0373401965 (R)

by Lara Lacombe

Grant felt the faint stirrings of desire as he stared at her mouth, remembering the feel of it against his own. Memories flooded his mind, assaulting his senses and overwhelming his thoughts. He fought to put them back in the box where they belonged, but in his sleep-deprived state, it was harder than usual to keep things under control. Desperate for a distraction, he cleared his throat. “What are you doing?” He gestured to the equipment being crammed cheek by jowl on the available counter space, and the boxes of what could only be lab supplies stacked on the floor.

  Avery frowned slightly. “Setting up a field lab,” she replied in a tone that suggested this should be perfectly obvious. She glanced over to where a man was unpacking a box. “No, put the PCR machine next to the sequencer, please.” He nodded and moved to follow her instructions, and Avery turned back to Grant. “I was given a list of your lab equipment and brought some of my own to supplement it.”

  Her presumption lit a spark of irritation in his chest, and he seized on the emotion, grateful for the change in his internal focus. “And you just thought you’d take over our dentist’s office?”

  Avery glanced around the space, her expression making it clear she didn’t think too highly of that description. “It’s across the hall from your existing lab,” she pointed out reasonably. “It seemed like the best location, all things considered. And I was told you haven’t had a lot of demand for dentistry lately.”

  It was true, but Grant still would have appreciated a heads-up before they’d taken over the space. “By all means,” he said dryly. “Make yourself at home, then.”

  “Thanks.”

  He stood there a moment, watching the men and women unpack. They moved quickly but competently, and as they worked he could see the organization of things take shape before his eyes. It was yet another example of the take-charge, can-do attitude Avery had always shown, no matter the circumstances.

  Grant knew he should be relieved that reinforcements had arrived, but he still couldn’t shake his annoyance at the sense that things were spinning out of his control. Dealing with this strange outbreak had been difficult, and the deaths of four of his patients had made him feel powerless, a sensation he hated. Having to work with Avery, the woman he’d loved and lost, was just the icing on the cake of this crappy situation.

  “I was told you wanted to meet with me?” His voice held a slight edge he didn’t bother to hide.

  Avery glanced over at him, as if she’d forgotten he was standing there. “Yes. Do you have an office where we can talk?”

  “Of course.” Truth be told, it was more of a broom closet than an office. But it was his space, and that was all that mattered.

  She turned back and eyed the progress of her little group, apparently doing some mental calculations as to how much longer it would take them to finish setting up her domain. “Can I meet you there in half an hour?”

  “Make it an hour,” he said. That would give him enough time to take a quick nap, which would reset his brain and allow him to shore up his defenses against the flood of memories her presence had unleashed.

  “Great,” she said, sounding a little distracted. “See you then.”

  Grant recognized a dismissal when he heard one. He turned and was surprised to feel a faint sense of anticipation as he walked away. He’d really screwed things up ten years ago, and she hadn’t hesitated to cut him out of her life. Despite all the reasons he shouldn’t care, it bothered him that their relationship had ended so badly. Part of him had always hoped to see her again, to try to make things right now that time had dulled the sting of his actions for both of them. And while he knew there was no way to repair all the damage he’d done, it would be nice if he and Avery could part company on good terms this time.

  Provided they both made it out of here alive.

  Chapter 2

  Avery took a deep breath and placed a hand on her stomach to still the butterfly wings fluttering inside. Why was she nervous? She was a professional, for crying out loud. She’d successfully worked numerous outbreaks in many different settings, ranging from small, isolated towns to major cities, and everywhere in between. She knew what she was doing, and she did it well.

  Why, then, did she feel like a rookie on her first assignment?

  It could be because she was working with a new team. The nurses and lab tech who’d flown in with her weren’t new to outbreak work, but since Avery had met them all for the first time only a few days ago, she wasn’t sure how they would jell together. Everyone seemed nice enough now, but she knew from experience that once the real work began, the stress level increased and tempers rose to the surface. It would be up to her to keep the team focused, motivated, and feeling supported.

  It was a tough job, but nothing she hadn’t done before. And in truth, she relished the challenge—it was part of what she loved about her work.

  No, her jangling nerves had little to do with the task at hand and everything to do with the man she was on her way to see.

  Grant Jones had clearly been surprised by her presence, and the feeling was entirely mutual. She closed her eyes, mentally adding up the time since she’d seen him last. Ten years, she realized with a small jolt. A lifetime ago.

  She had to admit; the years had been kind to him. His light brown hair still held a bit of a curl; only now it was shot through with a few silver strands. He’d acquired fans of fine lines at the corners of his hazel eyes, but the arches of his cheekbones and his long, straight nose hadn’t changed. His mouth still held that hint of mischief, too, as if he was always thinking of some private joke.

  She couldn’t say she’d missed him—he’d hurt her too badly for that. But now that she’d seen him once again, a small bud of curiosity began to bloom. What had his life been like over the past decade? Did he have a wife? Kids?

  The thought of children was like a knife to her heart, and she quickly dismissed the idea. But her memories weren’t so quick to fade...

  I’m pregnant.

  Two little words, and yet they’d changed everything.

  Avery looked down as she washed her hands in the small bathroom, but the chipped sink and unfamiliar surroundings faded as the memory of another bathroom took its place...

  *

  It was her senior year of college, and she and Grant had their future all mapped out. They were both going to medical school—even though they’d been accepted to different institutions, Grant was already planning to transfer to be with Avery during his second year. They’d get an apartment together, study together, support each other through the trials and tribulations of school. And then, when they’d both gotten their MDs, they’d get married and live happily-ever-after.

  That was the plan, until halfway through the year when Avery came down with a stomach bug.

  Except it wasn’t a normal illness. This one lingered for days, leaving her exhausted. Her stomach revolted every time she ate, giving her no choice but to spend a lot of time in the bathroom. For the second time that day, she knelt on the cold tile floor and wiped the sick off her lips with a wad of toilet paper.

  Swallowing with a grimace, she stood and flushed the toilet, then made her way to the sink and reached for her toothbrush. Her gaze caught on the blue box of tampons on the counter and she frowned. How long had it been since she’d had to use them?

  She searched her memory, her thoughts growing more frantic as she went further back in time. Her period was two—no, three—weeks late. Her heart in her throat, she skipped class and drove to the gas station across town. No way was she going to buy a pregnancy test at the campus general store—that would trigger all sorts of rumors she didn’t want to deal with. Ignoring the knowing smirk of the teenage boy who rang up her purchase, Avery raced back to her apartment and locked herself in the bathroom. She placed the stick on the counter and closed her eyes, counting silently as she waited for her fate to be revealed.

  It was the longest two minutes of her life. Gathering up her courage, she took a deep breath and opened her eyes.

&
nbsp; Two lines.

  She was pregnant.

  Her first thought was denial. This isn’t happening. She and Grant were always extra careful—she took her pill religiously every day, and they used condoms, too. The last thing either one of them wanted was a baby right now, not when they had such big plans. The test has to be wrong. It was the only explanation that made sense, and she clung to it like a drowning man given a life raft. Her body shaking, she took the second one. And then the third and final test in the box. Ten minutes later, she had to admit the truth.

  The next few days passed in a blur. She went to class, pretended everything was okay. But inside she was numb, still trying to process this unexpected detour in her life’s plan. Gradually, though, the shock that had left her frozen thawed, and she began rewriting her blueprint for happiness. She and Grant would get married now, and she’d move out to California with him so he could start medical school. She’d delay her admission for a year and then begin her own program once the baby was a little older. It wasn’t an ideal situation, but they would make it work.

  Her mind made up and a new plan in place, Avery decided it was time to tell Grant. She met him at the apartment he shared with two of his fraternity brothers, figuring it was better to break the news in private.

  It went well, all things considered. Grant certainly wasn’t excited about the news, but he wasn’t angry, either. Looking back on it later, Avery realized his dominant emotion had been terror, which was understandable. But he’d put on a brave face and told her everything would be okay. Avery had left him after a few hours, knowing he needed some time alone to process the news.

  She went to bed that night feeling hopeful, and for the first time she began to really wonder about the new life inside of her. Would it be a boy or a girl? Would it have her blue eyes, or Grant’s hazel-green? And what about names?

  A few weeks later, she started bleeding.

  Faint at first, but as the day wore on it got heavier. She called her ob-gyn, who told her this was normal for some women. The reassurance made her feel a little better, but she still worried. A few hours later, she started cramping.

  She tried to call Grant, but he didn’t answer his phone. So she drove herself to the emergency room, and was alone when the doctor told her the news. Even today, Avery could still see his face when she closed her eyes. He was a young man, tall and lanky in green scrubs and wearing a white coat that was too big for his frame. He looked like a little boy wearing his father’s clothes, and Avery kept waiting for the real doctor to show up.

  “I’m so sorry, miss,” he said, looking supremely uncomfortable. “But you’re having a miscarriage.”

  The words stung, each one landing like a separate slap that left her reeling. She fought to hold back her tears, but it was no use. She broke down in the exam bay, the white curtain surrounding her bed doing nothing to muffle her sorrow from the rest of the ER. To his credit, the doctor didn’t leave. He walked over to the bed and held her hand, his touch bearing witness to her pain.

  After what seemed like an eternity, Avery somehow managed to get herself home and curled up in a ball on the bed. She didn’t know how much time passed—didn’t really care. Her whole consciousness was turned inward, focused on the internal workings of her body and the heartbreaking events in progress...

  *

  The door hinges squeaked and Avery came back to the present with a little jump. She smiled at the woman who walked in and received a polite nod in return. Time to go, she thought, twisting off the faucet. She couldn’t very well continue to stand here, lost in bitter memories, now that she had company. Besides, she’d already spent too much time thinking about the past. Her shared history with Grant was painful, but she wasn’t going to let it affect her current job. And if the shock on his face was anything to go by, he didn’t really want to walk down memory lane, either. It seemed they were both on the same page, then. Focus on the problem at hand so they could each go their separate ways.

  Avery stepped out into the hall and turned left. She could see the door to Grant’s office from here, and despite her resolve to remain professional at all times, her stomach flopped about like a landed fish. Part of her wanted badly to tell him off—to let him know in no uncertain terms how much pain he’d caused her. But another, more rational part recognized that was a bad idea. It just wasn’t worth the effort, and in the end it wouldn’t bring her the satisfaction she craved. Better for her to stop looking back. She couldn’t change the past, and if she got mired in memories she wouldn’t be able to work effectively.

  Was Grant having the same problem? Likely not, she thought with a soft snort. Unless she missed her guess, he’d moved away after college and hadn’t looked back. And why would he? He’d dodged a bullet when she lost the baby—he’d made that much clear.

  Avery shook her head, drawing deep inside herself for strength. She was going to walk into his office with her head held high and her shoulders back, and she’d keep her chin up for the duration of her stay here. She wasn’t about to let Grant know how much the past still haunted her after all these years. No, she was going to project the image of a calm, capable professional, not a woman forever changed by his actions.

  And maybe after a while, she’d believe it herself.

  *

  Grant sat behind his desk and took a deep breath, his mind going a million miles a minute. What was he going to say to Avery? The shock of seeing her had begun to wear off, but he still wasn’t feeling terribly articulate. The last thing he wanted to do was say the wrong thing and increase the tension between them.

  She definitely hadn’t been excited to see him. He recalled the look on her face when she’d realized it was him, and a sense of shame made his skin prickle. It was his fault Avery looked at him like he was something stuck to the bottom of her shoe. Once upon a time they’d meant the world to each other. But a few careless words had killed her feelings and ruined his chances of ever finding happiness with her again.

  He thought he’d managed to put that painful episode of his life behind him, but seeing Avery brought it all back up again, and Grant was surprised to find the heartache was still fresh, ten years later.

  So much for time healing everything.

  Should he just start with an apology and get it over with? I’m sorry I said the miscarriage was for the best. Straight and to the point. No way for her to misinterpret his words. It was a hell of an opener, but maybe it was the best approach. When a patient had an infection he didn’t hesitate to use aggressive treatments. This wound had festered between them for far too long—perhaps it was time to air things out and start the healing.

  Or maybe not.

  Avery had always been a stickler for rules and protocol. She probably wouldn’t appreciate him bringing up the past, especially since she was here in a professional capacity. It was one thing to talk about their shared history over a beer, quite another to discuss it as part of an outbreak investigation. It might be better for him to ignore the past and focus solely on current events.

  Besides, it was entirely possible Avery had moved on with her life and no longer carried the burden of her loss.

  Not likely, he thought, dismissing the prospect almost immediately. Avery wasn’t the type to pretend something hadn’t happened. Grant could still remember the look in her eyes, that haunted, hopeless grief eating her up from the inside... He shuddered, and goose bumps broke out along his arms. No, he did not think Avery had gotten over the loss of the baby.

  But maybe she had found someone new and started a family. The thought filled him with equal parts pleasure and dismay. Grant would never wish for her to be unhappy, but the idea that she’d moved on with her life stung, especially since he certainly hadn’t.

  He’d dated a few women over the years, but his heart really hadn’t been in it. He made a point of warning the women up front that he was not the marrying kind, but they always seemed to take it as a challenge, like they would be the one to change his mind. The experience lef
t a bad taste in his mouth, and so he’d chosen to remain single rather than break someone else’s heart.

  Had Avery been wearing a ring? He closed his eyes, trying to remember. But all he could recall was her face, those bright blue eyes growing cold when she realized who he was...

  Grant shook his head to clear the memory and focused on his immediate problem. What should he say to her? He glanced at his watch, and his heart kicked hard against his breastbone. She was going to be here any minute, and he still had no idea how to talk to her.

  A knock on the door told him he’d run out of time. He’d just have to wing it, and let her take the lead. No matter what had happened between them, they had to work together now. He wasn’t going to be the reason this investigation failed.

  “Come in.”

  The door swung open and he stood to greet her, gesturing for her to take the seat across from him. “Sorry it’s so crowded,” he said as she maneuvered into the small space. The room was a narrow rectangle, carved out from the slightly larger staff break room. Grant’s desk sat at the far end, opposite the door. Bookshelves lined the walls, crammed full of texts on every conceivable medical subject. It was a testament to the preinternet days when a base physician needed access to information on a wide variety of conditions. As Grant had already learned, there was no telling what might walk through the door.

  Avery glanced around, taking it all in as she moved forward. Her eyes landed on the cot shoved to one side of the room, topped with a tangle of sheets. She quickly looked away again, and Grant felt a sudden stab of embarrassment. Why hadn’t he thought to make the bed? She probably thought he’d turned into a slob.

  “It’s cozy,” she said, the corner of her mouth lifting in a half smile as she sat. Grant did the same and promptly forgot how to breathe when she leaned forward to pull something out of the bag she’d set at her feet. The V of her scrub top gaped open, giving him an unobstructed view of her lovely attributes. His face heated and he turned his head, looking for something—anything—else to focus on while he willed his body’s response to go away. Of all the inconvenient times to be reminded of her as a woman... Dozens of memories rushed in, overwhelming him with visions of them together. His hands on her. Her hands on him. Her mouth—He shifted in his seat and cleared his throat, then eyed the bottle of water on his desk. Would it be too obvious if he dumped the contents into his lap?