Home: Hidden Book Three

by Colleen Vanderlinden

  I'd destroyed it by simply focusing. I'd try that again. I knew two things now that I hadn't known the first time around: it would likely take enough power to kill me in the process, and it really didn't matter if I died, because I'd come back.

  Except now, with my extra power… I was hoping to stay alive through it. Dying was not an option, really, because resurrection left me weak. And when I was weak, when my guard was down, bad things happened.

  No. I definitely had no intention of letting it kill me this time around.

  The ideal thing would be to have an immortal or two I trusted who would watch out for me in case it killed me. I wanted to trust my parents and Artemis. I probably could.

  Probably.

  I wasn't willing to risk it. I'd just have to manage to stay alive.

  I rolled over, and my wings flapped awkwardly. I still hated them. The good thing was that I guessed I could probably enchant myself to hide them when I was back in my realm.

  That gave me an idea.

  I stood up and stood in front of the large gilt mirror in my room. I focused, bringing up an enchantment, and I looked in the mirror. No wings. Long dark hair. Creamy, but not deathly pale, skin. Normal, non-alien eyes. The way I'd looked a few dozen lives ago.

  I didn't even know this girl anymore. She'd thought she was such a badass.

  She was nothing.

  The enchantment fell, and as it did, it wavered and showed me as I'd been after emerging from my grave. Filthy. Destroyed. Bordering on madness.

  That's the real me, I thought as I forced the enchantment away completely. The blood and filth fell away, and then it was just me, glowing-eyed, winged freak, standing in an empty room.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  I spent a lot of my time in the stretches of unmeasurable time that followed alternately trying to open the gateway and having my ass kicked training with Athena. I actually kind of preferred the ass-kickings. The gateway was proving to not be nearly as straightforward as I'd hoped, and fighting Athena helped me burn off some of the ever-present rage I felt gnawing at me since I'd emerged from my grave. I worked, and I fought, and I tried not to think about how home felt farther away than ever.

  I had no idea how much time had passed in my realm. I hated that there was no way of telling time in the Aether and the Nether. I mean, I understood that hours, days, even years, have no meaning to immortals, but it made me feel off-kilter and kind of lost.

  It had been another long stretch of failure at the gateway, and I finally gave up and made my way back to my father's house, I was tired and crabby and feeling completely worthless. I'd fought my way back from the freaking grave, and I was still trapped in the Nether, with nothing but a really noisy mind to show for it.

  When I got there, my parents, Persephone, Hephaestus, and Artemis were sitting in the living room, around the fire place. There was a large, rich-looking cake on the side table, and I helped myself to a huge slice and sat down on one of the sofas between Hephaestus and Artemis.

  I listened and ate. They were debating the things they'd do once they had access to my realm again, how they'd handle ensuring that they were worshiped and revered again. And I recognized it as one of those times where I should have kept my mouth shut. But I was in a bad mood and I suck at self-control.

  "You know what I think? I don’t think you’re gods at all," I said, setting my empty plate on the table and leaning back against the sofa cushions.

  I heard Hephaestus make a sound in his throat, but I didn’t have a chance to focus on that, because my father started going off on me.

  "Not gods, eh? In your educated opinion of gods, since you’ve known about us for so long, you’ve determined that we don't know what we are. Okay."

  "Do any of you create life? Were any single one of you the beginning of anything? No. You came from the Titans or whatever the hell you call the beings that came before you. Maybe they’re gods. I don’t know. Maybe you can say you’re descended from the gods, if gods even exist at all. But from where I’m sitting, you’re just a bunch of souped-up supernaturals. There’s not a damn thing I’ve seen in my time here that makes me believe you’re anything worth worshiping."

  The five of them stared at me, and Hephaestus laughed. "Finally, someone with some fuckin’ sense. I’ve been saying this forever."

  "And you're also off your rocker," Hades muttered.

  "What makes you gods?" I challenged him.

  "You come from beings who sentence and punish the souls of the dead, and you’re asking what makes us gods?" Hades asked.

  "I’m not saying I don't believe in what you do. I’m just saying that maybe you’re just a bunch of super-powered freaks, too. More powerful than those from my realm, but super-powered freaks nonetheless. You have special abilities. Yours involve interacting with the dead." I shrugged.

  "What? Are we missing our halos? Is that why you don’t believe in us?"

  "People pray to us and we respond to it, Mollis," Artemis said. "How do you explain that away?"

  "I don’t know. Maybe we’re more in tune with mortals, somehow. They need us, and we feel it. But you’re trying to sell this idea that you’re gods, and so am I. I’m not buying it."

  Every immortal in the room was irritated with me, except for Heph, who seemed to be rather enjoying himself.

  "You’re talking semantics now. What does it even matter what we call ourselves?" Persephone said, exasperated.

  "Exactly. What does it even matter? Why does it bother you all so much, then, that I don’t think you’re gods?" I asked her, and got a stony glare in response.

  "Why does the idea that we do consider ourselves gods bother you so much?" my mother asked me.

  I sat quietly for a minute, trying to think of how to put it. "Look. You’re all super-powered. Obviously. You have powers that seem crazy to anyone from my realm. But guess what? I know lots of beings who have powers that seem crazy. You’re not unique in that. More powerful, sure. But not unique."

  I glanced at my father, then my mother. "Once you start tossing words like ‘gods’ out there, it does something. You start believing the shit you’re selling, that by calling yourself a god, you’re somehow above everyone else. And don’t deny it, because every one of you in this room, except for him, maybe," I said, gesturing toward Hephaestus, "believes you’re better, somehow, than everyone who isn’t one of you."

  I paused again. "And you’re not. You’re just as small, petty, dishonest, and stubborn as anyone else. You think you’re above those in my realm. But you know what? Nobody in my realm owes any of you shit. Nobody in my realm owes me a damn thing. So you can call yourselves gods, hold onto that lie. But I’m not buying into it."

  "They pray to you, Mollis. They believe you’re a god," Hades said. "And you can feel it when they do so."

  "They can believe that if it helps get them through the night. But I know better. I don't answer prayers. If I’m lucky, I stumble around and eventually save someone who prayed for it." I shrugged. "And you’re no different. I’m right, aren't I?"

  I was met with a stony silence, all the answer I needed. "You don’t hear prayers. You feel when someone's thinking of you. Okay. Yay, congrats. You have a superpower that puts you at the whims of the people in my realm. They focus on you, you get a boost in power. They don’t… well, no boost for you. So you’re a bunch of drama queens who need to be the center of attention. And people are supposed to worship you?"

  I sensed a whole lot of amusement from Heph, but everyone else stayed silent. A while later, my father and Persephone excused themselves, and, shortly after, Artemis and my mother did the same. Then it was just Hephaestus and the cats and I. I stared into the flames dancing in the huge fireplace. It made me wish I could feel warm again, just for a little while. The coldness that had pervaded my body as I waited, resurrecting and dying in my grave, still hadn't gone away. I knew it was the Nether, now living, just a little, inside of me. That, and the icy cold coming from the stone I now wore on my arm. I ru
bbed my hands absentmindedly and leaned my head back against the cushions.

  "Well. You pissed them off good, queenie," Heph said after a while.

  "I probably should have just kept my mouth shut."

  "And what fun is that?" he said, and then we were silent for a while. "So, you don’t believe in gods. You believe in prophecy?"

  I crossed my arms, kept looking at the fire. "I don’t know. I believe in the ability to see the future. I know a woman who can do that, for real. And she’s not perfect but she always gets at least some of it right. Prophecy is just that, I think."

  "So when you listened to the Fates and destroyed the gateway? Why’d you do it?"

  I shrugged. "I figured there was a kernel of truth in it. And even if there wasn’t some half-assed prophecy they were all trying to sell, I knew I needed to shield my world from this one. Zeus was already throwing lightning around. I acted fast. And probably stupidly. But I did the only thing I knew I could do at the time."

  "You heard the part of your prophecy that said your coming would destroy the world of the gods, yeah?"

  I rolled my eyes. "Yeah. I heard that part. And when I destroyed the gateway, everyone assumed it meant cutting you all off from your supply of energy from the mortal realm. Like I said: bunch of drama queens."

  He laughed, and I saw him lean forward out of the corner of my eye. He was looking into the fire, too. "Maybe it just meant that you’d make them start to think differently. Maybe this is the beginning of them realizing they’re not as high and mighty as they think they are."

  "They’re not going to change. They’ll keep believing what they want to. But I’m not buying into it."

  Neither of us said anything for a long time. "You don’t buy it either?" I finally asked him.

  "No. Same reasons as you, pretty much. I haven’t seen anything to suggest we’re that special. We’re more powerful than what you’d find in your world. Different worlds, different power levels," he said, shrugging his massive shoulders.

  "Are you an atheist, Heph?" I asked him.

  He laughed. "Could be. All I know is this: my parents," he said with a sneer, "didn’t want me because of my deformity. I was imperfect. They abandoned me in your realm. Cast me out, left me to die. Came down to it, I made it back by myself. That's what I can count on, and that’s all I believe any of us can count on: ourselves." He was quiet a while. "Maybe that’s why I never did hate you. Never feared you. We have more in common than just about anybody here. You don’t give up, and neither do I."

  "Is that why you joined my father’s side?"

  "I joined your side," he clarified, glancing at me. "My father is an absolute horse's ass. Anybody who thinks Hermes was all right and you were the villain is a joke. And anyone who hates you for what you are needs to take a good look in the mirror."

  "Your wife joined Zeus," I said.

  He got up, walked to the fireplace. He tossed a couple more logs on, poked at the fire for a few minutes. "My wife," he finally said, derision in his voice. "My wife has slept with just about every male immortal here, and who knows how many mortals. She never wanted me, and I never wanted her. Early on, I’d get upset that she didn’t respect our marriage. It’s been so long now, I don’t care anymore. Doesn't matter to me either way which side she chose."

  He sat back down. "Can I tell you somethin’, queenie?"

  I nodded.

  "Once you make the new gateway, I’m thinking I’m done here. Used to be a time, I spent years on end in your realm. I was happier then. Once I’m able to, I’m going through that gateway, and I’m not coming back."

  "What will you do in my realm?"

  He crossed his arms across his chest. "Work alongside the mortals. Make things. Use my hands and body. Stop wasting away here like some useless relic."

  "You make weapons and armor," I said.

  "I make everything," he said, glancing at me. Not prideful, just stating a fact.

  "My team, back home. In Detroit," I said. "If you feel like it, you could consider working with them. I’m sure they’d appreciate having someone as skilled as you making weapons for them. My friend, Shanti, she adores swords. When I got stuck here, she’d just started the next level of her training…" I trailed off, remembering.

  "You miss them," Hephaestus said, and I gave a small nod. "Could be I’ll look them up when we make it to your realm. Maybe for a while, anyway. It would be nice to be part of something like that."

  "It is. You feel like you’re really doing something worthwhile. And it’s scary as hell and you want to scream in frustration, sometimes. You wonder, time and time again, how we can be so awful to one another. But when you fall asleep at night, you do it knowing someone’s alive, home, because of what you did. It’s the only thing I’ve ever been good at."

  "I’m finding that a bit hard to believe."

  I didn’t answer for a while. "Well. I'm also good at making really bad decisions."

  He laughed. "And at having a sunny outlook. Don’t leave that out." Then he got up. "You gonna sleep at some point?"

  I shook my head. "Later, Heph."

  He gave me a wave and walked out of the room. I sat there until I heard the rest of the immortals start moving around again, hours later. There was no point in going to my bed, where I'd just lie awake either remembering nightmares or missing Brennan and my friends back home. I listened to the immortals' thoughts for a while, and I thought about what I could do differently with the gateway. There had to be a way, because there was no way in heaven, hell, or anyplace else that I was spending eternity trapped with a bunch of self-important assholes.

  Chapter Eleven

  A while later, I ended up making my way back outside, to the smooth black wall that stood where the gateway had been. At first, every time I'd come to the gateway, the immortals had gathered around, eagerly waiting to walk into my realm and their promised power and adoration. Their excitement and anticipation had flooded through me, distracting me, and I'd finally growled at them to get the hell away from me.

  The next several times, they'd gathered around anyway, until I made them leave again.

  Eventually, they stopped coming.

  They started to lose hope. The promises I'd given them, about access to my realm, about being worshiped and relevant again started to feel like lies. Soon, the only ones who stayed with me were Artemis and Hephaestus. They seemed to have come to some kind of agreement about me, that one or the other or both would be nearby whenever I left my father's house. I didn't see any point in arguing with them, as long as they didn't bother me by hovering or talking too much. Artemis spent most of her time with me sitting off to the side, reading or stringing and polishing her bow. Hephaestus usually sat somewhere nearby, scribbling in a notebook he seemed to have with him all the time. I'd asked him once what it was, and he'd showed me. Sketches and designs for weapons, armor. He was always coming up with ideas for things. He was cranky, and abrasive, but he never did the saluting thing and he didn't actively hate me, and he also wasn't waiting impatiently for the moment I returned home to start the next generation, the way Artemis was. I wanted to get home, to Brennan, but babies were the farthest thing from my mind.

  Now, the activity that sometimes results in babies… yeah, that was on my mind, probably more than I'd have liked. Part of the problem was that the gods are a rather lusty group. I knew way too much about their interpersonal relationships than I really wanted to. My father and Persephone were among the worst, though they weren't the only ones.

  The bigger part of the problem was Hephaestus. Or, rather, the insinuations a few of the gods decided to make about Hephaestus. Artemis was the most irritating. And maybe I was a little thrown off by the fact that I actually liked the surly immortal, so the insinuations bothered me all the more.

  After our little "you aren't gods" conversation around the fire, Artemis wasn't exactly happy with me. She arrived at the gateway a while after I did, and sat, not reading, irritation coming off of her in waves.
I finally gave up trying to focus on the gateway and glared over at her. "What the ever-loving hell is your problem now?"

  "He wants you. You know this, yes?" Artemis said. I shrugged, assuming she was talking about Brennan and wondering why she was bringing it up just then, all worked up and annoyed.

  "Of course he does. He's my mate," I said, irritated.

  I felt a hot bolt of anger flood over me, from her. "Have you really forgotten my grandson so quickly, then?"

  I stared at her in disbelief. "I was talking about your grandson. Who the hell are you talking about?"

  "Hephaestus," she spat. "He sits here, and watches you, especially when he knows you're not paying attention. All of that agreeing with you over the gods thing. He doesn't want you to know. You don't need to be a Fury to get a sense of what he wants from you."

  I rolled my eyes. "Well, I am a Fury, and I haven't felt anything like that from him. He's actually the calmest of all of you."

  "Or he's just better able to stifle his feelings than the rest of us are," Artemis grumbled.

  "You're wrong. I would know."

  She waved me off in a huff, opened her book and started reading. I stared at her a while, half wanting to just have it out and half wanting to forget the conversation had ever happened.

  I thought about Hephaestus, trying to figure out if I was actually missing something. And I was irritated that I was even wasting time thinking about it, because I actually had more important shit to deal with. I mean, yeah, he was always there, usually not talking to me, but a constant presence nonetheless. And we'd verbally spar every now and then, and I'd get irritated when he called me "queenie," and the other gods would look at him like he was stupid when he'd argue with me. I searched my memories, looking for signs of what Artemis said, but they just weren't there, and I was pretty pissed at her for making me second-guess the one semi-normal relationship I had in the Nether.