Where did your heart go? (The Heart Trilogy Book 1)

by Audrina Lane

  “Well not really, it’s just going to mean I fall even more in love with him and then he’s just going to leave and I’ll never see him again” I said. I was so close to crying but I held it in.

  We walked into the card shop and I looked at all the leaving cards but none of them said what I really wanted to say so in the end I bought a blank card. Then I spotted a fluffy elephant holding a heart that said “Never forget”. It was perfect. As I headed home with my purchases I wondered what would happen on Saturday. However before that I had Tuesday and Thursday evenings to see him at the pool and that cheered me up slightly.

  Tuesday 26th January, 1988.

  After School I hurried home to get ready for swimming later. I was determined that James would always remember me with a smile on my face, even though inside my heart was brimming full of love that I couldn’t share with him. As I walked onto the poolside he spotted me and waved from the chair. I slipped into the shallow end and then did a couple of lengths before stopping to the side of the chair at the deep end. He jumped down and knelt down to talk to me.

  “Hi Steph, good to see you” he said

  “Hi James, how are things” I asked

  “Busy packing at home at the moment, I never realised how much stuff I had until now” he said, a slight sadness crept into his voice.

  “Will you miss Ross” I asked

  “I guess so, it’s all I’ve known since I was born but our new house looks great too. It’s opposite a large park and not far away from Warwick Castle” he finished. I watched him glance up and across the pool, checking everything was fine before returning his attention to me.

  “I thought I’d take you to Gloucester on Saturday as we can go to the cinema there. Dad said I can borrow the car for the evening” he finished

  “That sounds fine” I replied. He stood up and motioned that he ought to do a few laps round the pool so I swam a few further length and thought about how great it would be to sit next to him in the dark of the cinema.

  Climbing out of the pool I did a couple of dives and from his chair James gave me a few tips about keeping my feet pointed on entry. I was never going to be as good as he was. As I finished my equivalent of a mile in lengths I popped out of the water and sat on the side to catch my breath. James was on another lap around the perimeter so I waited until he reached me. As he did he nudged me with his foot and pushed me into the water. I came up laughing and spluttering.

  “Hey that’s not allowed” I said, pointing at the sign on the wall that said no pushing. Glancing down the lists I blushed at the no petting statement and thought again of our kiss.

  “It is when I’m in charge” he said, laughing at my comment. Climbing out of the pool for the final time I walked towards the chair where he sat.

  “I’m off now, see you Thursday” I said. I pulled my hair back from my face and looked up into his beautiful blue eyes.

  “See you then Steph” he replied.

  Wednesday 27th January, 1988.

  I am listening to “A Different Corner” by George Michael this evening; the lyrics are making me cry

  “Turn a different corner and we never would have met, would you care”

  How different my life would be if I hadn’t decided to go swimming with Sarah at the start of the year. I would never have been friends with James; he would have still been a stranger to me. Was there such a thing as fate and destiny? I had read so much about them in books over the years but until this point they were purely fiction. I still couldn’t decide what to write in the card for James, words seemed meaningless in trying to describe how I felt when I was near him. At least I still had some time to think about it further before Saturday.

  Thursday 28th January, 1988.

  As we walked home from school together Sarah turned to me

  “Is it ok if I come swimming with you tonight” she asked

  “Yes sure that would be great” I replied “I’ll meet you back at the corner at around six thirty if that’s ok?”

  “Yes, great as I need to talk to you and school is definitely not the place” she replied.

  “Ok, see you later” I said, wondering what secret Sarah needed to share with me. After tea I headed back out to meet Sarah for the walk to the pool. On the way we chatted.

  “So what’s the secret?” I asked

  “Well, I really like Chris but if James leaves how will I get the chance to see him again” she said

  “I’ll try and talk to James and find out for you, maybe this evening but for certain on Saturday” I replied, happy to help my best friend out if I could. Although it was cold at least it wasn’t raining as we crossed the road and entered the car park entrance for the pool. I could see the lights shining from the front windows and started to walk a little faster.

  Heading onto poolside we spotted James leaning down to talk to someone in the water. As he pulled up Sarah grabbed my arm as she realised that it was Chris.

  “It’s your lucky day” I said, as we wandered up to the deep end and James raised his hand to acknowledge us.

  “Do I look ok” she asked

  “Of course, you look lovely” I replied “Dive in, impress him” I finished. Then as I turned to James, Sarah did a lovely dive off the poolside and swam back towards the side to wait for me.

  “Hi Steph, is that a new bikini” he asked

  “No just one I haven’t worn for a while” I said, blushing as always at his compliment.

  “It suits you” he replied “Now stop distracting me from work and do some swimming”

  I nodded and sauntered towards the diving board and produced a pretty good dive into the cool, blue waters beneath me.

  Chris had noticed us but I guessed he was shy as he continued to swim lengths with just the occasional glance over in our direction. We did the same until James motioned me over to the side

  “I’m just about to finish my shift so I’ll come and join you”

  “Ok, any chance you can drag Chris over, Sarah really likes him” I replied.

  “Sure, he is a bit shy, not a bit like me” he said, grinning at me.

  After another spectacular entrance into the pool from the diving board he swam over and disappearing beneath the water he grabbed my foot. Pulling me under he tried to drag me away from the side but I scrambled against his grip until he released me

  “I’ll tickle you next time” he said

  “You’d better not, I hate being tickled” I replied, laughing all the same.

  Chris swam over to us and joined in the general laughter with our group. Once again I waited for James to make a move but he didn’t. Whilst the guys raced each other up and down Sarah pulled me close

  “Why don’t you kiss James” she said “It’s almost your last chance” she finished. As I pondered this idea we swam a couple of lengths I decided that Sarah was right. So when James was alone with me against the side in the deep end I took the chance

  “I’ve got a surprise for you, but you need to go under water and keep your eyes closed” I said. James looked shocked at my request but he did as I asked, almost in the exact same spot where he had kissed me. Taking a final deep breath I headed under the water and swam towards him.

  I reached out and as I did he opened his eyes and caught my hands in his as he pulled me close and our lips found each other’s again. This time my eyes were open too and we gazed. My eyes shone with the love I already felt for him, his were sparkling and blue but I couldn’t hope to guess what they were shining with as we broke the surface together, our hands still clasped tightly. We didn’t need to say anything as we parted and swam the short distance to the pool side and grasped it. Running my hand up to catch some of my loose hair back into my pony tail, James reached out and tucked a strand behind my ear. Just that slight touch had me reeling and struggling to catch my breath as my heart beat raced within my chest.

  Saying goodbye again, Sarah and I eventually left the pool and headed home. James and Chris were heading to the pub for a final
drink together before James left on Sunday.

  Dragging her eyes away from the words on the page Charlotte looked at the clock and realised that it was much later than she had planned. She was so caught up in her Mum’s story. Part of her wanted to turn to the back and see how it ended but she didn’t want to miss any part of this enthralling romance as it had started to get really good now. Underwater kisses, it was years since she had been to the swimming pool; perhaps that was the place to go to find a gorgeous guy? Or perhaps her Mum and Aunt Sarah had just been extremely lucky that year? She couldn’t wait to find out, but for now sleep was calling as her eyelids drooped.

  Chapter 7

  Charlotte woke up early and was soon dressed and ready for school again. Part of her was tempted to take the diary in with her but she decided against it just in case it got lost or even worse found and read by someone else. Running her hand over the top of the cover she knew that as soon as she possibly could she would rejoin the world of 1988 through her Mum’s words.

  “Bye Mum” Charlie yelled as she raced out the door

  “Bye Charlie. Have you got dance practise tonight?” I asked

  “Yes so I will be a touch later than usual” she replied, as the front door swung shut.

  I tidied up in the kitchen and then pulled my laptop out of its case so I could start to prepare for my lunchtime show. As the screen came up I found myself looking into the green eyes of my husband, whose picture I had as a screen saver. I closed my eyes tight for a moment as the world swirled around me and I remembered the evening of the knock that had crushed my world. I had just settled Charlotte down to sleep, luckily she was a fairly content baby and once she had eaten she was out like a light for a couple of hours. I had poured myself a glass of wine and glanced at the clock to check the time. Mark was on the late shift but I had promised to try and stay awake for his arrival home.

  As the hours ticked by the wine and the warmth of the house had lulled me into a light sleep so when the knock on the door came I was startled. Thinking that Mark had just forgotten his key I jumped up and opened the door to find a policeman and woman standing before me. They had told me that Mark had been found barely alive an hour ago in the Hospital car park, with stab wounds. Grabbing Charlie from her cot I bundled her up in blankets and located my bag as they escorted me to the police car. As the scenery passed by at speed I could only hope that this was all a big mistake. Looking down at my child I again saw my scars and remembered a time when I had been rushed to hospital. Blackness started to creep over me, filling me with dread.

  It was like I had never been away as the artificially bright light hurt my eyes and the disinfectant smell hit my nostrils. The Nurse took Charlotte from me as they ushered me through to the window that looked over the operating table. There under the lights I watched the team try and fail to revive him. His life seeped away and all I did was stare; my hand placed on the glass. It was another night that I would forever remember.

  Shaking my head to try and clear the thoughts away I flicked open a word document and started to type. All the while my memories crowded me, hemming me in with their tight claws. In the end I closed it down and headed upstairs to get ready for work. I avoided looking at the photographs that lined the wall. Why had life been so cruel to me? Who had I upset? What had I done wrong? These questions frequently accosted me and I had no answers. Well except that perhaps I was to blame for Mark, I had not loved him as much as I could of back then. My heart had already died years before that event.

  Walking past Charlie’s room I noticed the diary lying face up on the bed, as if abandoned in an instant and I crossed the room to close it. I glanced at the entry and noticed the date as the happy memories of my youth fought against the darkness and won. I sat down and picked the book up again. Feeling the worn cover under my fingertips I started to read.

  Friday 29th January, 1988.

  School is dragging by so slowly but when I got home and I was able to start preparing for tomorrow. Sarah was staying over so we blitzed my wardrobe until a suitable outfit was found. It was to be my black velvet trousers, black ankle boots and a lovely fluffy purple jumper. I decided that as I always wore my hair up for swimming that I would keep it loose instead, although I would have to make sure that I didn’t twirl the ends round my finger which I usually did when I was nervous.

  As I gave Sarah a final twirl she said

  “You look fantastic, he’ll never be able to resist you”

  “I hope so, not that it will do much good with him leaving on Sunday” I said, as my smile faded.

  “Well, at least you tried” she said, putting her arm around me and pulling me close. “You’ll still have me” she finished. I looked at my best friend and smiled

  “Thanks” I replied. Hanging everything up we settled down under the duvets and gossiped about James and Chris late into the night. Each of us harbouring our own secret hopes and dreams of a future we couldn’t predict.

  Saturday 30th January, 1988.

  The day dawned bright but cold, Sarah left for home at around eleven giving me ample time to write the card and wrap the present and then I could get ready. I had scanned all my favourite songs for some suitable lines in the card and had decided upon a small verse from the song “Somewhere out there” So the inside of the card read as follows:

  “Dear James,

  And even though I know how far apart we are

  It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star”

  I hope that we can write and stay friends and if you are ever back in Ross that we can meet again.

  Love Steph (your new pen-pal)”

  James had arranged to meet me outside the pool at four. As I waited outside on the steps I watched a car pull up and then James got out and walked towards me. He was wearing ripped jeans and a shirt and he literally took my breath away.

  “Hi Steph, you look fantastic” he said, as I walked towards the car and with a flourish he held open the passenger door for me. I climbed in and watched as he did too. As we negotiated the streets of Ross before heading out on the A40 towards Gloucester all was silent.

  “Shall I put some music on” he asked, as he reached for the car stereo.

  “I’ve put some songs on a tape especially for the drive over” he finished. As the up beat sound of “Wake me up before you go-go” filled the silence between us.

  “Wham” I exclaimed over the music “My favourite”

  “Thought so” he finished “Go ahead, sing if you want too I don’t mind” he replied, grinning as I wiggled and danced in my seat. Various other tracks filled the journey and I found out that his favourite group was Madness.

  Throughout the drive to Gloucester we chatted easily about all the songs we both liked. Once we had arrived James bought a popcorn and coke for us to share and we headed into the darkness of the theatre.

  Sitting together in the dim lights as we waited for the adverts to finish James turned to me

  “So what’s your favourite film?” he asked

  “I love so many but it has to be Star Wars” I replied.

  “Good choice for a girl, most don’t like that sort of thing” he replied, surprise in his eyes.

  “Well I guess I’m not like most girls” I replied, taking a sip of coke.

  “Have you seen Top Gun, that’s my favourite film of all time” he replied

  “Not yet but I’ll call in and see if the video shop has a copy” I said.

  “I’m sure they do, Chris works there so just go in and ask him” James said. Then the lights dimmed and we sat in the darkness. Our hands occasionally brushed as we reached for popcorn at the same time and I felt jolts of electricity race through my skin every time.

  As we came out of the cinema I spotted June and her new boyfriend John in the queue waiting to go into the next screening. I could see she was surprised to see me there with James, as although I had mentioned him in passing I was sure that she thought I was lying. Walking towards McDonalds James rea
ched out and took my hand; I didn’t want to let it go when we entered. We found a quiet table in the corner and ordered burgers, fries and chocolate milkshakes. While we waited James reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small parcel and handed it to me

  “I got you a present to remember me by” he said

  “Thanks, I’ve got you one too” I said, reaching into my handbag and passing him the present and card.

  I watched as he unwrapped the cuddly toy elephant and smiled at the sentiment expressed by the flower it was holding

  “I doubt I could forget you” he murmured. He looked at the card and read the words and looked across at me

  “Did you write the words” he asked.

  “I pinched them from a song called ‘Somewhere out there’” I replied, watching a slight stain of colour tint his cheeks.

  “I think I may have to listen to that song” James replied, smiling at me. He watched as I un-wrapped the small box to find a mix tape of songs

  “It’s the same as the one in the car” James said “Hope you like it” he finished.

  Then realising that I didn’t have his address he borrowed a pen off one of the staff and scribbled it down on the envelope his card had been in and pushed it back across to me. Carefully I placed it into my purse, it was so precious.

  We laughed as we slurped our milkshakes but all too soon it seemed he was driving me home. At the corner of the street he stopped the car

  “Well, I guess its goodbye then” he said as he lent over and placed his finger under my chin, lifting it so that he was staring into my eyes. I nodded as the words would not come, so I squeezed my eyes shut trying to blink back the tears that were forming beneath my lids. They felt like cold drops of ice, the shiver had spread to my body too. James pressed his lips gently to mine with a feather light touch, and then he pulled me into a hug before I got out of the car and then he was gone.