The Wedding Planner

by GA Hauser

  Bryan handed Jordon the wine and took a look at dinner. “Christ, I can’t get over how good that looks.”

  “I made too much. I always overdo the paella.”

  “I’ll take the leftovers home.” Bryan snatched a shrimp off the top and juggled it as it burned his hands. “Ouch! Ooh!”

  Jordon narrowed his eyes at him. “Serves you right.”

  After blowing on it, Bryan ate it out of its shell, moaning. “Damn. So good.”

  “The food is done and shouldn’t get overdone.” Jordon shut off the burner and looked at his watch again.

  “She’s always fashionably late, Jordon. How long are we going to delay the meal this time?”

  “Fuck it. Sit down. She ate all her damn Chinese food without me yesterday.” Jordon began scooping out the rice dish.

  “I want that crayfish… more mussels… mm, and that shrimp right there.”

  Jordon laughed, handing him the plate. “There’re lemons on the table.”

  Bryan sat down, waiting as Jordon to join him, sipping his wine. “It looks fantastic, Jordon.”

  Jordon cupped his hand as he squeezed lemon on his meal. “So, who were you with up at Montclair?”

  Bryan munched on the crayfish, tossing the shell into an empty bowl. “Latest hottie.”

  “Cast member?”

  “Yeah. He plays Fenton.”

  Jordon tugged at Bryan’s hair playfully. “Growing it?”

  “They’ll give me weaves if it’s not long enough.”

  “You don’t expect Mom and Dad to come to your debut… uh, and see you nekkid, do you?”

  Bryan shrugged, tossing an empty mussel shell into the bowl, licking his fingers. “Nothing they haven’t seen before.”

  “Not since you were a baby, Bry.” Jordon laughed.

  “Where’s Bridezilla coming from that she’s taking so long?”

  Jordon wiped his hands on a napkin and stood to pick up the cordless kitchen phone. He looked at the rest of the meal, hoping the shellfish wouldn’t harden, and heard her laughter before her hello. “Fawn?”

  “Jordy!”

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m at Katwalk… shut up, I am not drunk!” she said to someone else, not him.

  “Fawn, I made dinner. You were supposed to come by, Bryan--”

  “Oops! I forgot. We just got carried away. I’ll grab a cab. Sorry, Jordon. I’ll be there ASAP.”

  When she disconnected the line, Jordon set the phone down and joined Bryan who was staring at him with pity. “She got tied up.”

  “What the fuck do you see in her, Jordon?”

  “We get along well, she’s energetic, pretty.”

  “You really want her as your wife?”

  Jordon continued to eat his dinner. “Yes. Why not? Look, Bryan, who the hell is out there waiting for me?”

  “Ten thousand gay men?” He laughed.

  That made Jordon smile. He tossed the tail shell of a shrimp into the bowl. “I’m not so sure the gay lifestyle is for me, Bry.”

  “Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.”

  “You guys all play around too much.”

  “We play around looking for what we want, just like you crazy straight guys do.”

  Jordon pulled the mussel out of its shell and popped it in his mouth, tossing the empty mollusk into the bowl. “No, you always play around.”

  “Not true.”

  “Bullshit. You can get your cocks sucked at every corner. You don’t commit, you can’t have kids… come on, Bry.”

  “We can commit. We can have kids, and we have sex with each other all the time. Not once a month because she’s on the rag, has a headache, or her nail polish needs to dry.”

  “Man, talk about stereotyping. I get on Fawn for doing that to you.”

  Bryan stood up and eyed the bowl of food. “You mind if I pick off the good stuff?”

  “No. Help yourself.” Jordon took another sip of his wine. “You look decent with long hair, it suits you.”

  Bryan laughed, not looking at him.

  After Bryan sat down, a load of seafood on his plate, Jordon cleared his throat nervously. “Uh… Bry?”

  “Hm?” Bryan slurped a clam out of its tiny shell.

  “What… uh… what’s gay sex feel like?” Jordon’s cheeks went hot.

  His eyes going wide, Bryan coughed on his food, covering his mouth at his shock at the question.

  “Shit!” Jordon laughed. “You need the Heimlich?”

  Bryan held up his hand, signaling to give him a minute and sipped his wine, catching his breath. “Why the fuck are you asking me that?”

  Jordon shrugged shyly. “I suppose any straight guy is curious.”

  “No,” Bryan replied with a demonic smile on his lips, “straight guys are not curious. Bi-curious guys are.”

  “Can’t I ask you a simple question?”

  “Simple?” Bryan shoved another shrimp into his mouth.

  “Forget it.” Jordon had had a feeling it would sound strange to ask. Now it was like he’d opened a can of worms and would never hear the end of it.

  Once he finished chewing, Bryan leaned over the table to whisper, “Unbelievable.”

  “Why? What makes it ‘unbelievable’?”

  “Jordon, you ever stuff anything up your ass?”

  “Fuck no!” Jordon laughed uncomfortably.

  “You don’t know what you’re missing.”

  “Up my ass? I’m missing something?” Jordon tilted his head.

  “Yeah. Your prostate is back there.”

  “And?”

  “It feels like you’re on fire when it’s stroked.”

  That sat Jordon back in his chair.

  “And if you come at the same time as it’s getting a good rubdown? Fuck, Jordon, the climaxes are so intense, it’s like your cock is exploding.” His brother’s eyes lit up as he consumed more crustaceans.

  Jordon didn’t believe it. “No way.”

  “Yes, way.” Bryan smiled smugly, licking his sticky fingers. “Bi-curious now?” He laughed.

  “It had to hurt you, Bryan. You can’t get something as big as a penis stuffed back there and not feel pain.”

  Bryan replied, “The first time, a little. But if you have a good partner, and he goes easy the first few times…”

  “You get it up the butt all the time?”

  “I’m usually a top.”

  Jordon didn’t get it. “A top?”

  “Man, are you naïve or what, big bro?”

  “I’m naïve because I don’t know gay slang?” Jordon poured more sangria for both of them.

  “Tops do the fucking, bottoms get fucked.”

  “Is that an exclusive arrangement? Or do you swap around.”

  “Either or. Some guys like one exclusively, others play either role.” Bryan stared at him while he ate more food. “Why are you so curious all of a sudden?”

  Jordon had no intention of explaining why.

  His silence seemed to intrigue his brother. “Let me get this straight.” Bryan wiped his hands on a napkin. “You’re engaged, beginning to plan the wedding, and suddenly you want to know what making love to a man is like. What am I missing here?”

  Jordon stood and took his empty plate to the sink. “Nothing. You’re not missing anything.” He looked at the heap of paella. “Let me put some in a container for you to take home.”

  “What about Bridezilla?”

  “There’s plenty for her.” Jordon found a foil tray and piled it high. He had doubts Fawn would even show up. “I have enough to feed your latest ‘hottie.’”

  “He’d love it. If you were gay, he’d leave me for you just for your skills in the kitchen,” Bryan said. “Bet you’re shit in bed.”

  Jordon spun around. “If I was ‘shit in bed,’ would that be a reason for Fawn to stop screwing me?”

  Bryan looked mortified suddenly. He held up his hand. “Look, Jordon, I don’t want anything to do with this conversation. It’s b
ad enough I told you about gay sex. Isn’t this too much information for brothers to share?”

  Jordon continued to add more food to the dish.

  “Jordon.”

  “What?” He placed the tray on the counter and used foil to make a lid.

  “You need to ask Fawn about your love life. Not me.”

  A sense of dread washed over him. Jordon leaned against the granite counter and closed his eyes to recover.

  “Jordon.” Bryan stood behind him, touching his back. “You two need to discuss stuff like that. Sex is too important to marry someone you’re not compatible with in the bedroom.”

  Jordon spun around to see Bryan’s brown eyes. “Sex is important.”

  “Yes.”

  “Not just to men, to women too.”

  “Please don’t ask me about women.” Bryan held up his fingers in a cross. “Ask Mom. Not me.”

  “Mom?” Jordon choked at the absurdity. He started clearing up the table, setting the plates into the dishwasher.

  “She’s pretty cool to talk to, Jordon.” Bryan scraped the shells into the garbage. “When I told her about my sexual preference, she was awesome.”

  Jordon shivered at the thought of his mother having two gay sons. No way would that lovely woman be cool about that. She was counting on him for grandchildren.

  “I wouldn’t hit Dad up with it, but Mom is very easy, Jordon.” Bryan slipped more dishes into the washer.

  “I can’t ask Mom about women’s sex drives. I can’t.” Jordon finished his wine and rested the glasses upside down on the top shelf of the dishwasher.

  “What about other women you’ve dated?” Bryan wiped up the counter with a cloth.

  Jordon paused to think. “They enjoyed sex. At least they acted like they did.”

  “That’s the problem with women. You can’t really tell if they come. And you hear all the time they fake orgasms. I don’t get that. Why fake it? Wouldn’t you want a real one?”

  Jordon said, “I suppose men don’t fake it.”

  “Uh, no.” Bryan smiled. “They grunt like dogs and spray spunk all over the place.”

  “What a delightful image.” Jordon cringed.

  “Oh, yes, it is.” Bryan grinned wickedly. “What are you going to do with Bridezilla’s portion?” He pointed to the small amount left on the stove.

  Jordon checked his watch. “Pack it up.” He found a plastic container and dumped the remainder into it, placing the pan in the sink. Bryan began washing it as Jordon put the rest of the food away.

  When the kitchen was spotless and the dishwasher was running, Jordon asked, “You have to get going?”

  “Not right away. You want to watch some TV?”

  “Sure.”

  They propped up their feet on the hassock in the den and Jordon flipped channels with a remote.

  “Do you have a MySpace site, Bry?”

  “Yeah, why?”

  Jordon found a sporting event being broadcasted and left it on the channel. “Just curious.”

  “You want me to set one up for you? A stockbroker site?”

  “What do I need a stockbroker site for?”

  “Networking?”

  Jordon set the remote down. “No.”

  “Why did you ask?”

  “This wedding planner we’re using. He has one.”

  “Oh? What’s the guy’s name?”

  “Tyler Holliday.”

  “Why does that sound familiar to me?”

  Jordon turned to meet his eyes. “Does it?”

  “Yeah.”

  “When I met him I thought he looked very familiar, but I couldn’t place him. I don’t think I recognize him. I think he just looks like someone.”

  “What’s he look like?”

  Jordon gestured to the study. “Go look him up.”

  Bryan jumped to his feet.

  Jordon shut off the television and followed him, crouching beside Bryan as he sat on the chair in front of the desk. Jordon wondered what Bryan’s opinion would be when he realized just exactly what Tyler Holliday looked like.

  His fingers flying on the keyboard, Bryan signed into his own site first before he hit the search button.

  “I have his URL.” Jordon handed Bryan Tyler’s business card from out of his wallet.

  “I got it.” Bryan moved the mouse to enter his site. “Augh! Holy shit! That’s your wedding planner?”

  Jordon replied, “Yup.”

  “He used to star in gay porn!”

  Jordon fell over, flopping down on his butt on the carpet. “What did you say?”

  “I said… when he was in his late teens he did gay porn movies. He was kind of a twink.”

  “You’re losing me.”

  “Never mind. Does he look like that now?” Bryan pointed to the nude photo.

  “Yes. That has to be recent. He looks exactly like that.”

  “Introduce me!”

  Jordon’s cheeks grew hot and his stomach tightened. “No. I’m not going to introduce you.”

  “Why not? Oh, come on, Jordon!” Bryan grabbed Jordon by the scruff of his shirt. “He’s the perfect fucking bottom! He’s big and brawny and loves it up the ass!”

  Jordon’s skin chilled. He shoved his brother’s hands off his shirt. “I am not introducing you. You have… uh, Fenton. The guy who plays Fenton to screw.”

  Bryan moaned and rubbed his crotch. “I’m making him my MySpace friend.” He hit the “add to friends” button.

  “What does that mean?” Jordon knelt up to read the screen.

  “It means he’ll see me in his friend request box and will hopefully say yes. Then I can email him.”

  “You… you can do that?”

  “I just did.” Bryan scanned through Tyler’s friend list. “Look at all the porn stars… oh, man, I have to come.”

  “Shut up. You’re beginning to make me cringe.”

  They heard the door and Fawn shout, “Yoo hoo!”

  “Shit. Close it down.” Jordon jumped to his feet.

  Bryan disconnected the site and they both left the room.

  “Sorry I’m late, Jordy honey.” She kissed Jordon’s cheek.

  “You reek like a bar. I can smell you from here.” Bryan made a face at her. “Anyway, gotta go. See you, Jordon. Thanks for the amazing meal.”

  “Don’t forget this.” Jordon brought him his leftovers.

  “Excellent. I’ll call you. Bye, Fawn.”

  “Bye!” She waved.

  Jordon dreaded the prospect of his brother getting to sleep with Tyler. How on earth could that make him hotly jealous? The guy was a gay porn star? Good lord.

  “Sorry I missed dinner. Was it good?” She yanked off her high heels and tottered around unsteadily.

  “Do you want me to warm yours up?”

  “I’m not very hungry. We kind of nibbled.”

  “Do I get a kiss?” He reached out.

  She fell against him heavily and went for his lips.

  When he tasted nicotine he backed up. “You smoked?”

  “One.” She held up her finger and looked guilty.

  “Tastes nasty.”

  “I’ll brush and gargle. Be back.” She reached for the walls to make her way to the bathroom.

  Jordon stood in the doorway watching as she cleaned her mouth of the taste of cigarettes.

  Her leggings were skin-tight and had an unidentifiable animal pattern to them; her hips were indeed getting slightly too wide to be wearing something that revealing. Her blouse was low cut and shiny. She looked like something out of the Seventies, but he knew it was the latest trend.

  “There.” She sauntered over. “Kiss me again, gorgeous.”

  He wrapped his arms around her waist, tasting mouthwash, thankfully. After they smooched for a minute, he whispered, “Still have your period?”

  “Almost gone.”

  “Wanna play?” He rocked her in his arms.