Gravity (Hollywood Connections Book 1)

by Renee Porter

  “It was a story about your life,” my mother pointed at me and I rolled my eyes.

  “It wasn’t a story about my life, well not unless a rare parasitic disease has come through and wiped out 99% of the population and I wasn’t aware of it.” I tried to get my mom to chuckle but her glare was like stone.

  “You wrote about a young woman and man who met at a time in their lives when they needed friendship the most. And then throughout the next books you had them fall in love, only to have one leave in the end even though we both know they belonged together.”

  I held my hands up in mock surrender. “You and Vanessa should talk. You both have the same thought on this subject.”

  “And what are you trying to say? That they don’t belong together?”

  “Of course not.” I spurted out. My mother gave me that look that Asked ‘why’. “Blake doesn’t deserve her. He is a shell of a human being. Even if she would have stayed he would have held her back from doing what she was destined to do.”

  “And did you ever ask if Maddie really wanted to go? Or did you just assume she did because she told you that her dream was to become an actress?

  I bit my tongue so hard that the faint taste of metallic iron flooded my mouth. “I didn’t have to assume. And this isn’t about Maddie.” She continued even though I know my tone was solid enough to let her know I didn’t want to talk about it.

  “You basically told her to leave, B. And she did. She left to go back to New York. You knew she was struggling to find a career out there and this was during a time that a young author got a lucky break with an amazing story. Once you found out that Sony wanted your book for the big screen you immediately told Liz to call Josh and tell him you wanted her for the job. It was your one stipulation for Sony to have the rights of the book.”

  “And what is your point exactly? Am I a horrible person for wanting Maddie to have what she always wanted in life?” My throat closed up and I felt the sting of tears starting to burn.

  “No, of course you aren’t. It’s just a testament to how much you care about her. But…”

  Of course, I knew a ‘but’ was coming.

  “Even you have to think that all of this could have played out with her being here and not three thousand miles away.”

  “The movie was shot in New York.”

  “Because that’s where you wrote the story to take place.”

  “I don’t understand what you’re getting at.” I waved my hands as I closed the laptop lid. My mother grabbed my hands and I willed them to stop shaking.

  “You’re good enough for her. You always were and I hate it that you think otherwise.”

  “I…” I tore my eyes away from my mother. “I just need to write a real ending, you know? A final one, without wondering if she ever comes back or not.”

  “And what have you decided? Does she come back?” My mother raised her eyebrow at me.

  “I don’t know.” I whispered.

  Chapter 6

  January 2016

  “Ms. Montgomery?” I look up from my desk and smile at Denise. She was holding her backpack on one shoulder, her body tense and a faint blush on her fair cheeks. I waved her in and shifted in my seat to a more relaxed position. I could already tell the girl was nervous about something.

  “Hey Denise, how was your winter break?” I asked her, trying to relieve some tension.

  She breathed out as she stood next to my desk. “It was good. Fast, but still good.” I chuckled.

  “So what’s up?” I watched as Denise shifted from foot to foot and then finally she met my gaze, albeit, hesitantly.

  “You went to school here right?”

  I nodded trying to understand where she was trying to go with this conversation. Denise was one of my brightest students. Communications is not an easy thing to teach in high school, but I thought having the class which is normally taught in college was one good idea that the high school offered.

  “Yes…” I drew out.

  “Was there ever a GSA?”

  The pencil I was holding almost broke under my grasp. “A GSA?” I asked knowing what it was but buying some time to organize my thoughts.

  “Yeah, a gay straight alliance? It’s a club where LGBT kids and allies join to talk about issues within the community.” She tilted her head at me and I felt her gaze heat my skin. I wasn’t sure if she knew I was a lesbian. It wasn’t something that I had hidden after high school but still, I didn’t feel like my students needed to know anything in my personal life.

  “No, I don’t think there was. Even though homosexuality was more bearable there were still more stigmas against kids who were gay or transgendered.”

  She nodded her head as she removed a sheet of paper from her back pack and placed it in front of me. “I want to start one this year. I’m not gay but my brother is and he’s graduating this year from junior high. I want him to have a safe place when he comes to school next year, especially with me graduating.”

  I overviewed the details of the club and felt pride well up inside of me for this girl. She was strong and her motivation for starting this club was even stronger. I looked up at her and smiled brightly.

  “I think that’s a great idea. I think a lot of kids would benefit from this.” I picked up the paper and held it out to her but she didn’t take it.

  “In order to start a club, you have to have a teacher mentor. I was wondering if you could help out.”

  “Oh,” I looked down again at the details and cursed at myself for missing the part about the mentorship. If I did this then the majority of students would assume I was gay. You are gay. How would change the way that they look at me? Would they still respect me even? I sat still fumbling with paper in my hands, knowing that Denise was waiting for a response.

  “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just know how you’re against prejudices and think that you would give us some insight on how to discuss the problems associated within the school since you teach speech.”

  Her argument was clear and concise and I patted my back for teaching her how to give a compelling statement. With a heavy hand I removed a pen from my drawer and scribbled my signature on the bottom. Handing her over the paper I knew I had done the right thing when her face lit up in a bright smile.

  “I think what you’re doing is very admirable. I would be more than happy to help you and whoever joins the club out.”

  She looked so happy that I was afraid she would squeal but instead she gave me a thank you and took the paper and headed out the door. For a moment I thought about Bryan and how he was sure to say something if the club ever received members but then I pushed that thought aside. The fact was that people like Bryan Donnelly were slowly becoming extinct. Maybe they would never truly vanish but there was definitely more support than derisive comments.

  ***

  “Mom, did you know that those kids are moving out?” I looked over at the next door neighbor’s house as four young men grabbed boxes and placed them in a large U-Haul. A part of me was relieved knowing that the loud parties would soon be a thing of the past. I still couldn’t believe that Maddie had allowed four young kids to rent the house that her grandmother left her after her passing.

  “Oh yes, I talked to one of the boys this morning. He said their lease was up and the owner didn’t offer them to renew.” Mom said it in such a fashion that left a lot to be said.

  “Is she selling it?” The knot in my stomach wrung tighter. I wasn’t sure why I cared so much. Maddie had told me that she never planned on selling the home, but she was sure she would never move back in either.

  “I don’t think so. They said that they think someone else is moving in, since they got a call from the property manager telling them that a new tenant would be moving in and they needed to get all of their stuff out before six.”

  I looked over to my mother and then the boys who were now in a sword battle with two long cardboard tubes.

  “I hope whoever she chose is at least
quieter. I’m not going to miss the loud parties, that’s for sure.” My mother chuckled.

  “I’m sure you’ll enjoy the new neighbors.” I eyed my mother warily. That mischievous glint was never a good sign.

  “What do you know that you’re not telling me?” My mother waved her hand at me as she retreated from the window. I looked back out, the boys now practicing their karate moves and I hoped that my mother was right. A part of me also wished that in the next coming days I would see a certain blonde figure walking out of the house but that was only my wishful thinking. Maddie had said she would never move back, and I didn’t blame her. There was nothing left for her here.

  ***

  May 2005

  “You’re really not going to prom?”

  Maddie held an exasperated look and rolled her eyes. “Let’s see…hanging out alone with a bunch of horny and probably wasted teenagers? Where do I sign up?” The sarcastic statement was comedic but I still pressed.

  “But you wouldn’t be alone. You would be with me.” I smiled at her but she didn’t return the gesture. “You could hang out with me and Regan.” Her shoulders noticeably tensed at the sound of Regan’s name. It was obvious to me that Maddie didn’t like my girlfriend. It wasn’t like she was ever mean to Regan but there was something about the girl that Maddie just did not click with.

  “I’ll pass. I don’t like being the third wheel.” Maddie moved to a more comfortable position on her bed as I twirled in her desk chair.

  “You know, you could always ask someone to go with so you don’t feel left out. There are a ton of people that would be more than willing to go with you.” I had to get Maddie to come. I was on a mission and there really were a lot of people that were vying over Maddie’s attention. But there was never anyone that she seemed interested in which made me concerned for my friend. “What about Jonathan Daniels? He really likes you.”

  Maddie stuck a finger in her mouth. “J.D. is too much. I keep telling him to lay off but he still doesn’t get it.” I couldn’t understand why Maddie was so hard on him. He was handsome and popular. Jenna had tried to date him for most of the year but his sights were only set on Maddie. Something in the pit of my stomach fluttered but I pushed it down. I had managed to keep my crush on Maddie dormant but talking about her dating always seemed to release a few jealous butterflies.

  “Greg Adams?” I asked raising an eyebrow. Maddie shook her head. “Tim Jones?” Again a shake of her head. I waited a beat and then I said, “Becky Livingston?” Maddie barked a laugh and threw one of her pillows at me. I caught it before it had a chance to drop to the ground.

  “As if! First off Becky is very straight. Secondly, even if she wasn’t she would be way out of my league.”

  “Oh gosh, like anyone is really out of your league, Mads.” I threw the pillow back to her and she chuckled. I knew that she was in a playful mood so I didn’t take her response about Becky too seriously. Maddie really disliked talking about her personal life and I just came to the conclusion that she wasn’t into boys, girls or anyone for that matter. Her mind was on one thing; getting back to New York after graduation to try and make it in the Big City. Even the thought of it made me nervous but I figured I would deal with those feelings when the time came.

  “What does that mean?” She asked as she placed the pillow under her head and laid on it. I chewed my lip contemplating her question. Did she really not know how beautiful she is?

  “Just that you’re probably the hottest girl in school and everyone knows it. Why do you think Jenna always mad dogs you when you pass her by? All of her interests are more interested in getting with you than with her.” I snickered but Maddie was looking at me with a serious expression.

  “You think I’m hot?” She asked. She tried to make her tone playful but it wavered at the end. I swallowed and looked away, staring out across her window and into my room.

  “I don’t have to think it. You just are.” I shrugged my shoulders as I watched my mom walk in and pick up my laundry. She looked over at me and our eyes met through the expanse of branches. She made a face at me and I laughed waving at her.

  “When are you planning on telling her?” Maddie asked as the silence between us broke. I sighed heavily and was secretly grateful that she had changed the subject from a few minutes ago.

  “Soon.”

  “So things are going well with what’s her name?”

  I wish I had another pillow to throw at Maddie. She never actually used Regan’s name and sometimes I just wanted to shake her to get her out of that funk.

  “Yeah, I guess.” I didn’t talk too much about my relationship with Regan to anyone. Not even really to Regan herself. Was it fun hanging out with the girl? Of course it was. Regan was funny and charming and a great kisser. But I had to admit that something wasn’t there. I couldn’t place my finger on it or give it words but I just didn’t feel like it was going to last much longer.

  “What do you mean, ‘you guess’? You guys have only been together for a month. It should be all rainbows and butterflies.”

  I met Maddie’s stare as one of those said butterflies flew into my stomach and all around my skin making me warm from the inside out. “It’s nice, but I just don’t know if she’s really for me.” Maddie shot up as she took interest in my words. I gave her a weird look and she seemed to settle.

  “What do you mean? Is she trying to get you to do things you’re not ready for? Because if she is...” Maddie made a fist and slapped her hand.

  “It’s not that. I told her I’d let her know when I’m ready and she hasn’t really pushed much…but…” I kept my eyes on Maddie. “Shouldn’t I want to be ready? I mean, when we kiss it’s nice but I just don’t feel…” I motioned with my hands trying to find the words.

  “Passion?” She asked. Her voice was raspy as if she just woke up and the tone settled deep within my stomach.

  “Yeah. Passion. That’s a good way to describe it. Shouldn’t I feel passion when we kiss?” I asked my own voice turning softer as Maddie traced my eyes with her own. My heart was starting to race and the loud rush of blood in my ears was deafening. The air between us was growing thicker with an intensity of something and I was immediately brought back to that night of my first date with Regan. Regan, your girlfriend, remember? I shook myself out of our trance and smiled shyly. “Anyways, maybe that’s just something that comes later.”

  “Yeah, maybe.” Maddie said as she laid back down on the bed. “Or you’re not really that into her because she’s not your type.”

  “Yeah, maybe she’s not.” Maddie’s head turned toward mine at the confession. I knew that she was just teasing me but I really did need to talk about this. About what my thoughts were telling me. “Maybe I’m not gay.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I think Regan is pretty but if I was gay I think my body would be more willing with her.” I scrubbed my face with my hands as the words took form. “Maybe I was all wrong about everything. Does that ever happen?”

  Maddie chuckled and I grew frustrated. How could she laugh at a time like this? “Do you really think you’re not a lesbian?” Maddie asked. “Do you look at a hot guy and think, ‘yeah I would totally do him.’” I grimaced and Maddie pointed at me. “See. You think it’s gross. Now, have you ever seen a girl and thought the same?”

  I nodded my head as only one person came to mind and then all of the fogginess in my brain cleared. I had been worried that maybe I misidentified my sexuality. But it wasn’t that I didn’t feel anything for women at all. I thought that Regan was attractive but I just didn’t feel anything for her because I was in love with Maddie. My heart stopped as I thought it again. I am in love with Maddie. I felt my eyes widen at the realization and I quickly stood up. Maddie followed me with her own eyes as her brows furrowed.

  “I gotta go, sorry. I forgot that I…need to do something.” I gathered my backpack and waved at her and then started to run down the stairs. I heard her yelling after me but I didn’t turn back. I ran up to my room an
d closed the door settling my head on the cool wood and slowing my breathing. I was in love with Maddie. I was in love with the only girl who ever showed me true friendship. I was in love with the person who everyone wanted but no one could have. How did I let my crush get so deep? How did I get here? When my breath finally settled I removed myself from the door and turned. Immediately I locked eyes with her over the branches of the wide oak. She was staring at me with concern and something else I couldn’t place. But with a wave of my hand I let her know I was okay and then, with a heavy heart, I shut the blinds.

  I had decided that following week to break it off with Regan. She didn’t deserve to be with someone who harbored feelings for someone else. I had been nervous but in the end Regan gave me a hug and asked if I still wanted to go to prom with her. I told her that it was for the best if we didn’t and she seemed okay with it. She even joked saying that Becky Livingston was her next choice; that made me laugh.

  I didn’t tell Maddie why I broke up with Regan. I let her believe that I had left her because I wasn’t feeling what I should and that things just weren’t working out. She didn’t press but I noticed that she seemed happier during those days after the break up. The light, easy going girl that I knew was back and I was okay with things the way they were.

  Would I have liked to tell Maddie about my feelings? Of course. I think any sane person going through these rocky motions would have. But there was so much on the line. I didn’t know if Maddie was even gay and I was too scared to ask. What if she said no? Then my heart would be broken. What if she said yes? I thought about that for a moment and the dread creeped inside of me. Even if Maddie was gay she would never want to be with someone like me. I was still self-conscious about my looks and wasn’t as confident of a person that she needed. Plus, Maddie was beautiful and carefree. And leaving.