Searching for Steven (Whitsborough Bay Trilogy Book 1)

by Jessica Redland

  ‘Are they stronger or weaker than your feelings for Nick?’

  ‘I can’t work that out either. Nick was so new and exciting and stirred something I hadn’t felt in so long. After it ended on Saturday night, I’ve kept thinking about him. A text from him on Christmas Day had my stomach in knots and I found myself checking out his Facebook page on the evening just to have some contact with him. But Andy is familiar. I know it’s been eight years but kissing him felt like we’d never been apart. And, yesterday, my thoughts only drifted to Nick a few times. I was far more focused on Andy. But was that just because I was with him and he’d organised the dream date?’

  ‘Then I put a question to you,’ Elise said. ‘If Andy had just taken you to The Old Theatre or The Purple Lobster for lunch and a bracing walk round The Headland, would you have kissed him?’

  I thought for a moment. ‘You’re thinking the only reason I kissed him was because I was swept away with the romance of the day rather than because I’m falling for him again?’

  ‘Could it have been? I think it would take a pretty strong person not to be moved by such a grand gesture.’

  ‘Possibly. Oh, I don’t know. I’m confused. Help!’

  Elise slurped on her herbal tea for a few moments. ‘How about we play a little game? I saw something like this on Friends once. Don’t laugh at me but I want you to lie down on the sofa, close your eyes, and try to relax.’

  ‘Seriously?’

  ‘Have you got a better idea for solving your current dilemma?’

  ‘No.’ I figured anything was worth a try so I did as I was told. Elise dimmed the lights and waited a while for me to stop fidgeting.

  ‘When I ask you a question,’ she said, ‘I want you to give me the very first thing that comes into your head. Okay?’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘What do you enjoy most? A shower or a bath?’

  ‘A bath.’

  ‘Who’s the sexiest? Richard Gere in Pretty Woman or Hugh Grant in Notting Hill?’

  ‘Hugh Grant.’

  ‘Really? I thought you’d have said Richard Gere.’

  ‘So did I. Interesting.’

  ‘Okay, let’s continue,’ Elise said. ‘What do you prefer? Chocolate or crisps?’

  ‘Crisps.’

  ‘What’s stopping you from telling Andy to leave?’

  ‘He might be Steven.’

  ‘Do you prefer summer or winter?’

  ‘Winter.’

  ‘Night out or night in.’

  ‘Night in.’

  ‘Jeans or PJs?’

  I laughed. ‘PJs. Definitely.’

  ‘London or here?’

  ‘Here.’

  ‘What’s stopping you from going for it with Andy?’

  ‘Nick.’

  ‘Toast with butter or jam?’

  ‘Butter.’

  ‘Cinema or DVD?’

  ‘Cinema.’

  ‘Why’s Nick stopping you?’

  ‘I love him.’ I opened my eyes and sat up. ‘Oh.’

  Elise looked as surprised as I felt. ‘Do you really love Nick?

  ‘Oh my God! I do.’ I clapped my hand over my mouth. ‘I think that’s what’s been holding me back with Andy until today. I want to be with Nick instead.’

  ‘What about Steven?’

  ‘Obviously not as important as being with Nick,’ I said. ‘It mustn’t be. Let’s face it, the ex who I always thought was The One has walked back into my life, told me he loves me, and he happens to be called Steven. He takes me on the date of my dreams and he seems to have reverted to the personality I fell for all those years ago. Yet I still choose Nick. What does that tell you?’

  ‘That you need to talk to Nick,’ Elise said. ‘When?’

  ‘Now.’ I stood up. ‘Right now.’

  ‘Nick, I’m so sorry for what happened last weekend with Andy. I’m so grateful to you for being such an amazing person in putting your own feelings aside to give me the time to work mine out. As you rightly said, I’d always have wondered “what if?” if I hadn’t spent time with Andy but I know now that he isn’t The One for me. I now know why things ended so I’ve finally got closure. I had to give Andy a chance but I realised that, every minute I spent with him, I’d have rather spent with you. I know I’ve hurt you and I don’t deserve you back but you said you’d be waiting for me, however long it took. I’m hoping you meant that. Is there any chance you could forgive me and we could try again?’ I looked at Elise. ‘It’s naff isn’t it?’

  ‘No. It’s heartfelt,’ she said. ‘Did you say he lives on Fountain Street?’

  ‘Yes.’

  Elise turned the car right to head across town.

  ‘What if I’m too late and he’s met someone else?’

  ‘I very much doubt that. Not if he loves you as much as he said.’

  Nick, I’m so sorry for what happened last weekend… I rehearsed the words over and over again in my head. They really did sound naff. Oh God! We’re nearly there. Too late to change it.

  ‘What number?’

  ‘Sixty-two.’ I wound down the window for a better look. ‘Apparently it’s a few doors up from a newsagents.’

  Elise cruised slowly up the street of three-storey terrace houses. Christmas tree lights twinkled in bay windows. I craned my neck to see into the rooms without curtains or nets and spotted large Victorian fireplaces in the middle of brightly painted or vividly wallpapered feature walls, high ceilings, and picture rails. I love period properties like that.

  ‘There’s the newsagents,’ Elise said. ‘And there’s a space.’ She did a pretty impressive reverse parking manoeuvre into a space on the opposite side of the road, turned off the lights, and switched off the ignition.

  I counted up from the newsagents. ‘It must be the one with the light outside,’ I said. At the sight of his house and the thought of what I was about to do, my stomach churned.

  ‘Ready?’ Elise asked.

  ‘No, but I have to do this. Will you wait for me in case he’s not in? Or in case he doesn’t want to speak to me?’

  ‘Of course I will but I’m sure he’ll want to speak to you.’

  ‘Am I hypocritical doing this after spending the day snogging Andy?’

  Elise squeezed my hand. ‘Don’t think about that. It’s not like you’ve slept with him or anything. You’ve just been on a journey of discovery and you’ve discovered that Andy isn’t the one for you, but you could only have discovered that if you’d let him in a bit, couldn’t you?’

  I smiled. I was so lucky to have a thoughtful and understanding friend like Elise. It was time. I took a deep shaky breath. ‘Right. This is it. Do I look okay?’

  ‘Gorgeous.’

  I’d just put my hand on the door handle when Nick’s door opened. I pulled my hand back. ‘Movement,’ I whispered. I slid down in my seat and stared as a woman stepped out of the house. Tall and slim with messy long blonde hair, she was casually dressed in skinny jeans with a baggy checked shirt over what looked like a white T-shirt or vest-top. The lack of a coat suggested that she probably had a car somewhere close-by. Sure enough, she rummaged in her jeans pockets and dug out a set of car keys.

  Maybe it wasn’t Nick’s house. My hopes were dashed as the woman moved away from the doorway to reveal Nick behind her. Wearing his dressing gown. His hair was all ruffled, as if he’d just got out of bed. The woman reached into her jeans pocket again. She handed Nick her keys while she tied her hair back. My heart sank with the realisation that she looked like she’d just got out of bed too. She reached for the keys but Nick pulled her into a tight embrace instead. I held my breath, heart thumping, while he clung onto her, his head nuzzled into her hair. They pulled apart and Nick kissed her. It could only have been a quick peck but I couldn’t see if it was on her cheek or lips. They spoke and there
was lots of nodding, a final hug, then she got into a silver Renault Clio and started the engine. Leaning against the doorframe, Nick waved. He stood there long after she’d pulled away, looking in the direction in which the car had gone. He ran his hand through his hair then headed back into his house, closing the door.

  Crap. I’m too late. Too bloody late.

  ‘Oh, Sarah. I’m so sorry.’

  Elise’s words told me that she’d read exactly the same into the situation as I had. He’d moved on. And why shouldn’t he? I hadn’t given him any indication that he should wait for me. I hadn’t even shown him the courtesy of replying to his text to wish him a merry Christmas. Pants! Why couldn’t I at least have done that? Why did I have to get distracted with the damn turkey?

  ‘You said he had a sister…?’

  ‘That wasn’t Callie.’

  ‘You’ve met her?’

  ‘No, but Auntie Kay says she’s about my height and build with dark hair. That was definitely not Callie.’

  ‘A friend?’

  ‘I appreciate what you’re doing but did that look like a friend to you? Besides, the only female friend he’s ever mentioned is Skye and I’ve met her.’

  ‘I’m sure there’s an innocent explanation.’

  ‘He was in his dressing gown. It’s seven thirty. They hugged for an eternity. They kissed. He stood on his doorstep for ages looking in the direction she’d gone. It didn’t look innocent. It looked more like two people who’d just got out of bed.’

  Elise’s silence spoke volumes.

  ‘Will you take me home please? And would you mind if I had some time alone?’

  She squeezed my arm gently then put the car into gear. We headed back towards Smuggler’s View in silence. Pants, pants, bollocks, pants.

  Chapter 32

  The shop couldn’t have been open for more than five minutes when the bell tinkled the next morning. A short woman in her mid-twenties headed straight for the counter. She smiled at me and removed a deep pink woollen cap, revealing a mop of shoulder-length dark hair. ‘You must be Sarah,’ she said brightly. ‘I’m Carolyn. But you can call me Callie. Everyone does.’

  ‘Nick’s sister?’ Eek!

  ‘The very same,’ she said.

  ‘You look just like him.’

  ‘I know. I get it all the time and I try not to take offence that people think I look like a man.’

  ‘Oh, I didn’t…’

  ‘It’s okay. I’m kidding. I’ve been dying to meet you. Nick never stops talking about you.’

  ‘Really?’ That was probably before his afternoon of passion with Blonde.

  ‘Really,’ Callie said. ‘I’ve never heard him so enthusiastic about anyone he’s dated.’

  ‘Oh. You do know…’

  ‘That you’re not together anymore?’ Callie wrinkled her nose. ‘He told me you have a few things to work out with your ex. So how’s that going?’

  ‘With Andy?’

  ‘Yes.’ Callie clapped her hand over her mouth. ‘Oh. I’m so sorry. Don’t answer that. What an awkward question to ask you. You’re hardly going to feel comfortable telling me that things are great when I’m Nick’s sister, are you? I have this terrible habit of engaging mouth before brain.’

  I smiled. I already liked her. What a shame Nick had moved on. I could have imagined becoming good friends with Callie. ‘How’s Nick?’ I asked. ‘Have you seen him recently?’

  ‘Christmas Day. He was a bit tied up yesterday so I didn’t get to see him then.’ I bet he was! And then my mind filled with this horrible image of him quite literally being tied up while Blonde walked round him brandishing a whip. Ew! Stop thinking that.

  ‘And he was okay?’ I asked.

  ‘He put on a brave face with it being Christmas but I could tell he’s really upset. I know you’d only just got together but it was love at first sight for him. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy. Mum and I were beginning to despair that he’d be single forever then along you came and it was like he’d found his soulmate at last.’

  I was saved from responding by the arrival of a young couple who smiled and headed towards the gift section.

  ‘I can see you’re busy,’ Callie said. ‘And I promise I didn’t come in here to have a go at you for breaking my brother’s heart. Oooh. I didn’t mean to say that either because it sounds like you’ve deliberately treated him badly and I know that’s not the case.’ She stopped and grimaced. ‘I’ve just implied you treated him badly too which I know you haven’t. I think I’m just going to stop gibbering and focus on why I came in. Can I order some flowers for Dad’s, Grandma’s, and Granddad’s graves? We have our annual family pilgrimage to the cemetery on New Year’s Day.’

  ‘Nick mentioned it. Three bouquets of white roses is it?’

  ‘Yes please. Half a dozen roses in each for the graves plus three single roses for Nick. Did you know he throws them into the sea?’

  I nodded.

  ‘It’s really sweet of him,’ she continued. ‘He goes down to Lighthouse Point and throws in the roses at two minutes past eleven promptly as that’s the exact time and day that Grandma passed away. He stays there for about ten minutes then he picks Mum and me up, takes us to the cemetery, then the three of us have lunch. It’s been the same routine for years.’

  ‘Don’t you ever go to The Point with him?’

  ‘No. Never. It’s his thing. He started doing it the year after Grandma died so he’d have been about seventeen or so but we didn’t know about it until years later. Mum and I have always respected his need for a private moment.’

  I could picture him standing at the end of Lighthouse Point, lost in thought as he tossed the stems into the water. Suddenly I imagined me in the picture, a few paces away from him to give him space. He’d throw the roses, murmur a few words then turn to me for comfort. I had to stop torturing myself like that. We weren’t together. If anyone was going to be there to comfort him, it was going to be Blonde and I just had to accept that he’d moved on. I turned my attention back to Callie. ‘When do you want them? New Year’s Eve?’

  ‘Yes please. Some time in the afternoon.’

  ‘Will Nick come in to collect them?’ I tried to sound disinterested but I don’t think I pulled it off.

  ‘No. Just me, I’m afraid. He’s actually in town with me this morning and he wanted to come in but he was worried it would make things awkward for you. He’s so lovely like that, always thinking of others. I have a message from him, though.’

  ‘Oh. What did he say?’ That he still loved me? That he desperately wanted me to be with him and I should send Andy packing and run away with him instead?

  ‘He hopes that you’ll start going to Bay Trade in the New Year. Apparently you made a really good impression and they’d love you to join.’

  My heart sank. Was that all? He wanted me to go to Bay Trade? Oh well, I guess I couldn’t really expect any declarations of love given that he’d so clearly moved on.

  ‘I’d like to,’ I admitted. Aside from the fact that I liked them, it had already proved lucrative for business with Skye’s exhibition confirmed and the potential contract at The Ramparts. ‘But I don’t want Nick to feel uncomfortable. He set it up and they’re his friends.’

  ‘Don’t be so daft. He’d love you to go.’

  ‘Tell him maybe February or March. Give things time to settle.’

  ‘I’ll tell him. I’d better go. I think you’re needed.’ Callie indicated the couple who were approaching the counter with a photo frame and a soft giraffe. ‘It was lovely to meet you. I’ll see you next week for the roses. And sorry about all that stuff about you and Nick. None of my business.’

  ‘It’s fine. Honestly.’ I waved her off.

  After the couple paid for their gifts and left, I sat down heavily on the stool by the counter. Why hadn’t I asked her about
Blonde? But I knew the answer; I didn’t want to hear that he’d moved on. To have her confirm it would have taken away the tiniest possibility that it was innocent and I’d still got a chance with him.

  * From Andy

  Hi gorgeous. Can I pick you up at home at 6.30 instead of the shop? Wrap up warm again. Not another balloon ride though! Can’t wait to see you tonight xx

  * To Andy

  OK. See you there

  I couldn’t bring myself to put kisses or even a smiley face on my text. I didn’t feel very smiley. What I felt was very guilty as I watched the little envelope sending my text. Should I be honest with Andy and tell him how I felt about Nick? Or should I keep trying with him and forget about Nick? What if it was innocent with Blonde? What if he was still waiting for me?

  The door opened, signalling a welcome interruption to my confused thoughts. ‘Crikey, sweetheart, you look like Santa forgot you’d moved. I don’t know if I dare ask if you had a good Christmas.’

  I smiled at Cathy and Jade. ‘Sorry. Miles away. Christmas was great, thanks. What about you two?’

  ‘It was lovely, thank you,’ Cathy said. ‘But the best bit was Jade’s news.’

  ‘Oh yes?’ I looked expectantly at Jade, anticipating some news about an exam result or something like that. I certainly didn’t expect her to bounce up and down excitedly, thrust out her left hand and squeal, ‘I got engaged!’

  Engaged? I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend. In autopilot, my hand reached for hers and looked down at the shiny platinum band and sparkling solitaire diamond. It was stunning. Simple. But absolutely stunning.

  ‘When?’ I eventually managed to whisper.

  ‘Midnight on Christmas Eve.’

  ‘She’s been with Aaron since she was twelve,’ Cathy gushed. ‘He’s a lovely young man.’

  ‘How did he propose?’ I asked. The ring was just like I’d have wanted. I hoped the proposal wasn’t too. I knew I was torturing myself by asking but I had to know.

  ‘He said he had a special present he wanted me to have without my family around. He stood me in front of the Christmas tree and told me to close my eyes. I thought it was going to be something embarrassing like lingerie, but when he told me to open my eyes, he was on bended knee. He cried when I said yes.’