"You’ve gotten a lot stronger."
"I have." I pulled back from him. "I need to show you something."
Chapter Seventeen
"I've been dying to hear you say that," he said, running his hands firmly over my hips.
I laughed. "Besides that."
He grinned, and there was a glimmer of the way things used to be between us, me always too serious and him balancing me by lightening things up. "Show me."
"Don’t freak out."
"Have you ever known me to freak out?" And he opened his mind to me again, showed me every thought he was having. His way of letting me know he meant what he said, and it meant the world to me just then.
I smiled, leaned forward and kissed him. "No. definitely not."
He smiled at me, and I took a deep breath, met his eyes. And then I let the enchantment fall, letting him see my wings for the first time.
He stared at me, his eyes taking in the black feathers.
His first thought was "holy shit."
His next was "I want to touch them."
I laughed. "Are you lusting after my wings?"
"If they’re attached to you, I'm lusting after them," he said. Then he reached a hand out and ran his fingertips lightly over the edge of the wing on my left side. I shivered a little at the sensation.
"Does that bother you?" he asked quietly.
"Opposite of bother," I said, trembling as he ran his fingertips through the feathers.
"They’re sensitive, huh?"
"I didn't realize how much. No one’s ever touched them before."
He groaned, and then he thought that he really wanted to do a few things that involved a whole lot more than touching, and the next thing I knew, I was pulling his t-shirt up over his head, and he was unbuttoning my top, his lips on my throat, my collarbone. The thing inside me threatened to rise up, and I fought it down. It, whatever it was, could hate Brennan all it wanted, but I needed this.
Brennan's hands were all over my body, firmly squeezing my waist, my hips, running up and down my spine, then spanning my ribcage as he kissed me breathless. I ran my palms over his bare shoulders, his chest, traced that tattoo of my initial he had over his heart, leaned forward and kissed, then nipped the side of his neck, and he pulled my head back and kissed me again, hard, hungry. I pulled my bra off as he kissed me, and he pulled back and looked at me. His breathing was ragged, his body responding to me the way it always did.
"Are you sure?" he asked, and his voice was hoarse. Full of need.
"Yes. I'm sure," I said softly, and he picked me up and carried me back to the bed, and that was the last intelligible thing I said for the next few hours while Brennan made me remember what it felt like to be alive, what it felt like to be loved by someone who knew my soul completely.
By the time he finally rolled off of me, I was sweating, aching, exhausted. He'd taken me over the edge over and over again, gave me everything I wanted, worshiped my body with his the way only he could. I was filled to the brim, satisfied. That sensation of our power, our energy entwining as we'd thrashed and trembled against each other… damn, I'd missed that. He pulled me into his arms again, my front to his, pulled my thigh up over his waist, his arms around me. He was still trying to catch his breath, and his heart pounded against me. I was still trembling, coming down from the last waves of ecstasy.
"Holy shit that was amazing," I said, and he held me tighter, buried his face in my hair. "I love you."
"I love you, Molly," he said, his voice muffled. "I want this, forever. I'll do whatever it takes to earn it back."
"We're not keeping score," I murmured. "We're going to move forward, together."
I felt a wave of contentment, relief from him, and he kissed my shoulder and we fell asleep and I relaxed for the first time in an eternity.
Later, I woke up on my stomach, Brennan's lips and tongue working their way along my spine, right between my wings, his heavy body covering mine, bare skin to bare skin. I raised my body, and he claimed me again from behind before I was even fully awake.
"Sorry," he gasped when he rolled off of me a while later.
"Do you hear me complaining?"
"Well. I know you're not much of a morning person," he said, laying back and wiping his brow.
I sat up and straddled his bare body, then I leaned down over him. "Keep waking me up like that, and I think I could be," I whispered. Then I kissed him and got up to shower. To neither of our surprise, he followed me and did such a good job washing my body, I forgot all about trying to make myself feel clean again. He finished washing my hair, then ran his fingers down my arm, over the armband.
"This is… really cold," he said, looking down at my arm. "What is it?"
"Souls of my enemies," I said, looking up at him.
He met my eyes. "That is creepy as hell," he said, laughing. "Good. It does something for you, I'm guessing?"
"Gives my powers a little extra boost. Which would be awesome if I could use my powers without wanting to die. I'm pretty sure this is what made me strong enough to be able to pull away from the Nether."
He nodded. "And you can't take it off because this is probably one of those things that would be bad if it fell into the wrong hands," he guessed.
"To put it mildly," I said, soaping up his chest and stomach.
He held my hands still, and I looked up at him. "There's more you're not telling me," he finally said.
"I had a blackout the other day," I said. "I'm hoping it's just stress, that once I'm settled again, it won't happen anymore."
He just looked down at me. His emotions told me everything I needed to know. He loved me. He was angry I'd been through so much. He wanted to fix it, but couldn't, and he hated that.
And I hadn't even told him the worst of it. That there was something in me that wanted him bleeding, dead, broken. And that every second we were together, the thing raged harder. I was having a hard time keeping its rage from overtaking me. I didn't want him to know that. He'd think it was me, being mad at him (rightfully, but still) over his one-nighter. But I was starting to realize that this was something different, something separate from me.
Frankly, it scared the hell out of me.
A few minutes, a few kisses later, Brennan stepped out of the shower and I finished up by myself.
Once I'd dressed and braided my hair, I headed downstairs in search of one thing:
Coffee.
When I got downstairs, Brennan was sitting in the living room giving Sean a bottle. Ada was standing in the kitchen with Stone, him putting away dishes from the dishwasher while she looked over some papers in her hand. Nain was sitting at the dining room table, reading something.
Oh. He was really, really pissed off about something.
He looked up and glanced at me as I walked past.
"Morning," I said, watching him. He just grunted. I got my coffee and headed toward the living room.
"Have a good night?" he said under his breath.
I stopped short and looked at him, raised an eyebrow. You want to do this now? Really?
Why the fuck not? The gang's all here, right?
"That was fast," he said, loudly enough now for Brennan to hear. "Didn't even make him beg, did you?"
"And this is your business how, exactly?" I said, and I knew there was a threat in my voice.
"He shows he's perfectly willing to betray you, and you go crawling back," Nain said, disgust in his voice. And it hurt me more than it should have.
"Betray? Like lie to someone so they do the one thing they couldn't live with? Like that kind of betrayal?" My power rose in response to my anger, and I felt the building tremble slightly.
"Or betray like start fucking your husband's best friend months after he died? Like that?" Nain growled, and his eyes were glowing red. He stood, came toward me, and I stood my ground.
"Don't even, demon. This isn't a fight you want. Believe me," I said, glaring up into his face. What the hell is wrong with you? We were fine.<
br />
"Guys. Hey!" Ada shouted from the kitchen, and Stone put a hand on Nain's arm, tried to pull him away from me. Brennan had put Sean down in his bouncer and raced to my side. He was shouting at Nain, rage pouring off of him.
"You think I'm afraid of you, little girl?" Nain snarled.
"If you were smart, you would be. I never betrayed you, you asshole," I said, forcing myself to calm down. I wasn't doing this. Brennan took my shoulders and put me behind him, glared at Nain.
"Yeah. Protect her," Nain growled. "You think she won't toss you aside when the time is right, Bren? She'll take what she wants and move on. Watch her."
Rage rose inside me, overshadowed everything else. Any rational thought I might have had, any sense at all, was obliterated in that moment by the desire to show the demon what happened when he tried to threaten his betters.
I darted out from behind Brennan. I sensed Hephaestus coming down from his room. I reached Nain, punched him hard in the stomach, and when he bent over in pain, I kneed his face and he dropped to the floor.
"You want to say anything else to me, demon?" I growled as I bent over him, grabbed his hair and pulled. Power, rage, coursed through my body, and I felt the darkness inside me rising. My flamesword appeared in my hand, and I heard Ada gasp. The loft was silent around us.
"What the hell?" Nain said, and the snarl was gone from his voice. I felt confusion from him, fear. I fought back the rage, the images of me removing his head from his body in one quick swipe of the sword. I let him go, stepped back, made my flamesword disappear. Nain stood up, stared at me. "What the hell just happened? Why did you kick my ass, Molls?"
"You weren't yourself," I said shakily, meeting his eyes. What the hell had I nearly done? Do you remember what you said?
He shook his head.
"What's going on?" Brennan asked. His fists were still clenched at his side. He was ready to shift, ready to rip Nain's throat out. I put my hand on his arm.
"You were going off about how I'd betrayed you, about how Brennan proved he was capable of betraying me because he slept with that wi…" I trailed off, then looked toward the living room, at Sean.
All of the arguing. Ada and Stone at each other's throats. Nain being a bigger asshole than usual, when we'd just decided we were fine. Eunomia's unexplainable moment of anger at Hephaestus a few days prior. None of it was normal. None of it made sense. Unless…
Fucking Strife.
I remembered the things my mother and Athena had told me, back in the Nether, about the spirit daemon I'd trapped in my realm.
"Ada, you scanned the baby, right?" I asked, hoping I was wrong.
"Molly, what are you talking about?" Brennan asked. "He has nothing to do with this. Nain's an asshole, that's all."
"Ades?" I asked again, ignoring Brennan.
Embarrassment flooded from her. "No. I didn't. Didn't even think about it. Brennan brought him home and we were just all so busy loving on him."
"Molly?" Brennan asked, worried now.
"Check him, Ada," I said. I met Nain's eyes, then turned to Brennan.
"How did you meet his mother again?"
"I rescued her from two of your demons, some of the ones that went rogue? I killed the demons, then offered to take her home. And it turned into a drink and then something else," he trailed off, anger and shame flooding from him. "Why?"
I didn't answer. Turned to watch Ada as she picked up Brennan's son. She brought him into the dining room, then laid him on the table. He looked up at her calmly, giant blue eyes taking in every detail. I could feel him. He was not afraid. He trusted and loved Ada.
Ada focused on the baby, made a low humming sound every now and then as she moved her hands over him. She placed stones on his head, his chest, and then closed her eyes and focused some more.
"Oh, hell," she muttered a few minutes later.
"What?" Brennan asked, going over to the table. He picked up his son, looked him over.
Ada's eyes found mine.
"Brennan, kiddo. I think you were set up," Ada said gently.
"He's mine," Brennan said softly.
She nodded. "He's yours. He's also hosting a spirit miasma," Ada said.
"What the hell does that mean?" Brennan asked, looking down at his son.
"His mother imbued him with the spirit of discord. It picks up on negative emotions: anger, hatred, jealousy. And it temporarily infects those feeling it, amplifies the feelings. There are witches who are talented at these kinds of spells. The main point is usually to cause chaos and strife. Those witches usually are followers of Eris." Then she looked at me. "This explains a hell of a lot."
"But what does that have to do with anything?" Brennan asked.
Ada took his arm, gently. "It was no coincidence that you rescued that particular witch, from those particular demons," she said. "Or that you ended up with her that night. If I was able to guess, I'd bet you were spelled. You're not stupid enough to cheat on Molly, and I've always thought so, but I wrote it off to desperation and depression." Her gaze shifted to me. "And you have too many enemies, girl."
"Tell me something I don't know," I muttered. "Strife. Eris. I trapped her here when I destroyed the gateway."
"And fuckin' Strife found your demons," Hephaestus intoned. I nodded.
"And put them to work going after those I try to protect and using bullshit tactics like this to hurt those I care about," I said.
"It's not just that," Ada said. "The worst part is that a possessed being is often kind of conduit between the one who spelled them and their current station. So chances are good that we've been being watched for the last few months, and we haven't realized it."
"Fuck," Nain growled.
Brennan had been quiet, looking down at his son during our exchange. Then he looked up at me. "She didn't put a spell on me. I mean, maybe she would have if I hadn't been willing. But it never got to that point." He glanced at Ada, who was shaking her head sadly. "I know you were trying to give me an out, Ada, and I love you for it." Then he met my eyes. "But I'm not going to lie. I messed up, but I'm the one that did it, and I'm going to take responsibility for it."
I nodded. "Okay. So where does that leave us?" I asked Ada.
"I'm so sorry. I should have thought of it," Ada said, looking at me helplessly.
"It's okay. Can you do anything about it now?"
Brennan looked at me like he didn't know me, held his son tighter.
"Brennan," Ada said sharply, and he turned his gaze back to her. "I think I can remove the miasma. Maybe. It won't hurt him, but it will make him very tired. Do you understand?"
"He'll be okay, though?" Brennan asked, and I could feel the fear for his son rolling off of him.
"I promise. I'm not sure I can remove it, but I'll try. But you need to give me the baby, and you need to trust me. I need a quiet place with no external interference. Just me and him. Okay?"
He stared at her.
"Would I ever, ever hurt that baby, Brennan Michael Riley?" Ada asked sternly, and he shook his head. He handed the baby over, and she took him.
"This will take a while. Do not come into my room. I need to be able to focus," Ada said, carrying the baby upstairs.
We all watched her go. Brennan went and sat at the foot of the stairs, stared at his feet. Stone went back to the kitchen, and Hephaestus went in the living room and started tinkering with some contraption he was building. Nain and I exchanged a look.
"Strife uses emotions that are already there," I said quietly. "Is there something you want to say to me?"
Nain shook his head. "We already had this out, Molls. You knew I was jealous. You know I want you. And I'm an asshole, but not that much of an asshole. I said we were okay the other day, and I meant it."
I nodded. "I think it's time for me to move out," I said. "It's for the best."
"Time for us to move out," Brennan said from the stairway. "I'm coming with you."
I took a deep breath, felt the certainty of what I had to do se
ttle over me. Remembered what Athena had said to me, during our training: what we want doesn't matter. I thought of all the things I'd wanted, all the dreams I'd had for Brennan and me.
His infant son had been spelled to try to get at those who cared for me.
Brennan himself had been the target of the shifter plague. He'd been taken and tortured by Hermes' minions, a bargaining chip to use against me.
And so, I thought of all the things I wanted, and I let them go. I made my face expressionless, my voice mild, no matter how I felt my heart shredding.
"Brennan, I don't think I'm the best person to raise a baby around. Your son was targeted because of me."
"So, what? We're done? Bullshit, Molly. I already know you have crazy enemies. I'm not going anywhere."
I took a deep breath. "We'll see each other around. You continue to be used against me, and I can't let that go on. It's for the best."
"And you get to make every decision for us now?"
Us. The word threatened to make me lose it. The "us" I could never have, because I'd pissed off way too many powerful beings. The "us" I had to walk away from to keep the love of my life safe. The "us" I'd never have, not the way I'd dreamed of.
"No. I get to make the decisions that need to be made, the ones that you're too emotionally involved to make."
He shook his head. "Forever. That's what we said. Yeah?" He met my eyes, and I nodded. "Okay, then. Forever means forever, no matter what bullshit gets thrown at us."
"Not for us, it doesn't," I said quietly.
"You're putting extra pressure on her," Nain said to Brennan. "You really think she needs that now?"
"She needs to be surrounded by people who love her," Brennan said.
"She," I said loudly, "is standing right the fuck here, and she tends to get pissed off when people try to make decisions for her." I looked back at Brennan. "This is how it has to be. You have a support network here. This is the safest place for your son. And no matter how much you love me, you owe him a safe place to grow up. You owe him time with his father. We'll see each other around, and I will always love you. But I'm not going to put you and Sean in danger because I want you by my side. That's it." I felt anger, frustration roll off of him, and I headed up the opposite stairway, to his room. As I walked up the stairs, I heard Nain tell Brennan that I was right, and Brennan tell him to shut the hell up.
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