Taking Chances: A Donnelley Brother's Novel

by Carbonneau, Alannah

  As we rode along the winding gravel road, I noticed the log peak of a tall roof through the trees and I knew in my gut that it belonged to Collin’s house. Suddenly, I felt the burning desire to see the space this man I was holding tight to claimed as his own. I wanted to know the path he walked to the comfort within his house. I wanted to know what his view was when he woke up in the morning. I just wanted to know him.

  The quad rolled to a stop around the bend and I found myself facing a large log house. There was an enormous porch that was an obvious wrap around with wooden chairs resembling those that also adorned my little cabins porch, although the pillows on his chairs weren’t pink. The pillows covering his outdoor furniture were a deep blue - almost navy.

  “Home sweet home.” Collin said in low tones before shifting in my arms on the quad. Holy crap - he was still in my arms.

  I released him so quick before scooting back an inch on the seat that one might think I’d been suddenly burned. It would be no surprise. This man was hot with a capital H.

  Collin’s jaw twitched and I gulped as he continued talking. “What do you think?”

  “About?” My voice was high-pitched and I cleared the frog from my throat as I stared into his green eyes.

  “My house.” I could see that he was now struggling to contain a grin. I’d bet my life it was the lady-killer grin.

  “Oh, uh...” I refocused on the beautiful, serine house, so unlike the houses I was used to and nodded. “Yeah, I really do.”

  He smiled, but didn’t reply. For a moment, we sat in silence as we stared at his house. It really was beautiful. The peaked roof reached high, striving to reach the tips of the mountain trees without success. It looked like the perfect kind of peaceful quaint. Waking up at this Ranch had been unlike anything I had ever experienced in my entire life.

  With the noise of the bustling city so very far away, I was left with only the silence of nature - this sturdy land and the soul securing strength of the mountains surrounding this little piece of heaven on earth. Waking up here was something I knew I would never forget - and when I left, I knew my soul would forever long for the peace I had found in this place.

  I wish, so desperately, that my brother could have seen this.

  Collin interrupted my thoughts as he started the engine once again. In response to the growling rumble of the quad, from the back of the log house, three beautiful rambunctious dogs ran toward us. Collin grinned at me as he spoke. “From your cabin, this is the quickest way to the river.”

  And then the tires spun and my body slammed against his as I circled my arms tight around his frame. Wind blew through my hair as Collin steered the quad through the slightly narrow path within the thick forest trees. With every bump in the path, my heart hitched in my chest and my belly fluttered - but it was with excitement. This excitement I was feeling inside, that was brewing within my soul, wasn’t something I wanted to restrain. I wanted to culture it - and then I wanted to unleash it upon the world. I wanted its power and vigor to be so bright, so brilliant and perfect, that Michael felt the burn of its passion all the way in Heaven where I was certain his lively soul was plotting shenanigans.

  Feeling a smile pull at the corners of my lips, I tightened my legs around Collin’s hips and held on tighter. For a moment, his body stiffened in my arms and I wondered if I should release him, but I didn’t and soon, his newfound tension evaporated.

  Through the break in the trees I saw the rapid white-capped river rolling over the smoothed rocks of the riverbed. The tires of the quad rolled to a stop and as the engine surrendered to the nature surrounding us, the sound of waves claimed the silence I’d come to know from this Ranch.

  Pushing myself from the back of the quad, I didn’t even notice Collin watching me as I made my way over the rocky beach to the fast paced water. The river wasn’t small by any means. Actually, it was really quite large. I knew that there was no way I could have made it safely to the other side of the river with the waves rolling and crashing as quickly as they were. Suddenly, although it was beautiful, I wasn’t so sure about the white water rafting Collin had planned for us today.

  Spinning to face him, I was surprised to find him standing only a few feet from me. “Oh!” The little sound of surprise escaped my lips before I continued. “Are you sure it’s safe to raft on this river?”

  Collin snorted. “Here, no.” He shook his head. “Not for your first time, anyway.”

  “We’re not riding on this river?”

  “We are, but we won’t be entering the river until further down where the water’s a little gentler and we’ll exit before it gets rough again. This right here would be classified as somewhere between a three and a four. It’s pretty rough, Hadley.” He looked out at the river. “This river doesn’t have a five classification. You’d find that on the river flowing through the Grand Canyon, though. Not a lot of people attempt to raft class five rivers.”

  “Oh.” I nodded thoughtfully. “Have you?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “I enjoy it, but I don’t have a death wish. The highest I go is four.”

  “Huh.” I glanced back over the river. “So you’d do this?”

  “I have.”

  “Will I ever be able to?”

  “How about we start with a two and see how you feel about rafting in general.” He winked and took a step closer to me. “Do you think you could handle it rough, Hadley?”

  Suddenly, the air felt different between us. My heart beat a little faster and my breaths came in a little shorter. I was nervous - and I was still trying to figure out if we were talking about the river, or something else. Something more, maybe?

  “I think I could - if I had a good teacher.” I don’t know where I found the courage to utter such risky words, but as soon as they were between us, the air that was already so electrified intensified. I held my breath.

  “I’ve been told I’m a great teacher, beautiful.” He took another step toward me and I felt my belly tighten in anticipation. “Are you looking to enroll for lessons?”

  My lips parted, and seconds before I was about to counter with challenging, probably damning words, Collin’s pocket rang. His intense green eyes on my face landed on my lips, waiting for words that would now never come.

  Sighing, he ground from between clenched teeth. “Shit.” His hand dipped into the pocket of his shorts to retrieve his phone. After glancing at the screen, he answered. “What’s up?”

  Still feeling Collin’s eyes on my face, I turned my back to him and stared once again over the raging river. I could not believe I’d been flirting so heatedly with Collin - the one man I’d actually heard admit to his mother that I was good for one thing and one thing only. I mean, what was wrong with me? Had I fallen and hit my head at some point? That just made, not even a lick, of sense.

  Collin’s growly tone interrupted my internal bashing of my blunt flirtations. “I’ll be there soon.”

  I knew he’d ended the call when I felt his hand touch the small of my back. I bit my bottom lip to keep my sigh locked inside at the feel of his warm, firm fingers against the small of my back.

  “We’ve gotta get going, beautiful.” His tone turned almost sarcastic. “Apparently my partner needs my assistance.”

  Partner? Taking in a deep breath, I turned to face him. “Probably a good idea.”

  His green eyes searched my face for a moment before he nodded. “Sure. Whatever you say.”

  I walked beside Collin to the quad, waiting for him to settle himself on the seat before I climbed on behind him. After our moment of blatant flirting, I felt hesitant and insecure about allowing my body to rest so close to his.

  Collin grunted before demanding. “Am I going to have to show you how to hold on again?”

  “No.” I whispered before adding some bite to my tone. “I think I can manage.”

  “Then wrap those legs around me, beautiful, and hold on tight. I’m taking you for a ride.”

  Collin revved the engine and
I wrapped my arms around his waist. However, I didn’t tighten my legs around his thighs until his driving turned manic and I worried for my wellbeing. I wasn’t sure if he was simply delivering the ride he promised, or if he was trying to frighten me into holding tight. Either way, the man had me right where he wanted me.

  Chapter 8

  Collin pulled the quad to a stop beside a small shack-like building. The brown paint was chipping away to expose the wood beneath. On closer inspection, I noticed there were places where the paint had begun to curl upward from an over exposure to the warm sun.

  The cream wood beneath the paint was no longer smooth, but rather splintered and the step wandering into the shack looked as though it had been replaced with already weathered OSB wood. There was a very small window on the left side of the shacks door and judging by it’s foggy sheen, someone either smoked in the shack, or it had never been replaced and never been cleaned.

  Lowering myself from the quad onto the ground, I felt my eyes wandering over the small clearing next to the river, which was admittedly much more calm than it had been at the previous clearing. My heart definitely wasn’t trying to climb out my throat by just looking at the waves. Instead, I felt a small ember of excitement building inside at the thought of wandering out onto the river in a raft - of doing something exciting - of living.

  The shacks door swung open and a man, about Collin’s age, stood on the rickety looking OSB step. “Man, what took you so long?” His eyes wandered from Collin to me and then back again, before his lip curled up at one side and he nodded. “Never mind.”

  I shook my head and opened my mouth to inquire as to why we should suddenly never mind, when Collin said. “Jackson, this is Hadley.” His eyes flickered to me and he winked. “Hadley, Jackson.”

  The man named Jackson clapped his hands together loudly, startling me and snapping my attention back to him. He was now walking toward me with a big grin on his face. “The Hadley?”

  “Uh?”

  “The girl on her knees?”

  I felt my face begin to heat as I defended myself once again for that horrid mishap. “I was picking my credit card up off the floor.”

  Collin chuckled. “The one and only.”

  I spun around to glare at Collin. “Will you ever quit?”

  “I wouldn’t hold your breath, beautiful.”

  I rolled my eyes and huffed audibly. “That man will never have me on my knees.” My eyes met with Jackson’s blue orbs. “Now, you needed help, am I correct?”

  Jackson watched me for a moment, before he threw his head back and laughed. “I like her!” He announced, wiping a faux tear from the corner of his eye as he turned to walk back into the shack. “I like her a lot.”

  Assuming Jackson wanted us to follow, I began moving forward when a hand wrapped around my arm. Collin dipped his head low and his warm breath washed over my ear. “Was that a challenge, beautiful?”

  I frowned. “What are you talking about?”

  “If I wanted you on your knees, Hadley, you’d be on your knees.” He nuzzled his nose in my hair and my body stiffened in surprise and unexplainable - desire. “Now, was it a challenge?”

  My breath shook through my reply. “No.”

  Where was the independent strength I so often possessed? Why was it that whenever I came into contact with this man, I lost every ounce of resilience?

  “It sure sounded like it.” He pulled away before releasing his hold on my arm. “Just so you know, I love a good challenge.”

  I didn’t know what to say in response. I’d never been in this situation with a man - any man - and I didn’t know what to do now that I was.

  Once Collin had disappeared into the shack, I straightened my shoulders and took a deep breath. And then I followed him into the run down building.

  Peering in through the doorway, I was surprised to see that the inside of the shack was actually quite well put together. There were two rafts hanging on the wall to my left, while on the back wall, there was a vast array of wetsuits and shoes for rent. On the wall to the right stood a small counter where a book lay open with a pen carelessly thrown on top of one page. The walls had obviously been redone recently as the paint had yet to begin chipping and the hooks displaying all the wetsuits were shining and clean. Apart from the little window, the interior of the shack was actually quite pleasing.

  “You want to help me get it outside. People are going to start showing up soon.”

  “Seriously?” Collin replied to Jackson’s statement. “You wanted me here to help you carry out the raft?”

  “I wanted you here before everyone else got here for a change.”

  “For a change?” Collin grunted. “I’m always on time, man.”

  “You’ve been giving too much of your time to the rock climbing facility, dude.” Jackson’s eyes moved to me and he cocked his head. “You sure there’s nothing between the two of you?”

  I nodded. “Nothing.” I assured. “We’re just friends. He’s too much of a player for me.”

  Jackson chuckled as he shook his head and Collin’s eyes narrowed. I paid it no mind as Jackson replied. “She already knows how you are. Obviously, she’s smarter than your usual fillers, Collin.”

  “Fillers?” I questioned.

  “The girls he screws around with.” Jackson replied.

  Collin growled. “Can we stop talking about me like I’m not here.”

  “Naw, man.” Jackson shook his head. “Girl’s gonna be your friend, then she’s gotta know what she’s in for.”

  “That’s true.” I confirmed matter of fact, focusing on Collin. “So, you’re a player?”

  “I’m not a player.” He growled, before mischief lit his expression. “But I like to play.”

  I shook my head, fighting my smile. “As I said, I’ve known men like you.”

  “Have you, now?” Collin asked and I nodded. “So you like to play the game then?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “I’ll never play that game. Just knew someone who did.”

  Jackson interrupted, “Anyway, dude here works at the rock climbing facility in the winter when it’s too cold for water sports. He’s been playing with Clea, a girl who mans the counter in the gym, and he’s always just right on time for our tours.” Glaring blue orbs set on Collin but he didn’t even notice - his eyes were glued to me. Jackson continued. “It’s irritating.”

  I felt my eyes fasten on Collin’s face and his jaw clenched. My heart felt - funny - but I didn’t have time to ponder the feeling as Collin stated. “Not anymore.”

  Jackson’s head snapped back to look at Collin. “You ended it?”

  “There was nothing to end.” His eyes were still on me.

  “Huh.” Jackson looked between the two of us again, and this time, I felt my face pale rather than heat.

  I thumbed over my shoulder. “I’ll wait outside for you guys.”

  I didn’t wait for a reply. Instead, I practically ran from the little shack into the warm spring sun. My heart was thumping in my chest in an aching song of discomfort. Knowing Collin had been with another girl, so recently, bothered me. I didn’t know why, and I knew I had no reason for my feelings, but they were there regardless. Knowing that this girl was still here on the Ranch, and I would more than likely run into her at some point, made my stomach feel on the brink of churning.

  Moving toward the river water, I lowered myself onto a large flat rock in the bed of rocks making up the shore. Pulling my knees into my chest, I stared at the moving water and tried to keep thoughts of Collin from my mind, but when I stopped thinking about him, I started thinking about Mike. It was then that I wondered, was I substituting the adventure that was Collin for the adventure I had always known in my brother?

  I had never lost anyone before I lost my brother. I’d never lost a family member and I’d never lost a friend. Mike’s was the first funeral I had attended, and although I prayed with a desperation I couldn’t describe that it would be the last, I knew it wouldn’
t be. Because I had to live - for my brother who couldn’t - I had to. But that meant that there would be others who I loved that would grow old and pass away. If I lived a long and full life the way I knew I had to for Mike, then I would attend my parent’s funerals.

  “These should fit you.” Collin knelt down beside me on the rock and I startled. I hadn’t realized he was so close. My eyes moved from his face, which was so beautiful, hard, and angular, to the wetsuit and shoes he held in his hand.

  I reached out to take them, but he held tight. I frowned, “What are you doing?”

  “Are you upset?”

  I blinked. “No.”

  “I think you’re lying.”

  “I’m not.” I assured, wondering if he could really see through the façade I maintained. I mean, my brother was gone - dead. Was I really okay?

  Collin looked down to the wetsuit hanging between us before he nodded. When he spoke, he almost sounded tired. “Alright, beautiful.” He flashed his lady-killer grin and the pained organ that was my heart fluttered. For a moment, I felt guilty, and then I pushed that guilt away.

  I’d lost my brother, but I’d also found this man. If all I ever had with him was friendship, I would still have found something special - something I would cherish. Because this man with the shimmering green eyes and lady-killer grin was the only soul who had made the pain in the deepest crevices of my heart lessen.

  Collin shifted to stand but I spoke, “Thank you, Collin.” His eyes connected with mine and he froze in his ascent. “Thank you for being my friend - when I need one so badly.”

  The light in his green eyes darkened and a look of momentary confusion flashed in their depths before he cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah, friends.” He ran a hand through his tousled hair as he stood. Holding his hand out to me, he said. “Come on, beautiful. You still gotta get yourself dressed in that suit. People will be arriving any time now.”

  I placed my hand in his, accepting his offer to help me stand. But I wasn’t expecting the heat that crackled between our palms upon contact. I swear, I felt the bolt of the electrified heat shoot all the way into my toes - and I wondered as his eyes widened, had he felt it too?