“They’re here to help you.”
I frowned at the birds. “But it’s too many. And they’re too small.”
He gave me a rare smile. “That’s why you keep them in here.” He scooped the birds up and shoved them back in the bottle, one by one. The final one he picked up and pressed into my hip. “They’ll protect you.”
“From what?”
He didn’t answer, just lifted his hands and ran one through my hair. I inhaled, taking in everything. His scent, the cool air that surrounded him. The rush of euphoria that coursed between us.
“Better,” I said, feeling the emptiness recede.
He stroked my cheek before walking away. He placed the bottle of ink on top of my desk. “Tomorrow?” he asked.
“I’m leaving in the morning. I’m not sure how this will work at school.”
“We’ll figure it out. Later,” he mouthed and vanished.
He shimmered and the room went dark, my body feeling the harsh blast of cool air and then the sucking pop in my ears. I’m sprawled on my bed, the only sound in the room coming from my breaths. I rolled over and turned off the light and lay satiated in the dark, content for the first time all day.
Chapter 3
“Bring that bag to me,” Dad called. I dropped it at his feet with a heavy thud. He loaded it in the truck, tucking it between plastic bins and cardboard boxes.
“Do you have your inhaler?” he asked. I loved my dad but he lived in a whole different realm than I did. A nice one, with no ghosts or family gift. He thought asthma was my biggest concern. The juju bag in my suitcase helped me breathe easier than the inhaler.
“Yes, Dad.” I watched him kick my tires and secure a bungee cord. In that moment, I realized how much I would miss him.
“Don’t run without it,” he reminded me.
“I won’t.”
He reached in his pocket for something. I thought it was another inhaler canister but it was too big. “Pepper spray. Carry it with you. I want you and Ava to be safe.”
“Dad,” I warned.
“Don’t ‘Dad’ me. I have a right to worry.” He continued to busy himself with the truck. They’d given it to me for graduation. I think my dad liked the idea of me driving a two-seater for safety reasons. No back seat for making out and he knew me well enough that I’m not screwing around in the bed of a truck.
Well, not all the way. Things came close a couple of times.
“Jane?” I heard from across the driveway. I turned and found Ms. Frances, my elderly neighbor, on her porch. “Come here for a minute.”
“Be right back,” I told my father. I slipped between the bushes and climbed her peeling, red-painted steps. Ms. Frances waited at the top, with the screened door open. She had on a house dress and slippers, as it was early in the morning.
“You leaving today?”
“Yes, ma’am. In about 10 minutes.”
She nodded. “I had something I wanted to give you.” She turned and shuffled into her house and I followed. I’d been over several times at this point, including the day I told her what really happened to her daughter, Tonya. Who her real murderer had been. Ms. Frances and I had been though a lot together. Tonya had helped save my life and, in return, I’d helped free her from this world. Ms. Frances and I had the kind of bond that was hard to break, despite our difference in age, race and economic background.
“I found this the other day, and thought you might like it.” She walked into her living room and opened a drawer in the corner cabinet that held photographs of Tonya and her brother, Darius. I noted the one of Parker, Darius’ best friend and Tonya’s killer, had been removed. Ms. Frances pulled out a small box. “I know you wear that necklace all the time, the one the boy gave you, but I’d like you to have this.”
I took the box from her. At one point the paper on the box had been silver but now was dull and gray – most of the shine worn off. I opened it and saw a thin silver chain with a small charm on the end. A bird.
“Oh, I can’t,” I said. And I meant it. I’d reconciled a lot about ravens and the power they held between the dead and living over the last year and I wasn’t exactly afraid of them any longer, but wearing one associated with Tonya around my neck? It didn’t feel right.
Ms. Frances grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes with her big brown ones. “You need to keep this. Tonya was a good girl. Keep that good around you.
I knew fighting was futile. So I swallowed it and said, “Yes, ma’am.”
She smiled and patted my back. “Good luck, child. Get the education my children were never blessed enough to have. You’ve got good to do in this world.”
“Thank you, Ms. Frances,” I said, feeling horrible that both her children were lost. One to death and one to the consequences. Darius ran off after Tonya was murdered, feeling responsible for her death. It had taken 30 years for the truth to come out that none of it was Darius’ fault.
I stepped out onto the porch, ready to get on the road.
“Jane,” she said, when I reached the last step. “Be careful. You may not always see them but they see you. And don’t spend too much time on the other side. Life happens here – with the living.”
I turned to ask what she meant, because Ms. Frances had some sight of her own. Before I could ask, she closed her screen door with a creaky snap, leaving me on my own.
*
The first week at SCAD felt like a whirlwind. From the moment our parents left, we’d been through orientation, dorm meetings, first classes, homework and attempts at socializing. Ava and I were assigned to Forsyth House, a converted home in the historic district. The dormitory was old, but so was everything else in Savannah. At least we didn’t get placed in Pulaski house. That building had been everything from a church to a homeless shelter. Not that I could avoiding spirits altogether, but really, I didn’t need to encourage the situation either.
Savannah bustled day and night, tourists and students mingling with locals. The city had an old-world feel, barely surviving the Civil War. The streets were lined with stone and huge parks divided the city. As an only child I’d never spent so much time with people, but now they were everywhere. On the streets, in class, in the dorm. I felt like I couldn’t even go to the bathroom in peace. My cheeks hurt from smiling in an effort to put on a brave face, but I was tired. I needed a break. I needed to see Evan. But so far there hadn’t been time and, at night, I normally passed out from exhaustion.
I’d just opened a new case of colored pencils my aunt Jeannie gave me for graduation when Ava came back from her drawing class. She’d pulled her hair back and had a sweaty gleam from walking from campus.
“Those are nice.” She tossed her portfolio on her bed.
“Jeannie gave them to me.” My aunt Jeannie was a professional artist, specializing in collages and mixed media. We shared a love for creativity. That wasn’t the only thing I’d inherited from her side of the family. She read palms and auras. Really read them. Just like how I really saw dead people.
“What’s that?” Ava asked pointing to a slip of paper cradled next to the sleek, black pencils.
“I don’t know.” I picked up the paper. “It’s a note from Jeannie.”
Hey girl,
I’m so proud of you for making it into SCAD. It’s a great program and I know you’ll be a rock star. Since we’ll be even further away, I’m including the name and number of a friend of mine. She’s legit. She goes by Madam Rosemarie but her real name is Nina. Contact her if you run into any problems.
Love,
Jeannie
“Madam Rosemarie? You think she runs like a palm reading place or something? Psychic friends?”
“Who knows with Jeannie?” I stuffed the paper back in the pencil box. Ava sat next to me and, when I looked up, she glanced away and picked up a pencil, running her hand over the sleek wood.
“What?”
“So… he’s in my class.”
I kept the word “who” off my lips and said nothing.
/>
She kicked her shoes under the bed. “We knew it would happen and, of course, it’s my drawing class. I guess that shouldn’t really be a surprise. I doubt they have a class in tagging here.”
I laughed but my stomach hurt thinking about him, not as much as it did at one time, but enough. “Did you talk to him?”
“Yeah. I couldn’t help it really. I got to the class first and picked my table. He came in after me and sat down with me.”
“You’re sharing a table?” This wasn’t good. Too close.
“I couldn’t really make him leave, I mean, he isn’t the enemy, right?”
I sighed and leaned back into my pillow. “No, I guess not.”
“He left. You ended it. You both moved on. No big.” She said this easily but we both knew it wasn’t exactly that clear-cut.
Ava grabbed her bathroom caddy and disappeared into the hallway. Alone, I took in a deep breath. I had a million questions. First, did he look good? That’s stupid. Of course he looked good. Did he ask about me? Did he look sad? What does his hair look like? Was he with anyone? Did he look, you know… stable?
During our last go around things were definitely not stable. It was why I broke up with him in the first place. Connor and I both saw spirits, but I was lucky and only got hit with one (or maybe two) at a time. Connor got slammed when he wasn’t medicated. He also had a rise in anxiety and depression that may or may not have be related to the ghosts. The depression led to drug use, lies and manipulation. He wasn’t healthy and we were toxic together.
I was thinking about all this when Ava came back in the room clean-faced and wearing a fresh outfit. “You want to get some dinner and then go to that show tonight? The one Lila was talking about?”
Lila was our dorm manager. A senior and graphic design major. In an effort to bond with the residents, she suggested we all go to see a local band tonight.
“Yeah,” I said, swinging my legs over the side of the bed.
“Great. I’ll tell you all about Connor on the way.”
I shrugged. “Why would I care about that?”
“Really? We’re going to play it this way?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, hopping to the ground and gathering a change of clothes.
“Have it your way,” she said with an evil grin. “But that means you won’t hear about his new tattoos.”
I stopped midway through the bathroom door.
“Did you say tattoos? With an s?”
Ava nodded.
“Crap.” I sighed. “Fine, wait ‘til dinner though because I think I need sit down for this one.”
*
I adjusted my iPod hoping the volume would keep me awake. Ava was almost asleep. In the faint light of the room I could see her eye lashes flicker a couple times. I held my breath, counted to 25 and finally, as far as I could tell, my roommate fell asleep.
I pull out my ear buds and lay back on my pillow. Closing my eyes, I took several deep breaths, like I’m trying to settle myself for sleep. I guess I am, but not sleep-sleep, that place right before, hovering in between. That’s where I find Evan. Or he finds me. I’m not sure which.
The room tilts and I sit up. Well, I don’t sit up. I’m still lying in the bed, but this part of me, the one that can travel to this other place, could move about freely. Ava is fast asleep on her bed, snoring lightly.
“Nice set up,” I hear. Evan hovers near the door, back pressed against it. He stares at Ava. She’s curled up under a blue and purple quilt. “Does she sleep naked?”
“No! And don’t be disgusting.”
“I’m 15. My hormones are stuck on disgusting.”
I can’t help but smile. No, not smile. Beam. Like a lunatic. “Sorry this took so long.”
“I’ve got nothing but time.”
I scooted to the end of the bed and let my legs hang over the end. My toes touched the cool wood floors. Evan brought the cool air with him, causing the temperature to drop. “I know. It’s been hard figuring it out. Ava stays up late reading every night or texting Christian.”
“Why don’t you text Louis?” His curly blond hair covered his raised eyebrows. Evan can’t leave this realm, so he hasn’t ever seen Louis. He only knows what I’ve described. It’s not like before where he could pop in and out to see me. This was more like a visitation room. Like in prison except with no glass or telephone between us. When we were done, he had to go back to his side of the universe and I go back to mine.
“I do. I have. This first week has been really exhausting. I wanted to make sure she was asleep and that no one walked in or anything. I’m just not used to having so many people around,” I explained. “Plus, I keep crashing and falling asleep.”
He took a step forward. That simple move brought about an involuntary physical reaction. My mouth watered. My palms itched. I tried to play it cool though. Desperation doesn’t look good on anyone. Something else I learned from Charlotte. Make no mistake, my reaction wasn’t sexual in nature. It was deeper than that. A craving from the inner-most pit of my psyche. Only he and other dead can fill it. The other dead I couldn’t trust. Evan was my loophole.
He took my hand and a warm surge rushed from my palm to my fingertips and throughout the rest of my body. “You do look tired,” he said, voice hazy and warm.
“I’ll get used to it.”
“No doubt,” he smiled. I grinned back. We’re whole. Or at least for a little while.
“Tell me everything,” he said. “I never even thought about college. How are your art classes? Have you been to a keg party yet? What about the bathrooms? Are there naked chicks in there?”
I crossed my legs and settled into the bed and started at the beginning. Evan sat on the floor below me, his face lighting up with each description and the energy surging from him to myself as I touched his knees with my toes. Tiny zaps that filled the fissure in my chest.
I skipped over the news about Connor for now. I wasn’t ready to deal with it myself. He’s here and I’m going to have to face him head on at some point, but for now I smile down at my best friend. I finally have Evan back, even if it’s only for brief moments like this.
Chapter 4
Even though Ava told me about Connor, I didn’t really get it until I saw him myself a couple of days later. Then it felt like I’d been kicked.
In the chest.
Wow.
I spotted the two tattoos snaking down his arms and the way his hair had grown out so it curled over his ears. I expected those things, she’d described them in full detail. But across the crowded coffee shop I saw the things she’d forgotten to tell me, like the way his chest seemed wider and, um… broader. His arms leaner and more muscular. When he stood, I was shocked by his height. Connor had always been tall, but he had grown at least half a foot and towered over the other guys he sat with. He was still lanky, but I could tell he was solid muscle and his sharp jawline had grown sharper. He’d lost every ounce of baby fat.
Connor Jacobs had turned into a man.
“I told you,” Ava cackled beside me. She had told me. She told me he’d matured and looked good – great – and that I was in big trouble.
I was in so much trouble.
“How did that happen?” I sat next to Ava on a bright red velvet love seat. “He was always very handsome, right? But this? This is... uh...”
She took a sip of her tea. “Yeah, he’s beyond hot.”
Connor looking so good was a problem because, even though I’d been the one to insist on a break and had moved on to Louis, in moments of complete honesty I was well aware that I’d never fallen out of love with him. It was possible I never would. Things shifted to a bad place between us with the Charlotte thing. He’d lied to me. Several times. And he hurt me. And I’d hurt him. We chipped away at one another until there was nothing left but distrust and open wounds. With this thing that we had, this ghost thing, we needed to be able to trust one another. All the time. We both needed to grow up. I just never r
ealized he was going to grow up and look like… well, that.
“When are you going to talk to him?”
“Never?”
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to work.” She glanced up. I did too and his eyes were focused in my direction. The moment I’d been anticipating with a mixture of eagerness and dread happened in the middle of a crappy coffee shop.
We’d seen each other.
“Oh, crap,” I exhaled. “What do I do?”
Ava fought a laugh. “Right now? Nothing. Just stay in your seat.”
“I can do that,” I said, not moving a muscle.
“He may be hot, but you’ve turned out pretty amazing too, Jane. Just play it cool. Remember why you broke up. That hasn’t changed, but you weren’t always on bad terms. Just be nice.”
I ran my fingers across the bags under my eyes. I’d stayed up too late with Evan several nights in a row. I looked like crap. “I can do that.”
He didn’t move my direction and I remained next to Ava. I forced conversation about class and her plans to visit Christian in the next couple of weeks. I kept my eyes away from him as much as I could and only twice did I catch him looking at me. The idea warmed my perpetually cold heart and stressed every muscle in my body.
“Hey Amber,” Ava said, looking over my shoulder.
“Hey, guys.” Amber lived in our dorm. She was followed closely by her roommate, a pretty, dark-haired girl named Kelsey. “Did you hear about the house party Saturday night?”
Ava set down her mug. “No. Details, please.”
“I’ve got this friend from high school who lives a couple blocks off campus. She’s a junior, but she told me to invite whoever. You want to go? It should be pretty fun.”
Ava and I shared a look. Our first college party. There was no question she would want to go. I glanced quickly in Connor’s direction and saw him laughing with some guys. Always Mr. Popular. But this was a new school with new rules. I wasn’t the same girl from when we met. I nodded my head in approval.
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