At Home in Last Chance

by Cathleen Armstrong

  “Now, don’t start feeling sorry for yourself. That’s not going to help one bit. Most of this everybody-hates-me is you feeling bad about yourself and seeing blame even when it’s not intended. Pshaw. If the hide of everyone in Last Chance who ever made mistakes was nailed to the barn door, you wouldn’t be able to get the thing open.”

  “It would be really gross too.” Olivia reached for another cookie.

  “That it would.” Elizabeth poured tea in all the cups and added a large splash of milk to Olivia’s.

  Kaitlyn watched her daughter stir sugar into her milky tea. Olivia could seem so grown-up sometimes. Most seven-year-olds would have been carefully excluded from conversations about their disgraced mother, but Olivia took it in stride. After all, nothing said was new to her. Kaitlyn wished with all her heart she could scoop her up and hold her tight and somehow make all the things Olivia had seen and heard and dealt with in her short seven years go away. She felt so helpless and so unworthy of such a beautiful gift.

  “Hey. Where is everybody?” Kaitlyn heard the front door open and a man’s voice drift in.

  “Steven.” Olivia heaved a sigh and downed her tea in one long drink. “I think I’ll go finish my picture. I’m done here.”

  “Okay, honey.” Elizabeth looked up and smiled as her grandson appeared in the doorway. “We’re having some tea. Would you like a cup?”

  “I’ll skip the tea. But if you have any milk, I’ll help you with the cookies.”

  “In the refrigerator. While you’re up, put a few more cookies on the plate, would you?”

  When Steven slid the plate of cookies onto the table and plopped into a chair holding his glass of milk, his eyes were only for Kaitlyn.

  “I haven’t seen you since Christmas. How are you settling in?”

  Kaitlyn shrugged. “Okay, I guess.”

  “Planning on staying long?”

  She hesitated. Another dig? But his smile was open and warm. Besides, Elizabeth was right. It was time to start holding her head up.

  Taking a cookie from the plate he offered her, she returned his smile. “Looks like I might be here a while. Chris has me working for him at that diner of his, and that’s an opportunity that doesn’t come along all that often.”

  He laughed. “No, I can see how you wouldn’t want to pass that up. How is it working out with Juanita? She has a way of keeping everybody hopping. Even Chris, and he’s the boss.”

  “Juanita would like me gone, no question about that. But I’m afraid she’s just going to have to deal with the fact that I’m there. Like it or not.”

  “Oh, don’t worry about Juanita. She’s one of those people you either take as she is or leave alone.” Elizabeth nudged the plate of cookies toward Kaitlyn, who shook her head. “I’ve known her nearly all her life, and she’s been exactly the same. She was in my first class at Last Chance School, you know, and the bossiest little thing you ever saw. She was always trying to organize clubs and name herself president.”

  It felt good to laugh, and for the first time in months Kaitlyn felt the heaviness she carried in her heart lighten a bit.

  “Sounds like you’re having a good time in here.” Chris walked into the kitchen, smiling and hand in hand with Sarah. “I hate to break it up, but are you ready to go? Sarah invited me to stay for dinner, so I thought I’d run you two home real quick and come back.”

  “Sure. If Livvy eats any more of these cookies, she’s not going to eat dinner anyway.” Kaitlyn stood up and gave Elizabeth a hug. “Thanks so much for the tea . . . and everything.”

  “My pleasure, darlin’. Come back soon.”

  “Why don’t I take them home?” Steven got to his feet too. “Save you a trip. Although I’ve got to say, bro, if you are voluntarily eating Sarah’s cooking, you are hooked really bad.”

  Sarah took a swipe at her cousin, but Chris grinned. “Thanks. I’d appreciate that. You don’t mind, do you, Kaitlyn?”

  “No. Why should I mind?” Kaitlyn was careful to keep her voice casual. But truth be told, she was getting pretty tired of having her opinion asked after the decision had already been made.

  “Then, m’lady, your chariot awaits.” Steven bowed and offered his arm.

  Oh, brother, just give me a break. Kaitlyn ignored the proffered arm and headed for the front door, calling Olivia as she went.

  2

  Steven had to admit he was intrigued. He had heard about Kaitlyn, of course, long before he met her. The whole town knew she had dropped her daughter off at her brother’s and taken off for parts unknown on a motorcycle with some guy named Jase. And if any detail of the story had been left out, Juanita was more than happy to fill in the gaps as she refilled coffee cups at the Dip ’n’ Dine—always keeping a careful eye to make sure that Chris was indeed out of earshot.

  As he watched Kaitlyn walk down the sidewalk to his SUV parked at the curb, he noted that as thorough as Juanita had been, she had left out some vital information—like legs that seemed to go on forever and a shape that could make a grown man cry. Of course, she had a little girl, but that shouldn’t be a problem. Kids liked him. As if she could read his mind, Olivia, bouncing alongside her mom, turned around and gave him a glare that would raise blisters on a rock.

  Wounded, Steven fell back a step. Where had that come from? Everybody liked him, at least at first. What was there not to like? He was tall, blond, handsome, and built like a Greek god, and if that didn’t do the trick, all he had to do was smile and flash that dimple. He decided that Kaitlyn, kid or no kid, deserved the full treatment.

  “Here, let me get that for you.” He reached past Kaitlyn for the door handle, trapping her between himself and the door just long enough to make her look up so he could give her the dimple treatment. She glanced up, stepped aside so he could open the door, and got in without saying a word.

  “Hey, the back door’s locked.” The kid was tugging at the handle, and as Steven clicked his key chain to unlock it for her, he heard Kaitlyn’s seat belt catch and the door slam.

  That went well. He turned his attention to the little girl climbing into the backseat. “Need some help, sweetheart?”

  She gave him the same withering glare she had tossed over her shoulder and reached for her seat belt. “I can do it myself. And don’t call me sweetheart. My name’s Olivia.”

  What’s with these people? He walked around the truck and got in. He was taking them home, not to prison.

  He turned the key in the ignition and gave the smile another try. “I’ll bet you’re beat. Why don’t I take you and Olivia to San Ramon for pizza or a burger or something? Let someone wait on you for a change.”

  Kaitlyn shook her head without looking at him. “No, thanks. We need to get home. Olivia’s got homework.”

  “I don’t have that much homework. We could get pizza.” Olivia still wasn’t talking to him, but she didn’t sound as angry as she had. He pressed his advantage.

  “I’ll have you home in an hour and a half, maybe less. You have to eat anyway. Why not with me?” He slid Kaitlyn his aw-shucks grin, which she did not see since she was staring ahead.

  “Yeah, Mom, we have to eat anyway.”

  Steven slowed as he reached the town’s main intersection and looked to Kaitlyn for her final word—right to San Ramon, left to the little neighborhood of mobile homes where Kaitlyn lived with her daughter and brother.

  “Not tonight. Thanks anyway.”

  Steven flipped on his left turn signal and looked at Olivia in his rearview mirror. “Sorry, sweetheart, I mean Olivia. I owe you a pizza, though. Don’t let me forget.”

  She glared at him like it was his fault she wasn’t getting her pizza, and Steven gave up. It didn’t happen often, but sometimes even someone as amazing-looking as Kaitlyn was just more trouble than he cared to deal with. They rode in silence until he turned into the circle drive that led to the yellow-and-white singlewide.

  “Thanks for the ride.” The words were rote and offered not a hint of appreci
ation as Kaitlyn got out and opened the back door for Olivia.

  “Yeah. Sure. No problem. Glad to do it. Any time.” Kaitlyn had already closed her door and Olivia had slammed hers, and Steven sat behind the wheel watching them walk to their front door. What he really wanted to do was spin out on the gravel driveway as he left and raise a cloud of dust that wouldn’t settle for a week. What he did do was just as his grandmother had always told him he should do. He sat in the drive and waited until Kaitlyn had fitted her key in the lock. He lifted his hand in a wave as she opened the door and Olivia ran inside. But did Kaitlyn turn and wave back as if to say, “I’m in. Thanks for waiting,” like anyone else in Last Chance would have done? She did not.

  Steven shifted into first and gunned his engine. The dust cloud was a small one and settled in moments, but it was satisfying nonetheless.

  “How come we couldn’t go out for pizza? We never get to go anywhere.” Olivia dropped her pink backpack in the middle of the floor and slumped on the sofa.

  “Because it’s a school night.” Kaitlyn picked up the backpack and handed it to her. “This goes in your room, and you need to take a bath while I fix dinner. Then it is homework and bed time.”

  “You never used to care if it was a school night. We used to have fun.” Olivia dragged the pack behind her as she went down the hall to her room.

  Kaitlyn sighed. Yeah, and that worked out really well, didn’t it? She followed Olivia and found her lying facedown on her bed. Sitting next to her, Kaitlyn rubbed light circles on her back. “We’ll still have fun. We’ll just do it on a weekend. How about Saturday evening? Do you want to go for pizza then?”

  “We probably can’t even go to the movies, though.” Olivia’s voice, though muffled, was tragic. Milking a moment was one of her gifts.

  Kaitlyn smiled and dug her fingertips lightly into her daughter’s ribs. Olivia squealed and flipped faceup, and Kaitlyn bent to kiss her daughter’s forehead. “You are something else, you know that?”

  “So can we go to the movies too?”

  “We’ll see what’s playing. Now you go hop in the tub and I’ll see what I can find for dinner.”

  “I’ll bet Uncle Chris will want to bring Sarah.” Olivia headed back up the hall toward the bathroom. “She goes with us almost everywhere now.”

  Kaitlyn, following close behind, stopped at the door and raised an eyebrow at Olivia. “I thought it would just be the two of us this time. We could have a girls’ night out.”

  “How about Sarah? She’s a girl.”

  “Don’t you remember? She and Uncle Chris are going out to celebrate her birthday. Besides, I’d love to have a night with just you. We haven’t done that in a long time.”

  Olivia’s expression dimmed just a bit, and she shrugged before pulling her shirt over her head. “Okay, if you think you know the way.”

  “I’ll find it. Don’t worry.” Kaitlyn’s own smile faded after she turned away from the bathroom door and headed to the kitchen. If Olivia wasn’t all that excited about spending an evening in her company alone, she really had no one to blame but herself, and she knew that. There was a time, when the two of them lived together in Scottsdale, when Olivia had begged her to spend time alone with her. Kaitlyn had been full of promises then—promises that somehow were always put off for another day. Now, it seemed, the shoe was on the other foot. Olivia was the one with a social schedule that would not quit, and it was Kaitlyn who was adrift and alone.

  She was putting dinner on the table when Olivia came in wearing her princess pajamas. “Maybe Steven would come with us for pizza Saturday. He knows where it is too.”

  “Steven? Why in the world would we take Steven?”

  Olivia shrugged and avoided looking at her mother as she climbed onto her chair.

  “Livvy, look at me.” Kaitlyn put her hands on the table and leaned across until Olivia looked up at her. “I want to have pizza and go to a movie with you. Not with Uncle Chris, not with Sarah, and certainly not with Steven. Just with you. Is that okay with you?”

  She was bewildered when Olivia’s eyes filled with tears. “But what if, when we’re having pizza, you make some new friends and want to go with them? How would I find my way back home again?”

  The anguish that landed like a blow in the middle of Kaitlyn’s chest nearly took her breath away. “Do you think for one minute that I would ever, ever do that? I just told you that you’re the only one I want to be with, but even if we did meet new friends, I would never in a million years just go off and leave you behind. Don’t you know that?”

  Olivia stared at her lap and swiped at her nose with the back of her hand.

  “Livvy. Olivia, look at me.”

  Olivia still would not meet her eyes, and Kaitlyn reached across the table and tipped her chin with forefinger and thumb.

  “Look at me. Do you really think I would leave you like that?”

  Olivia pulled away from her mother’s touch and dropped her gaze again. She was blinking hard to keep the tears back, and her mouth worked with the effort. She had not said another word, but she didn’t have to. The unspoken accusation filled the room until it crushed the very breath from Kaitlyn’s lungs. But you did. You went away and left me behind, and I couldn’t get back home.

  Kaitlyn felt as if she had been turned to ice. She knew she had been walking around under a cloud of disapproval since she came back to Last Chance. But she had been facing down disapproval with complete indifference since she entered her teens. She had taken Chris’s forgiveness for granted, and truth be told, she really didn’t give a rip what the rest of this tiny little town thought of her. But Livvy! Her own daughter really thought she might be abandoned in a pizza shop. When Kaitlyn could move again, she walked around the table and knelt by Olivia’s chair.

  “Honey, listen to me.” She placed her hands on Olivia’s arms, and her heart broke as she felt her daughter shrink under her touch. “I want you to understand two things, so listen as carefully as you can. When I left you here with Uncle Chris, I knew I was leaving you in a good place, a safe place. I wasn’t wrong about that, either. You have friends here, you get to ride horses, and you’ve never done better in school. I think you’re happier than you’ve ever been, and that makes me happy too. But here’s the second thing, and it’s the most important thing I have to say, so listen very carefully. Leaving you anywhere, even a good place like Uncle Chris’s, was a very bad thing to do. I should never, never, never have left you anywhere. Do you hear me? You are my own Olivia, and we belong together, no matter what. I love you and I’m so, so sorry. I wish I could take everything back.”

  Olivia’s tenuous control held almost to the end but gave way in a torrent under her mom’s apology. Still on her knees in front of Olivia’s chair, Kaitlyn gathered her into her arms and held her, murmuring promises and declarations and more apologies into her hair.

  Finally she leaned back and smiled as she brushed damp strands of hair from her daughter’s face. “So, are we good?”

  Olivia nodded and wiped her nose with the back of her hand again.

  “And we can go for pizza Saturday, just you and me?”

  Olivia hesitated before nodding again, and Kaitlyn’s heart wrenched at the doubt still lingering in her daughter’s eyes. She had done more damage than she’d ever allowed herself to imagine. This was going to take a lot of time.

  “I’ll tell you what. When we go, you can carry my phone, and if ever you feel the tiniest bit scared, you can call Uncle Chris to come get you. How would that be?”

  “I won’t feel scared.”

  “I know you won’t, because we are going to have a terrific time. But would you like to be in charge of the phone anyway? Just in case?”

  Olivia searched her mother’s face. Kaitlyn willed the pain and grief from her expression and tried to present one of love and acceptance. Finally, Olivia nodded. “Okay.”

  “It’s settled then.” Kaitlyn rose from her aching knees. “Pizza Saturday, and if there is a g
ood movie on, we’ll do that too. And you are in charge of the phone. Now go blow your nose and wash your face and hands. Dinner is getting cold.”

  As Olivia skipped off, Kaitlyn hugged herself to keep the pain from spilling out all over the kitchen. Leaving Olivia with Chris had been Jase’s idea. He was the one who convinced her it would be easier on everybody if they just slipped away quietly at sunup. But even as she tried to blame him for all the heartache she had caused, the attempt fell flat. She was the one who listened. In fact, now that she thought about it, most of the trouble she had ever been in had begun because she listened to some guy with a good idea.

  The splashing in the bathroom had stopped, and Olivia’s light, running footsteps headed her way. Kaitlyn straightened her shoulders and pasted what she hoped was a cheerful smile on her face. Well, her days of listening to good-looking guys with bad ideas were over. Everyone in town, including Chris, had good reason to think she didn’t deserve someone as wonderful as Olivia. Truth be told, she agreed with them. But the past was past. Olivia was the most important person in the world to her, and if there wasn’t room for anyone else, well, that was just the way it was going to be.

  “You’re back.” Elizabeth stuck her head in from the kitchen when the front door opened. “I thought you were heading back to the ranch after you dropped Kaitlyn off.”

  “I thought I’d swing back by. I didn’t get much of a chance to talk to you earlier.” No need to mention Kaitlyn and how thoroughly he had been shut down. He had a reputation to uphold, even if he was just talking to his grandmother.

  “Have you eaten? I’m just fixing to have supper.” Elizabeth had returned to the kitchen.

  Steven wandered in after her and turned a kitchen chair around to straddle. “Yeah, I could eat something.” He folded his hands on the chair back and rested his chin on them.

  Elizabeth gave him a look. “Well then, please let me fix you dinner.”

  “Sorry, Gran. I didn’t mean to be rude. I was just thinking. Here, I’ll set the table.” He got up and gave her a one-armed hug before getting plates out of the cupboard.