“We’re in!” Ava exclaimed.
“Great! I’ll text you directions – I think I’ll head over around nine.”
Amber and Kelsey stayed for a few more minutes and we talked about the dorm and the girls living with us. Kelsey was quiet, but nice enough. Nothing like the social powerhouse Amber seemed to be. Quiet was good. I had a feeling we would get along. I had to admit it felt nice to have a fresh start, without history lingering over my shoulder. No nasty whispers in the hallways. A girl like Amber never would have talked to me back then.
“Ready to go?” Ava asked.
“Yeah.”
We trashed our cups and headed out the door. As much as I wanted to, I didn’t look back at Connor as we left the shop. The door swung closed behind me and I made a promise to myself; keep moving forward.
*
The following afternoon we had a dorm meeting. Lila sat us in a circle around the first floor lounge. Asian and super tiny, she had short, cropped hair and a friendly smile. I saw some of her print-making work when I walked by her room. She had incredible talent.
“Just a couple of notices,” she said, reading off a sheet of paper. “Please keep music down after 10 p.m. Everyone owns earphones. Use them. Also, the second floor bathroom has some kind of leak. I’ve called in maintenance and they should be here sometime tomorrow.” She looked around the room. “You are welcome to keep food in your room, but make sure it’s secured in containers. We do not want rats. Or bugs.”
Ava shuddered next to me.
“Now for something serious. Starting college is hard. Really hard. We’ll all go through some depression. We’ve left friends and family back home. Some of us have left significant others at home or at other schools. I promise you it will get tough,” she said. “Never hesitate to talk to me. Ever. That’s what I’m here for. If you need to talk to me privately just knock on my door. If I’m not there leave me a note, okay?”
The girls in the room collectively nodded. Just talking about being homesick ignites a twinge of feelings for Louis and my parents.
“Any questions?” she asked.
A couple girls made vague comments about their roommates. But Lila suggested they talk to her in private. When the meeting was over, Ava and I went back to our room. I walked straight to my closet and grabbed my robe, towel and shower caddy. “Want to watch a movie when I’m done?” I asked. “Zac Efron?”
“Totally.”
A huge puddle covered the middle of the bathroom floor. The leak. Man, we’re halfway to a flood in here. I took a wide lunge, trying not to get my flip-flops wet.
Gross.
The showers were empty, thank goodness. I’m still not used to sharing bathroom space with other people. It’s weird being naked one stall over from girls I don’t know. I’m not used to sharing anything with other people, really. The curse of being an only child. I showered quickly, lathering my hair and body, hoping to finish before anyone else came in.
I had my hand on the sliver knob to turn off the water when I heard what sounded like crying. I turned off the shower, wrapped my towel around my body and listened.
Sure enough, someone sniffled and blew her nose. Ugh. Great. Now I had to decide if I should go out there or not. I wasn’t really the best with crying people. Well, really, it was the people part. Crying ghosts I could manage.
I gave my dormmate a minute or two to get it together before I walked out in a hot pink cotton robe and my hair in a towel. I rounded the corner from the showers and found the row of sinks empty.
“Thank God,” I muttered, stopping to dry my hair.
The mirror over the sink was fogged over and I lifted my fist to wipe it away. I stopped mid-wipe.
Someone had written Bang Bang into the steamed-over mirror.
The toilet flushed and I wiped away the words, not wanting anyone to think I wrote them. I turned on the dyer and smiled at Denise, the girl from the room next to mine who stopped to wash her hands. She was from south Georgia somewhere. Worked in metals or sculpture or something. It was hard keeping track of all the new faces.
I stayed busy, pulling and drying my hair, but not so much that I noticed Denise face was clear, her eyes bright. She hadn’t been the one crying. I turned off the dryer. “Did you see anyone else in here?”
“No,” she said, drying her hands. “Why?”
“I just thought I heard something. No big.”
I turned on the dryer again and waved to Denise as she left the room. This living with other people thing was hard.
*
“Evan?”
“Hmm?”
“What did you think the first time I saw you? Again, I mean.” I clarified. “Here.”
“That you were dead.”
“That makes sense.”
“I knew there was no way back, you know, after the fire, so I figured you must have crossed over yourself.” Evan leaned against my door, the thin sliver of light from the hallway spilling through the crack between the floor and door.
“I thought it was a dream.”
“Sort of still is.” He nodded at my unmoving body on the bed.
“But not.”
“Right.”
Neither of us knew why or how this happened, just that after Charlotte tried to rip my soul out of my body and use the shell for her own purposes things changed. The darkness entered my chest and never let up. One night, just after Connor left, I was in my bed, half in and out of sleep, lingering in that hazy place neither here nor there.
Then the crow appeared. The black bird hopped along my floor, leading me to Evan.
“Do you think this is wrong? Me coming here?”
Evan tilted his head to the side and I could barely make out his profile. “I don’t think anything about us has ever been exactly right.” I crawled off the bed and sat across from Evan, Indian style. He took one of my hands in his, the familiar surge rolled across my skin. “Tell me about your day.”
“Ava and I are going to a party this weekend.”
“Wow, your first college party. Impressive.”
“Yep.” I’m rewarded with a huge smile. Between the two of us, we’ve got one life to live.
*
I left the main campus building the next day and found Connor waiting at the bottom of the steps. There was no doubt who or what he was waiting for.
Crap.
I wasn’t ready.
He stood with his hands in his pockets, blocking the way. I willed my nerves to stay calm. We had to do this. I had to do this.
“Hi,” he said, giving me a small smile. His eyes traveled over my hair and the piercings. The physical differences since we last spoke. He couldn’t see all the changes. Not the ones inside.
“Hey.”
His eyes seemed bluer than before but that had to be impossible. “Can we talk?”
“Sure,” I agreed, not sure at all.
Connor gestured across the street and led me to an empty bench in the park. He must be nervous too, because he walked too fast, leaving me behind. The top of my head barely met his shoulder now, and I stumbled over a brick paver trying to keep up.
“You okay?” He asked, his hand steadying my shoulder. I shrugged him off and he took two steps back.
“I’m fine.”
“So,” he said, once we sat down. A group of tourists walked by. One of the women stopped and took a photo of a statue behind us. “It’s been a while.”
“Yeah.”
“How’s school?”
“I like it here,” I told him. “Ava and I are rooming together.”
“I figured. My roommate, Tom, is from England. He’s pretty cool.” We sat side by side but at least a foot apart. I couldn’t bring myself to look directly at him. Connor ran his hand through his hair. He was nervous. Good. “Yeah, I have no idea where to start.”
“I don’t know if we need to start anything, Connor.”
He scoffed, obviously not liking my statement. “I’m not trying to start that, Jane. We�
��re just here together and things ended really awkward for us.” He paused and I peeked at him and his clenched, tight jaw. “I still care about you. And I want to know you again. What was senior year like? How was graduation? Have you had any…” he took a deep breath, “problems? Visitors? I mean, you and I sure picked a hell of a city to move to considering.”
“I figured I can’t really escape the dead, you know? I’m all about facing things head on now.” I pulled my hair behind my ear.
“Oh, yeah?” He lifted his eyebrow.
Dammit. The eyebrow lift always got me.
I sighed. “Fine. Senior year was great. I made some major changes. I don’t run from the ghosts any more. I face them head on and power through. The longer I let them linger around, the crazier they make me – the more chance there is for something to go wrong. Charlotte taught me that.”
We stared hard at one another when I said her name and I waited for him to defend her. When he didn’t I continued, “I built my portfolio. Worked at the art studio.”
“You got these,” he said, running his thumb over the piercings in my ear, making me flinch and ball my hands into fists. He dropped his hand.
“I made new friends.”
“Louis.”
I nodded and blinked away a traitorous tear. God, this conversation hurt. “Yes, Louis.”
“I deleted my Facebook account when I saw your homecoming pictures,” he confessed.
“I’m sorry,” I said. This was too hard. It hurt too much. I wrapped my arms around my stomach. I didn’t think the darkness could feel worse, emptier, but I was wrong.
“Don’t be,” he said. He leaned his elbows on his knees. “I was halfway across the country fighting my demons. You deserved better than that.”
I chewed my bottom lip and asked the question that had been on my mind since I saw him last. “Did you beat them?”
He nodded slowly and looked at me with those eyes. “I think so. I think for the first time I got it under control. No drugs. No drinking. I learned some techniques on how to manage what I see and how to cope without losing control.”
“No drugs?” Connor had been prescribed drugs to monitor his moods, which, in turn, kept the ghosts away. Without the meds he had a hard time functioning. His behavior turned erratic and he lied – a lot. He scared me. It was one of the main reasons we broke up. “Not even the anti-depressants and stuff?”
“Nope. I learned a lot of things about myself at that wilderness program, Jane. I don’t need the drugs anymore to manage this.” He shook his head. “I know you won’t believe me and that’s okay. You’ll see. I’ve got myself under control. I’ve got this under control. More than ever before.”
I didn’t believe him and the hole in my heart that had slowly repaired over the last year widened again. This would never work. He still couldn’t admit he needed help. That this was bigger than him.
I stood up and slung my bag over my shoulder. “I need to get back. Ava and I are meeting for dinner.”
“Okay.” Standing, he shoved his hands in his pockets again.
“I’ll see you around,” I said, praying that I wouldn’t. I walked away before this whole thing got worse.
“Jane,” Connor called. “I’ll prove myself to you. I promise.”
“Bye,” I said back. Because maybe he would or maybe he wouldn’t. Neither of those things should affect me. Not anymore.
Chapter 5
I raced back to the dorm for two reasons. One was to hide in my room and process the conversation with Connor. The other was to pee. I tossed my bag on the floor just inside my dorm room and yelled, “Gotta pee!” to Ava, who sat stunned on her bed. I busted into the bathroom, already unbuttoning my pants.
Unfortunately, I didn’t see the wrench or the maintenance guy on the bathroom floor and tripped over both of them.
“Are you okay?” I heard from my spot face down under the sink. Yuck.
“I’m fine,” I said, sitting up. The maintenance guy looked about my parents’ age, African-American, in blue coveralls. He helped me off the floor and I pulled my shirt down to cover my open pants. “I’ll just go downstairs,” I told him.
“I’ll be done soon,” he announced, but I had already started down the stairs, red-faced and embarrassed.
Ten minutes later, I entered my room. Ava sat exactly where I’d left her, legs crossed on her bed and a sketch pad in her lap. Pink headphones were clamped over her ears and pencil shavings filled a clear, plastic cup on the table next to the bed. I wished she wasn’t here. Really, all I wanted was to talk to Evan. Feel Evan.
“Hey,” she said, taking of the headphones and shaking out her hair. “Make it in time?”
“Yeah, crisis averted.” I flopped on my bed and covered my face with my hands. “I talked to Connor.”
Her eyes grew wide. “No! What happened?”
“It was beyond awkward.”
She crossed her legs. “Obviously.”
“He knows about Louis.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah, he didn’t seem too thrilled.”
“Is he dating anyone?”
“I don’t know. To be honest, I was too scared to even ask if he’d dated anyone else – or is dating anyone. Conflicted feelings and all that.”
Ava made a sympathetic face. “How do you think he’s doing – you know?” She pointed to her brain.
“God, I don’t even know. He said he was off drugs completely. Recreationally and prescription.”
“Seriously?”
“I know, right?” I pressed my ear to my pillow. “I’m just going to let it go for now. I’m sure we’ll see each other around. As long as the ghosts keep quiet we don’t have much reason to hang out with each other.”
“Plus, you have Louis. You can use that as an excuse at least.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m starving,” she said, hopping off the bed. “Want to go eat?”
“Yeah, I need to wash my face. Will you check the bathroom? I had an embarrassing moment in there earlier with the maintenance guy.”
“What happened?” she asked.
“Typical clumsy. He was nice about it but I’d rather not go over it again.”
“Poor Jane,” Ava said, giving me a hug. “Sounds like maybe we should hit the fro-yo place after dinner.”
“Yes, please.”
Ava left the room and, a couple of seconds later, peeked back in. “The coast is clear.”
“Awesome. Give me a second and I’ll be ready.”
The water on the bathroom floor had been mopped up and the leak repaired. I went to the sink and took out my soap. I heard a muffled noise behind one of the bathroom stall doors. Oh man, the crier was in here again. I discretely attempted to look under the door to see her shoes because someone had a depression problem. I should probably tell Lila.
I dropped my brush so I could sneak a look. I didn’t recognize the shoes, but they were standard black Converse low-tops. I also spotted a tiny tattoo on her ankle. A flower maybe? Clover?
The girl coughed and I jumped, rushing back over to the sink, turning on the faucet to cover her sobbing. Probably homesick, I suspected. I’d fought it myself but Ava and Evan made things easier. Odds were that this girl didn’t have her best friends at school with her.
She never left the stall, so I gathered my things and left the bathroom. It shouldn’t be too hard to figure out who has that tattoo. When I did, hopefully I could help her.
*
“I miss you,” Louis said.
“I miss you, too.” I sat on a bench in front of our residence hall, phone to my ear. “How are your classes?”
“Huge. Most of them have, like, 200 kids in them.”
“Wow. I think the most mine have is about 30.”
“Because you go to a fancy art school. The gifted shouldn’t mingle with the rest of the masses,” he teased.
The University of Georgia, Louis’ school, had more than 30,000 students. I went up with him for a vi
sit and the campus sent me into a series of panic attacks. All the people and buses and, well, there were too many dead people. I can’t escape the dead people, but at least I can deal with a lot less students.
“Have you gotten any gigs yet?”
“We’re working on it. We’ll probably have to play for free for a while, but that’s okay. Building a following will help.”
My chest ached from missing him. I saw other girls with their boyfriends, hands linked, bodies pressed and I fought the most irrational jealousy.
“What are you doing this weekend?” I asked.
“Going to see a couple of bands, it’s a game weekend so we’ll probably check that out,” he said. “What about you?”
“One of our dormmatesdorm mates asked us to go to a house party with her. I think we’re going to go.”
“Sounds fun.”
Silence stretched between us because I was hiding the fact I saw and spoke to Connor. I should tell him. I should. “Ava’s pretty excited. You know how social she is.”
He laughed. “Ugh, yeah, I guess I should go. Christian wants to go see a movie tonight in the student center and it starts in about 30 minutes.”
“Oh, okay.”
“Have fun this weekend.”
“You, too.”
…
“Be safe, okay?”
He was so sweet. I sucked. “We will.”
“Bye,” he said, the weight of being apart heavy on us.
“Bye.”
I shoved the phone in my pocket and sat back on the bench. And waited. I didn’t have to linger long. A faint blue light caught my eye across the street. I stood and followed the glow until I could see it was an old man, dressed in ratty clothing. Thin navy blue pants. Torn plaid shirt. He’d been homeless, maybe?
“Hey,” I called and he looked up in surprise. “It’s okay, I’m here to help.”
“Help?”
“You shouldn’t be here. It’s time to move on. I can make that happen.”
He nodded, slowly and with confusion. His once blue eyes glassy and flecked with white. I offered him my hand. Seeking what I needed in exchange for what he needed.
Grave Possession (Wraith 3) Page 3
