Lives Collide (Collide #1)

by Kristina Beck

“I know. I’m taking us on a detour.”

  “Where are we going?” I say under my breath, a bad feeling in my gut.

  “You’ll see. Somewhere I think we both need to go and see.”

  Oh no.

  “James, I don’t think I can do this.” I rub my hands up and down my legs.

  He grabs my left hand. “We’ll do it together. It’s where we first met. I’ve never been back there. Have you?”

  “I tried to leave flowers by the tree once, but Tina had to do it for me. I wouldn’t get out of the car. It’s something I can’t handle, no matter what I do.”

  “There’s the gas station I worked at. Well, it was a gas station at the time.” He points his finger at the now-deserted building. It’s such an eyesore.

  “There’s the pharmacy Tina worked at. Surprisingly, it’s still in business even with all the pharmacy chains around here.” I point out.

  Now we’re driving toward the site of the accident. I chew the inside of my mouth. James holds my left hand and I rub my sweaty right hand up and down my right leg. I can see the large tree ahead. James parks the car on the side of the road near the tree.

  “Do you want to get out, Lisa? I’ll go with you.”

  I don’t answer right away. The devil on one shoulder whispers I’m weak and can’t handle being here. The angel on the other side encourages me to get out of the car. I bang my arm against the car door and pull my hand from him. “I hate that I’m so terrified to do this. Why am I still like this after so many years?” I scream. “I thought I was better after so much therapy, but it’s obviously not true. How can I possibly help others if I can’t even help myself?”

  “Have you ever been able to say good-bye to your mom? Maybe this is what you need. I didn’t bring you here to upset you. We connected here. That day changed both our lives, which led us to this very point in time. I think it will be good for the both of us.” His hands take hold of my shoulders and turn me to him. “Let’s do this together.”

  I squeeze my eyes shut while I breathe in and out several times. My heart rate begins to slow. I open my eyes when a flash of energy accelerates through my body.

  “You’re right. I need to face this. Something good came out of that day. You were with me.” I take one last deep breath and open the door. I take slow step toward the tree, with James next to me. Visions of the accident fly through my head. I start to quiver. I can still feel the wind and the snow blowing in my face.

  James pulls me to him and tucks me inside his jacket against his chest. “You’re shaking. Let me warm you up.”

  Still shaking, I walk away from him. I push my way through some bushes growing in front of the tree. I’m surprised the tree is still alive; a large section of the trunk is stripped of its bark and damaged. Scarred. Just like me. I brush my fingers over the rough edges of the bark. Rain begins to sprinkle my face.

  My voice cracks. “I miss her. I remember so many things about her.”

  “Tell me what you miss about her. What do you remember the most?” He rubs my back.

  “She made the best grilled cheese sandwiches. She used a special cheese that would ooze out the side like honey from a honeycomb. She French braided my long hair perfectly and stuck little flowers in it. She had a funny sense of humor. She loved being goofy, especially when I had a bad day. It’s not easy to cheer up a hormonal teenager, but she could do it.”

  I put my scarf to my nose, smelling my past. “She used the best fabric softener when she washed my clothes. I use the same one still. Even if she hadn’t died in the accident, I would have been injured the same. She would have been there for me. I know she would have been my rock.” I grieve.

  Things would be so different if she was still around. But would I have met James anyway?

  “She would bring me a glass of warm milk with honey and sing to me when I couldn’t fall asleep at night. We would secretly go for hot fudge sundaes any time of the year alone, no matter how cold it was. It was our little secret.” My mouth waters remembering how sweet and warm the fudge was on my tongue.

  “She was very beautiful. When I was little, I would stare at her. I told her every day she was beautiful and looked like an angel. Sadly, as I got older, I told her less and less.” I laugh to myself because I’m sure she thought I was joking.

  “She smiled even when things were stressful. She had this infectious personality. What makes me sad is she wasn’t smiling a lot the day she died. She seemed so annoyed or angry. I remember it so clearly.” I sniff.

  “Here’s a tissue, sweetie.”

  That sounds nice. I’ve never heard him call me sweetie before.

  “What angers me the most is she missed out on a lot of things. Mothers should be able to enjoy their children’s proms, graduations, weddings—all that stuff. No one understands what it’s like to lose a parent, especially at such a young age.”

  I look up at James and see the sadness in his eyes as rain collects on his nose. “What’s wrong?”

  “It pisses me off how much pain we’ve endured. We shouldn’t have to suffer anymore. I brought you here to encourage you to find a sense of peace. I hope it brought you comfort knowing I was there with you then and now.”

  I wrap my arms around his waist. Again, my heart wants to sing I love you to him, but my mind zips my heart shut. It isn’t the right time. I need to hear him say it first. We’re always confronting my issues or talking about them. I need to find a way for him to do the same. Not today though. I’ve had enough.

  “Thank you for bringing me here. I should have done it years ago. I’m glad you’re here with me. Now give me a kiss that will make my toes curl.”

  His left eyebrow rises. “I love it when you are so demanding.”

  He leans into me, and boy, does he kiss me. Good enough that I forget we are on the side of the road getting wet. Some cars pass us, honking their horns. We burst out of our love bubble as the sunshine breaks through the clouds. We look up to find a rainbow streaming proudly across the sky. Right then I know I’ve faced one of my biggest demons. Mom is here with us. Does this mean I can move on and not be so afraid anymore?

  “Let’s get back to the car before it starts raining again. I’m wet enough,” he says.

  We run back to the car. Just what I needed to get out of this frame of mind.

  “Thank you so much, James. I know I said it already back there, but I have to say it again. It feels good that I came here and that you’re with me. One more weight is off my chest now.”

  “You’re welcome. God knows I have my own demons to face. I’m glad I was able to help you with yours.”

  At least he admits it.

  He adds, “Let’s go to my parents’ now. Can you believe I’m hungry?” Once again, discussion is over before it can hardly begin.

  “You’re always hungry. You need to feed your sexy muscles,” I tease.

  He flexes his bicep. “We need to use our muscles later, if you know what I mean.” His fingers trace up my thigh.

  I squiggle in my seat. “You’re lucky I have the same idea. I’m glad we’re going home tonight.”

  Chapter 41

  James

  “Here’s my parents’ house,” I announce as I maneuver through the driveway’s iron gates.

  Lisa hits me on the arm. “You never told me your parents are rich. This house is huge.”

  When I park the car in front of the garage, Lisa jumps out without closing her door. “It’s beautiful, James.”

  “Dad’s company is very successful.” I say as I shut the car doors. “He bought this house when it was half the size and value it is today. It was originally a thirty-year-old, four-bedroom Cape Cod that needed a lot of work. When he started to make a good living, he renovated it and eventually built an addition on the right side, which leads into the back.” I point to the right side of the house.

  “Mom’s dream was to have a white house with black shutters. And a garnet-red front door. Dad gave her exactly what she wanted. I remem
ber her always working in the garden to make it look like it does today. You can’t see it now, since everything is cut back and the leaves are off the trees. You should see it in the spring when everything is in bloom. We have a lot of flowering trees that brighten up the garden after a long winter. Don’t ask me which kind. I have no idea when it comes to gardening. The rose section alone should be presented in a garden magazine.” Roses. Jessica.

  “The flowerpots under the windows are full of colorful flowers flowing over the tops. She knows how to make it look nice. They are quite proud of this house and how far they have come, especially since they didn’t have any money to begin with.”

  She tugs on my arm. “By looking at this large garden in the front, why do I have a feeling you have a pool in the backyard and maybe a water fountain?” Lisa says, barely containing her excitement.

  “You are clever. Yes, we have both. The pool was put in when I was around ten. We had a lot of great pool parties. Especially when I graduated high school. People who weren’t even invited showed up because they heard the noise from the street. Mom was pretty shocked because she didn’t know half of them. I thought someone was going to call the cops by the end of the night. It was one of the best parties I’ve ever had.”

  Lisa’s teeth chatter. “My high school graduation was celebrated pretty low key. I went out to dinner with Tina and Dad. He’d just started dating Beth. Things were still hard for us. It wasn’t the same without Mom. But let’s not talk about it now.”

  I rub her arms. “You’re cold. Let’s get you inside.” We follow the long path leading to the front door.

  “Dad loves his job. I think it’s why he’s so successful. I’m going for my license so I can follow in his footsteps and maybe even take over the business when he retires.” Who am I trying to convince I’m happy about this? Myself, Lisa, my family, or everyone?

  Stitching up Beth’s hand yesterday gave me that simmering rush through my blood. I miss the rush as if it were a drug. I played it cool in front of everyone, but…it was a very big deal, especially to hear them call me Dr. Kramer. Even with the rush, I’m still petrified.

  I couldn’t even save Jessica and Jacob.

  “Happy Thanksgiving, James and Lisa,” Dad greets us midway up the path.

  “Happy Thanksgiving, Dad. Where’s Mom and Alexa?”

  “They went to buy a couple of groceries. They should be back any minute.”

  He steps over to Lisa. “Hi, Lisa. It’s great to see you again. We’re glad you could make it. It’s convenient your family lives close by.”

  I hear the gates open. Alexa drives up and honks the horn.

  “Here they come.” Lisa beams.

  We stroll over to the car as Alexa jumps out. She runs to Lisa and hugs her.

  “Hey, James. Can you please get the grocery bags out of the trunk for me?” Alexa says.

  I can’t even answer before they both walk past me. “Happy Thanksgiving to you, too. What am I? Chopped liver?” I complain.

  They gobble like turkeys and continue toward the house.

  “Hey, Mom. Happy Thanksgiving. How was your day yesterday?” I ask as I haul the full bags from the trunk. I thought Dad said they were getting a few groceries.

  “It was nice but quiet with only Alexa here.”

  We proceed to the kitchen. I put the bags on the counter.

  Mom comes up to me and takes my hands in hers. “Let’s change the subject. How was yesterday?” she asks with concern.

  “It was great. Her father, stepmother, and sister are really nice. Her sister, Tina, is a little bit like Alexa. Outgoing and bubbly. I felt very comfortable with them.”

  Mom sighs in relief. “I’m so glad to hear that, honey. I was a bit nervous.”

  “No need to be nervous. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t meet her parents when we spend every free second together. It’s a natural step.” I purposely leave out Beth cutting her hand.

  “You know what I mean, James. I know it’s not easy in general. I’ll leave it at that.”

  I look away from her. “I’m curious where Lisa and Alexa are? I’m going to go search for them.”

  “Go ahead. I need to start cooking anyway. We’ll chat later.”

  Should I be more nervous? I just met Lisa’s family. It felt natural. To be honest, I felt more relaxed with her family than I had with Jessica’s parents. Jessica’s parents gave me the impression she was their princess and she deserved everything. She was the only child, so all their focus was on her. Jessica didn’t act like that necessarily. She was independent, but she was always taken care of. Always given the best of everything. Her parents ran the show when it came to their daughter. I’d loved Jessica and wanted to give her everything, no doubt.

  With Lisa—she doesn’t need to be taken care of. She’s been on her own for a long time and doesn’t care about money and fancy things. She just wants to be loved and accepted for who she is. I hate comparing the two. I know it would hurt Lisa if she knew what I think about occasionally. It’s also disrespectful to talk about Jessica this way. My internal battles suck the life out of me sometimes.

  I leave the kitchen to see where Lisa is. Alexa is probably showing her around the house. I walk around the corner into the great room and stop short. Lisa is staring at a picture frame. Her face in distress. She doesn’t seem to notice me. I take a silent step back so I’m out of sight. What picture is she looking at? I hope it’s not a picture of me and Jessica.

  Alexa calls her from another room, so I take advantage and peek around the corner. I see Lisa fumble with the picture and set it back into place.

  I move back because I hear Alexa coming. I sneak into the bathroom so they don’t see me. “Let me show you upstairs.” Alexa says. Their voices trailing behind them up the stairs.

  I want to see what picture she was looking at. I creep out of the bathroom and walk quickly to the picture frame. My stomach clenches. It’s of me and Jessica, minutes after I proposed. It was one of my favorites. Oddly, it feels like a lifetime ago. It’s also Mom’s favorite picture of us, but I’m pissed she has this out.

  “James. Where are you?”

  I jump when Alexa yells. I thought they were upstairs. “I’m over here in the great room.” She comes around the corner. “What’s—”

  I put the picture behind my back. “Where’s Lisa?” I whisper.

  “She’s upstairs in the bathroom. Why?” Her voice low.

  I hand her the picture. “I saw Lisa looking at it. Why does Mom still have this picture on display? I asked her not to.”

  She shrugs. “It’s from our past, not just yours. She was a big part of our lives. Or maybe she forgot to put this one away.”

  “I couldn’t read Lisa’s face. It made me feel bad because I’m sure she had a million thoughts twirling in her head.”

  “James, do you ever talk to Lisa about Jessica? Are you open with her when she asks you questions?”

  “She doesn’t really ask me questions about her. She asks more questions regarding my career in medicine, not real estate.” I put the picture in a cabinet next to the TV. “If I were in her shoes, I’m not sure I would want to know if she always thinks about her deceased husband and child. Could I even compete with him knowing how much she loved him, even though he’s dead? I would be afraid to hear the answer.” I pull on my hair and groan.

  “I never looked at it from her perspective. How can she be so patient with me? I don’t deserve her.” I turn away from Alexa.

  She pulls on my shirt. “Look at me, James.” I turn to face her. “If you want a future with her, you need to be honest, no matter how hard it is for you or her. She deserves all you can give. She has been open with you from the beginning. She deserves the same from you.”

  “I know, Alexa. I know. It’s just not that simple.” Life is never simple. Suck it up.

  I want to tell her how Beth cut herself, but she’ll only push me till I’m annoyed. I don’t need pressure during this holiday weekend. I
know what she would say. It’s what they would all say.

  Get back on the horse.

  Chapter 42

  Lisa

  Water splashes all over the sink and my shirt as I take out nervous energy on my hands. I should have prepared myself for something like this. It was heart wrenching to see a picture of James with Jessica. I didn’t expect there to be pictures of them around the house. But why not? I’m sure she was here a million times. She was considered part of the family.

  Of course, they looked deliriously happy in the picture. I’m so pathetic—I’m jealous of a dead woman. Why did she have to die for us to be together? Why did he go through something so horrific? Should I feel guilty because he’s mine now?

  When we make love, we’re in another world. I hope to God he thinks about me and not Jessica. Even though I’m paranoid he compares me to her, I don’t like it that I compare myself to her either. It was good to talk with Beth. She helped me understand the situation differently. How patient will I be in the next months? Will we move forward or just ignore the elephant in the room?

  I dry my hands and wipe down the sink.

  December will be a busy month. I need to work a lot and don’t have any more holidays free. I think James will be going to Vermont with his family. I’ll be on my own. Maybe it’ll be good for us, even though we don’t see each other as often as I’d like.

  Enough rehashing the day. I’ve been hiding in the bathroom long enough. They’re going to think I’m sick again or have drowned. I flinch when I hear a knock.

  “Lisa, are you in there?” Alexa asks.

  “Yes. I’m coming out now.”

  “Are you okay?” Concern thick in her voice.

  “Yes, just pondering some things. Typical me.” I open the door and find Alexa waiting for me to say more.

  “What are you pondering about?” She wiggles her fingers like quotes when she repeats the word pondering.

  “Nothing and everything.” I shrug my shoulders and walk past her.

  I look around to see if James is nearby. “Is James still downstairs?”

  “Yes. Why?” She takes a step closer to me.