"I don't see why you couldn't," Hephaestus said.
"Takes some practice, but you'll figure it out," Artemis said. They started walking toward a large gray structure, made of what looked like stacked boulders, and I followed.
"We couldn't just do that out of the Nether and get to my realm?"
"No. Someone," Artemis said, winking at me, "destroyed the gateway. There has to be a functional gateway if we want to rematerialize there."
"What about flying? Couldn't I just fly far enough that I'd end up home, somehow? If I can fly over the mountains to get from the Aether to the Nether, couldn't I fly far enough to get to my own realm?"
Hephaestus shook his head. "Your realm doesn't exist in the realm of the gods. It's separate."
"It kind of exists next to our world, but the two do not overlap at any point, the way the Aether and the Nether do. Hence the need for a gateway," Artemis explained.
We entered the cavernous gray building, and Hephaestus immediately went to work. Artemis and the cats (who had also rematerialized with us. I was more than a little embarrassed that they knew how to do it and I didn't) patrolled around the building, watching out for trouble. Hephaestus found a small rod of silver and went to work, melting, shaping it first with a hammer, and then with increasingly more detailed tools. He measured my arm several times.
"Any particular design you're wanting?" he asked after measuring my arm again and settling back in to work. The arm band was taking shape, and I could see the depression Hephaestus had formed in one part of it to accept the stone, which he'd also been measuring carefully.
"No one's going to see it," I said.
He stopped his work and glared at me.
"What?"
"You're going to see it, and you're the fuckin' queen of the gods, so it has to look like something."
"I am not the queen of the gods."
"No? You just made everyone swear fealty to you. What else would you call it?"
"Empress!" Artemis shouted from outside.
"Oh, shut up," I called out at her, and she laughed.
"I'm not," I said to Hephaestus again, more quietly.
"You are as far as I'm concerned, and I'm the one making this thing. Tell me what you want." He looked at me for a moment longer, his dark gaze holding mine. "What? Flowers? Swords? Butterflies? Hearts and cherubs? Happy puppy dogs? What?"
"Leaves," I said finally.
"Leaves," he said, then nodded. "Was that so hard?" he muttered as he went back to work.
"It's not that I don't appreciate your artistry or anything," I said, trying to placate the irritated immortal. "I'm thinking in practical terms, is all."
"I know," he said. "Here's another question for you, queenie," he said as he worked.
"What?"
"You're really going to fix the gateway?"
"Create. There is no gateway anymore. I have to make a new one," I said.
"Have you considered this? You'll not be the same when you go back."
"Well, duh. I've been through some shit during my time here…"
He shook his head. "That's not what I'm saying." He worked a few more minutes, shaping the silver, and I could see the beginnings of leaves forming along the band. "I'm saying, I can feel the Nether in you."
"That was the price," I said quietly.
"Remember when we said that the realms of the gods and the realm of mortals were separate, that they didn't cross at any point?"
I nodded.
He met my eyes again. "Could be maybe they're separate for a reason. And you're going to go carrying a piece of the Nether itself with you into your world."
"What choice do I have? I need to go home. I needed to have a chance to be free and live again. There was no other way."
"I'm not saying there was. I'm just suggesting that things might not be all roses when you make your way back." And with that, he bent over the arm band, engrossed in his work again.
I watched him work, trying to shake off the worry that his words had caused. It's not like I could change it anyway. I had a feeling the Nether wouldn't respond with "Oh, that's okay. I saved your life and all, but I'll totally let you go back on paying the price." Extremely doubtful. I'd deal with it. I'd make it work. I wasn't sure why its price had been a piece of my soul, but I had been willing to pay anything. I hadn't even considered asking it what it wanted from me, or why.
I sat and watched as Hephaestus worked. The plain, hammered silver armband was becoming something much more elaborate. I was picturing maple leaves or something like that, but the god was adorning the band with the delicate leaves of the trees I'd seen in the Nether, along with leaves I recognized from my world: oak, maple, ash. They came together in a way that reminded me of leaf piles I'd jumped in when I was a kid. It was the most intricate, beautiful piece of jewelry I'd ever seen, and it seemed to take him no effort at all.
"It'll lay flat under clothing. Too bad, really. Be nice to add a more sculptural element to it," he murmured as he added detail to what looked like the final leaf. "Once I'm done with this part, we'll set the stone in, and I'll add silver over top, work that so the design blends with the rest. Only a little bit of the stone will be visible. Right?"
I nodded, and he looked back down at his work, hair falling over his eyes again. He finished, then placed the stone into the depression he'd formed in the band. It fit perfectly (of course) and he started placing additional silver over it, forming it into more leaves. By the time he was finished, the black stone was mostly covered with silver leaves, just a bit of shiny black stone peeking out between them. It looked like nothing more than an absolutely stunning and innocent piece of jewelry.
Hephaestus gave it a final polish, then held it out to me. I held it in my hands, turning it over, running my fingers along the delicate work. I could still feel the coldness of the stone, turning the silver around it cold as well. Hephaestus watched me as I admired it.
"Okay?" he asked.
"I… it's amazing. I honestly don't feel worthy to wear something as gorgeous as this."
He grunted. "You're worthy." Then he turned around and started cleaning up, and I slipped the band up my arm. It rested perfectly just above my bicep. Made for me. It felt cold against my skin, and I could still feel Ares and Dionysus' power emanating from it. I looked up to see Hephaestus watching me. His emotions were a dull roar, a jumble of things I didn't have the energy to sort out. Respect. Admiration, for sure.
I pulled my sleeve down quickly. "Thank you."
"My pleasure, queenie," he said quietly.
Artemis popped her head into the workshop. "Done?" she asked, glancing sharply at Hephaestus.
"Done," I said.
"Ready to go back?"
I nodded, and we traveled back to the Nether. Now, I had work to do.
Chapter Ten
When we got back to Hades' palace, Hephaestus excused himself and went back to his room, and Artemis headed to the kitchens to get something to eat, muttering about "worthless Nether food."
I made my way toward my father's study. The door was open, and I could see my mom, my dad, and Persephone sitting around his desk.
"Dysfunctional family reunion?" I asked when I walked into the room. Persephone rolled her eyes and gave a small shake of her head. My mother laughed, and Hades (probably wisely) stayed silent.
"We're trying to figure out if we know anything about making a gateway," Hades said, gesturing to a chair.
"Wait. Aren't we all supposed to rise until she's seated?" Persephone asked with a sneer.
"No, Just you," I told her, flopping into the empty chair. I sensed humor from my mom, and she glanced at me and gave me a small smile. "You guys aren't going to start the 'queen' bullshit too, are you? I just went through that with Hephaestus."
"Well. I wasn't going to call you a queen. But it's not inaccurate," Hades said. "You forced the gods to swear loyalty to you. You rule us."
"And how do you feel about that, dad?" I asked him, meeting his
eyes.
"You know how I feel about it. You're a Fury," he said.
"I want to hear it."
He shook his head. "I am not used to the idea of being ruled. I'm not overly fond of the thought. But if it had to be anyone, it's damn appropriate that it's my daughter who made the gods finally bend a knee to something bigger than themselves. I'm proud of you, and I'm enjoying lording it over the other gods. All right?"
"I think you'll find that what you promised them will bind them to you much more strongly than anything else you've done," Tisiphone said, and Persephone nodded grudgingly.
"What? Access to my realm?"
"Being relevant again. You gave them permission to be gods again. We've been blind and stupid, sitting here in the Aether and Nether, playing a game of thrones when the world we once loved was there the whole time," Hades said.
"Why did you draw back?"
Hades shrugged. He sat back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. "For a while, we walked among the mortals. We helped them. Or harmed them, depending on our whims. It's not like they had any say in the matter." He took a sip out of a crystal glass that held a dark purple liquid. He was seated in his large chair, looking every bit like something out of The Godfather. A fire crackled in the huge stone fireplace across the room.
"Not that that's a good thing," Tisiphone said, and Hades nodded, after a slight hesitation.
"But you know the issues we have with your realm. We're not as powerful there. And we've spent our entire existence stabbing each other in the back. So we all knew that we needed to be at our most powerful--"
"You can't actually kill each other," I reminded him.
"No. But we can be captured," Hades said.
"Tortured," Tisiphone said.
"Imprisoned," Persephone muttered.
"Used," Hades finished. "So it was foolish to be in a place where our power is less. Over time, we just all stayed here. Ares and others, like Artemis, made occasional trips to the mortal realm. Most of us simply became more comfortable here."
"The Furies are fine in my world," I said, and Tisiphone nodded.
"We're pretty much the only ones though. Furies and Guardians must go to the mortal realm to fulfill their duties. The others do not have the same situation."
That reminded me of the conversation I'd had with Athena and my mother what felt like an eternity ago. "What about the spirit daemons?"
"They're stronger there, because of the way their powers work," Tisiphone said, crossing one long leg over the other. My father noticed it, with some appreciation.
I really would have rather not known that. The Lord of the Nether loved his wife. But he still lusted over my mother and what they'd had together, brief as it had been.
I forced my mind back where it needed to be. It was proving very, very distracting, having them all in my head with me. "So they don't suffer any ill effects from being cut off from this world? I'm thinking of the ones I trapped there," I said.
"I know you are," Tisiphone said softly. "And unfortunately, no. It matters not at all to them that they can't access this realm anymore. Your world is their playground. So much emotion. So many minds and hearts to put to use."
"Tell me about Eris," I said.
"She is what you'd expect her to be," Hades said. "Spiteful. She enjoys violence and chaos. The more, the better. She never tires of causing discord."
"Great," I said, shaking my head. "And I trapped her there with them."
"The good thing is, like most spirit daemons, she tends to work from behind the scenes. It's just how they do things."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"She usually takes other supernaturals into her circle," my mother said. "Witches, warlocks, beings like that. Beings with a bit of power of their own. And she whispers in their ears, gives them visions of greatness. She teaches them how to do things they never could have imagined possible. And in doing so, she leaves strife in her wake."
"One of her specialties used to be having witches infect the innocent with a kind of curse that would cause discord among those around him or her," Hades said.
"Those were bad," my mother said, shaking her head. "She managed to start a war or two with that curse."
"My wife is a genius at getting rid of them," Hades said, smiling at Persephone in a way that made her blush, just a little.
"Well. It's been a while. She hasn't needed to work very hard to cause discord in your world. You mortals excel at fighting with one another," Persephone said.
"Yeah. And you all are a bunch of benevolent angels," I said to her.
"Point taken," she said, giving me an icy glare.
We sat in silence for a while. "You said you were trying to figure out what you knew about creating a gateway. Come up with anything?" I finally asked.
Hades shook his head. "I am sorry." He took another sip from the goblet in his hand.
"Who created the original gateways?"
"They just existed. No one created them," Hades said.
"Someone or something created them. Things don't just appear out of nowhere," I told him.
"Well, whoever it was, we have no idea. They've been around for my entire existence. Well, until recently, anyway."
"Was it the Titans or whatever it was that came before you?" I pressed.
He gave me a steely glare. "We don't talk about the Titans."
"They--"
"They were here already," Tisiphone said. "We don't know where they came from."
I sighed, dropping the subject. Apparently, this was getting me nowhere fast, and, selfishly, I really didn't want anything else to think about. I had a feeling the Titans were a can of worms I didn't want to open just then. After a few more minutes of conversation, I excused myself and went back to my room, Artemis' cats shadowing me. My patience had started wearing thin, and the emotions in the room, between my father's lust for Tisiphone and Persephone's rampant dislike for me, had set me on edge. My hands were stiff from holding them clenched in my lap as I'd gotten more and more irritated.
I shut myself in my room. Rubbed my hands together. They felt dirty all the time now. My skin prickled. I could still feel blood and filth caking my body, and it felt like I'd never be truly clean again. I could ignore it better when I was focusing on something else, even though the feeling was always there. Tired and alone, though, not having to worry about keeping up a facade of control I didn't feel, the fear threatened to suffocate me.
I went into the bathroom and washed my hands for a long time under scalding-hot water. Not that it helped. I stood there for a while and tried and failed to pull myself together. The constant rumbling of the thoughts of the gods I'd bound to me threatened to drown out all other sounds, and the Nether pulsed within me and in all the noise it was becoming harder to pick out my connection to Brennan. I held my head, which had started pounding as soon as I'd left the Nether to visit the Aether and still hadn't stopped. I tried to take deep breaths, but doing that only reminded me of what it felt like in the ground, gasping for breath, suffocating.
I felt like I was dying again. Like I was teetering on the edge of an abyss, just about to go over. Trying to pull myself together only made it feel worse, as if my psyche was mocking me; the harder I tried to calm down, the more intense everything became.
I tried talking to myself, reminding myself that I could get through anything. That I had gotten though just about everything. I tried focusing on Brennan, on home, on hot coffee and a warm bed. Nothing worked, and in the end, I had no choice but to ride out the panic, to feel it, to let it obliterate every good thought I tried to have. I slid to the floor, immobilized by the terror coursing through me.
I don't know how long I stayed on the cold stone floor.
After a while, I was able to breathe without wanting to puke.
I stopped shaking, eventually.
My head still pounded. Too many voices, too many emotions. I could hardly stand it. I'll adjust, I tried to tell myself. It's only been a lit
tle while. I'll get used to it.
I decided to try a bath with some of the herb-scented bath oils I'd spotted in my chambers. I forced myself up, ran the bath water, added several drops of one that smelled a lot like lavender. I stripped, leaving the silver arm band Hephaestus had created for me snug around my bicep.
I lowered myself into the steaming water and leaned back, resting my head on the ledge of the tub. For a while, I listened to the thoughts and emotions of the gods. Zeus was pouting, but resigned. Apollo was hunting, and quite enjoying it. My aunt Megaera was working, punishing the damned. Aphrodite was mourning Ares. I'd have to watch out for her. Persephone..
Oh, ew.
Persephone and Hades were doing something I didn't really want to think about them doing.
I shoved the thoughts of the gods away, shaking my head to try to clear it of the thoughts I'd just witnessed. This was going to be more irritating than I'd thought. I was still on edge from my breakdown, still raw from the helplessness I'd felt, the way I'd had no choice but to let fear and despair claim me.
I closed my eyes, and my thoughts turned, not unexpectedly, to Brennan.
The remnants of what Persephone had been feeling still hovered in my mind, reminding me what it had felt like, in another life, to be loved. My thoughts wandered to Brennan loving me. I rested in the hot water and remembered the feel of his warm lips, the sensation of his strong, sure hands on my body. How good it felt to be filled by him.
It wasn't just a physical thing. The connection we had was so much stronger, warmer, brighter when we were together that way. I craved it. I could go the rest of my existence without food or water, but that connection, the feel of our souls entwining as our bodies writhed in ecstasy… I needed that.
Eventually, fantasies about Brennan lulled me to sleep, and, for a while, I dreamed about him and his warmth, and what it felt like to be home.
When I woke again, I pulled myself out of the bath, dried off, and climbed into the fluffy bed. As I laid there, I tried to think about how to create the gateway. I had all the power I'd ever have, between what I'd been given by the Nether and the stone powered with Ares and Dionysus. My ties to the gods, too, gave me a little extra something, in addition to the headache and general sense of irritation.
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