Missing Grace

by S. L. Scott

  Ben hesitated and then dropped his own hands to his sides.

  “Ben?” Jane still couldn’t look at him and her voice was faltering. “You’ve got me all messed up.”

  He tilted her chin up until her lashes rose and her hazel eyes met his greens. “You do the same to me.” He gently pulled away from her and went back to the far end of the couch and sat, leaving the other end as an invitation. His hands ran through his hair as if on a course, then he looked up and asked, “Will you tell me about the accident?”

  She took a deep breath and accepted the offer to sit. She didn’t want to be standing anyway as she told her story. It tended to take a lot out of her physically and emotionally, so she kept distance between them to help keep her thoughts straight. “I don’t know if I was going to the airport or coming from it. No luggage was found where I was,” she spoke softly, but her voice wavered.

  “You traveled for work, and you had just flown into Chicago. You hadn’t checked in to the hotel,” Ben said, filling in the blank.

  “Witnesses found a Starbucks cup next to me on the ground. I guess I had just gotten one from the coffee shop on the corner. It had a heart, but no name written on it.”

  “You would buy yourself a caramel skim milk latte when you traveled. There was a Starbucks nearby that we’d stop on Sundays on the way to brunch. You didn’t want all the sugar daily so you called it your cheat treat.” Ben smiled, remembering.

  She didn’t smile though. “Nearby? We lived together?”

  Ben’s slip became a sip that fed her thirst for more.

  Knock. Knock. Knock.

  They both looked toward the front door, Jane’s eyes wide with fear.

  Hunter. Once again, she felt as though she was betraying Hunter. She needed to go. She couldn’t hurt him after all he’d done for her. The knocking continued, and panic rose inside. “I’ve got to go.”

  She felt so conflicted. Before her was a man who’d loved her with his whole heart, and longer than the three years that separated them. He never stopped searching for her. Hunter had implored her to stop. She was confused. She had to get out of Ben’s apartment, away from the history swallowing her.

  She felt so lost. Should she leave her past in the past and simply embrace her future where the only person who really knew her was Hunter?

  8

  Ben Edwards

  “Please stay,” Ben said, walking to the door, hating that his time with Grace was interrupted. He looked through the peephole, saw his sister, and sighed, half out of annoyance, half out of relief. Turning back, he lowered his voice. “Would you mind waiting in my room? I’m sorry to ask that of you, but it’s my sister and I need a few minutes alone with her before . . . well, before she sees you.”

  Grace looked at her watch. Every time she did it, Ben became more irritated, feeling much like she was afraid to stay. Add the pain of her earlier words, “Hunter was the one by my side, not you,” and he wondered if it was love or fear that Barnes had instilled in her. He kept his face as neutral as he could despite the anger that pain morphed into every time he allowed the thought of Barnes into his head.

  Worry hung in her eyes when she asked, “Your sister?” He could see how nervous she was by how she shifted and looked toward the window.

  “Your best friend.”

  Sucking in a breath, she paused before releasing it. “I only have twenty minutes. I have to go then.”

  “Okay.” Twenty minutes to convince her to come back, to spend more time with him. He was ready to use whatever means necessary.

  She retreated into the bedroom and shut the door just as Ben opened the front door.

  His sister smiled. “You took long enough.”

  “Good to see you too.” He opened his arms and his twin flew into them wrapping hers tightly around him. Emily’s coloring matched his own, but she was petite in stature and big in heart. Ben hadn’t realized how much he’d missed her until she was here in front of him again.

  “Ben,” she said still wrapped around him. “I missed you so much.”

  “I missed you too, little sis.”

  They released each other and she sauntered in like she owned the place. “Only in size. I’m still two minutes older than you.”

  Ben pulled her suitcase in from outside, and joked, “Holding on to the upper hand as tight as you can, huh?”

  “Always.” Emily walked around, heading to the window first and then turned back toward him, and asked, “Not planning on staying long, or what? This place has no life, Ben.”

  Ben shoved his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, but you know. I never intended on staying, so I never put down roots.”

  “Roots? What about a leaf? A picture? Something that says you—”

  “I have a picture,” he said defensively.

  Emily giggled. “Okay, enough of that. I didn’t fly out here to give you a hard time, believe it or not. I flew out here for details.” She walked to the couch and patted the spot next to her. “So, give them to me.”

  “Grace?”

  She looked at him like he was crazy. “Yes, Grace. You found her?”

  Ben sat down next to her and lowered his voice. “I, umm . . . well, she’s, it’s her, Emily. I found her. It’s just that,” he lowered his voice even more, and said, “she’s here right now.”

  Emily’s eyes bugged as she whispered, “Here, here?”

  “Yes, here, here. I asked her to wait in my room while I talked to you.” Ben had told Emily that Grace had amnesia, and a little more, but he left the details about her engagement out.

  “So, she’s accepted her past?”

  “Not fully. It’s a lot, as you can imagine.”

  “Can I see her?”

  He stood. “I want to ask her. It’s her decision.”

  “I was her best friend, Ben.”

  “Emily, this is a lot to take in all at once. I don’t want to overwhelm her. You’re you and I’m me, but Grace is Jane.”

  She nodded and asked what he had been dreading. “Grace is Jane. That’s so weird, but I get it. How are you doing?”

  Ben looked at his sister and put on that smile he had mastered to put people at ease. “I’m good. We’ve had some tense moments, but it is what it is. I’m not giving up on her. I never did and I never will. She feels a connection. I know it.”

  “She wouldn’t be here if she didn’t.” Sympathy was heard in her tone and seen in the concern of her expression.

  He could tell she was anxious to see Grace, Jane. He only gave her the courtesy of calling her that other name to keep her calm. He preferred the name he knew her by. “I’m counting on that.” Ben stood up and said, “She doesn’t have much time, but let me talk to her. I don’t want her to feel obligated if she’s not comfortable.”

  Emily nodded, seeming to understand.

  Ben walked into his room and saw Grace sitting on the corner of his unmade bed. His breath caught in his chest, the sight of her in his most intimate space catching him off guard. “Jane?” She turned as if she had all the time in the world and waited for him to say something more. “Emily would like to see you. You can say no if you aren’t comfortable, but—”

  “I’d like to meet her.”

  He waited by the door for her. She was steadier in her walk, the nerves seemed to have dissipated in his room and she left them there. Touching her shoulder, he said, “If you need me or feel uncomfortable, I’m here for you. Anything you need, just tell me. All right?”

  When he lowered his hand, she took hold of it, surprising him. He didn’t say anything, but he did smile for her. Their connection vibrated between their hands, bonding them. As soon as they walked out, he watched her gaze land on Emily. Then she was falling . . .

  * * *

  Jane Parker

  It was a strange feeling, but not foreign and definitely not unwelcome. Jane turned toward the sensation and felt peaceful, loved, and safe. She heard her name being called. It sounded distant but was becoming louder and louder, clos
er and closer, bringing her back. Life crashed in around her, her ears opening to the sounds of voices that went from muffled to clear. Daylight flooded her vision even through closed eyelids. Her heart raced as her eyes opened, all security fleeting. She locked on to Ben’s troubled face, but couldn’t find words to smooth the lines of his expression between the gasps for air.

  He stroked her hair and smiled down at her, his whole expression changing before her eyes. He looked relieved. Jane’s heart calmed and that sense of serenity returned. “Ben.”

  “I’m here, Grace.”

  The name swam through her veins, his voice warming her along the way. She didn’t know why he insisted on calling her that name other than she saw how much it pained him to call her Jane. Her hand moved to find his, but it was already clasped in it. She gave a little squeeze to show him how she felt when she couldn’t tell him. “I don’t know what happened.”

  “You’ve had a lot to deal with.” Again, he smiled at her and she could see how easily it would be to love this man.

  “How do you feel? Do you need to go to the hospital?”

  “No. I’m fine now.”

  “We can slow things down and let your mind catch up.”

  “What if I don’t want to?”

  His smile showed his amusement, his eyes showed his love. Ben moved cautiously over her and leaned down. She froze while he placed his lips against her forehead and pressed. Her heart pounded, trying to escape her chest. This was his second chance, but felt a lot like her first. She slid her hands around his middle and held him there while he lowered his body and kissed her. It wasn’t rushed. She didn’t squirm beneath him. She didn’t move a muscle. She allowed him to take what he needed because until she tasted his lips, she didn’t realize that she needed him too.

  When he lifted up, they stared into each other’s eyes, and without thinking, she said, “You always made me feel so loved.” The thought wasn’t planned. It was what she felt and the words were so brazenly real, surprising them both.

  “Do you remember that?” The question seemed to attach itself to a silent prayer.

  “I felt it. I feel that now.” He took a deep breath, breathing in her words, and dipped his head forward again. Their proximity made everything so much more intense, his lips were just a mere one or two inches from hers as he rested his forehead against hers again, and sighed. She whispered, “We were in love. Just now, when I closed my eyes, I felt it. It was strong and constant.”

  “We were strong and constant.” He lifted up again, but his body remained touching hers. “We were going to be married a month from the day you flew to Chicago. Grace, you were the only woman I have ever loved, and you still are.”

  His confession was huge, weighed down in truths that were hitting her right in the heart. Jane teared up as she looked at this man, a man she so desperately wanted to remember. If she looked deep enough, she swore she could see the beautiful life they had together. She wanted that beautiful life, too. Maybe she was selfish, but it didn’t feel selfish when she was with him. She felt free. He added, “You were taken from me.”

  She took one deep breath and sat up with Ben’s assistance. That’s when she saw Emily standing near the kitchen. Emily had been quiet, letting them have their time, but visually, she was struggling with holding her own tears in.

  Ben looked over his shoulder, and then said, “This is Emily.”

  Jane watched as Emily approached, hesitant, much like she felt Ben did sometimes. She stuck out her hand like they were meeting for the first time. Ben’s hand warmed her lower back while she looked into green eyes that matched his. Jane may not remember specifics, but even she knew that a hug was called for here. So she embraced this stranger—once her best friend—allowing Emily to wrap her in her arms.

  Both women pulled back and had tears in their eyes as they took in each other, then giggled, which lightened the mood. Ben stood to the side, watching the two women reunite.

  It was an emotional moment, hell, everything with them was emotional, but there was a connection, a familial bond that she felt, making her not want to leave. She didn’t feel so alone.

  “I’ve missed you so much,” said Emily, her smile so kind that Jane returned one.

  Jane didn’t know what to say, but she knew she wanted to hold on to this feeling, so she hugged her again, this time closing her eyes, and trying to remember. The reunion was interrupted by an alarm on her phone. Jane quickly took it from her purse and turned it off. Looking at Emily, she asked, “Will we have time to talk? I see a suitcase. Are you staying for a few days?”

  She hoped she was. Ben was amazing, but so much lay bare to still deal with that her emotions were muddled when she was around him. Jane really thought she might need a different perspective on her past life. A friend. Maybe she could be her friend now too and help fill in other parts of the memory gap.

  “Yes, I’d love that. I’m here for as long as you need me. I think I’m still in shock though. Ben gave me the basics, but I don’t know, I think maybe I didn’t allow myself to truly believe. But, looking at you,” Emily sniffed before reeling in her emotions and taking a deep breath, “I can’t believe I’m looking at you right now.”

  It really hit her. A life. Friends. Family. This wasn’t a first chance. This was her second chance to get her life back. Her disappearance affected so many more people than she ever considered. She knew her parents were probably as devastated as she was, but she never counted on such a large extended family caring so much about her and her well-being. Who else had she lost? Or who had lost her? Who else mourned someone who was very much alive?

  But what would Hunter think? Will he be happy or threatened? The alarm came to mind again. “I need to leave.” She looked at her watch, knowing she had to go, but felt overwhelming disappointment at the reality of it. Jane took Emily’s hand in hers, and asked, “Will you meet me tomorrow?”

  Emily’s eyes flickered to Ben, but when Ben nodded at her, she smiled. “I would like that very much.”

  “There’s a restaurant down off North Halsted called Alinea. Will eleven work for you? We can have lunch. I have two hours open. We can talk.”

  “I’ll be there.”

  With a glance to Ben, she was tempted to do more. They had kissed and this time she hadn’t felt any guilt. She felt giddy. She was in trouble. Big time. “We’ll talk soon.”

  “I’ll call you a cab.”

  “Thank you.”

  When he got on his phone, Emily walked her to the door. “Seeing you again makes me so happy.”

  Another hug was shared. She was surprised at how comfortable she felt with this woman from the moment she saw her. She had been my best friend. “The feeling is mutual.”

  She walked out and Ben followed her, free from his call. The door was shut behind him, and she spoke first. “I’m sorry for leaving, but I have a dinner this evening and I still have to pick up my dress. It’s something I can’t get out of. Hunter is counting on me to be at Spiaggia on time.” She said this as if Ben would understand the gravity of the importance of the dinner. She leaned forward and asked, “If you don’t mind, I would like to meet with Emily alone tomorrow. I really want to spend more time with you, but I don’t know my schedule offhand—”

  “Let me give you my number and you can call me. I’ll meet you whenever you can.”

  Jane handed her phone to him. The second she handed it over she wished she hadn’t. Ben looked at her screensaver and grimaced, but then added his number into her contacts. Of course, it was a photo of her and Hunter. She felt the need to apologize. Logically, she knew she didn’t have to. “I’m sorry.”

  When he handed the phone back to her, his tone had a layer of ice when he said, “Call me.”

  “I will.” Feeling grateful for everything he had done for her so far, she stood on her tippy-toes and kissed him on the cheek. With her lips pressed against his face, she whispered, “Thank you.”

  She backed away with a smile on her face, on
e that matched his. Their eyes stayed latched until the elevator doors opened, and she stepped inside. For a brief moment, she thought he might come after her. He’d searched for me for three years.

  The door started to close, but his hand stopped it and she heard, “Grace! Wait, please wait.”

  In his strikingly handsome glory, he blocked the door with his body, arms wide in the opening. She turned just as the elevator doors opened. “Promise me you’ll call. Please?”

  She smiled and tilted her head to the side, swooning from his determination. Taking his right hand, turning it palm side up, she traced his lifeline with her fingertip. “Destiny is shaped by choice, not by chance. I promise I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  9

  Jane Parker

  While Jane caught a cab to a designer boutique on Michigan Avenue, she couldn’t stop smiling. It was ridiculous, but she felt happy. Truly happy and she hadn’t felt that way in a long time. She had made a decision back at Ben’s place. She would see Ben and Emily and she would get her life back, her whole life, which meant her past and present would finally come together just like it should.

  When she walked out to the boutique’s showroom floor in her new custom-made cocktail dress, she stood on the podium while the designer ooh’d and ahh’d. It fit like a glove to her curves, and she smiled, wondering if Ben would like it on her. Her mouth dropped open, but she kept her thoughts to herself. Hurrying back to the dressing room, she changed back into her clothes, trying not to think about the sin she just committed against her fiancé.

  With the dress wrapped up, she left the store and walked the two blocks to the high-rise, where she shared an apartment with Hunter. She felt different. For the first time in a long time, she felt hopeful. For years she’d let life happen to her, instead of taking charge of it. Although she’d always been so careful when she spoke of finding out about her past, any discussion about her past put Hunter on the defensive, making him stress she would leave him. She had never understood why he would feel that way. Surely love was love? Eventually, she just let the notion go to protect what she had.