Colin grasped Hernán’s dick and just held it in his fist while Hernán began to fuck digits more quickly in and out of his ass. Since he was supposed to be stretching Colin, he spread his fingers and pressed outward against the ring of muscle, coaxing it to open further and further.
Colin mewled and pushed back until Hernán’s fingers were so far inside that Colin’s sac rested against his palm. Unbidden, he pulled out long enough to roll and tug on Colin’s balls, and then plunged three fingers up Colin’s ass.
“Move them around,” Colin moaned. “You’re right there at my prostate.”
Hernán curled his fingers over a spot inside that felt different, and Colin shivered as he rhythmically pulsed his grip on Hernán’s dick in his hand. The sensation of being milked was exotic, novel and the best thing Hernán had ever felt down there. He whispered, “Careful, or this will be over too soon.”
With a small groan of protest, Colin relaxed his grip but his eyes on Hernán’s were fierce. “I’m ready, Nán. I need you inside me.”
Hernán disengaged his fingers so Colin could retrieve the condoms. He pulled one out of the almost-full carton. Hernán didn’t know whether that meant it was a new box, or Colin didn’t have much call to use them up. Selfishly, he hoped for the latter.
Colin tore open the foil, extracted the rubber ring, and rolled it down Hernán’s shaft. He squeezed hard around the root of Hernán’s fully-sheathed erection. “This is going inside me,” he panted. “I want to see your face as you slide it up my ass.”
The eagerness and passion in Colin’s voice were exhilarating. The shy young man, uncertain of himself and of how fast to drive Hernán, had become one who knew what he wanted and asked for it. Hernán found he liked that Colin every bit as much as the version who rapped politely on his door.
He drew strength and heat from the more elemental Colin, flexing his dick in the man’s grasp as he said in a low voice, “Show it to me, bello. Show me where my dick’s going to go.” He didn’t know where the sexy talk was coming from, but it was clear Colin liked it.
With a sharp inhalation of breath, Colin threw off the remaining covers, rolled onto his back and put his hands under his legs to pull them up. Hernán shifted around on his knees until he was between Colin’s thighs, staring intently at the asshole on display for him. He ran a lubed finger around the puffy edge of it and met Colin’s eyes.
“Is this where you want me to put my cock?” he asked in an innocent voice.
Colin groaned. “Goddammit, Nán. Quit teasing and just fuck me.”
He huffed a soft laugh though his heart was pounding with excitement. Uncertain of whether more lubricant was needed, he retrieved the black tube and drizzled more of the silky liquid along his sheathed length. Positioning the shiny, encased head of it right at Colin’s opening, he moved his hips slightly. He began to press against the rim and retreat, before coming forward to press again in a slightly different spot.
He kept it up for another minute until Colin gasped out, “You’re driving me crazy. Are you sure you’ve never done this before?”
Hernán stilled and waited until Colin’s eyes met his. Serious again, he said, “You are the first man I’ve kissed. The first man I’ve stroked. And…” his breath hitched as the head of his cock parted the lips of Colin’s ass and slid into warmth, “you are now the first man I’ve fucked.”
Colin threw his head against his pillow and gasped, which Hernán took as an invitation. He pressed his hips forward, slowly and steadily. The sense of sliding down into Colin’s body, of being gripped all along his length, of Colin’s thighs cradling him as he reached his full depth, was stunning. Life-changing.
Ignorant jokes he’d heard all his life hadn’t prepared him for the sensation, the beauty, of joining his body with another man. He and Colin were as close as two people could possibly be. His orgasm was right there, waiting to be triggered, but he didn’t want anything to ever bring this union to an end.
He trembled when his balls came to rest against Colin’s ass. Colin’s sac pressing warmly between their bellies, Hernán leaned forward to seek another kiss. He clenched his teeth to try to hold off as the electric thrill in his balls and cock threatened an abrupt climax. He worried he would disgrace himself because stimulation threatened to overwhelm his control.
Colin wrapped his ankles around Hernán’s back as they stayed immobile, mouths locked together but otherwise still. The inner core of him pulsed around Hernán’s buried shaft as Colin moaned against his lips. His body quivered under Hernán’s and rippled along his rectum. Hernán suddenly needed to move, but the way Colin’s arms and legs wrapped around him was so welcoming and secure he didn’t want to disturb them.
Pleasure surged again alarmingly along his length and he was distressed to realize he was even closer to coming, just from being in to his balls. He sank his tongue deeper into Colin’s mouth as he fought for self-control, trying to convey how he felt, the things he wasn’t ready to say but was desperate for Colin to know. His admiration. His friendship.
His love.
Colin gasped and broke the kiss. His eyes squeezed shut and the grimace he made looked almost painful. “So good. Oh god, Nán, I’m sorry, it’s too good, you’re deep in me, I can’t—”
And then his asshole pulsed around Hernán’s cock as he began to spasm in Hernán’s arms. Warm, sticky come splattered against their joined bellies and Colin cried out. The rhythmic pulse along his cock, the mineral smell of Colin’s pleasure, carried him right off the edge too.
Hernán howled as his cock began to throb and shoot endlessly. The ecstasy was different than anything he’d ever felt, better than his hand or Colin’s, and it reverberated in his teeth. He sobbed in joy and in relief.
The spasms began to ease and finally he stilled. The two of them stared at each other, wide-eyed and stunned, until Colin suddenly started to laugh. Hernán joined him a moment later, squirming around so the warm come between them slid and squelched in their navels. That made Colin laugh even harder. He squeezed Hernán with his arms and his thighs.
Hernán’s mirth quieted enough for him to say, “Even I know it wasn’t supposed to be over so quickly. I’m sorry.”
Colin shook his head, but his eyes glinted and his mouth stretched in a huge smile. “Is it premature ejaculation if it happens to both of us?”
For some reason that made Hernán begin to laugh again. He was still hard despite the sense he should be embarrassed by his performance, and he couldn’t resist thrusting playfully into Colin.
“Oh now you’re ready to fuck me,” Colin exclaimed. He dissolved into another fit of giggles. “Well, okay then.”
“At this rate I figure I can do you ten times before breakfast,” Hernán said, and he was gone too, pressing his face into Colin’s neck as they both rocked with laughter.
“Oh my God, I love you,” Colin said on a gust of breath, and then immediately froze. “Um. I mean. Shit.”
Hernán raised his head and met Colin’s eyes. The laughter was gone but he couldn’t leave Colin with that panicked look in his eyes. He nuzzled their noses together. “Shh,” he whispered. “It’s all right. And I knew anyway.”
Colin relaxed marginally in his arms and suddenly Hernán understood he had been wrong earlier. He was ready to say it.
He kissed Colin gently on the lips and then said softly, “Besides, I love you too.”
Colin gasped. His hands shot up to Hernán’s head and held him still. Eyes shimmering, he asked shakily, “You do?”
Hernán nodded and felt his throat tighten. Colin swam in his vision. “I love you. You’re the best man I’ve ever known and I’m very happy we found each other.”
Colin buried his face against Hernán’s neck. His body quaked in Hernán’s arms.
“Oh, don’t cry, sweetheart,” Hernán murmured. “Don’t cry.” Colin just shook his head as he tried to find his voice. Hernán held him until he remembered his dick was still encased inside a very full co
ndom. “Hey, cariño. I think I’m supposed to take this thing off before I go soft.”
They untangled themselves reluctantly, Colin reaching down between his legs to hold the edge of the condom as Hernán pulled free. It drooped with jism and he felt unreasonably proud at the impressed look in Colin’s eye.
“Wow. That’s a load and a half.” Colin’s voice still sounded shaky but he jumped out of bed to dispose of it in the bathroom. He carried back in two towels.
Shyly, Hernán said, “You know, if you’re willing to give me another chance, I think I probably have the hang of it now.”
Colin bent to kiss him. “You got me off doing nothing more than sliding into me. If you actually start fucking, I might die.” He growled and tugged Hernán’s lower lip in his teeth. “But I’m prepared to take that risk.”
Chapter 19
Colin was all but useless again at work later that day. Part of it was lack of sleep, but much more was being stupid in love. He gazed out his window at people passing on the streets, aware of a silly grin stretching his face and of a wonderful ache deep in his ass. He hadn’t had anything more than a blowjob in nearly a year, and then there was Hernán.
Talk about diving in at the deep end.
A satisfying throb when he shifted in his Aeron chair made him blush as he remembered Hernán taking him the second time. Even, deep strokes like he was born to fuck had Colin writhing and calling out nonsense. He’d never been the type to yell and squirm wantonly during sex. Maybe I just never had the right lover. Shame at his behavior tangled with his joy.
Ridiculous, impossible plans spiraled through his head. He wanted Hernán to meet his family. Hell, he wanted to be with Hernán in Paris, and stroll down romantic streets arm in arm. Christmas was months away but maybe he could arrange a trip as a surprise?
Hernán said he loves me.
It didn’t seem possible, yet it was everything he’d hoped for since the night he begged Hernán to accept his help as they walked through the Provincetown fog. Besides his useless crush on Brandon, there had been no one Colin felt that way about since Pranav went back to India. And no one, not a single man, had ever said he loved Colin.
Hernán sat stiffly on the balcony next to Colin’s bedroom, a cup of coffee clutched between his hands. He whooshed out a great exhalation. In some ways it felt so right to have gotten with Colin. Taking control, penetrating Colin instead of feeling himself tear, had been liberating and empowering and, frankly, fucking delicious. Even with his ridiculous failure to hold off coming long enough for one stroke, Colin hadn’t seemed to mind.
The laughter they’d shared was one of his favorite parts of the night, er, morning.
And the second time. Well. Hernán was actually proud. The way Colin’s eyes rolled into his head, the filthy things that normally sweet and polite man breathed into his ear as Hernán drove his full length into Colin’s ass, the way Colin sobbed when he came… Oh yes, he might actually be good at the sex thing.
Now what, maricón? The hated voice crept into his head, making him nauseous. Little princess, little fag. How long until you let that culero stick his prick up your ass? You’ve gotten a lot of good stuff out of him already, puto. Better grab more before he gets tired and throws your cheap ass out onto the streets. That’s where you belong anyway, isn’t it?
A wave of nausea hit. Hernán struggled to unhear Abuela and to drown her out by focusing on the wonder of what had happened between Colin and him. Hernán had longed for someone of his own, who would see his soul and not just his face or body, and would say, “Yes. This man is mine.”
He grew up knowing from his grandmother’s words that was impossible. A man who wanted other men was dirty, shameful, weak, and certainly incapable of love. He learned that lesson when she punished him for what the deliveryman had done in his uncle’s shop. Each rap across his knuckles was a painful reminder it was Hernán’s fault, for enticing the man into his sin. When Lonnie claimed him, he understood he was being punished for his own pitiful desires.
Yet the dream never faded entirely. In a tiny, hidden corner of his heart, Hernán kept hoping there was man of honor who would put the lie to Abuela.
Was Colin really that man? Hernán rocked in his chair, agitated and restless as he argued with the voice. Colin seemed to love him; maybe he really thought he did. But they barely knew each other. It had only been a few weeks since they met. More likely it was just a crush on both of their parts. Colin might wake up when that Brandon guy returned, start sniffing around him again, and realize Hernán had nothing to offer him.
The whole afternoon passed that way, even when Hernán went for a workout in the basement of Colin’s building. The gym there had good equipment, so he heaved dumbbells, pushed himself hard, ran six miles on a treadmill… Anything to drown out his noisy thoughts.
Rudy was the only one he could possibly talk to about his distress, but as much as he loved his cousin, he knew that wouldn’t help. Rudy threw himself into relationships after the first night in bed, convinced each time he’d found his Prince Charming, crushed when the man turned out to be uninterested in anything more than sex, undaunted when it came time to try again.
Hernán could imagine Rudy’s advice, and it would involve china patterns or getting tokens of Colin’s affection. None of that was what Hernán wanted.
He wanted Colin.
He didn’t know how to keep him.
Still at war with himself, he made the evening awkward. Colin showed up at six with flowers, and Hernán tried to be gracious. He saw the light in Colin’s eyes dim, though, so he must have fucked up somehow. They made dinner together as usual, but Hernán drank too much. Colin chattered happily through cooking, touching Hernán every time he passed by, until Hernán turned sideways to avoid his hand. Hurt flared on Colin’s face, and Hernán didn’t know how to explain.
I’m not your possession sounded in his head, along with I love you, please don’t give up. When it came time for their ritual of watching TV together, Hernán said, “I’m kind of tired. We didn’t get much sleep last night so I think I’m just going up to bed.”
The disappointed, resigned look in Colin’s eyes was heartbreaking. “Sure, Hernán. Sleep well. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Hernán lay in his bed in the dark, unable to relax enough to close his eyes. His head swam unpleasantly from too much liquor before dinner. The cleaning service had changed the sheets, but he thought he could still smell Colin in the pillow.
Eventually Colin turned off the television below and climbed the stairs. He paused by Hernán’s open door but Hernán pretended to be asleep until Colin moved on to his own room. His door clicked shut.
Hernán rolled to his side and punched the pillow in frustration. Why had he told Colin he loved him? He was so exposed, so foolish, to think he could have someone. Sleep was a long time coming.
He joined Colin for breakfast the next morning, pouring himself some coffee before he sat at the table where Colin made his way through a bowl of cereal.
“Good morning,” Colin said awkwardly, and Hernán tried to respond with a grin. It probably looked more like a grimace.
Colin set down his spoon and leaned forward across the table. “Did I do something wrong, Hernán?” he asked seriously.
“No. Nothing.” Hernán shook his head fiercely. This is me fucking up.
“I thought we were… I hoped…” Colin blushed and turned his eyes back to his bowl. “Never mind.”
Shit, shit, shit. Hernán raged at himself. Now I’ve made him think he’s done something, like my craziness is his fault. Fix this!
But he didn’t know how to admit his torment. Colin would think he was insane and end anything between them before it even began. All he could do was distract Colin with a white lie.
He cleared his throat and Colin’s head shot up. “It’s just, it’s been a lot. You know? Telling my story, wondering what the lawyers are going to do with it all. Maybe I’ll have to go over it again and again. It
’s got me kind of worked up.”
Colin blinked at him several times. “Oh. You’re upset about the application process?”
Hernán nodded, pleased when relief began to show in Colin’s eyes. Drawn away for the moment from their relationship, Colin talked for the next twenty minutes about how Hernán should feel proud he had survived, the lawyers would do a great job for him and try to minimize how many times he had to talk about it all, and so on.
Hernán was grateful but he felt like screaming, I’m not strong. I’m not proud. I’m ashamed and I’m bad for you.
He insisted on cleaning up their breakfast dishes while Colin finished getting ready for work. A few minutes later, Colin came back downstairs, looking handsome in a gray wool blazer seemingly tailored to his height and lean build. He came over to where Hernán stood in the kitchen and opened his arms with a hopeful look on his face.
Hernán hesitated just a moment before stepping into the warmth and security Colin gave unselfishly. Yes please, he thought. Take me out of my noisy head. Just hold me until I know what to do.
Colin hugged him tightly until Hernán pulled away. “Don’t be late for work,” he said.
“It’s Friday. Let’s go out for dinner tonight,” Colin said. “My treat. We’ve eaten in almost every night.” Hernán bit his lip but jerked his head in a quick nod. Colin smiled and gave him a kiss before he left.
To distract himself from his agitation over what the fuck he was doing to mess up Colin’s life, Hernán settled down with the sample immigration papers Colin had brought home for him to study. He wrote in pencil on a blank form as the lawyer Sofia had requested. She’d have the final version prepared neatly, but having him draft the answers by hand was more efficient than going over each question together.
Spotting the form for the medical evaluation he would need, he recalled he was overdue to pick up the copy he’d left with the doctor where Colin had sent him. He picked up his phone to check whether it was ready. The doctor’s receptionist placed him on hold briefly, and then came back on the line to ask if he could come by the office at two.
Asylum (Pride and Joy Book 2) Page 21
