by Renee Porter
Maddie must have thought that my mumbling was quite humorous because I heard her laugh all the way to her room.
“Oh! And a bathing suit!” I yelled up at her.
***
“Best ditch day ever.” Maddie said from behind her sunglasses. I looked over at her lounging on the towel as I sipped my bottle of water. I smiled at her with honest to god happiness. This had been the best ditch day ever.
Before driving to the coast I had taken her to breakfast where she hounded me with questions on where we were going. She guessed the beach five times but I had refrained from telling her exactly which one. I knew that going to an extremely populated beach might not have been the best idea since Maddie was very well known in the public eye. I wanted her to have the ability to relax without having to worry about anyone coming up to her and asking for pictures or autographs.
So I chose a more secluded area that most of the tourists didn’t know about. It didn’t help much though. While no one really ‘outed’ Maddie as being there, they still looked and stared. I didn’t know if it was so much of them seeing her as a familiar face or if they were just enjoying the view. Because what a view it was.
Maddie’s body was impeccable. Her curves were perfectly proportioned on a body with long, silky legs and a tight abdomen. The way her soft blonde curls fell across her shoulders and her stunning features were more than enough to grab any eye on the beach.
“You’re staring…” Maddie smiled at me but didn’t turn her head. I couldn’t tell where her eyes were looking but I had hoped they weren’t pointed at me. Otherwise I might have to blame my red face on a sunburn. And with my olive skin, she knew I rarely ever got those.
“I was just admiring your bathing suit. It’s cute.” No. It’s not cute. It’s hot. Really, really, hot.
“Thanks. I would say yours is cute too but I wouldn’t know.” Maddie turned her head and pointed at me. “Are you planning on wearing your jeans the whole time or are you going to let yourself breathe a little?”
I wanted to tell Maddie that the blaring heat wasn’t what was causing me to have trouble breathing but I couldn’t. I had told myself that if I wanted Maddie I would have to take it one step at a time. And since I wasn’t normally the aggressor in any type of relationship, it was going to be very small steps. But I also knew that if I wanted Maddie I might have to kick it up a notch.
Maddie kept her eyes on me as I stood slowly. “You’re right, it’s really hot out here.” I took the hem of my shirt and peeled off my black tank slowly. The cool breeze on my torso felt so invigorating. I caught a glance of Maddie staring at me behind my own sunglasses and suppressed a smile. As I unbuttoned my jeans, I made a point to remove them slowly, allowing her the full view of my skin being exposed inch by inch. I folded my clothes and placed them on the blanket to my right. Turning fully to her I gave her my best, slow, sexy smile and was rewarded with a heated stare. Maddie’s glasses were so dark that I couldn’t see what her eyes held but her skin was now blushed and I knew that the impromptu strip tease did its job.
She swallowed and cleared her throat. “Cute.” I looked down at my black bikini and mentally patted myself on my back for all those extra hours at the gym. I had been at my fittest in my whole life and a shiver ran up my spine knowing that Maddie probably thought the same thing.
I smirked at Maddie as I held her gaze. I couldn’t tell if she was looking at my eyes physically but I felt her heated glare on me. She clucked her tongue and opened her mouth to say something but she was rudely interrupted.
“Hello, ladies.” Two handsome men who looked like they spent their life in the gym now stood in front of me and Maddie. I took my seat back on my towel as I hugged my knees, consciously covering my body. I guess it was a habit that I couldn’t break.
“Hello,” I said with a slightly irritated tone. I wonder what Maddie was about to say before Thor interrupted. I noticed Maddie pull her glasses higher on her nose as she eyed the men in front of us.
“We need two more for our volleyball game,” he pointed to a stretch of beach down the way. “Any chance you would be willing to help us even the teams out?” He gave us a brilliant smile and to his credit made a point to look at both of us for an answer, rather than just the gorgeous blonde laying in front of him.
I opened my mouth to decline but instead Maddie answered for us. “Sure.” She got up and stretched, her long, lithe body lengthening with toned arms reaching for the sunlit sky. I looked up at her with a protest on my tongue but she bent down and grabbed my hand, easily pulling me up. She lifted her sunglasses and spoke close to my face.
“Let’s go show these guys what we’re made of.” She winked and turned walking off to where the two men were ushering us. I clenched my jaw but when I saw Maddie turn and wave me over to her my resolve weakened. Yeah, I’d follow her wherever she asked.
***
I ended up playing two games and sitting the third one out due to the ridiculous inability to play volleyball. Maddie, however, seemed like she was meant for the game. It wasn’t that much of a surprise though, Maddie did have the innate ability to be good at anything she did.
“Wow, she’s a beast,” I looked over to my right at Rebecca. Or was it Trish? I wasn’t sure seeing as her twin sister was currently playing in the game as well. When we had first joined in on the game I was wary of the group, not knowing if they knew who Maddie was. If they did though, they didn’t comment on it and for that I was grateful. It also helped that they were genuinely nice people and it had been a lot of fun playing with them.
“Yeah. She tends to be good at most everything she does.”
Rebecca nodded at my words. “How long have you two been together?” The water I had just taken a sip of ended up on the sand as I sputtered the rest of it from my throat.
“Oh, we’re not together. She’s just my friend.” I wiped my mouth as I looked over at Maddie who held a worried expression. I smiled at her letting her know I was okay and she nodded her head, returning her attention to the game.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I just thought…well…I hope I didn’t offend you.”
I chuckled lightly. “I’m not offended at all. You pegged me right, she’s just not my girlfriend.”
“Does she know that?” Rebecca tilted her head at me and raised an eyebrow. “Because she hasn’t stopped staring at you since you guys joined the game.” A bright smile touched her face and a knowing gaze graced her fine features.
I waved her off and tried to change the subject. “So do you live around here?”
Rebecca chuckled her own breathy laugh. “Was that a line?”
My face blushed as I stuttered. “Oh…no…I didn’t…I mean…” Rebecca nudged my shoulder with her own.
“It’s okay, I’m just teasing you. Plus, I hope that’s not your best line because I doubt you could get ‘stems’ over there in your bed with that.”
I furrowed my brows. “Stems?”
Rebecca jutted her chin over to Maddie. “You know, stems. Her legs go for miles.”
My teeth clenched as Rebecca’s open ogling of Maddie. I wanted to turn her head away but that would have been too obvious. “Does she know that you have it hot and heavy for her?”
I shook my head, trying to play it off. “I told you we’re just friends. I don’t…”
“Well then, if you’re not into her does that mean that you’re free for dinner tonight?” I was left speechless. This conversation had gone zero to sixty in less than three seconds and I was forcing myself to keep up.
“You’re asking me out?”
Rebecca made it a point to roam her eyes from my toes to my head and I blushed under her gaze. It was still uncomfortable for me to be openly appreciated like that.
“Yeah, I guess I am. That is, if you’re available.”
She was challenging me and it left me in a predicament. I still didn’t know if she knew exactly who Maddie was so I had to tread carefully. The last thing I wanted was for some random str
anger to out her to the media for a quick buck.
“I appreciate the offer but I’m already seeing someone.”
Rebecca winced. “Ouch. Rejected. But I guess I would do the same if I was in love with her too.”
I started growing frustrated at her assumptions, no matter how right they were. I sighed as I tried to steady my nerves. She must have caught on to my frustration.
“Sorry,” she apologized. “I’m not used to beautiful women turning me down. When I told Mac to go get you to play, it was because I was interested in what I saw. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
My eyes widened. I could tell that she probably got any woman she wanted with her dark auburn hair and fair green eyes. If I hadn’t already been hung up on a certain blonde, Rebecca would have been just my type. “I’m not upset, and I’m flattered. It’s just, not a lot of women find me ‘interesting’ as you put it.”
Rebecca eyed me and that knowing smile made its appearance yet again. “Don’t get me wrong, I think your friend over there is beautiful, but I’m more into brunettes.” She gave me a heated glare. I could tell she was still trying to get me to say yes to her proposition even though I had already turned her down.
“But blondes have so much fun, isn’t that what they say?” I turned away from Rebecca at Maddie’s voice. She was holding her arms around her middle in a defensive stance. Maddie was boring a whole into Rebecca’s head, both women holding a challenging glare for dominance. When Rebecca finally looked away after moments of dead silence I knew that it was time for us to leave. I stood as I reached for Maddie but then quickly pulled my hand away, not wanting anyone to think that she was anything more than a friend. I turned to Rebecca, “It was nice meeting you. Thanks for the game and the water,” I held up my bottle and Rebecca gave me a terse smile.
“If you ever find yourself out this way again, be sure to give me a call…” she looked at Maddie with a quick smirk as she handed me a business card. I glanced down at it, “Rebecca Morrison, Photographer.” Her profession made my nerves skyrocket but I pushed them aside. Rebecca, although extremely forward and confident, didn’t seem like she was too interested in getting pictures of Maddie for any reason.
“Thanks, I will,” it was a polite gesture but both of us knew I wouldn’t call. Not with Maddie a constant in my life.
With a few more goodbyes and waves of our hands, Maddie and I started walking back to our belongings with the setting sun. The evening had already dropped a few degrees and when before the breeze was cool against the warmth of the sun, the gusts now seemed to hold a more biting chill.
“Are you going to take her up on her offer?” Maddie asked as we reached out towels. I still held the business card in my hand and I looked down at it quickly. Looking back up at Maddie I cocked one eyebrow up, testing the waters.
“She was nice wasn’t she?”
Maddie rolled her eyes and scoffed at my description. “She’s a shark, that’s what she is.”
I held back a smile at her description. “Why do you think that?”
Maddie shrugged as she started to dress, placing her board shorts over her deep green bikini bottoms and pulling over a long flowing white shirt. The contrast of the white against her bronzed, tan skin made my mouth go dry. She was simply stunning and I don’t even think she knew it.
“She has this thing about her. Plus I saw her openly checking you out.” Maddie turned to me with the towel in her hand, “That just screams player. So just be careful.” She busied herself with getting the rest of our things together. Her face was contorted and eyes furrowed with frustration. I knew that she was jealous by my earlier remarks but I had only wanted to tease her, not actually put her in a bad mood.
“Hey, I’m sorry,” I moved to Maddie but she distanced herself, taking a step back and using the large blanket as a barrier.
“You don’t have to be.”
“Then why are you acting like this?” I challenged her. Her own eyes casted downward, the setting sun reflecting orange in the green and I took a deep breath at the insecurity and beauty I saw. She opened her mouth to say something but then shook her head.
“I’m just acting as a concerned friend, that’s all.” She continued to pick up our blankets, towels, and bags until her arms were full. It kept her busy until finally I had enough. I reached out and took hold of her arm, the muscles immediately tensing.
“Thank you,” my words carried along the cool breeze. I wasn’t sure what I was thanking her for. Maybe it was her concern, the way she constantly protected me, but so much of it was also her just being there. Maddie had come back into my life, restoring a sense of self that I hadn’t felt in so long. I glanced down at her lips, those beautiful perfectly shaped lips and so much of me wanted to close the distance and finally taste them. But as another cool wind touched my warming skin, a shiver ran through me and our contact broke.
“Come on, it’s getting cold. And we don’t want to hit too much traffic on the way back.” She pulled away from me as I watched her retreat. I listened to the waves crash behind me as I took a step forward and then another until I was walking in step beside her.
Chapter 12
“Do you want to come in?” Maddie jingled her keys opening the door wide. I took a step forward to follow but held back. My mind went swiftly to the car ride home, driving across PCH with the ocean stretching limitlessly to the horizon. We had been mostly quiet, enjoying the beautiful sights which paled in comparison when I would glance to my right. I had come to realize that watching Maddie when she is unaware was my most favorite past time. She was stunning in her contemplation and at times I wish I knew what she was thinking. If it was something she was concerned about, maybe even a happy memory, maybe she was thinking about me?
But as I stood there thinking, watching Maddie waiting for my response, I suddenly grew nervous, scared, insecure. Maddie was a beautiful, talented and all around stunning person. For god’s sake she was gorgeous and I realized way out of my league. No matter if I knew Maddie had feelings for me, how did I know that she wouldn’t leave at my innate ability to be everything geeky and stupid. How could I compete with the thousands of women that were in her league? The models and actresses that would stand in line for only one chance to be with her?
“Actually, I think I’m going to head home. It was a long day,” I finally said.
She seemed disappointed but didn’t comment on my change of mood. Again, so much was left unsaid. It seemed to be a pattern with the two of us, mainly because of me.
As I said goodnight and walked home I turned my head to the sky. Wondering if my father’s star was looking at me. Did he see me as a streak across his sky? Just a brief glowing grain of sand running quickly as possible away from the comfort of the blanketing darkness? I wish that I could talk to him, ask him if I was doing it right, this thing that I call a life. But a sickness enveloped me because I knew I didn’t need his advice. And as I walked up the stairs and made it to my room I admonished myself for not taking Maddie up on her offer. Because I knew what that offer had meant. I knew that I would have shown her my true feelings but yet again, here I was, alone. What was I so afraid of?
I opened the blinds to my window and peered out across the way. Maddie’s was already unlocked, the light breeze of the night fluttering her curtains and her blonde waves. She stared back at me, her feet propped on the branch in front of her, her hands holding a familiar looking book.
I undid the lock on my own window and pulled up allowing the night air to give its soft caress across my face.
“It’s good. Better than the last, I think,” she said. I raised my eyebrows giving her a soft smile.
“You’ve read it all?” If she had I don’t know why she looked so sad. She knew the book held so much symbolism of our friendship and more and the end had left no doubt of how I felt for Maddie.
She shook her head. “Not the last chapter…”
“Why not?” I took my usual seat on the sill, studying her dimmed f
eatures, trying to read her mind but failing miserably.
A shrug of her shoulder. A hand placing her hair behind her ear. “I don’t know if I want to know how it ends just yet. I like to be surprised.” She looked up at me and a sudden smile appeared. In that moment in the corner of my eye I saw a rare occurrence in the polluted Los Angeles sky. A brightly lit star made itself known as it shot across my line of sight. And in that moment, I realized that maybe my father did see me as a shooting star, but while I thought I was running away, I think my father was telling me that I knew I was running toward her.
I took a deep breath. “And like the waves in front of me, her memory would swell inside, rolling with the familiarity of time. Each would crash with a deafening roar as I recalled every moment, every second, and every detail and just like the waves they would return to the sea, reaching back toward the infinite horizon, only to return again. It was those moments when I realized how incredibly lucky I was to have her. How incredibly ignorant I was to lose her. She said I didn’t know what love is, but I do. It’s her. It always has been and always will be. And when I glance out as another wave crashes I see her footprints in the sand. Ghosts of where she was fading with the surf but newly formed imprints created as she steps closer to me. Through the years of these memories lost I came to find them once again. She was here, with me, and I knew as long as the stars shone for our loved ones lost; as long as the sea swelled with the memories of her words, her face, her love, I would be home. No matter where we were, she was home.”
I sat silent as I finished reciting the last paragraph of the book. My heart raced as I watched her comprehend what I had just said. Her expression held nothing for me to figure out what she was thinking.
“I realized how much I regretted not telling you how I felt that night you left.” I paused waiting for a reaction but Maddie didn’t budge. I contemplated stopping there but the words were impossible to stop. “When I finally realized what you were telling me a part of me wanted to reach out and hold onto you and never let you go.” I felt the stinging in my eyes begin as my throat closed. “But the other part of me knew I would hold you back. If you stayed you wouldn’t realize your dream…I couldn’t do that to you. You had something to prove and I was just standing in the way. It took me a long time to come to terms with what I had done. To make myself believe that my holding back was the best thing for you.”
