by S. L. Scott
She had a good life, although at times, she felt hindered to adhere to an image she struggled to embrace. Hunter gave her everything when she had nothing. She had no right to gripe just as he had rights to how he liked his home. Jane made sure it was clean and her things were always put away, but every once in a while, she rebelled. That behavior was inexcusable. She literally had no reason other than she wished to leave her shoes by the door or her purse on the counter, a lipstick on the bathroom counter, or a book on her nightstand.
Hunter hated clutter, especially hers. She once caught him staring at the book as if it would magically come to life. “What are you doing?” she’d asked, a slight tremble to her tone.
Picking up the book, he turned and asked, “Why do you have this book?”
“I’m reading it.”
“Why this one?”
“I think Seattle’s interesting. I might want to visit.” She did want to visit, but the sudden welling of fear caused her to insert “might” so he wouldn’t get upset.
“Why Seattle? It’s cold and rainy—”
“It’s cold and rainy in Chicago too.”
The book landed hard against the wood top of the nightstand. “I was going to say dreary. Gloomy. Not a place I want to go. I’ll order a book on Hawaii for you.” He left the room without allowing further discussion. She didn’t realize at the time there was an issue. She stopped leaving things around, letting the little things go, and falling in line with how he liked life.
But now, she realized that what she let go was her life. Her personality. Freedom. By taking her life out of fate’s hands, she knew chance was no longer a factor. By choosing to see Ben and Emily to find out more about her life as Grace, which hopefully included meeting her parents, she needed to talk with Hunter. She needed to discuss things with him. It wouldn’t be fair to him to keep doing all of this behind his back. She was already feeling guilty, although she knew that she had nothing to feel guilty about. She couldn’t feel guilty about the kiss either. It had felt . . . right.
She had a right to answers, and Hunter had no right to force her to think otherwise. That discussion would have to wait. She wanted to support him, and this dinner could mean the promotion he had worked hard for over the last two years. She didn’t want to ruin something so important to him. She showered and then did her hair and makeup. Hunter came home at six fifteen, two hours earlier than was normal. He found her in the bathroom getting ready. Their eyes met in the reflection of the mirror as he wrapped his arms around her bare waist. Standing in her bra and panties, she felt exposed. Her knees locked when he kissed her neck and said, “You’re so beautiful, Jane.”
Ben’s words echoed in her head from earlier. She should have moved her hair to the side to give Hunter more access, but she didn’t. Instead, she looked at her watch, and said, “You better get moving or we’ll be late.”
Her gaze lifted and was met by his inquisitive one staring back at her in the mirror. It was as if he could see the change she hid inside, as if he could tell another man’s lips had kissed hers. Jane looked down, closing herself off from his intruding gaze, and sharpened her eyeliner as a distraction.
She felt his glare without meeting it before he walked away to take a shower. After she finished her makeup, she moved into the bedroom to put her dress on. Bent over, Jane was fastening the small buckle on her shoe strap around her ankle when Hunter joined her in the bedroom and started putting on his suit. “What did you do today?” he asked.
A perfectly innocent and normal question for him to ask, but she felt herself heat from the lie she was about to tell. Later, she promised herself. I’ll tell him the truth later. “I had my dress’s final fitting today,” she said cheerily and spun in a circle for him to see.
“You’re going to make the wives jealous and the husbands envious.” As he pulled the belt through the pant loops, he asked, “Did you do something different with your hair? Something is different about you tonight.”
“Maybe because it’s up instead of down like I usually wear it.” She knew he could sense the change in her, but what was strange was that she hadn’t realized she had changed until that moment. Three days ago she didn’t know who she was and now she felt more Grace than Jane, even if she didn’t really understand who Grace was. She snapped out of it and put on a pretty face for Hunter’s sake.
“Yeah, maybe. I don’t know, but I’m determined to find out,” he said, smiling with a little laugh. He was being playful with her, and if she wasn’t feeling so guilty right then, it would have been cute.
* * *
Throughout dinner, Hunter held court. He was attractive, charming, and smart, and judging by the attention he received, the older doctors on staff at the dinner enjoyed his wit and company. The wives also flocked to his young fiancée who seemed to fit right in.
The only problem lay in the Jane/Grace of her brain. Each time someone called her Jane, inside her head she mentally corrected them. Grace. She liked the name and always thought it was so pretty.
Before dessert, Jane excused herself for the ladies’ room. As she passed through the bar area, her gaze landed on Ben, and then Emily. They sat at the bar having drinks. She headed their way, a small trifling of irritation in each step. “What are you doing here?” she asked, and then looked over her shoulder to make sure no one she knew saw her here.
Emily chimed in first, “We’re having a drink. Wow, you look amazing.” Then she turned to Ben and gave him a pointed look.
Jane had her suspicions, but neither of them was giving up the goods. “Well, I’ve got to go to the ladies’ room and then rejoin my group. Please don’t let Hunter see you.” When she walked away, a small smile played at the corners of her mouth. They really shouldn’t be there, but deep down she really liked that they were. She liked seeing Ben again, even if secretly.
Thinking back to the awards dinner, she had struggled to keep her eyes off him. He had to be the most jaw-dropping, devastatingly handsome man she had ever seen and he was running right toward her. Sure it was kind of chaotic and even surprising, but she caught that fire in his eyes. Nothing was stopping him from getting to her.
It may have only been a few seconds, but she took the time to notice the way the tux fit his broad shoulders and tapered to show his trim body. She didn’t know what was under that freshly starched button up, but her mind wandered for a brief second before she was pulled behind Hunter, hidden from Ben’s view.
Ben Edwards was the kind of man that women stopped in the middle of the street to get a better look at. His hair balanced between clean and a little rebellious and that twinkle she saw in his eye held all kinds of mischief along with every emotion he felt behind those deep greens. He beguiled her.
In the bathroom, Jane was applying her lipstick when the chief of surgery’s wife, Eleanor, walked in. She was much older than Jane and had been very kind to her during dinner. This was not the first time she had met her, and she always enjoyed their interactions. Eleanor greeted her before walking toward the far stall.
Jane opened the restroom door to leave, but as soon as she stepped out, she was grabbed and dragged behind a small wooden structure that appeared to be where a pay phone used to reside.
She didn’t scream, instantly knowing whom it was and relaxed, enjoying the feel of his arms around her once again. Her back was pressed against Ben’s chest and he whispered in her ear, “I missed you and had to see you again. That’s why we’re here.”
“But Hunter—”
“I know he’s in your life, but he’s not in mine, and I don’t want to hear his name tonight.”
“A guest from our dinner party is in the bathroom. I don’t want her to see us like this,” Jane pleaded, although her body made absolutely no attempt to leave.
Ben spun her around and cupped her face, pressing her back against the wall. Her body seemed to melt a little more into his as she watched him lick his lips. She was finally brave enough to look into his eyes. Her only hesitation was t
hat she knew if she did she would be lost in them, and right now she couldn’t afford to be lost.
But magic played a part every time he was near, and her mind let the world fade away just as he leaned down. Meeting him in the middle, they were just about to kiss—
“Jane?”
Shit! Shit! Shit! Ben looked over his shoulder and then back again, slowly releasing her.
Jane didn’t say anything to Eleanor who was staring at her with a mixture of disbelief and disappointment. Jane felt if she rushed to speak, it was a motion to cover something up. But she knew she had to because she had clearly been caught in the arms of another man as her fiancé sat at the table in the other room, probably wondering what was taking her so long.
“I can explain, Eleanor—”
“I don’t think it’s me you need to explain things to, dear. I expect you to be open and honest to your fiancé tonight or I will soon. Dr. Barnes deserves better than this. I’m not threatening you. I know you’ll do the right thing.” She walked off, effectively ending the conversation and making her opinion abundantly clear.
Jane had no idea what to do.
“Are you okay?” Ben asked cautiously with one hand on her shoulder.
“You shouldn’t be here, Ben. Were you looking to hurt me or to provoke Hunter? What are you doing?” Her tone was meant to sting, to hurt him like she was being hurt.
“No, this is not about him. It’s only about you and—”
“And yourself? And taking what you need to feel better instead of thinking of the others who might be involved or hurt by your actions.”
“Wait a minute. That’s bullshit. I’ve searched for you for three years, and it wasn’t just for me. I made a promise to your folks that I would never give up looking for you, especially when your dad’s medical problems became an issue. So don’t accuse me of not thinking of everyone else involved. I’ve carried this burden for years when no one else could.”
“Burden? That’s what I was to you? I thought we were engaged? I thought we loved each other?”
“We did.” His fisted hands and tight lips appeared to keep him from saying too much. “You’re not understanding—”
Jane took a deep breath. When she exhaled, she said, “Hunter’s probably wondering where I am. I should go back to the table.” She looked up at him again and could see his frustration in the wrinkle that was solidly formed between his eyes. “Look, I know you’ve done a lot and more than most would—”
“More than most did, Grace.”
“Yes, did. I can’t do this right now. I’ve got to go.” She walked off and left him in the corner semi-hidden away from the world. The sound of his fist hitting the wall was heard just as she turned the corner. She couldn’t turn back.
Fortunately by the time dinner wrapped, Jane didn’t see them. Hunter took her hand and kissed her knuckles as they said goodbye to everyone. Feeling ashamed, Jane couldn’t look Eleanor in the eyes. But what bugged her more was she didn’t know if she felt ashamed for being caught or for not feeling bad about seeing Ben—and nearly kissing him—in the first place.
In the cab, Hunter scooted closer to her and kissed her bare shoulder several times. He was a little inebriated and no doubt high from an evening that stroked his ego. Jane knew that what she had to say to him later would be very sobering.
As soon as he got their front door open Hunter grabbed her, lifted her up, and said, “I’ve wanted you alone all fucking night and now I have you.”
She giggled as he slapped her ass and tossed her on their large bed. She loved seeing him so happy, but after a few seconds, reality sunk in. Jane knew it was now or never. So, she went for it. “We need to talk.”
10
Ben Edwards
Emily, while giggling, unlocked Ben’s door, and he walked in piggybacking his twin and laughing at their childish antics. Emily’s shoes were for looks, not walking, and just like when they were kids, he offered his back and she happily hopped on.
When they entered the living room, they both saw Rebecca standing in front of the couch. She looked surprised, to say the least.
Ben was surprised to see her there, too. He had given her a key a couple months earlier, but she had only used it once, which was after a particularly long shift. Ben had made her dinner, they’d spent time together, and then she left.
“Benjamin?” Her expression went from confused to irate as she eyed the woman next to him.
Emily didn’t say a word as Ben lowered her to the ground.
He realized how it must look, and was quick to say, “Rebecca, this is my sister, Emily. Emily, this is Rebecca.” He didn’t try to explain who she was. Emily understood.
Rebecca’s face instantly changed to relief as Emily went to shake her hand. “It’s nice to meet you. Ben has told me so much about you,” Emily lied.
He had only recently sent a photo to his family, so Ben appreciated the cover story. He also hadn’t mentioned her since Emily’s arrival. Whether it was twin power or intuition, he knew Emily could feel the tension.
“Oh.” Rebecca’s whole body language and tone changed. “He has? Well, it’s certainly very nice to meet Ben’s family. I’ve seen a picture, but it’s been a while. I’m sorry for assuming—”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure it looked bad,” Ben said, stepping forward.
Emily gave Ben a look, a look he silently understood. She walked to him and hugged him. “I’m going to bed.”
When Emily turned to Rebecca, she was about to hug her, but stopped when Rebecca held her hand out. “It was really nice to meet you.”
“You too.”
Emily made a move toward the bedroom where her suitcase was. “Good night.”
Rebecca was polite and said good night to Emily. Ben remained quiet until Emily was in the room and the door closed. He felt disconnected from Rebecca, distant even though she was right there. She was a smart woman, and he didn’t want to lie to her or lead her on.
“Something to drink? I have the wine you like.” Ben needed a drink himself.
“I think I could use one.”
He didn’t delve into the backstory of the comment, but instead went to the kitchen and filled two glasses with red wine. They drank a few sips, neither of them anxious to fill the silence.
“I haven’t heard from you in a couple of days.”
“Yeah, um.” Ben knew this conversation had to happen, but he still dreaded it. He sat down on the couch and looked down at the wine glass in his hand before meeting Rebecca’s worried eyes. “My sister came for a visit.”
She would see through him. He knew she would. She was very good at reading people, so when she began to study him, he hoped she would see how off things were with them. She asked, “Was it a surprise visit?”
“No, but it was spur of the moment.”
“I know it’s been a long time since you’ve seen her. I’m glad you have family visiting, Benjamin.”
“Yeah, me too.”
They both sat on the edge of the couch not looking at the other and continued with a lapse in conversation again.
Rebecca turned toward Ben and said what he knew was coming, “This is about her, isn’t it?” Ben’s eyes lifted as he turned to face her. He only nodded as she blinked slowly, the pieces falling into place. “The other night . . . you’ve seen her since.” Rebecca didn’t have to ask, she knew. It was written all over his face. He nodded quietly. “She’s engaged, Benjamin. Are you willing to break them up over this . . . this obsession you have?”
This was not the patient Rebecca he knew. He had been upfront with her. That part of his life couldn’t just be forgotten as if it never happened. She may have been striking back, but he would stand his ground. “I’m not breaking them up. I’m not making her choose. She can make her own decisions, but I do think she deserves to know the facts, and that she has people who love her, and—”
“That you so obviously still love her?”
He deserved that, although it
stung. “I’ve never hidden the fact.”
“Oh, that’s right. You’re a saint for telling the truth while pretending to care about me. You’re a saint because you gave me some feeble tale nine months ago about being half a man. Yeah, I remember very clearly the story you sold me.” She stood up and set her glass down on the coffee table. “She’s with Hunter Barnes. He’s successful, handsome, rich, and fucking charming as hell. They are royalty in the gossip pages and among Chicago’s elite. She’s not going to leave all that for . . . for . . . for this,” she said, waving her arms around, referencing his bare apartment to prove her point.
Ben didn’t care if she insulted him or his apartment. Although a normal person would be upset at the low blow, he fixated on her other words. She looked at him angrily with her hands on her hips, then finally huffed and turned on her heel, reaching for the purse on the floor.
Ben stood up. “What do you mean they’re royalty in the gossip pages?”
“Benjamin, wake up.” For the first time in their time together, she sounded like a jealous girlfriend. Understandably though. “You saw them at that dinner the other night. Everybody loves them. He won that major award for a reason. They’re in the society pages at least once if not twice a month. That’s how I knew he had gotten engaged nine months ago.”
Nine months ago? Around the same time Rebecca and he started dating. What?
“You saw her in the paper? Did you know—?”
Rebecca had known? She took two steps closer to him with her hands up, but he took a large step back, not wanting her to touch him. “Wow.” She’d known.
“I’m sorry.” The words fell from her mouth, and even though they were filled with sympathy and apology, his heart took a turn.
“You knew all this time and you didn’t say anything to me?”
