The Face of Eve

by Betty Burton

  Anthony was now lolling over his feed. Ann jiggled the bottle and he began sucking strongly again.

  ‘She never wanted him, poor little soul. She’s as good with the herbs as I am – she could have took the pennyroyal if she’d wanted to – but it was as though she thought that if she denied that she was carrying, then she wasn’t carrying. Her mind was that bent. Poor Ray was half out of his mind. He wanted this baby, and she was telling him not to be so daft, because she wasn’t carrying.’

  ‘I can’t believe it.’

  ‘Oh, you can believe it, my sweetheart. She treats poor Ray as though it didn’t take two to make a baby. She won’t talk about it, but it’s my reckoning that she won’t let him near her in bed. Talking and reasoning didn’t make no difference. She just said she couldn’t take to the baby, she couldn’t help how she feels. And now if anything’s mentioned she just looks through you and gets out. She’s my only girl, and she’s breaking my heart. I cried all my tears, and I’m dried up. Crying dry is worse than anything.’

  Eve sat and watched her little nephew smiling up at his grandmother, as he had smiled up at Ray. Tears gathered and she could not stop them.

  ‘Want to get his wind up?’

  Eve shook her head. She felt chilled to the marrow. The love affair between Ray and Bar, which had bloomed so wonderfully in the old house in Lampeter Street, had died. Not merely died, it had been done to death in a barbarous manner.

  Ray had made her feel guilty that she had kept her new life from them, yet here was something far more serious that they had kept from her. The traditional family supper last night had been a sham. She hadn’t given it a thought at the time, but now she recalled that Ray had fed, changed, washed the baby and then carried him upstairs already asleep in his rush crib. At the other end of the table Bar had played with Bonnie, putting little twists of flowers in her hair and feeding her little titbits from her own plate. What had appeared a united and happy little family was in two parts. No, that wasn’t quite right, Bonnie was as much Ray’s pride as she was Bar’s, but baby Anthony was not Bar’s.

  ‘You’re only here for another day, so I wouldn’t say nothing. It might get all right again, you never know, so I say least said, soonest mended.’

  ‘There’s nothing for me to say. In the morning, I’ll get up, get dressed, walk down to the church, and then catch the train to London.’

  ‘You brought spare nappies with you? No? It don’t matter, I keep some here.’

  When Anthony was back in his pram, contentedly sucking his thumb, Eve made to leave. Giving Ann a kiss on each cheek, she said, ‘Thank you, Ann. I can’t ever remember leaving this yard without feeling that my thoughts had been given a good shake up and had settled down in better order.’

  Ann laughed. ‘You always had a way of saying things like nobody I ever knew. Look, my darling,’ she took a pill box from her apron pocket, ‘you know I wouldn’t give it except in the spirit of love. It’s sun-dried pennyroyal. You know what it does. If you don’t ever want to use it, then don’t. But I for one won’t blame you for not bringing into the world a babe that isn’t wanted. It’s against the law, and Church Christians calls it a sin, but that’s their affair. They haven’t got no right to tell the rest of womankind how to live their lives. The women in the village know where to come, and I’m glad they do.’

  The small chemist’s pill box containing Ann’s packet of pennyroyal rubbed gently against Eve’s leg until she reached her room, when she put it in another small box that contained the Dutch cap she had last used when she and Dimitri were married at the registry office.

  22

  ‘It was a mistake to have come here. I should have let well alone.’

  Dimitri took Eve’s hand. ‘These are good people… your family… is not a mistake. They all want to see their Lu with a ring on her finger.’

  The church service was to take place late morning, so the house was stirring at 5 a.m.

  May had everything planned, organised and written down in lists. Except for essential work to do with animals, the rest of the routine work was to be left until late afternoon. She had sent Ted and Ken down to the village hall in the van with wine, a keg of beer, the prepared food in boxes and tins, and several armfuls of flowers for the church. This left only the washing, dressing and hair-curling to be done, and May herself to be got ready in a new coat dress and hat to match.

  ‘Now, you two go off out and be together until it’s time to go. Best not wear your court shoes until it’s time, so’s you won’t get them all muddied up. And you, Dimitri my lad, just be careful of getting pussy willow pollen on your jacket. It’s just starting to fluff up and it’s the very devil.’ She didn’t say, ‘That’s two less under my feet’, but Eve knew.

  Bonnie pleaded to go too, but was restrained by promises of hair-bows and flower baskets to be finished. Ray, not yet wearing his starched collar and new tie, was busying himself with the children, a large white apron protecting his navy-blue suit.

  Bar had gone over to the stables to see the stable hands and arrange the work that was to be done whilst she was at the wedding service. Ray had pressed Bar’s full-skirted black frock and hung it behind the hall door, together with the wreath of ivy and rosehip that Bar had twined herself. ‘I could make you one too, and you could wear it instead of that hat, Lu.’

  Eve didn’t know how to refuse because Bar had already asked if there was anything wrong. There was. Now that the situation and the family cover-up of the rift between Bar and Ray had become apparent, Eve played her scenes of bride-to-be and happy families well.

  Eve took Dimitri’s hand. ‘I know they’re nice people, but everything’s changed. Maybe it was never as rosy as I remember. Ted and May have grown old in a couple of years. I think if it wasn’t for Eli and Ann, this place would be too much for them.’

  ‘But they do have these nice Carter people, so don’t give yourself worries where none need to exist.’

  ‘Maybe you’re right. But I still can’t wait to get this over and get back to my flying lessons.’

  Clasping her shoulders gently, Dimitri looked directly into her eyes. ‘I am worried, Eve. Maybe you will fly into dangerous territory.’

  ‘I shall be delivering aircraft from the factories to the airfields.’

  Drawing her to him, he hugged her hard. ‘I am very happy, Eve. Even if this will not be a true marriage, I am happy. I do not want to lose you.’ Ted, with Ken beside him in the van, slowed down when he saw Eve and Dimitri. ‘Hey, you two, I thought the groom wasn’t supposed to see the bride on her wedding morn.’

  ‘A bit late now, Ted. Tell May we’re on our way.’

  After the van had gone, Dimitri said, ‘That poor Ted, he is sick.’

  ‘I know, I know… but it’s like everything else that’s hard to take at Roman’s, nobody is going to mention it. We are having marriage celebrations. Ted’s state of health must wait its turn. They all know what’s happening but, like Bar’s mental state, nobody wants to look it in the eye.’ Dimitri nodded.

  ‘Those two pictures on the mantelshelf – me and Bar when we were twelve?’

  ‘Innocent young girls, with pretty flowers and pretty clothes, painted with colour. Of course I have seen them.’

  ‘That’s what everybody’s trying to keep going. May and her father tried to keep human problems out of Roman’s Fields. They thought that the Quaker way could keep the people who live here in a kind of cocoon of goodness. To care for and be good to people was all that was needed. You understand?’

  ‘Perhaps.’

  ‘All that they wanted was for people to be well and happy – and to live together with generosity and care for one another. They did it. May and Mr Sawbridge lived their belief. Ted, as a young man, was their first casualty, brought in to be made well. Then Ann and Eli Barney. Gabriel Sawbridge handed over that whole plot of land and buildings so that they could live their lives as they wanted. Then Bar and her brother – they gave them the chance to work. The
n me. Then Ken and Ray, and now the grandchildren. Gabriel is dead, but May can’t stop believing that you can make people good by believing that they are good. Mr Sawbridge seemed to have that knack. And now May is trying to be herself and her father rolled into one. Soon it will be Alice Gunner and Maurice.’

  Eve paused. ‘There is a worm in the bud of the Roman’s rose?’

  ‘I think that you are right.’

  ‘Reality is the worm. I feel so sorry for May. She sees the idyll of Roman’s Fields decaying. And the only thing that I can do is to go away again. This time, I shall never come back.’

  ‘You are best to do so, Eve. It is the child, Lu, who lives here, not you. Eve Anders… Eve Vladim is woman of the world. This place is too narrow for her.’

  She looked up at him. ‘Dimitri Vladim… you see, I’m right! You are a good wise man. I’ve been lucky that you came into my life. My life is better and happier than it would have been had I not invited you to my room that first night. Serendipity.’

  ‘What is this? Is a word Dimitri Vladim does not know? Tell me, tell me, so that I can surprise Frances.’

  A bolt of distress pierced Eve. She didn’t want him to show off his new word to Fran Haddon.

  ‘You go on up to the house. I’m going along the Swallit path for one last time with Bar.’

  * * *

  The pool that had once appeared so wide and clear was not what it had been. No children played here now, clearing weed and keeping the edge free of nettles.

  ‘You came then? I thought you wouldn’t.’

  ‘It seemed the best thing to do.’

  ‘Full circle. Nature loves a circle.’

  ‘Finish where it began.’

  Bar nodded. ‘You won’t come back, will you?’

  ‘I shouldn’t think so. I thought you would all miss me. What arrogance. You’re OK without me.’

  ‘Ray missed you.’

  ‘I know. I wish he hadn’t taken it so hard.’

  ‘That’s how he is, Lu. It’s that kindness to people that makes me love him.’

  Eve was taken aback to hear that. ‘You don’t love him, Bar. Anybody can see that.’

  ‘Well,’ she said fiercely, ‘that’s where everybody’s wrong. It’s because I love him so much that I can’t bear to look at him. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.’

  Bar, standing with her feet just apart and her arms dangling, looked straight ahead at Lu, not making a sound, but with streams of fat tears flowing over her cheeks and dripping off her chin.

  Eve went to her and, enveloping her in her arms, rocked her back and forth, murmuring, ‘It’s all right… it’s all right…’ for what seemed ages.

  ‘Come on. Here, wipe your face in my hanky.’ They sat on the tussocky grass as they had done years ago, arms round one another, heads close together, blonde summer and black winter.

  ‘Now tell me what’s wrong. You’re scared of something, aren’t you? Not Ray.’

  ‘No, not Ray, but I’m afraid of what he would do.’

  ‘What would he do?’

  ‘I can’t tell you, it’s too bad.’

  ‘Tell me, Bar! Whatever it is, I’m going away today and I shan’t ever come back – you know that.’

  ‘I couldn’t bear him to think bad of me.’

  ‘What have you done for him to think that?’

  ‘I haven’t done nothing.’

  ‘Then tell me.’

  ‘I’m going to cool my eyes.’

  She was away at the pool, scooping water and splashing her face for several minutes. Then she came back and took up her place again.

  ‘You remember that thing Mr Gab’rel told us, about a tribe of people who used to have a goat to take on their sins, so they could start afresh?’

  ‘A scapegoat. Is that what you need?’

  ‘Something like that, but it’s not sins I want took away. It’s secrets… dark ones, horrible ones.’

  ‘Do you know what my job is now?’

  Bar gave a hysterical little giggle. ‘Not a scapegoat, are you?’

  ‘Do you smoke?’

  ‘Not much.’

  ‘Here, let’s have just one, unless it’s a desecration of Swallit Wood.’

  ‘Ray don’t like to see me do it.’

  They lit up. From the way Bar swallowed the smoke and blew out, Ray couldn’t know how often Bar used cigarettes.

  ‘All right then, what do you do?’ she asked.

  ‘I’m a secret agent. If I can keep a secret for the Government, I’d keep one a lot better for you. It’s what I was doing in Spain – Duke shouldn’t have said anything.’

  ‘But you told him the secret of what you were doing.’

  ‘No. It was the woman he sleeps with did that.’

  ‘Lu! He never told me about her.’

  ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have, but you have to believe that you can trust me. I’d never let you down. If you want to talk about it, go on. Whatever’s bothering you, you need to tell somebody, don’t you? Just now, I was with Dimitri and I trusted him enough to tell him something that was on my mind. As soon as I did I felt a ton weight had been lifted.’

  ‘And you would take this off of me?’

  ‘Yes. Whatever it is, I will take it from you, go away and nobody will ever hear of it again.’

  Bar smoothed the damp handkerchief, folded it, opened it and refolded it compulsively, then handed it back to Eve. ‘My little Anthony is Maurice Gunner’s half-brother.’

  ‘Gunner raped you?’

  Bar clasped her hands over her face. ‘Oh, my dear Lu, how I have wronged you. I feared if I confessed it to you that you would think that I was lustful with him. I never, I swear it, Lu.’

  ‘You don’t need to swear it.’

  ‘I couldn’t tell nobody. My pa would have done for him, so would my ma. There wasn’t anybody I could tell so that it wouldn’t get back to Ray. It don’t matter how innocent the woman is, the man gets away with it. Even if they know he did it, it’s always the woman who gets blamed. People would have had it in for me because I run the stables – there was a lot of bad feeling about that… a woman, a gyppo. You couldn’t put it past her to get up to anything. And that was what he said. “Who’s going to believe a witch-woman like you? Everybody knows what witches do. They’re not going to believe you against a parish councillor and a sidesman of the church.”’

  Eve pulled Bar’s head into her shoulder. ‘I could kill him, Bar.’

  ‘So could I. Every day for a year I coulda killed him. And he’s right: nobody would ever believe me against him.’

  ‘I think Alice Gunner might.’

  Bar looked up sharply, then said, ‘She might… but I couldn’t trust to her wanting to protect him. I heard her last night, telling Miz Wilmott, “He can’t help himself. He’s not well.”’

  ‘But you can trust me. Do you feel better… even a little bit?’

  Bar gave Eve a watery smile. ‘Like my ma tells people – “A trouble shared is a trouble halved.”’

  ‘Your ma usually knows what she’s talking about.’

  They sat silently, caressing one another’s hands.

  ‘We’d best go. Don’t want to be late for your own wedding.’

  Eve looked at her watch. ‘Plenty of time. Plenty. I’ll make my way back through the woods – one last time.’

  ‘I have to go over to the stables. Then I’ll come and get myself all prettied up for you.’

  ‘Do you feel all right?’

  ‘A ’course I feel all right. You got the burden now and I can be Ray’s wife again.’

  ‘And the baby?’

  ‘He’s mine, I birthed him. He can’t help nothing. You love your man, Lu?’

  ‘Probably not as much as you love Ray.’

  ‘I’ll make it up to him, Lu. They’ll put it down to after birthen miseries. A lot of women gets that. What they’ll say is that you and me together again put everything right.’

  ‘And so it has in a way, Bar.’

&
nbsp; ‘Lu come back and everything was all right.’

  * * *

  When Eve returned to the house, everything was ready. Ten o’clock. Finish dressing. A slow procession down into the village, the wedding at noon, some photographs, the cake and drinks, their train, as is traditional, carrying the happy pair to a honeymoon at an unknown destination.

  All doors and windows were open, sun streaming in. Bonnie was practising little tunes on the piano. Dimitri tactfully left Eve to the family, saying, ‘I go scratch the pig before we go.’

  ‘Are you packed?’

  ‘Ted has my bag. You must remember to give him yours.’ The plan was that Ted would drive them straight to Wickham station from the village hall.

  ‘Are you OK, Eve? You look a little pale. Let me feel your hands… they are so cold. You are shivering.’

  ‘Wedding nerves – all brides get them.’

  ‘I get you a good shot of brandy.’ He went, leaving her in her bedroom to get ready.

  Ray came to the door. ‘You all right, Lu? Dimitri said you needed a drink. Your hands is quite trembly.’

  ‘I’m just nervous at doing a village wedding.’

  ‘Did you see Bar on your way back?’

  ‘Yes, she’s gone to the stables, but she says she won’t be long. Now go and leave me to get dressed and have my drink.’

  Ray closed the door firmly. Eve sat at the dressing table with its oval mirror and began arranging her hair into a glossy pale cap, then creamed and fluffed powder on her face. She did look pale. A touch of rouge on cotton wool. Fine pencilled eyebrow arches. Bright red lipstick, fashionable and glossy. Her hand shook as she started to make the shape. Brandy, tossed back as Dimitri took vodka. A deep breath in and slowly out. Mascara. She watched herself as she applied the lipstick, pressing her lips together and opening them into a wry half-smile. She looked into her own eyes as she brushed a shine of petroleum jelly on her eyelids – and didn’t look away.