In the Sargasso Sea
Page 31
XXXI
HOW HOPE DIED OUT OF MY HEART
The steamer that I had come aboard of proved to be French; and thatshe had not long been abandoned I knew by finding an abundance of icein her cold-room and a great deal of fresh meat there too. Had shebeen manned by a stiff-necked crew she would not have been abandonedat all. She had been in collision, and her bow-compartment was full ofwater; but the water had not got aft of her foremast, and except thatshe was down by the head a little she was not much the worse for herbang. That her captain had tried to carry on after the accident wasshown by the sail that had been set in place very snugly over hersmashed bows; and I greatly wondered why he had given up the fight,until I found--getting a look at her stern from one of the wreckslying near her--that her screw was gone. This second accidentevidently had been too much for her people and they had taken to theboats and left her. But I think that an English or an American crewwould have stood by her, and would have succeeded in getting hertowed into port--or even would have brought her in under her ownsails. She was called the _Ville de Saint Remy_, and was a fine boatof about five thousand tons.
All that I had hoped to find aboard of her in the way of comforts andluxuries was there, and more too. Indeed, if a good bed, and the bestof food, and excellent wines and tobacco, had been all that I wanted Ivery well might have settled myself on the _Ville de Saint Remy_ forthe balance of my days. But I almost resented the luck which hadbrought me all these things--for which I had been longing so keenlybut a few hours before--because I did not find with them what Idesired still more earnestly: the means that would enable me to getaway seaward and leave them all behind. What such means would be, itis only fair to add, I could not imagine; at least, I could notimagine anything at all reasonable--for the only thing I could thinkof that would carry me out across that weed-covered ocean to openwater was a balloon.
And so, although I fed daintily and drank of the best, and had goodtobacco to cheer me after my meals, my first day aboard the _Ville deSaint Remy_ was as sad a one as any that I had passed since I had comeinto my sea-prison; for while the daylight lasted, and I wanderedabout her decks looking always at the barrier of weed which held methere, I had clearly before me the impossibility of ever gettingaway. Only when darkness came, hiding my prison walls from me, did Ibecome a little more cheerful--as the very human disposition to makelight of difficulties when they no longer are visible began to assertitself in my mind.
Down in the comfortable cabin, well lighted and airy, I had a capitaldinner--and a bottle of sound Bordeaux with it that no doubt added agood deal to my sanguine cheerfulness; and to end with I made myselfsome delicious coffee--over a spirit-lamp that I found in thepantry--and had with it a glass of Benedictine and a very choicecigar. And all of these luxurious refreshments of the flesh--which setme to smiling a little as I thought of the contrast that they made tomy surroundings--so comforted my spirit that my gloomy thoughts leftme, and I began to plan airily how I would start off in a boat wellloaded with provisions and somehow or another push my way through theweed. I even got along to details: deciding that it would be quite aneasy matter to open a way through the tangle over the bows of my boatwith an oar--or with an axe, if need be--and then press forward bypoling against the weed on each side; which seemed so feasible amethod that I concluded I could accomplish readily at least a mile aday. And so, with these fine fancies dancing in my brain, I settledmyself into a delightful bed; and as I drowsed off deliciously I hadthe comforting conviction that in a little while longer all mydifficulties would be conquered and all my troubles at an end.
With the return of daylight, giving me an outlook over theweed-covered water again, most of my hopefulness left me along withmost of my faith in my airily-made plan; but even in this colder moodit did seem to me that there was at least a chance of my pullingthrough--and my slim courage was strengthened by the feeling within methat unless I threw myself with all my energy into work of some sort Ipresently would find myself going melancholy mad. And so, but onlyhalf-heartedly, I mustered up resolution to make a trial of my poorproject for getting away.
On board the _Ville de Saint Remy_ there was nothing to be done. Thecorner-stone of my undertaking was finding a boat and launching it,and the Frenchmen--in their panic-stricken scamper from a danger thatwas mainly in their own lively imaginations--had carried all theirboats away. It was necessary, therefore, that I should go on a cruiseamong the other wrecks lying around me in search of a boat still in acondition to swim; but I was very careful this time--profiting by myrough experience--to make sure before I started of my safe return.Fortunately the stern of the steamer was so high out of the waterthat it rose conspicuously above the wrecks lying thereabouts; but tomake her still more conspicuous I roused out a couple of French flagsand an American flag from her signal-chest and set them at her threemastheads--giving to our own colors the place of honor on themainmast--and so made her quite unmistakable from as far off as Icould see her through the haze. And as a still farther precautionagainst losing myself I hunted up a hatchet to take along with me toblaze my way. All of which matters being attended to, I made a ropefast to the rail--knotting it at intervals, so that I could climb itagain easily--and so slipped down the steamer's side.
My business was only with the wrecks lying along the extreme outeredge of the pack--from which alone it would be possible for me tolaunch a boat in the event of my finding one--but in order to get fromone to the other of them I had to make so many long detours that myprogress was very slow. Indeed, by the time that noon came, and Istopped to eat my dinner--which I had brought along with me, that Ineed not have to hunt for it--I had made less than half a mile in astraight line. And in none of the vessels that I had crossed--excepton one lying so far in the pack as to be of no use to me--had I founda single boat that would swim. Nor had I any better luck when I wenton with my search again in the afternoon. As it had been in the caseof the _Hurst Castle_ so it had been, I suppose, in the case of allthe wrecks which I examined that day: either their boats had beenstaved-in or washed overboard by tempest, or else had served to carryaway their crews. But what had become of them, so far as I wasconcerned, made no difference--the essential matter was that they weregone. And so, toward evening, I turned backward from my fruitlessjourney and headed for the _Ville de Saint Remy_ again--for I hadfound no other ship so comfortable in the course of my explorations--andgot safe aboard of her just as the sun was going down.
That night I had not much comfort in the good dinner that I set outfor myself--though I was glad enough to get it, being both hungry andtired--and I only half plucked up my spirits over my coffee and cigar.But still, as the needs of my body were gratified, my mind got so farsoothed and refreshed that I held to my purpose--which had been prettymuch given over when I came back tired and hungry after my vainsearch--and I went to bed resolute to begin again my explorations onthe following day.
But when the morning came and I set off--though I had a good breakfastinside of me, and such a store of food by me as fairly would have setme dancing with delight only a week before--I was in low spirits andwent at my work rather because I was resolved to push through with itthan because I had any strong hope that it would give me whatI desired.
This time--having already examined the wrecks for near a milenorthward along the edge of the pack--I set my course for the south;and again, until late in the afternoon, I worked my way from ship toship--with long detours inland from time to time in order to getaround some break in the coast-line--and on all of them the result wasthe same: not a boat did I find anywhere that was not so riven andshattered as to be beyond all hope of repair. And at nightfall I cameback once more to the _Ville de Saint Remy_ wearied out in body andutterly dispirited in mind.
Even after I had eaten my dinner and was smoking at my ease in thecheerfully lighted cabin, sitting restfully in a big arm-chair andwith every sort of material comfort at hand, I could not whip myselfup to hoping again. It was true that I had not exhausted thepossibilities of finding t
he boat that I desired so eagerly, for mysearch along the coast-line had extended for only about a mile eachway; but in my down-hearted state it seemed to me that my search hadgone far enough to settle definitely that what I wanted was not to befound. And this brought down on me heavily the conviction that myprison--though it was the biggest, I suppose, that ever a man was shutup in--must hold me fast always: and with that feeling in it there nolonger was room for hope also in my heart.