Playing With Fire (Guarded Hearts)

by Noelle, Alexis

  I couldn't resist it. I went over and gave his dad a hug. "Good night."

  "Good night, sweetheart, and happy birthday again."

  "Thank you."

  When I got out of the shower and went into the room, Carter was already in bed. I climbed in and snuggled up to him. "Did you have a good birthday?"

  "I had the best birthday I've ever had. Truthfully, it's probably been the best day of my life."

  "Good, I'm glad." He leaned down and gave me a kiss.

  A few minutes passed and I thought maybe now might be a good time to talk about Chris. I hadn't wanted to do it at dinner earlier. I still wasn't ready to tell Carter everything, but I needed to let him in, he deserved it. "Carter, did you still want to talk?"

  No answer.

  "Carter?"

  I looked up at him and he was asleep.

  "Good night, Carter...I love you."

  * * *

  I woke up the next morning feeling out of it. This was just great. I was getting sick. I slept most of the ride back to campus. Carter walked me to my room, and only agreed to leave because Nicole was there.

  I usually loved how Carter always wanted to be around me, but not when I was sick. I knew he was waiting for me to bring up Chris too. He was getting back tomorrow afternoon, and I was dreading that conversation.

  I barely made it through all my classes Monday. I was so sick, all I wanted to do was sleep. Chris called when he got back into town but once he knew I was sick, he said he was staying away from me. However, Carter was regularly dropping off tea and soup to me. He made me so unbelievably happy. By Wednesday, I was feeling better and asked Chris if he'd come over to talk to me after my classes. Carter had work tonight and tomorrow night, and Nicole had gotten me a part time-job and my first shift was tomorrow.

  Chris met me outside my last class and we walked to my room together. Nicole said she'd stay out till later tonight.

  "So, what was so important that you needed me to come over, Madison?"

  I was so scared. I wished Carter could have been here with me. I knew that would have made it so much worse, though. "Chris, I…I just…I don't want to do this anymore."

  His head snapped up and he glared at me. "Do what exactly?"

  "Us. I want to break up." There, I said it.

  He walked over to me and stood in front of me. "Does this have something to do with Carter James?"

  "I'm sorry, Chris, but yes." He slapped me across my face. That was going to leave a mark.

  "You are not going to leave me, Madison." He pushed me onto the ground.

  "This is not what's going to happen!"

  Kick in the ribs.

  "Especially not for someone like Carter."

  Kick in the back.

  He leaned down and wrapped his hands around my throat. "I already told my parents you were coming home with me for winter break. You will not make a fool out of me. Do you understand?"

  I could only nod my head. I was starting to get lightheaded and I felt like I was going to pass out. He took his hands off of my neck and I struggled to be able to breathe normally.

  "Now, you're going to talk to that asshole on Friday and tell him you chose me, right?" I nodded again. "If you think about trying to trick me, Madison, just remember that I now have a license to carry. In Carter's case, that means I have a license to kill."

  No! I won't let him hurt Carter. I'm not sure how I'm going to do this to him, but I have to. It was easy avoiding Carter. I pretended I was still sick, and he had to work.

  * * *

  Friday morning, Chris followed me to make sure I told Carter exactly what he said to. When Carter saw me coming he smiled, then he saw Chris behind me and his whole body stiffened. When we got closer, Carter reached out his hand to me and Chris slapped it away. "Don't you touch my girl."

  The look on Carter's face was horrible. "What do you mean ‘your girl’? Maddy, what's going on?"

  I couldn't look him in the eye because if I did, I wouldn't be able to do this. "Carter, I don't want to be with you. You were just a way to pass the time. I want to be with Chris. We never had anything real between us."

  Carter leaned down to look at me. "No, Maddy, I can see it in your eyes. What did he do? Don't do this because of him!"

  Chris just laughed. "You're making yourself look pathetic. Oh, and here, take this." He threw my birthday present at Carter. I hated that Chris took that from me too. I tried to tell him it was from Nicole, but he saw right through me.

  The look on his face would haunt me in every dream I had from now on. "Maddy, please, wait! Talk to me, dammit!"

  I swear, I think he had tears in his eyes. I was walking away from Carter, the only person I'd ever loved and who loved me in return. Not only that, but I was doing it for someone who, I had no doubt, would eventually beat me so bad that I might never recover.

  I had to do it, though. I loved Carter so much. If being with Chris kept him safe, then I'd gladly do it. I'd do anything for him.

  Carter

  This couldn't be happening! It doesn't make any sense! I just saw her two days ago! I had to get to her when he wasn't there. She loved me, I knew she did.

  The fact that he had the nerve to throw my necklace at me made my blood boil. The person that I was talking to wasn't Maddy. It was just a shell of her. I needed to see if Nicole knew anything. I pulled out my phone to text her, but I was so angry that my hands were shaking.

  What's going on with Maddy? She just broke up with me for Chris and he was there through the whole thing.

  He's s been at our room since Wednesday, I swear he hasn't left once.

  Are they really together?

  They say they are, but something is up.

  I think so too.

  * * *

  Maddy hadn't been in classes all week and, apparently, she hadn't been back to her room, either. She never showed up for the job Nicole got her, and she'd been so excited for it. I hadn't really slept since last Friday. I needed to see her.

  Tonight was the winter social and I knew she was going to be there. Chris and his asshole fraternity brothers were the types who felt like they needed to be seen there. This was my last chance to get through to her. Nicole had texted me and said Chris came today and got all of her stuff.

  Apparently, he was taking her home for winter break. I decided not to go home. I couldn't face the questions my family would ask.

  Being without her this past week had been torture. I knew that this wasn't her choice, but I didn't know if there was anything I could do to get her back.

  I'd felt like a zombie all week. I was there, but my mind and heart were somewhere else. I didn't know how I was going to move on if it was really over. She was the only girl I'd ever fallen for and I wasn't ready to give up on her.

  Madison

  The night of the winter social was finally here, and I was dreading it. I wanted to be there with Carter. I had to find him. I needed to tell him that I loved him, and that I needed help.

  Chris hadn't let me out of his sight since I got back from Thanksgiving break. When he was in class, one of his friends was assigned to babysit me and keep me in the house.

  He made me email all of my teachers, and arrange to do the rest of the work outside of class. I was a pretty good student and didn't have any absences before now so they were understanding. I almost wanted them not to be, though, so I could go to campus and try to see him.

  I tried to leave one day and Chris' friend texted him. He came home and beat the shit out of me because he knew where I was trying to go. I hadn't even seen Carter since last Friday when I told him I wanted to be with Chris. The look on his face just about killed me and I couldn't get it out of my mind. I had to find a way to get him alone tonight, I just had to.

  When I came out of the bedroom, Chris was sitting on the couch. "You took all that time getting ready and that's the best you could do? Come on, let's go before I change my mind." He grabbed my hand and took me to the car.

  Once we
were in the car, he turned to me, grabbed my face hard with one hand, and my neck with the other so I had no choice but to look directly at him. "You better not try any shit tonight, Madison. You stay away from Carter James, or you'll regret it. Do you understand me?" I nodded my head, and fought the tears that wanted to come out. It only made Chris madder when I cried.

  As soon as we got to the winter social, I was looking for Carter. He had to come tonight. This was my only opportunity because Chris was making me leave with him tomorrow, but I wanted nothing more than to spend Christmas with Carter.

  I felt him before I saw him. It was like my body could sense him. Chris was talking to his fraternity brothers so I turned around. When my eyes caught his, I almost lost it.

  He looked horrible, like he hadn't slept or eaten at all. He was with Nicole. She looked at me like she wanted to come up and knock some sense into me. I truthfully wouldn't have blamed her for it, either.

  We'd already been here for about an hour and Chris had said we weren't staying long because he had to drive tomorrow. I nodded my head toward the bathrooms, and Carter seemed to understand what I was saying. I let him go before I said anything to Chris. He hadn't noticed him yet, and I wanted to keep it that way.

  I went up next to Chris and he looked down at me, as if I was a child interrupting an adult conversation. "I need to go to the bathroom."

  "Okay, make sure you come right back." I nodded my head and walked away.

  It took all the control I had not to run because I knew Carter was waiting for me. I saw him and ran right up to him, wrapping my arms around him.

  "Maddy, what's going on? Why haven't you been in class for a week, and why did you move out of the dorms? I thought we had something, but then you went back to him. You told me that it was over and that I was the one you wanted and then, as soon as we got back, you left me. You gave me my necklace back, Maddy, and you don't know how bad that hurt me. I don't know what's going on, but I just need to tell you something I should have said two weeks ago. I love you, Madison Stevens."

  Oh my God. He just said he loved me! "Carter, I-"

  I felt a hand grip me around my waist. FUCK! I looked up and Chris was standing there. "I'm ready to leave. Let's go."

  "Maddy, you don't need to leave with him. He doesn't own you. What were you about to say?"

  Chris tugged me closer to him. "I told you to stay away from my girl, Carter. She doesn't want you anymore. She made that pretty clear last week. Tell him you don't want him so we can go home."

  Chris' hand that was on my back flexed and his nails started to dig into my skin. I just kept replaying his threats over and over in my head. I couldn't let him hurt Carter. I'd rather he took his anger out on me. I was used to it.

  "Carter, I'm with Chris now. I don't want to be with you." I couldn't believe I was able to get those words out. His face broke my heart all over again. He just told me that he loved me and I was leaving...again.

  Chris laughed. "See, I told you that you weren't wanted."

  That was so far from the truth. Carter just looked at me. "I'm sorry I bothered you. You look beautiful tonight, Maddy." Then he walked away, taking every piece of my heart with him.

  Chris leaned down to whisper in my ear, "I fucking warned you. Let's go home now." I didn't even care what he was going to do to me. Nothing could be worse than what just happened. I barely remembered leaving. I was just going through the motions because nothing really mattered anymore.

  Chris didn't say anything the whole way home. When we got to the house, he went straight for his bottle of tequila, poured a glass, leaned against the counter, and stared at me. After a couple minutes, I mumbled that I was going to go get dressed for bed. When I came back out fifteen minutes later, half of the bottle of tequila was gone.

  "Did you fuck him, you little whore?"

  "What?" Was he serious? I could smell the alcohol on his breath from across the room, and I knew tonight was going to be bad.

  "Did you fuck Carter?"

  Even if I had, I'd sure as hell not tell him. "No, Chris, I didn't. You know I'm still a virgin."

  "Even if nothing happened yet, you want him and he wants you and that's not okay. You're mine, Madison, and I don't share my things! Do you want to fuck him, Madison?"

  "No." He filled up his glass and took a couple of steps toward me.

  "Good girl. You know I've been very patient with you, but I'm done waiting now. You're going to prove to me that you want me and not him. If you don't, I'll go to his house and fucking kill him. Do you understand me?!"

  "Yes." The thought of Chris hurting him because of me was horrible. I knew what Chris was getting at, but could I really do this? Would Carter even want me anymore if I did this? Maybe there was some way I could get out of this tonight.

  "And if you ever try to leave me for him, I promise you'll regret it."

  "Why, Chris? You could do so much better than someone like me." I was praying that this would work. I saw anger flash across his face, and it scared me down to the depths of my soul. He walked up to me and grabbed my hand.

  "I know I can, Madison, but that's not the fucking point." What the hell was the point, then? When he started walking toward the bedroom, I thought I was going to throw up.

  When we got into the bedroom, he slammed the door and turned me around to face him. "Get undressed...now."

  "Chris, please, I don't feel good. Please don't do this tonight."

  He smacked me across the face so hard that I fell to the ground. "That wasn't a fucking question! I don't give a shit what you want! Get undressed now!"

  I started to get undressed. I couldn't believe that this was my life. What did I ever do to deserve this? When I was finished, Chris threw me onto the bed.

  I wanted to run or to yell for help, but I knew it wouldn't do me any good. If I fought him, things would only get worse and with the amount of alcohol in his system, I knew it would be really bad. Chris hovered over me and without any warning sunk himself into me. It hurt so much I started to cry silent tears. I tried to block out what was happening to me, tried to detach my soul from my body.

  When that didn't work, all I could do was pretend. I imagined that it was Carter that was here with me and that he was touching me. He was telling me he loved me and that he'd never leave me. He wasn't rough and it didn't hurt. Chris finished inside of me, then rolled over. After a couple minutes, his breathing evened out and I could tell he'd passed out.

  I let the reality of what just happened sink in. What was I doing? I needed to be with Carter. I should have never left him there tonight. I was weak and scared, and I was letting fear run my life. I needed to be stronger and I knew if I stayed with Chris, he'd eventually end up killing me. Could I put Carter at risk, though? He told me before he'd always protect me. I hoped he meant it.

  Chris was like fire. It was pretty to look at, but if you got too close, you got burnt. If it wasn't controlled, it would destroy everything in its path. Doing what I was about to do with Carter was dangerous, but what could I do? I never had parents to warn me not to play with fire.

  I waited another ten minutes, just to be sure he was passed out, then started putting my clothes on. I made my way outside and shut the door. FUCK! I forgot to grab my purse. I had no money, and no way to get to Carter's house. I didn't know anyone's phone number so even if I found a phone to use, I had no one to call. The only option was to walk, and it was about four miles to his house.

  I just prayed that when I got there, he was home.

  And that he still wanted me.

  Chapter Six

  Carter

  I got up from the couch because I heard knocking, although I contemplated not answering it at all. When I looked at the clock, I saw that it was around two in the morning. I had no idea who the hell would be at my door this late. There was only one person I wanted to see, and she was with someone else.

  When I finally got to the door and opened it, no one was there. I took a step outside and saw some
one walking away. It was too dark to make out who it could be. Whoever it was, I wasn't in the mood for company. All I wanted to do was go inside and wallow in self-pity.

  I called out to them anyway, "Hey!" They turned around, and I swear my heart stopped for a minute. "Maddy?"

  As she started walking toward me, she passed under a streetlight. She was in pajamas and looked like she was half-frozen. "What are you doing here? Are you okay?" She walked up to me, but never looked up once and I couldn't see her face to help me figure out what was going on. "Maddy what's-" She crushed her lips to mine with such force I almost fell over.

  Before I could react her hands were around my neck and running through my hair. I started to kiss her back and get lost in our love all over again, but then it hit me that she wasn't mine to love. I told Maddy that I wouldn't be her secret and I meant it. If she was still with Chris, I couldn't be with her.

  I pushed away from her. "Let's take this inside, okay?" She still never looked up at me. She just nodded her head and started to walk to the house. That's when I noticed she only had slippers on. What was she doing out at this time in the morning, in the middle of winter, wearing pajamas and slippers?

  I got her inside and shut the door, silently thanking God that I purchased one of those electric fireplaces. "Come, sit down and warm up."

  She silently walked over to the couch and sat down, not even bothering to take off the flimsy hoodie that was supposed to keep her warm. Her eyes were focused on her lap, and she was wringing her hands in a way that told me she was trying to warm them up. "What's going on, Maddy? I need you to talk to me."

  Nothing.

  "Either you say something, or I'm going to assume you're in shock and call 911."

  She finally looked up from her lap and into my eyes. Her tear-stained cheeks and red eyes told me all I needed to know. She needed me, but I wasn't sure I had anything left to give her. Then she said the words I'd wanted to hear since the first time I met her. "I love you."