Kissing Kendall

by Jennifer Shirk

  When she didn’t offer any comment on that, Brad stopped petting her dog and cocked his head. “Are you feeling all right, Kendall?”

  She almost laughed. He was the one who had been stabbed. He was the one who was rushed to the hospital, he was the one with stitches in his hand, and he was asking if she was all right? Typical Brad, always worrying about her first. It drove her crazy. But it was also one of the things she admired most about him.

  “You could have been killed,” she blurted.

  “Killed?” He snorted. “Let’s not get melodramatic. With that flimsy excuse for a knife that punk was wielding? Not likely.”

  “I’m serious, Brad.”

  His grin faded. “So am I,” he answered without guile. He extended his good hand out to her and waved his fingers. “Come here.”

  She shook her head, holding her ground. She couldn’t go into his arms. One touch from him and her resolve would crumble more than her blueberry cobbler topping. Brad getting hurt on the job was just the wake-up call she needed.

  Brad dropped his arm and sighed. “Okay, I’m not sure what’s wrong, but if you want to know what happened, here it is. I responded to a call on duty, like I’ve been doing for the past eight years. Only this time, one of the perpetrators tried to get cute with a knife and I got a little cut on my hand. I’ve suffered worse doing work for you in the bakery. Now what’s really going on, Kendall?”

  She took a deep breath, willing the words to flow from her lips. And then to her surprise, they finally did. “I can’t do this.”

  His face went blank. “What do you mean? You mean the bakery business?”

  “No, I mean I can’t be with you.” She looked away. “I just can’t.”

  There. It was out in the open. Her pulse picked up, and she had a hard time catching her breath. She turned away, rubbing her arms as if the temperature had suddenly dropped fifty degrees. Funny, but she didn’t feel as relieved as she thought she’d be.

  Brad took her arm and spun her back around. “What are you talking about? Of course you can be with me. You have been with me. We’re good together.”

  “No, us together is not good. This was all a mistake, thinking we could date casually.” Brad looked at her as if she were crazy. And maybe she was. She felt it, anyway. But she was feeling a lot of things since they’d been together.

  They fell into silence, Brad still seeming to be reeling from her outburst. But once he composed himself, he managed to slowly take a step backward with his hands raised in surrender. She almost smiled because he looked as if he was about to negotiate with a shooter or try to talk someone off a ledge. She felt as if she were standing on a ledge too—and about to jump any second. Little did he know this standoff between them only served to remind her of the fact that he put himself in harm’s way every day and that she couldn’t bear it if anything happened to him. Then, she inadvertently glanced at his bandaged hand and her insides wound even tighter.

  “Kendall—”

  “Please, Brad. We tried. I tried. I really did. But I’m not cut out to be a police officer’s girlfriend or…or….” She couldn’t even say the word wife. “I’m—” Her voice cracked. “I’m so sorry. I’m too afraid to go through what I did with Jake…with my parents… I can’t do that all again.”

  His expression softened as he stepped closer to her. “Sweetheart, I understand what you’re feeling. But I love you. You’re not going to lose me.”

  “Don’t say that,” she snapped. She took a deep breath. “You can’t say that,” she said with more calm.

  She wasn’t sure what she didn’t want to hear more: Brad telling her he loved her again or that she wasn’t going to lose him. Both things seem to set her off into panic mode.

  “So you’re saying you don’t want to see me anymore?” His frown deepened. “Do you even want to be friends?”

  Friends. Her friendship with Brad was always something she relied on, but she couldn’t go to him for help in this situation. What she needed now was a good cry and some breathing room. Some alone time so she could think things through.

  “I—I’m not sure what I want,” she told him. “All I know is that I need to think and I can’t do that with you in my life right now.”

  Brad stared at her, and in his eyes was a mixture of hurt and frustration. She didn’t blame him; he had a right to be upset with her. That she could deal with. But when she caught a glimpse of love and longing in them too, it almost broke her resolve—almost. But she said nothing and made no move toward him.

  “Well,” he said, his jaw tight. “I don’t think I can say anything more. You seem to have made up your mind.” When he turned away and started walking toward the door, she closed her eyes and was finally able to take a badly needed breath.

  “You know, Kendall, I don’t think this has anything to do with my job.” He paused, his hand resting on the doorknob. “I think you’re afraid of more than that…like how you really feel about me, about us. You can try to shut me out of your life, but you’re not going to be able to shut your feelings off as easily. I should know,” he added quietly as he let himself out.

  Kendall stared at the closed door until her eyes began to burn. It was over. A fresh attack of pain clawed at her. Brad had been so patient. He’d supported her in her business and was one of the best friends she ever had. Most of all, he’d loved her—probably for longer than he’d even admitted. Longer than she deserved.

  The oven timer went off, breaking the chilling silence. Her heart gave a squeeze and she began to cry. She blotted her face with her sleeve even though the tears continued to fall, trying to reassure herself that she did what was best for both of them. A little bit of pain now would be better than a whole bunch of heartache later on.

  At least, she hoped so.

  Kendall hoped she was hearing things.

  But another knock sounded at the bakery door, unsettling her nerves, since it couldn’t be a customer looking for a cream puff at three in the morning. She always got to the bakery at two. Maybe some lunatic knew that too and had followed her work habits.

  Should she take a peek and see who was out there, or ignore it?

  The knock sounded more frantic and louder this time. She swallowed hard as she wiped her hands on her apron and picked up her rolling pin. She figured she could use it as a makeshift weapon.

  “Kendall, I know you’re in there, now open up before I get mugged!” her grandmother called.

  “Oh, God,” she murmured and ran to the front of the store. “Grammy!” she exclaimed as she opened the door. “What on earth are you doing here at this hour?”

  Maeve frowned as she eyed Kendall’s hand. “First you better explain what you were planning on doing with that?”

  She looked at the rolling pin and was surprised to see it still clutched in her hand. “Oh, sorry, I thought you might be some robber,” she said lamely, placing it on a nearby table. “Now what are you doing here so early, Grammy? You scared the sugar out of me.”

  “I couldn’t sleep, which had me thinking. I became worried about you being here all alone. I thought Brad would have convinced you by now to have a security system installed, since you have to be here by yourself in the wee hours of the morning.”

  Kendall’s heart pinched at the mention of Brad’s name. It had been a week since their breakup, yet she still hadn’t mentioned it to anyone, let alone her grandmother. “Yeah, about that… Um, Brad and I haven’t really been talking much lately.”

  “Why ever not? That’s no way to carry on a relationship.”

  “Well, it is…if there doesn’t happen to be a relationship anymore.”

  “I see.” Maeve pulled out a chair and wearily sat down. “Why don’t you explain to me what happened, dear?”

  “There isn’t anything to explain. I told you before, I’m just…just…” She shook her head, burying her face in her hands.

  “You’re just what?” her grandmother asked gently.

  “Scared,” she whispere
d.

  “Honey, that’s natural. Loving someone is always scary.”

  Her head whipped up. “No,” she said adamantly. “I don’t love Brad. I can’t.”

  Maeve’s expression softened further. “You may not want to admit it, but I can see it written as clear as a Betty Crocker cookbook. Does he not feel the same way?”

  “No, he does. He admitted he’s in love with me.” She paused, remembering the sweet sincerity of his words that made her heart ache with something she refused to acknowledge. “That’s the problem. I don’t want to go through with Brad what I did with Jake. Did you see Brad’s hand recently?”

  “I haven’t. But I did see the article about the accident in the paper. Is that what this is about? You’re afraid Brad is going to die on the job just like Jake?”

  Kendall looked away, blinking back a tear. When said outright like that, it did sound a bit foolish. But it didn’t make her fear any less real. “I don’t exactly have a sterling track record with people I love. First Mom and Dad, then Jake.”

  “And me,” Maeve murmured.

  Kendall startled. “What? No, I didn’t mean you.”

  Maeve nodded. “Yes, but I’m afraid you’re not going to have me forever. I may look fifty but my doctor has recently informed me my age is creeping up on me.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Kendall, dear, my heart isn’t what it used to be. My doctor has given me some medication and a diet to follow, and as you can see I’ve cut down on my traveling, but it doesn’t erase the fact that my heart is still failing.”

  Panic welled in her throat. “That’s why you canceled your trip? Because of your health?”

  “Well, that and the fact that I’ve been taking you for granted. This recent lapse has made me appreciate my granddaughter more.” She smiled, patting Kendall’s hand lovingly. “I’m slowing down, but I feel fine. I just don’t want to waste another minute of time I could be spending with you—even if it’s here at the bakery at three in the take-me-now-God morning.”

  Kendall wiped a tear that had escaped her eye. “Oh, Grams. I want to spend as much time with you as I can too.”

  “This just goes to show you why you shouldn’t be afraid to do the same with Brad either.”

  She shook her head. “No. That’s different.”

  Maeve’s eyebrow quirked up. “Is it? If you had known Jake was going to die would you have married him?”

  “What kind of question is that? Of course I would have married him.”

  “Then don’t miss out on the time you could have with Brad. You see, it doesn’t matter about quantity of happiness you’re dealt. It’s the quality that really matters.”

  She let out a shaky laugh. “You make it sound so easy, but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to live it.”

  “You are a survivor, dear, and you’re stronger than you think. Look what you’ve done with this bakery. Opening up your own business is not for the faint of heart.”

  “But my business is only sixteen days old—not exactly enough time to judge my character or my strength.”

  “Oh, hogwash. You just think about what I’ve said.”

  “I will.” She stood then, feeling more lighthearted than she had in days, and held out her arms to Maeve. “But first, you need to help me make some sticky buns. Thanks to your longwinded pep talk, we’re behind,” she said with a wink.

  Her grandmother placed her hand in Kendall’s and squeezed. “Don’t you worry; with me as your second in command, we’ll have sticky buns aplenty. From now on, as long as we have each other, we’re a team.”

  Kendall smiled at that. They did make a good team. And as she led Maeve into the kitchen, she realized it was already a good morning.

  Georgie made her way over to her cash register with a wide grin. “Hey, Kendall, what brings you by? Shouldn’t you be at the bakery?”

  Kendall raised a fist to her lips and covered a yawn. “I’ve been baking since two this morning. I need a break. Besides, Grammy canceled her traveling plans and is going to help me out this summer. So, before I go take a nap, I figured I’d stop here first and drop off these ads. There are coupons for buy one, get one doughnut muffin on them.”

  “Oh, sure. No problem.” Georgie took the handouts and placed them with the other brochures on the prescription drop-off counter. “Dee will make sure they’re handed out to each and every customer.”

  Kendall beamed at her friend. “Thanks. You guys are the best.”

  “By the way, how is everything going?” Georgie asked.

  “Well, so far, so good. The seven-to-nine morning business has been pretty steady.”

  Georgie bit her lip. “That’s good. But I was interested in your personal business. With my brother. Normally, I wouldn’t ask, but he’s been so testy. More so than usual. He came over for Sunday dinner with the biggest stick up his—”

  “I get it,” Kendall blurted, holding up her hand.

  Georgie shrugged a shoulder. “Well, he did. Did you guys have a fight or something?”

  Or something, she thought sadly. “Well…” She cleared her throat. “Brad and I…well—”

  “Hold it right there,” Georgie said. “You don’t have to say another word.”

  Kendall blinked. “Why?”

  “When an answer starts with that many wells, I already can tell the situation is far from well.”

  Kendall sighed. Georgie was right. The situation wasn’t well, but she figured her friend deserved an explanation. “I’m not really sure how to tell you this.” She took a deep breath and tried to explain it in terms she felt more comfortable with. Like baking. “You see, there are special nooks and crannies that go into making a good dessert. The same could be said of making a good relationship too. So it can get complicated when…”

  Dee walked over then, making a face. “Oh, please. It’s his nook and your crannies. What’s so complicated?”

  “Dee!” Kendall threw her hands in the air. “There’s more involved than just…that.” She turned to Georgie beseechingly. “Georgie, you know how highly I think of your brother, but I don’t think I’m the woman for him.”

  “What?” Georgie suddenly grabbed her middle and winced.

  Kendall reached out and placed a hand on Georgie’s arm. “Are you all right?”

  Georgie’s lips thinned, and she seemed paler than usual, but she waved away the concern. “I’m fine. Must be all the quinoa I’ve been eating,” she panted. “Tell me about you and Brad. When did you guys break up?”

  Kendall hesitated. “Last Monday.”

  “Monday? I—” Georgie’s mouth dropped. “Oh my gosh! You dumped my brother while he was in the hospital. Kendall, how could you? After he was knifed and had to get his hand stitched, you had to go in for the kill and break up with him on top of all that?”

  Kendall’s eyes widened and she glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one was in earshot. “Jeez, Georgie, lower your voice,” she whispered heatedly. “You make me sound like some sort of mercenary. And for the record I did not break up with your brother while he was in the hospital.”

  “Thank heaven for small favors,” she muttered.

  “I broke up with him right after he was discharged.”

  Georgie grabbed her middle and winced again. Kendall’s shoulders slumped—Georgie was taking this worse than she thought. Not that she blamed her. She felt like the worst friend ever.

  “I’m so sorry, Georgie. I never ever would intentionally hurt Brad. I hope that makes you feel somewhat better.”

  “Not at all,” Georgie groaned.

  “I really am sorry. I kind of freaked out when Walt called you and said Brad had been injured. All those memories of Jake came rushing back, and I just got so worried for Brad. You know how I am with hospitals. I couldn’t face going back there, even knowing that Brad was all right. I—I panicked.”

  Dee closed a file drawer and came over to stand next to Georgie. “And so you broke up with him?”r />
  She nodded. “But now I’m even more miserable. Every time the door to the bakery jingles, I look up, hoping it’s him bringing me my favorite sandwich or trying to convince me to sneak off and take an extra-long break with him. Whenever the phone rings at night, I hope it’ll be him asking me about my day or how the business is doing. Even Deuce sits at the door as if willing Brad to walk through it at any minute. It’s kind of funny. Brad is alive, yet I miss him as if he weren’t.”

  Georgie moaned. “This is so not good.”

  “It’s not?” Dee shot Georgie a disbelieving look. “I thought you always wanted Kendall and Brad to be together?”

  Georgie shook her head. “No, that’s good. Very good.”

  Kendall’s heart leapt. “You think Brad and me being together is good?”

  “Yes, but this,” Georgie said, pointing to her middle, “isn’t good.” Then she doubled over, taking in several deep breaths through her nose.

  Kendall and Dee looked at each other in alarm. “Oh my gosh!” Kendall exclaimed. “Do you think you might be in labor?”

  “I think so,” Georgie murmured, leaning against the counter. “I don’t feel well.”

  “I’ll call Walt,” Dee said, grabbing the phone.

  Somewhat blindly, Kendall stumbled behind the counter to Georgie, her pulse skyrocketing. She didn’t know what she was getting so worked up about. People had babies all the time. But her friend looked so pale and fragile. Oh, please, let her and the baby be okay, she prayed.

  “I’ll take her to the hospital,” Dee told Kendall.

  “No, I’ll take her,” Kendall said, surprised at her own words.

  Dee’s eyes widened. “You’ll go to the hospital? Are you sure?”

  “Yeah. I want to.” And she found she really did. If she ever wanted to fight to get Brad back, she would have to fight her fears first. “My car is right out front. You stay here in the pharmacy. Call Walt and Brad; let them know what’s going on.” She took hold of Georgie’s arm and began leading her out.

  Georgie leaned heavily on her, and Kendall almost was afraid she wouldn’t be able to support her weight. “Everything’s going to be fine, Georgie,” she told her in a soothing tone. “You and the baby are going to be fine.”