Sheet Music - A Rock 'n' Roll Love Story

by Ann Lister

  The meaning of his question ran much deeper than he made it sound but Annie understood the enormity of it completely. Another uncomfortable pause filled the phone line.

  “I think I can,” she exhaled slowly. “What’s that old saying? Time heals all wounds?”

  “Yeah, I believe that’s it.”

  Annie could almost feel the warmth of his smile coming through the phone.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, then,” he answered.

  “I’ll be here.”

  He arrived at the house just after lunch and played with the girls straight through their nap time. After dinner, he built a fire on the beach and taught Sammi how to roast marshmallows over the open flame. By dusk, both girls were asleep in their beds. Quietly, Annie and Michael slipped from the house and stood awkwardly on the back deck.

  “Well, I suppose I should get going,” he said.

  “You can stay for a while, that is, if you don’t have anything else to do.”

  He followed her down onto the beach and sat beside her on the log in front of the fire, careful to keep a safe distance. It was the first time they had been alone since he had arrived. Nervously, he toyed with the long stick Sammi had used earlier to roast her marshmallows.

  “Nice night,” he said, trying to ease the awkwardness.

  “Yes, it is. It’s my favorite time of the day, when the house falls to silence, and the girls are finally down for the night. Don’t get me wrong, I love being with them. I can’t imagine my life without them. We’re best friends. But I do love the quiet of the night while they’re sleeping.”

  “I used to be your best friend,” he commented sadly.

  “Yes, you were.”

  He stood and tossed a few more logs onto the fire making it roar back to life.

  “So, tell me about Boston,” she asked, changing the subject.

  He sighed heavily. “Well, I saw the guys mid-week.”

  “All of them?”

  “Yeah, it was the first time we were all together since the… funeral.”

  “So, how did it go?” Annie asked.

  His shoulders began to slouch. “It was really hard,” he replied, turning to face her. “There were some hugs and some tears. John thinks we should get the band back on the road as a tribute to Brian. He wants to audition for a new front man.”

  “How do you feel about that?”

  “I think it sucks. There is no replacement for Brian, and I think it’s an insult to his memory to even attempt to find one.”

  “I think you’re probably right,” Annie agreed. “So, how was it left?”

  “We also discussed the option of going forward as we are, a four member band, with me doing the lead vocals.”

  “And?”

  Michael rubbed his hands together, uncomfortable with the conversation. “I don’t know. We’re all thinking about it for now. To tell you the truth, I’m not real thrilled with that idea either. It wouldn’t be the same without Brian and I don’t think I could ever pretend that it is. Know what I’m saying?”

  “I understand completely. Brian was your brother and it will never be the same without him, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be good on another level. Give it some more thought and maybe you’ll see things differently then.”

  “Yeah, someone once told me that time heals all wounds,” he replied, forcing a faint smile to his face.

  “I suppose it does - in some cases.”

  “What about in our case, Annie? Do you think your wounds will ever heal?”

  Immediately her back stiffened. “The conversation we were having didn't involve 'us'. It was about you and your wounds healing – not mine.”

  “Okay, so why don’t we talk about your wounds.”

  “Lets not.”

  “Why?” he asked.

  “Because it won’t be pleasant for either of us.”

  “I didn’t say it was going to be fun, Annie, but I thought we agreed before I left that we would try and work through some of the issues between us.”

  Annie’s eyes began to tear. “Why must we keep going back there, Michael? It’s not a place I like to visit by myself, never mind with you, so drop it!”

  “Maybe we should have gone to see a counselor or something before throwing it all way.”

  “Maybe you should have kept your pants zipped and none of it would have happened in the first place!” She stood defiantly and brushed the sand from her pants. “I think you should leave now.”

  He rose and faced her, toe to toe, refusing to back down. “I don’t want to leave. I want to get this shit out in the open so we can move forward.”

  “I already have,” she screamed and began to storm toward the house.

  “No you haven’t! If that were true, then you wouldn’t be standing here arguing with me. You’d be in bed with Jay!”

  Annie stopped in her tracks then marched back to confront him. “You bastard! Don’t bring him into this! He has nothing to do with what happened between us. He’s decent and loving and never lied or cheated on me the way…” Annie choked on a heavy sob.

  “The way I did? Go ahead, say it!”

  Annie covered her ears with her hands. “I don’t want to have this conversation!” Quickly, she turned and began to run down the beach. He caught her by the wrist and spun her around. She fought like a lioness, struggling beneath his grip, clawing and slapping at his face and chest.

  “It needs to be said,” he panted into her face.

  “It’s all been said before and it makes no difference now so, back the hell off and leave me alone!”

  “No! I don’t want to let you go!”

  “You made that decision a long time ago!” she screamed, struggling in his arms. Then her ankle twisted in the sand, which sent them both crashing to the ground with Michael landing on top of Annie.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “Get the hell off me!”

  He made no attempt to release his grip. He just stared at her - almost dazed to be that close to her again. His breath was quick and dry.

  “What are you going to do now, force yourself on me?”

  With every ounce of strength she had left, she shoved him hard against the chest with her hands and pushed his muscled body off hers. She heard him grunt in agony when he hit the sand, but chose to ignore it and sprang to her feet, preparing to flee.

  “Sometimes, it’s best to leave certain doors shut,” she said, as she began to walk away. “Because all the truth does is bring more hurt.”

  He sat up and rubbed at the searing pain throbbing in his healing arm. “You know, I believe you’re right. I’ll make sure to thank my therapist when I get back to Boston.”

  Annie heard the pained distress in his voice and spun around. She saw Michael grabbing at the location of his bullet wound and felt the bottom fall from her stomach. He was hurt and suddenly nothing else mattered. She went back and knelt in the sand beside him.

  “You’re hurt,” she whispered with concern.

  “I hit something hard when I landed.”

  Annie’s hands brushed the top layer of the sand and felt the peak of a boulder sticking above the surface. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to remain calm. She knew how fragile his arm was now because of the gunshot and the surgery the doctors had performed to piece it back together for him. Further injury would undoubtedly end any hope of him playing guitar in the future.

  “You hit a rock, Michael. Let me take a look at your arm,” she said evenly, riddled with guilt.

  “Don’t worry about it. I didn’t feel anything crack. It will probably be okay in a minute or two.”

  “Take your coat off, please.”

  “Annie…”

  “Just do it!”

  She helped him slowly pull of his coat and then laid it across her lap. She moved closer to survey the exterior of his shirt. There was no blood, which she was hoping was a good sign.

  “When did you start seeing a therapist?” she asked, attempting small talk,
as she slipped her fingers beneath his t-shirt.

  “In rehab, but I’ve continued to see one, on and off, since I got out. It’s helped me work through a lot of my issues with Brian’s death, our divorce…” he paused thoughtfully, lowering his head to catch her eye and then holding her gaze. “…the love I still have for you.”

  “I’m really glad you’re getting help,” she replied, forcing herself from making eye contact with him.

  “Well, I’ve gotten nothing but good advice, up until now.”

  “What do you mean?” she asked, slowly inching her fingers around the scar tissue marking up his otherwise smooth skin.

  Michael sighed. “He advised me to try and get you to open up about some of the hurt involved in our break-up. He thought that might bring closure to some of our combined pain and enable us to move beyond it with some sort of resolve. He also thought it might even encourage a reconciliation between us. But, it’s clear to me now I’ve been mis-reading the signals. So, thanks to him, I’m sitting here feeling pretty stupid, thinking I actually had a chance.”

  Annie hit the tender area on his arm and he grimaced loudly. “What signals?” she asked, her fingers quickly moving away from the spot.

  He turned to face her, the moonlight reflected off his clear blue eyes. For a moment, he just stared at her. Then his eyes dropped to his lap. “When I got here at the beginning of the summer I saw nothing but hate and disgust in your eyes. It was obvious you could barely stand to be in the same room as me. But, as the days wore on, I watched your face soften when we talked. I even caught you giving me a smile once in a while. About a month ago, I began to notice how excited you got when I arrived and how disappointed you seemed when it was time for me to leave. Then that whole thing with Jay exploded, and I probably shouldn’t have, but I allowed myself a bit of hope we’d get back together.”

  He shook his head and glanced toward the water. “Shit, you even said Jay noticed something lingering between us. So I know I wasn't the only one imagining it. Your kiss has never lied to me before.” Then he turned and faced her. “But then I guess I was the only one really feeling it.”

  Annie pulled her fingers out from the warmth beneath his shirt and folded them in her lap. Her breath was fast and labored.

  “Your arm feels fine to me. But you might want to call your doctor just in case,” she said, avoiding his heavy eyes.

  Michael inhaled deeply. “I love you, Annie, but like you’ve said before, maybe love alone isn’t enough to make this work,” he sighed. “I’ve been thinking a lot about the kids lately. I don’t want them to be exposed to our constant fighting anymore. I called my lawyer while I was back in Boston, and he’s drawing up my visitation wishes. Maybe that’s the route we really should consider. That way I could pick them up on my scheduled days and you’d never have to see…”

  “Michael,” she said, cutting him off in mid-thought. “What if I said you weren’t mis-reading the signals.”

  His eyes tightened as if he were trying to determine what he had just heard. “What do you mean - exactly?”

  “What would you say if everything you just said was true?”

  “Go on, I’m listening.”

  “After we divorced I had every intention of hating you until the day I died for what you put me through. And, then you showed up that day back in July, looking so damn good. Your head was clear, you were sober again, and you said and did all the right things.”

  Annie pushed the hair off her face and smiled brightly. “Again, I found it difficult being in the same room as you - but this time it was for completely different reasons.”

  His mouth curled into a shy grin. “Really?”

  She nodded.

  “How about now? Are you having difficulty sitting this close to me?”

  “Yes.”

  “Does your chest feel tight, like you can’t draw a breath into your lungs? Is your heart pounding hard and your palms all sweaty?”

  Annie giggled knowingly and wiped her hands off on her thighs. “Why? Is it that obvious?”

  “No, I was describing to you how I was feeling.”

  “Really?” she asked.

  “I’ve been telling you all along how I feel, Annie. This shouldn’t come as a surprise.”

  “We’re divorced, for God’s sake. We’re not supposed to be feeling anything for each other, except contempt.”

  He nodded with a relaxed smile. “We got divorced before we had a chance to experience the marriage. And before you say it, I’m accepting full responsibility for all of it. I fucked up, Annie. It was me. My therapist thinks I did it all deliberately to sabotage our relationship, because I felt unworthy of your love. And, you know what? In some perverse way, I think he’s right. You were perfect in my eyes and I always felt you were too good for me. That I didn’t deserve your love. And in the middle of all that, Brian died, and my whole world came crashing down around me. In the matter of a few months, I lost you, my kids, my brother, my career and my band. I was left with nothing. And out of all of that, what bothered me most was that I had lost your love and respect. The one consistent thing I thought I could always count on, no matter how badly I screwed up, and that was gone too. I could say I’m sorry a thousand times a day from now until I die and it still wouldn’t be enough.”

  Annie wiped a lone tear from her cheek. “You aren’t the only one to blame for the collapse of our marriage, Michael. I was a part of it too. I’ve been struggling with trust issues with men since my childhood. I didn’t exactly make it easy for you - that’s for sure. I’m sorry. Maybe you should give me the name of your therapist?” she said, forcing a laugh.

  Michael smiled. “I've never known a musician that is emotionally well-adjusted ,” he laughed. “I guess that's what makes us true artists.”

  Annie touched his leg. “I’m so scared, Michael. I’m not supposed to still have these feelings for you but, I do. It’s wrong.”

  He reached out, slipped his hand around her neck and pulled her toward him until their cheeks touched. She could feel his soft breath against her neck. The spot where his fingers touched her skin felt electrified. Annie closed her eyes, pressing out new tears from the corners.

  “Does this feel wrong?” he sighed, brushing her lips with his but not kissing them.

  Nervously she shook her head.

  “How about this?” he asked, kissing the soft fragrant skin beneath her earlobe.

  Then his mouth found hers and gently connected for a kiss so tender and delicate it made Annie tremble.

  “I can’t believe this is happening,” she sighed, feeling his arms slide around her body, wrapping her in the protective blanket of his warmth.

  He pulled her tighter against his body. “This may sound crazy, Annie, but our paths crossed years ago for a reason and I believe the author of our story isn’t done writing it. I still feel we have too much left to give each other and experience together as a couple”

  “How can you be so sure of this, after everything we’ve been through?”

  He pushed the hair off her face and smiled warmly. “It’s because of everything we’ve been through that I feel so certain about this. I mean, look at us right now. You can’t sit here and tell me you don’t feel the chemistry between us.” He pressed his face against her cheek and exhaled heavily, the vibrations sending shivers down the length of her spine.

  “Please tell me you’re feeling it too,” he whispered. “Tell me you can feel the heat of my touch, my kiss, my body against yours. Admit to me that the intensity of our closeness overwhelms you, makes your skin ache to be touched. Say it out loud, and I promise to spend every day for the rest of my life proving to you the reasons why we should be together.”

  She tipped her head back exposing her throat. His mouth quickly covered her warm flesh, his tongue savoring every square inch. She closed her eyes delirious with passion.

  “Say it, babe,” he spoke, softly kissing her ear. “Tell me what you feel. Say it out loud so I can hear it.�
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  Her arms closed around his smooth neck. Her fingers entwined themselves in the loose curls of his hair. His words swirled in her head. She had spent too many months ignoring her true feelings and now it was almost painful to admit it out loud.

  He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her lips softly. “It’s okay, babe. Just say what you feel. Whatever it is, I’ll accept it.”

  Heavy tears fell from her eyes and his mouth kissed each one away.

  “Yes, I still feel it, every cell of my body is on fire right now. I feel drunk, exhilarated, as if I’ll explode if you don’t make love to me this instant. Is that what you want to hear?”

  “Only if it’s the truth,” he answered, his tongue tracing the outline of her lips. “Is that what you truly feel, deep…down…inside?”

  “Oh God, yes,” she replied breathlessly.

  A full smile appeared on his face. “You have no idea how happy you just made me,” he said, hugging her tightly.

  She pressed her face against his chest. She could hear the heavy beat of his heart thumping beneath his rib cage. “Michael, why don’t we go inside and I’ll put an ice pack on your arm. I’m sure by now it must be really hurting.”

  She stood and tugged him to his feet. He slid an arm around her waist and they proceeded slowly toward the deck. Then suddenly he stopped in the sand.

  “What’s the matter?” she asked, seeing the reluctance in his face.

  “Annie, I’ve got to tell you, if I go inside that house with you right now, it will take a courtroom and a judge to get me to leave it again.”

  She smiled. “I’m okay with that,” she replied, squeezing his hand. They took several more steps and he stopped again.

  “There’s something else I should tell you,” he said, pulling her against his body.

  “What?”

  “There’s a strong probability that I will attempt to make love to you once we get inside.”

  Annie lightly touched his cheek with her fingers and smiled. “I think I’d be disappointed if you didn’t.”

  Annie tossed his leather jacket across the back of the couch and headed for the girl’s bedroom. “Why don’t you take your shirt off so I can take a look at your arm in the light,” she instructed.