyes cloud over with a tech cloud of male satisfaction as he shows off his masterpiece.
“Yes, it is. And yes, you are, too.”
He has been awesome, and I have no problem letting him know it.
“Aw baby, thank you.”
He squeezes me tightly against him, kissing the top of my head.
“You’re welcome. Now, what do you want to do first?”
Turning off the television and tossing the remote on the couch, I think I’ve heard him wrong. Does he still want to have the talk?
With a serious face, he sits with me on the couch and holds my hand. Then he looks deep into my eyes.
Uh-oh.
“Honey, it’s time we had a talk.”
“You’re leaving me, aren’t you?”
Tears threaten to spill as I’m ready to burst into tears.
“No! God, no. Clara, look at me.”
“I can’t.”
“Clara, baby, look at me. I want to talk to you. I’m not going anywhere. When are you going to get that through your head? I’m. Not. Going. Anywhere.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.” He just stares at me. “Now talk. That’s all this is. Talk to me.”
After taking a deep breath, I realize he’s right. He really isn’t going anywhere.
“Okay. What do you want to talk about?”
“Honey, it’s time you told me what’s really going on.”
He was trying to make this easy on me, I could tell, but after days had turned into weeks, I knew that this couldn’t go on. But I couldn’t just come out with what had me so anxious in his presence. He was going to have to make me tell him. I knew that worried him. He thought we were in a place where I could say anything to him without fear, but it wasn’t as simple as that. Still, I had decided the only way to get past this was to face it head-on.
I wonder if I look as ashen as I feel, I think as I look into his blue eyes. I wonder if he’ll ever
look at me the same again once I tell him all the details of the worst experience of my life.
Taking a deep breath, I turn slightly to my right to look him in the eye as I tell him all the gory details of that night. That night I only remember in bits and pieces. That night that will haunt me for the rest of my life.
“I want you to know before I tell you all of this that I never thought I would make it here. I’m so happy, and it has everything to do with you, and the way you are looking at me right now. My deepest fear is that that look you give me will go away once I tell you everything.”
He doesn’t react as I explain my deepest fear. He just grabs my hand, leans into my side, and picks me up, placing me on his lap.
“It’ll be easier this way, and you will feel me not going anywhere as you tell me everything you have to say. Say it, honey.”
He whispers the last part as though he is about to confess his own secrets. His turn will come, but right now we need to talk about my secrets. It’s not fair that I’ve been keeping this from him while he tolerates so much from me.
Starting will be easy. It’s the details that are still fuzzy. I look out toward the far-off window as the world around me fades to a place and time I wish I could forget.
“When I started my first semester, I was so excited. Away from home for the first time, I couldn’t get enough of the freedom, the excitement of starting out my life.” Taking a moment to realize I have never shared this with anyone, I continue. “You know, as I tell you this, I realize the wonder I once had, since everything was so new to me. I was so naïve that I actually thought nothing could touch me there. I didn’t know that someone could take it all away from me.”
Trying not to interrupt, Devin begins to wrap his arms around me for support, not knowing what’s coming next, yet giving me the strength he knows I need to continue.
“I first met Roger at the park as I walked the Hendersons’ retrievers. They had two of them that were still puppies, and they loved to play. The Hendersons gave me the job of walking the pups after my Tuesday class. It was a way to help me with my expenses. They were so nice and friendly, as were the puppies…”
“Honey, I’m pretty sure this isn’t about the Hendersons, or their puppies. Not that I’m trying to rush you here, but you seem to have wondered off topic. I know whatever this is is hard on you to tell me, but you need to take your time and get it out. Once and for all.”
Heart's Desire (Game of Hearts Series Book 2) Page 3
