by S. L. Scott
“What could I have said that would have given us a different outcome? Benjamin, please, just hear me out.”
“I’m here. I’m listening.” Ben was fuming inside and reeling, knowing he could’ve had Grace back in his life last year. Before she was so close to her wedding. It made his stomach churn in revulsion at all the unnecessary time he had lost, that he and Grace had lost. That Barnes had gained.
“We had been seeing each other only a short time. I liked you and made you smile, which, as you said, you hadn’t done in a long time. We had just decided to give us a real try—”
“A real try? That seems contradictory, considering the lie you were purposely hiding from me. A real try would’ve involved us knowing the facts and choosing to be together anyway. You chose to make the decision for both of us.”
“I’m not stupid, Benjamin.”
“You’re not stupid, but why didn’t you tell Barnes what you knew?”
“Why would I tell him? Hunter was happy and in love. What if I was wrong? You wanted me to destroy their lives?”
“Like you destroyed mine?” He stared at her in disbelief. “I’m fighting a wedding deadline, and I only have you to blame.” Ben looked directly into her eyes. “You need to leave. Maybe one day I’ll try to remember the good times instead of the truth of your manipulation and conniving. I never lied to you about how I felt about Grace, but you lied to me anyway. Just go.” No amount of apologies will heal this wound.
“She was newly engaged. You had a deadline then, too.”
“But I had more time—”
“I’m not going to beg you to forgive me, Benjamin.”
“I think that’s wise.”
His mind was made up. There was nothing left to say and nothing left to do. He couldn’t believe that someone who professed to love him could so intentionally hide something so important to him. That’s not love. He went to the door and opened it. “Goodbye, Rebecca.”
11
Jane Parker
Jane sat up and scooted to the end of the bed where her feet could touch the ground. She gulped when she looked at Hunter. He was a very attractive man and caught the eyes of women everywhere they went. At six foot four, he was tall and muscular, working out regularly to stay in peak physical shape. His dark hair was slicked back, and he looked great in a suit, but it was his doctor’s coat that made his olive skin look golden. Even though he didn’t work in heart care, she had always joked that patients with heart conditions should get a warning before he checked their chart.
Although Hunter was often smiling, Jane’s past always caused a source of contention. The subject was black and white with him. He wanted them to move forward and forget the past—an irritating pun he’d used before. As much as she’d tried to move forward, it was hard to progress when she didn’t know what she was progressing from or even toward. Her heart remained in the gray. She was missing half of who she was. No amount of money, jewelry, trips, or presents would fill the void she felt inside. But he did try. He had wooed her from the beginning, charmed her with sweetness, and would give her the world if he could. For a period of time, she had thought he might be able to, and she had attempted to feel that was enough for her.
Except for a small inkling she kept buried deep down inside, one that she never fed. She even hated acknowledging that it existed within her. For with it came guilt and distrust, deceit, and aloofness. No, she didn’t want to feed that negative thought. She felt shame for even having it. But now? The switch had been turned on, and the light exposed the dark spaces within her. The poison had already begun to spread, making her question the man that claimed to love her so much. But she would refuse it. She would give him the benefit of the doubt and rid herself of the negative thoughts that she sometimes felt.
“What do you want talk about?” His question interjected her thoughts before they were fully collected. “I need to get some sleep. I work a double tomorrow.”
Hunter had been happy just seconds earlier, and she hated having this conversation, but she knew it was necessary. “I need to know why you don’t want me talking to Ben.”
“Is it Ben now? Are you already that comfortable with him that it’s simply Ben?” Hunter slid his suit jacket from his shoulders and hung it inside his closet.
“I’ve seen him.”
“I know. I can tell. I can see it in your eyes. I see it in the way you move around me as if I’ve become the enemy. You’ve never been a good liar, Jane. Something I always found a good trait. But in the last couple of days, I’ve seen the change. I figured it out at dinner tonight.”
Jane had returned from seeing Ben by the restrooms before dessert. She squeezed her eyes shut, remembering that she was going to have to tell Hunter about that too, or Eleanor would. “I don’t like lying to you.”
“Then why have you?”
“You gave me no choice. You knew how much I wanted to find out about my past and yet you practically forbid me from searching. I had to lie until I knew more.”
“Do you know more? Because if he was telling you the truth, we can take that information and find your family.” Hunter sat down next to her on the bed and put his arm around her shoulders. “We can do this together. I’ll support you in this endeavor.”
She shook her head in disbelief. “Now? You’re willing to help now?” She was so angry she stood up and walked into her closet and pulled out a pair of yoga pants and an oversized Nirvana T-shirt she loved, and he hated. It wasn’t chosen out of spite, but for the comfort she found in it. When she walked back out, she tried to ignore his epic eye-roll. “You didn’t want me to talk to him the other night at the awards dinner, and even reiterated how much you didn’t yesterday. Knowing that I did anyway, you now want to help?”
“Yes, since you’re going to do this whether I like it or not, yes. I’m here for you. Janie, I love you.”
She shuddered at the name he seemed to be purposely using over and over again. “Why didn’t you want me to continue searching into my past? That’s what I don’t understand. You know I have a huge hole in my heart. You watched me suffer through pain and disappointment over not finding any answers.”
Hunter took both her arms in his hands and lowered his voice. “I told you. When you were in the hospital and then in rehab, I checked into the missing persons site for Chicago, and there was no one with your description. I asked doctors from other hospitals. No one knew anything. So, I was trying to protect you. I didn’t want you to hurt anymore. You had so many nightmares for the first year and so much disappointment, as well as your injuries from the accident. I wanted you to heal inside and out. I wanted to make you happy.”
“I know you did. Thank you for always looking out for me, for everything you did. But you’ve got to understand that this makes me happy. Knowing I have a family that still cares about me and loves me and misses me makes me happy. I want to know them.”
“You understand you’re putting undue stress on yourself, on us. The doctors told you in rehab to keep stress to a minimum. We can get married and then go visit—”
“I can’t get married without them here,” she said, feeling very much Grace right then.
“What?” Hunter squinted at her, not believing what he was hearing while his hands tightened around her upper arms. “The wedding is a month away, Jane. Please don’t hold off something so important to me over this.” Over this? Over her past? Her family? The hole in her heart?
She backed away until she freed her arms. Her back hit the wall and she looked at him differently for the first time. The poison spread, giving her clarity for the first time in months, maybe years. Ben was right. She didn’t really do any searching. She had trusted in Hunter’s words. But surely he did look up missing persons . . . “Please don’t hold off something so important to me over this.” Our wedding was about Hunter. “You? This isn’t just about you, Hunter. Am I just someone to be your date to events, someone you can call your wife to get a promotion, someone to keep your bed warm?”
�
�No. That’s not what I meant. I know this wedding is important to both of us. It’s just been such a long time. I want to be married. I want that security.” Security? He wants the security? Not about loving her. This is not about . . . love?
“I’m not even talking about the wedding. I’m talking about my life here. You knew.” She glared up at him. “You knew that if I found out about my past, I might not marry you. That’s why you didn’t want me to pursue this. That’s why you encouraged me to give up years ago and to let it go and move on.” But why?
“I’ll support you finding your family.”
“Only after we’re married though, right?” She went back into the closet and slipped on her flip-flops. They were not what she liked to be seen out and about in, but they were quick and easy. She stormed past him down the corridor to the hallway closet and grabbed her coat.
“Stop! Don’t go. Let’s talk this through. You owe me that. Don’t forget that you were the one sneaking around and lying—”
“Because you forced me to,” she yelled, grabbing her purse from the foyer table as she opened the front door.
“That man is not your family, Jane.”
“He is to me.” He was my family. He was the man I loved. She hated telling him like this, but still thought she owed him this much even if he hated her for it. “I saw Ben at the restaurant tonight. He was with his sister at the bar.”
Hunter stopped in his path and his mouth closed so tightly that whatever he was going to say couldn’t even be muttered at this point. The anger in his eyes flickered as he crossed his arms over his chest. He would easily put the pieces together now, but she didn’t want to continue the fight.
“I need to get some air to think. I’ll probably stay at a hotel for the night.”
“You don’t have to do that. I’ll sleep in the guest room if you like. I don’t want us to leave it like this.”
With her body already in the opening and her back to him, she said, “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t do this, Jane.”
She heard the warning in his tone, but went anyway. Closing the door behind her, she walked down the hall to the elevator. The door opened behind her and she looked back. He was glaring at her, his expression unreadable, his words direct and curt, “If you leave, I might not let you come back.”
“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
The door slammed shut just as the elevator door opened. Right then she didn’t know if it was for the night, like she had said originally, or forever. Either way, she stepped into the elevator without hesitation. Her pride and hurt feelings, her anger and confusion . . . she was so baffled. In that moment, she knew only one person who could soothe her.
Ben.
Hunter had a car, but living in the city, she chose to catch cabs or hire private cars instead of learning to drive again. So once she was outside, she waited for her doorman to flag a taxi down. Standing there, she wondered what exactly she’d apologized to Hunter for: seeing Ben at the restaurant or lying about seeing Ben behind Hunter’s back the last two days? Or maybe it was for leaving him like she just did. Or the kiss she shared with Ben. Maybe the happiness she felt reconnecting with Emily. She had so much to apologize for that I’m sorry would never be adequate enough, but even her guilt wouldn’t stop her.
After tasting what her life could have been, after the connection she felt with Ben and the thought of how much more she must have felt for him at one time, she was tempted for more. More of everything—information about her past and who she really was, to spending time with the people who still loved her. Jane let her heart take over. “This is stupid. What am I doing?” she said aloud to herself, hoping rational thoughts would return, but they didn’t before her hand knocked on the door.
Standing there anxiously, knowing she shouldn’t be there, she turned to escape, but the sounds of a deadbolt unlocking and the turn of a knob stopped her.
“Grace?”
She turned back around slowly, answering to the name without thought, and looked into green eyes bright with an emotion she refused to identify. From nervousness, she started rambling, “I’m so sorry for disturbing you. I’m sure you were probably ready for bed and then I come banging on your door out of nowhere, not even sure what I’m doing here other than I wanted to see you—”
“You didn’t disturb me.”
A smile creased her lips and she tucked some hair behind her left ear, exhaling a really deep breath. “I need to know more.”
“I’m glad you came.” Ben smiled while pushing the door wide open. “Come in. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
She entered, feeling more at home here than she did in her own home earlier in the night. Ben went into the kitchen and got two glasses of water. He clicked on the coffee pot, stretching to get mugs from the upper shelf. Jane watched him from the couch, the doorway wide enough to see him move confidently around the small room, almost like he wasn’t aware of his appeal. The sleep pants with no shirt added to the whole look and she found herself eyeing him languidly, taking him in from head to toe, ab muscle to ab muscle until all six muscles had been given equal attention.
When he walked away, he glanced over his shoulder and caught her checking his ass out. Her eyes darted up and then she blushed, hiding her smile behind her hand, pretending to be coughing. He laughed, and eventually so did Jane. It felt freeing for them to let go, to let the wall between them fall.
Leaning against the counter, he was about to say something, but she turned beet red and hid her face by turning away from him. The dirty thoughts that hit her made her insides blush.
“What? Come on, tell me.”
“It’s stupid. It’s late.” She waved him off while peeking his way. “I’m a bit delirious.”
He crossed the kitchen and leaned toward her on the counter. “Well, now you’ve got to share or I’m going to assume the worst by those red cheeks.”
Oh God. I’m so busted. She giggled once more then she closed her eyes and confessed, “I just realized that we probably slept together.” Opening her eyes, she added as if it needed clarifying, “You know, in the past.”
“More than probably.” Ben’s face lit up and his roguish smile made him even more sexy than the brooding expression, which seemed to be the everyday one he wore around her. Then he laughed out loud. “Wait a minute. You thought about that while ogling me from behind or should I say while ogling my behind? You have a dirty mind, Ms. Stevens.”
The Stevens surname hit her hard and made her heart race, but she liked the way it sounded, the way it felt hearing it. “Don’t make me regret sharing my dirty thoughts,” Jane mischievously warned.
Ben leaned even farther, his palms flat on the granite putting him much closer to her, only a foot of space dividing them. “I like your dirty thoughts. Would it make you feel better if you knew I had a few myself?”
He smirked and something in that moment clicked in her mind. “Oh my God. Ben, I just remembered something.”
12
Ben Edwards
Ben froze momentarily as Grace stared at him wide-eyed and nervous. He rushed around the bar and stood with her knees in between his thighs. Their eyes were locked as he took her hands in his. “What?” he whispered afraid to speak louder, as if her memory would disappear if he did.
Her expression softened under his gaze, his curiosity building while he waited for her to speak. She leaned forward and pressed her forehead against his. “I remember this. I remember feeling like this, with you, your smile. We were young and I . . . I kissed you.”
“Yes,” he added with a smile. “We kissed a lot.”
A little pink sneaked onto her cheeks. “I remember a party or something going on. I don’t see it though. I only see you.” Grace’s eyes got wide in surprise. “I can see you in my head. I remember you, Ben, but you were younger.”
Ben closed his eyes, sliding his hands up her neck and into her hair, appreciating everything about this very second. He tilted his h
ead down, rubbing his nose along hers and brushed his lips against hers in the process. It wasn’t a kiss, but it was heated and intense. Their connection was electric, and Ben felt his heart restart after years of being dormant. Breathing her into his lungs gave him life while hope raced through his blood to every part of his body. The same chemistry they always had was still there and now he knew she felt it too.
He pulled back just a bit, dragged his hands from her hair to her jaw, and cupped her face. “I want to kiss you so badly.”
This moment was defining. He gave her a choice, one that could give him his heart back or rip it away forever, but it was her decision to make. “I’m afraid I might still love you.”
“You don’t have to be afraid, not of me.”
“I’m not. I’m not afraid of you, Ben. I’m afraid of what my feelings will lead me to do.”
His mind whirled with memories to share with her, but he reached further into their past with one he wanted to share. “It was your birthday,” he started.
“My memory?”
“Yes, you were fourteen. We shared our first kiss that night, outside, alone, while the party went on inside the house.”
“Tell me more. Please.”
Taking her hand, he led her to the couch where they sat. His arms went wide, wrapping around the back of the cushion as she turned her body to face him. “You were lanky, flat-chested,” he explained, smiling. “And your eyes were a little too big to balance your other facial features.”
“Oh God. I sound hideous.”
“You weren’t.” She laughed, resting her head on the back of the cushion and against his hand. The tips of his finger rubbed lightly against her head, soothingly. “You were still recovering from a bad perm and—”
“Oh God,” she said sarcastically. “I see why you were attracted to me.”
“You were the prettiest girl I had ever seen.”
“I bet.” She giggled, facing forward again and kicking her feet up on the edge of the coffee table like he had his.
