Kissing Kendall

by Jennifer Shirk

  So would I, her mind whispered. But in the end she knew it would be harder to walk away if that happened. She couldn’t deny she was attracted to Brad and that she wanted another kiss as much as he did, but she couldn’t let it progress into anything more. So while her body was doing a full-on Snoopy dance at the prospect of kissing Brad for a little while longer, her mind and thoughts gathered rationale and strength.

  “No, we—I—can’t do more of that,” she told him.

  He chuckled off her comment, gathering her in his arms again. “Well, maybe we should test that theory out just to be sure.”

  The heady sensation of his lips against hers almost made her swoon, but she caught herself in time and pushed him away from her. “No, I really can’t. At least, not with you.”

  Brad dropped his arms with a frown. “What do you mean, not with me? Are you saying I misread that kiss? Honey, I know what I felt and I definitely didn’t feel any I-can’ts just then.”

  True. There weren’t any I-can’ts in that kiss she gave him. In fact, there was a whole shipment of I’m-willing-and-more-than-ables on both their ends. But that didn’t make it right. That didn’t mean they could have a future together.

  She looked down at her feet, unable to stand the hurt and frustration she saw in Brad’s clear blue eyes. “I’m really touched, but I—I don’t know what more to say.”

  “Saying you feel the same way I do would be a really good start.”

  Drawing in a sharp breath, she shook her head. “That’s not a good idea.”

  “Why not? Because you still miss Jake?”

  Kendall had to look away. Yes, she did miss Jake. Probably always would. But Brad made her feel things she hadn’t felt in years—maybe not ever. It was so tempting to throw caution to the wind and fall into his arms, but she’d only hurt them both in the end. She wasn’t ready to open her heart to him—not if it meant losing him the same way she’d lost Jake.

  “This isn’t about me missing Jake. Just please stop making this more difficult than it has to be. I’m sorry. I think it would be better for both of us if we remained friends. I can’t—I won’t—lose your friendship. It’s too important to me. So please don’t push. Not now.”

  Brad stared at her in silence, his eyes narrowing as if he could see her heart pounding nervously though her heavy sweater jacket. With each agonizing heartbeat, she expected him to call her a liar or argue her logic.

  “Friends,” he finally said, but there was a definite distaste laced in that simple word. “Yeah, we’ve been friends for a long time. Wouldn’t want to mess up an old friendship.”

  “Right,” she said with a frown. She would never want to mess up her friendship with him. Though she had a feeling the friendship had already taken a big blow, based on Brad’s expression. As hard as it was, detachment was for the best. She couldn’t get involved with Brad—not someone who risked his life on a daily basis. She just…couldn’t. She wasn’t ready to risk her heart.

  Brad rubbed the back of his hand across his mouth. She was sure it was out of pure frustration, but a small part of her thought he was trying to wipe away any lasting remnant of their kiss, and that pinched her heart.

  “Okay,” he relented. “I’m not going to push.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered, her throat suddenly feeling dry and scratchy.

  “I guess I should go then…friend.”

  She sighed. “Yeah, I guess that would be a good idea.”

  Reluctantly, he turned and walked away, his movements stiff and awkward. She hated how they were leaving things. How could something so wonderful end so awful? Her heart was aching enough over everything that had just happened, everything she’d said.

  “Brad,” she blurted.

  He stopped and looked at her, his eyebrows raised questioningly.

  “I’m sorry,” she said again. It was the only thing she could think of to say. But she truly was.

  His lips tightened. “Not half as sorry as I am.”

  …

  Brad got up with the sun the next morning after a restless night’s sleep. Without shaving or having a cup of coffee, he decided to take his frustrations out on the only person he could. The only person who he was sure had something to do with the pure misery he was feeling right now.

  He couldn’t believe what had happened last night. Even though he replayed the scene with Kendall over and over again in his mind, it was still hard to accept.

  He had actually kissed Kendall. And just like that, it was as if he’d been handed a little touch of heaven. No, better than that—her lips were every fantasy he had ever had about her all rolled into one. So of course in his overexcited-anxious haze, he went ahead and told her how he felt.

  And she didn’t want him.

  Or so she said. The way she returned his kiss told another story. But he hadn’t pressed her. A part of him had even felt that somewhere up there, Jake had gotten a pretty good laugh out of Kendall rejecting him. And maybe Brad deserved that pain. At least he was alive to feel it.

  Arriving at his sister’s house, he picked up the paper, stormed up the driveway, and punched the doorbell.

  A few moments later, Walt opened the door with a confused grin. “Hey, man, it’s a little early for a social visit.” Then he slowly took in Brad’s unshaven appearance as well as his rushed attire of mesh gym shorts, flip-flops, and white T-shirt. “Um, you feeling okay?”

  “Perfect,” Brad muttered.

  Walt arched a brow. “I can see that. So what brings you by so bright and early?”

  Brad handed him the newspaper he’d picked up off the driveway. “Just here to give you this, and, of course, to throttle your wife.”

  “Oh. Well, come on in, then,” Walt said, not missing a beat. He swung the door open wider for Brad to pass.

  Georgie came shuffling out of the back bedroom wrapped in a fuzzy pink robe and rubbing one eye. As soon as Brad saw her, his arm shot out. “You,” he said, menacingly pointing his finger.

  Georgie dropped her arm and blinked. “Me?”

  “Yes, you,” he said, rounding in on her. “What kind of no-good sister are you, anyway?”

  She looked at Walt, then back at Brad. “I beg your pardon?”

  “You are so damn lucky you’re pregnant. Because if I didn’t have my future niece or nephew to think about, I’d strangle you, then skin you alive and leave the remains of your carcass out on the beach for the seagulls to pick at.”

  Georgie backed away, drawing the lapels of her robe closely against her neck. “Are you mad at me or something?”

  Brad threw his hands up in the air. “Of course I’m mad at you! How could you talk Kendall into dating—and worse, how could you set her up on a date with Rick? Rick? For real? Honestly, what were you thinking?”

  “That’s what you’re mad about?” Georgie gaped at him. “Well, Mr. Twenty Questions, I was thinking that I was being a good friend. I was thinking that Kendall had been alone for too long. And I was thinking that Kendall deserved a nice man like Rick in her life.”

  “Well, you thought wrong. She doesn’t deserve a nice man in her life. She deserves me!” He opened his mouth to add more, then closed it again when he noticed how still Walt and Georgie had gotten.

  Oh, crap. The cat was officially out of the bag.

  What the hell was he even yelling about? All he knew was that he and Kendall had some real connections lately, and then they’d shared that kiss—that amazing, mind-blowing kiss—which had offered him hope. Hope he didn’t have a right to harbor but desperately wanted anyway.

  Walt came up behind Brad and put a hand on his shoulder. “Maybe you should sit down,” he suggested.

  Brad rubbed a hand over his head and nodded. Yeah, Walt had a point. He needed to calm down. One thing was for certain: no sleep, no coffee, and no woman-of-his-dreams could make a man damn edgy.

  As soon as he made it over to the couch, he sank like a stone, letting his head drop back as if all the weight of the world was att
ached to it. “Rick is so wrong for her,” he groaned, covering his face with his hands.

  “Easy, Brad,” Georgie said in a soothing tone. “Try to remember that Rick is your friend, therefore, you do happen to like him.”

  “Wrong. I don’t like him,” he countered, knowing he sounded petulant and not caring. “Not anymore.” He spread his fingers and peered up at his sister through one eye. “I don’t even like you anymore.”

  “Oh God, stop being such a baby. Rick and Kendall went out to one dinner together. Big deal. Okay, maybe they caught a movie, too. And I think Kendall mentioned they would stop for coffee at that cute little cappuccino place by—”

  “I think your brother gets the picture,” Walt interrupted.

  Georgie sucked in her bottom lip. “Oh, right. Well, how was I supposed to know I was ruining your ‘great plan’ of sitting back and doing absolutely nothing? You told me you didn’t have feelings for her, which I suspected wasn’t the truth, by the way.” With raised arms, she hunched herself over, dropping her voice to a gravely whisper as if she were telling a scary ghost story. “The filter never lies.”

  Walt rolled his eyes, then dropped down next to Brad. “What are you going to do now?”

  Brad sighed. “I’ve done enough.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” his sister asked, frowning at him. “What exactly did you do?”

  Brad covered his face again, feeling exhausted and emotionally drained. Maybe he shouldn’t say any more and just leave. But he had come this far with the truth. He might as well go for the gusto.

  “I kissed Kendall,” he admitted.

  “Holy smokes, Brad!” Georgie exclaimed. “How did that go over?”

  “Not well,” he said, lifting his head to look at her. “It was a big mistake.”

  “What did you say to her?” Georgie asked.

  Brad shrugged. “I don’t know; I told her I had feelings for her. That I’ve had feelings for her for a long time but held back for the sake of our friendship.”

  Georgie wrinkled her nose. “You dumped on her.”

  “No, I didn’t dump on her,” Brad retorted. “But I may have lightly…piled on her. Oh Lord,” he moaned. “I totally dumped on her! No wonder she ran me off. If a woman had done that to me, I would have, too.”

  Walt clapped him on the shoulder. “No, no, relax. I’m sure you didn’t freak her out. Too much, anyway,” he muttered. “But that’s a lot to take in out of the blue. Maybe she doesn’t want to ruin your friendship. I have to admit that’s what held me back from acting on my feelings for Georgie.”

  “What are you talking about?” Georgie interrupted, giving her husband a strange look. “There was no friendship to ruin. We weren’t friends at all—we were enemies. Well, maybe not enemies, more like a combination of friends and enemies: we were frenemies.”

  Walt sighed heavily. “I was talking about your brother, sweetie. I didn’t want to pursue a relationship with you because I didn’t want to ruin my friendship with Brad.”

  Georgie’s face fell. “Well, then, that could be Kendall’s problem too. Although maybe she—” She stopped and her eyes went wide. “Oh.”

  Brad’s gaze snapped up and locked on hers. “What ‘oh’?”

  “Uh, nothing. I could be wrong.”

  “Just spill it, Georgie. What do you know?”

  Georgie sent a worried look to Walt, then sat down. “I think Kendall is afraid of you.”

  “Afraid? But we’ve been friends for years. I would never hurt her. She has to know that.”

  Georgie shook her head. “She’s not afraid of you, per se. I think it might be… It might have something to do with your job.”

  Brad scoffed. “That’s ridiculous. Why would she be afraid of a police officer? Unless she’s dealing with something illegal I don’t know about.”

  “No, Brad. When Kendall originally asked me to set up her up with someone, she mentioned she didn’t want it to be a firefighter or anything similar to that. Let’s face it, you’re not exactly working in New York City, but that doesn’t mean your job is any less dangerous. I don’t think she wants to go through what she did with Jake all over again.”

  Brad had no idea how long he stared at his sister, processing what she had said, but it felt as if time went on for hours. He finally sat back and rubbed at his temples, trying to ease the headache that seemed to be his trusty sidekick these past few weeks, ever since he started spending so much time with Kendall.

  He felt numb. And a little stunned. It never occurred to him before that Kendall wouldn’t want to get involved with him because of his job. It wasn’t that he couldn’t understand how she felt. Just…

  What the hell was he supposed to do about that? Yeah, he had his handyman business, but that was more of a hobby than anything else. A police officer was who he was deep down inside. He had a need to be out there, upholding the law and making a difference. And from the moment he’d been handed his badge, he couldn’t imagine doing anything else.

  “I’m so sorry,” Georgie said, giving his hand a little squeeze.

  Brad had heard enough. “Yeah. Me, too. I have to finally accept that Kendall and I aren’t meant to be more than friends.”

  Georgie sighed. “Brad, even if Kendall can’t move past her fear and take a chance on love again, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t move on. Don’t be afraid to risk your heart. You told me not too long ago that love was worth the risk. That if I wanted a marriage like Mom and Dad’s that I shouldn’t be afraid to open up my heart and risk it all.” She glanced to her right and sent a loving look at Walt. “And I’m so glad I followed that advice.”

  Walt placed his hand over hers. “Me, too.”

  “I don’t know if I deserve it,” Brad said.

  His sister blinked. “What are you talking about?”

  “Jake knew how I felt about Kendall.” Brad took a deep breath through his nose and slowly exhaled. “Jake knew because I told him. The day before he died.”

  Walt groaned. “That couldn’t have gone over well.”

  Brad shook his head, feeling hollow and bleak. The last time he’d seen Jake alive was not something he liked to dwell on for long. “It didn’t. But he suspected, and I figured he deserved to know the truth about why I’d been avoiding them.”

  Georgie glanced from Walt to Brad. “What does that have to do with you being happy now?”

  “It has everything to do with it. Because the last words I spoke to him before he died were how I had feelings for his wife. And now he’s dead and I’m living. Do you know how that makes me feel?”

  “You can’t think like that. Jake rushed into that building knowing full well what could happen. You have nothing to feel guilty about.”

  Easier said than done. He sighed and stood. “Look, I appreciate the pep talk and all, but my own advice won’t work in this situation. I just have to suck it up and accept that timing doesn’t seem to be Kendall’s or my friend. I’m going to go home to shower and shave and forget all about that kiss. Maybe you’re right. I should give Bambi another call.”

  “Brandi,” Georgie and Walt said together.

  Brad winced. “Whatever.”

  He walked himself over to the door, allowing his neutral expression to fall. Hell, it was no use pretending—Walt and Georgie had probably seen through his resigned act anyway. They knew he had no intention of calling anyone, let alone Brandi, but he’d needed an excuse to get away. All he wanted right now was to be alone and have some time to think before he had to report to work this afternoon.

  “Brad, remember what I said,” Georgie called from behind him. “Don’t punish yourself because Jake died. We all want him to be here too, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be happy. You wouldn’t want Jake wasting his life either. You have to move on.”

  He didn’t acknowledge her remark. Quite frankly, from the lack of sleep, he didn’t have the energy. Instead, he walked out, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

/>   Love is worth the risk.

  Maybe Georgie was right—not about moving on with someone new, but about risking your heart. Risking his heart. He was tired of denying himself what he wanted…and he wanted Kendall. Would Jake have understood? He hoped so. He would hate to see Jake in this position, would want his friend to live his life. Well, Brad wasn’t about to waste another precious second of his own.

  Kendall needed to be reassured. She was the one who needed to move past her fears and open her heart up to what they could have together. And with the impenetrable wall she had erected between them last night, he didn’t know how in the world he could ever begin to convince her to do just that.

  But if he could take this step in getting past his guilt over Jake, maybe he could convince her to take a step of her own.

  Chapter Seven

  Kendall looked around the crowded restaurant and her insides began to beat with a nauseous fluttering. There were so many familiar faces, faces she had forgotten about and hadn’t seen since Jake’s funeral. Memories flooded her.

  People she knew smiled at her and she politely smiled back, but it was all so strange. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to meet Grammy here. Maeve had just gotten back from her trip to Vegas and suggested lunch at the tavern where Kendall used to work. All the familiar faces from the fire department made her want to turn right back around and walk out, but it was too late to change plans now. Her grandmother had noticed her and had already stood, waving her over to a table by the bar area.

  “Hi, Grammy,” she said, trying for a calm exterior. She kissed her grandmother on her over-powdered bronze cheek and took a seat. “You look wonderful. Traveling must be good for you.”

  Maeve waved off her comment with a flick of her wrist, but her blush gave away her delight at the compliment. “I had a spa appointment this morning, one I desperately needed after such a long flight.” She took a sip of ice water, narrowing her eyes on Kendall. “You, on the other hand, do not look so wonderful. Maybe you should book an appointment yourself.”