“Never mind. I’m rambling.” She couldn’t take this one out on her mom, just because Moira seemed more alive around a little dog than around her own daughter. Colleen hadn’t exactly left the door open for mother-daughter closeness. Besides, this wasn’t about Chip. Or Mom. It was about Eric, and Colleen had made the decision to walk away from him all on her own. None of that keen self-insight made her feel any better, though.
She ran her fingers through her hair and settled back against her pillows, overwhelmed with all she had to do. She wanted to stay in bed all day. “What time do I need to drive you to the doctor’s office?”
“No need. I’ve had Joaquin arrange a cab. I knew you’d be working,” Mom said pointedly.
“Okay.” Colleen watched Chip sniff a small throw pillow she’d tossed off the side of the bed, then curl up on it. “I’ll take him to the vet day after tomorrow to get scanned for a microchip, okay? Tomorrow I have the hearing, and today…” She shook her head as her eyes misted over.
“I can take him. There’s a vet’s office right next to Dr. Flynn’s building. I’ve already called and they can work me in before my own appointment, then they’ll keep Chip until I’m finished.”
“So you’re just going to take him without me?” Colleen asked, in a watery tone.
Moira sat on the edge of the bed and laid one hand atop Colleen’s. “Are you okay, sweet pea?”
“I’m not feeling well, Mom. That’s all.”
“Can I get you anything?”
“No, thanks.” All she needed was Eric, and she couldn’t have him and her life, too. “How’s your knee?”
“It’s fine. I’ve walked Chip twice today without any problems.” Moira pressed her lips together, mea suring. “Why won’t you talk to me about this?”
“Because, Mom!” Damn it, Colleen thought. Damn tears.
“Does your…feeling ill have anything to do with your friend, Eric Nelson?”
Colleen jutted her chin out stubbornly, then thought screw it. Hadn’t she always wanted the kind of mother-daughter relationship where they could confide in each other? “Mom, were you ever in love? I mean, truly in love?”
Moira let her shoulders rise and fall on a sigh, then stared off in the distance. “Once.”
“Once? Then why did you keep dating, falling for all those guys?”
Mom squeezed her hand. “I don’t know. I realize what my crazy dating life did to you, Colleen. But I was young and stupid. Heartbroken.”
That was the closest she’d ever come to an apology. “So who was the guy?”
Moira rubbed her thumb over the back of Colleen’s hand for several moments. “Your father.”
What? “But then, why didn’t you marry him?”
“He was…already married.”
Colleen squeezed her eyes shut. She should’ve known. “Why, Mom?”
“Because falling in love doesn’t always happen with the person who’s most convenient, the most problem-free. Life is messy, sweet pea. You can’t control everything.”
“Did he love you?”
“Yes.”
“Did he love me?” Her voice cracked.
“I never told him about you.”
“What? Why not?”
“He wasn’t going to leave his wife. I knew that. And I didn’t want to force him to choose and ending up resenting both of us.”
Colleen slipped her hand out from under her mom’s and covered her face with both palms. “Would he have chosen us?”
“I think so. Because of you.”
Colleen peered questioningly at her mom, as visions of a Nelson-like upbringing swirled in her head, a swarm of what-could’ve-been bees.
“His wife wasn’t able to have children, so I think, yes. He might’ve divorced her and married me.” She shrugged. “But I couldn’t do that to her.”
“Yet, you could sleep with her husband.”
“I never claimed to be perfect,” Moira said, leveling her with a stare. “And this happened a long time ago. I like to think I’ve finally learned my lesson in that regard. I never wanted you to feel second best.”
Colleen scooted up, spread her arms. “But I did feel second best. My whole life.”
“I’m sorry,” Moira whispered, her chin quivering. “I never intended to be…a terrible mother.”
Guilt stabbed Colleen. “You weren’t terrible.”
“I made you feel second best. Look that up in the dictionary of motherhood. It’ll be under the word terrible.” A tear spilled over, and she sniffed and wiped it away.
Colleen opened her arms. “I didn’t mean to make you cry, Mom.” The two women embraced.
“You’re just like him, Colleen. You may look like me, but in personality? Hands down.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I’ve always admired that fire in you. The drive. Your independence.”
Colleen laid her cheek on her mother’s small shoulder. “But I’m unhappy.”
“I know, sweet pea.”
“What should I do about it?”
“You can meet your father if you want to.”
Colleen’s heart lurched. For a moment, she considered it, but what purpose would it serve? To disrupt his life, throw this on his wife, after thirty-four years? “No. You’re the only parent I need. That won’t help anything. Any other ideas?”
Moira kissed her on the cheek, then pulled apart and implored her, “I made you feel second best, and I’ll have to live with that the rest of my life. Don’t follow in my footsteps. Put yourself first, sweet pea. For once. Before it’s too late.”
That’s the part her mom didn’t realize. It was already too late. Her own tears reappeared, and she let them flow. “We need plants in this house.”
Moira blinked. “What?”
“Plants. Greenery. Living things.” She sniffed. “Will you go shopping for them with me next week?”
“Of course, I’d love to.” Moira shook her head. “I didn’t know you liked plants.”
Colleen sighed. “I didn’t know you did, either.”
Chip stirred on his pillow, and Moira scooped him up and handed him to Colleen. “There is such a thing as a second chance, you know.”
Colleen buried her nose in the puppy’s soft fur and nodded. Second chances. Yes. She did know. Unfortunately, she wasn’t quite so sure about thirds.
Colleen forged through the biting cold wind with her head down, taking the steps to the court building as quickly as possible. She wasn’t looking forward to standing next to Ned Jones or facing Eric, but the damage had been done.
At the entrance to the courthouse, she reached for the door handle just as the door swung open. “Excuse me,” she murmured at the feet standing in front of her. “I—”
“Colleen.”
Her gaze shot to his face and she froze. God, he looked beautiful. Distant, but beautiful. “Eric.” She swallowed. “What are you—”
“We settled the Esther Wellington case today. The contractor buckled under pressure.”
She forced a tight smile. “That’s wonderful. Congratulations.”
He nodded once, lips pressed together.
“So—” she cleared her throat “—Chip’s officially my mom’s dog. No chip in Chip.”
“That’s great,” Eric said. Remote. Self-protective. “He seemed to make your mom happy.”
Silence.
Awkward.
Their gazes met and bounced off each other.
“Well,” he said finally, “see you in there.”
“Yes. Okay.”
He skirted around her without another word and strode down the vast steps, the vent flap of his overcoat blowing in the unforgiving wind.
Colleen stood shivering at the top of the courthouse steps and watched him walk away. Again. Why was she always watching him walk away?
Go time.
The courtroom was familiar, smelling of lemon wood polish, old leather and men’s cologne. She somehow felt completely different. Off her game.
Sh
e’d lined up her notes like usual. Positioned her water glass like usual. Warned her client not to say a word unless instructed by her, like usual. Still, something about this hearing felt very, very unusual. She was in the midst of wracking her brain to figure it out just as the bailiff called, “All rise!” to the courtroom. The shuffle of feet and chair legs sounded the collective response to that oh-so-familiar order.
She straightened her suit jacket.
Didn’t look at Eric. He stood just across the center aisle from her, but it felt as if he were on another continent. And she without a passport. Story of her life.
The balding judge entered in a swirl of black fabric. “Have a seat, people. Let’s get this show on the road.”
As they sat, the judge began his instructions, which she sort of listened to, sort of blew off. She practically had them committed to memory. Just before they were to begin opening arguments, her cell phone trilled. Damn it! She always remembered to turn it off. The judge turned a steely eye her way. Flustered—and she was never flustered in the courtroom—Colleen wrangled her phone out of her purse and randomly pushed buttons with fingers that felt linebacker huge. The damn thing seemed to get louder, although she knew that was due to embarrassment only.
She hit a button and the photo of her and Eric appeared on her screen. She gasped, couldn’t look away. A million pairs of eyes aimed her way, and still she couldn’t look away from that photo of perfection. The truth of the matter struck her. She’d fought so hard to avoid having a life like her mother’s, twisting herself into knots for a man, and she’d turned out like her. Only not in the man-hunting way. She’d exchanged man-hunting for career achievement above all else, and in doing so had made a grave error in judgment.
“Counselor?” the judge boomed.
Nothing.
“Colleen,” Eric rasped from across the aisle.
“What’s wrong?” Ned Jones whispered.
“Ms. Delaney,” began the judge, clearly annoyed. “Could you please approach—”
Her gaze shot up. “Your honor, I need…I need to leave.”
He pulled his chin back and frowned. “Excuse me?”
“I have an emergency.”
Judge Moher sighed hugely. “How long do you need?”
“I don’t know.”
“Very well. This court is adjourned until tomorrow morning same time. And there better not be a single cell phone on in my courtroom tomorrow.”
Crack! went the gavel.
Ned peppered her with questions, but she fended him off, gathering her things with shaky hands. Eric and his clients sat with heads together as she rushed from the courtroom. She needed space to figure this out. Time. Memories.
Harrison Scott, apparently, had been sent to watchdog her from the back of the courtroom. The fact that she hadn’t noticed him spoke volumes about her attention level.
He caught up with her on the steps. “Colleen.”
She spun to face him. The wind whipped both of their coats to the side, chapped her skin.
“What in the hell happened in there?”
“I can’t do it.”
His eyes narrowed. “What?” he spat.
“I can’t do it, Harrison. I can’t sell out for the firm. Not anymore. There are more important things in life than a partnership.” She handed over the files.
“You’re making a huge mistake.”
“I already made one.” She shook strands of her hair away from her face. “Do what you want with Ned Jones. My resignation will be on your desks by five this afternoon.” And with that, she left him slackjawed. Skipping down the steps, she felt lighter than she had in years.
Eric left the courtroom baffled. He didn’t want to feel anything for Colleen, but it had moved far beyond that option with him. He hoped her mother was okay. The urge to call her waged a strong war inside him, but he fought it off. He’d just arrived at his office and loosened his tie when his own cell phone bleeped. Incoming text. And photo?
From Colleen?
His heart lifted, in spite of himself. He clicked on the text:
Dear Santa—
I realize it’s early, but I wanted to get in ahead of the holiday rush. See, I’m unemployed, which is okay, but I’ve screwed up and hurt someone I love. All I want for Christmas is this. (Click photo)
Unemployed? Colleen was unemployed? Since when?
Eric opened the picture of him kissing Colleen, and his legs weakened. He sank into his desk chair and stared at the photo. She looked so incredible. They looked so happy, so meant for each other.
Another text message intruded.
He hated to click away from the photo, but he did it anyway. It read:
Interested? Curious? You know where to find me, Sugar Baby.
The conservatory.
Eric didn’t even bother to fix his tie. Standing, he threw on his coat and burst out of his office.
Jennifer jumped. “Geez, you scared me. Are you okay?”
“I’m fantastic. I’m going to be gone the rest of the day, though.”
She blinked in confusion. “Should I—”
He spun to face her as he walked backward toward the elevators. “Reschedule all my appointments, Jen. You’re getting a raise, by the way.”
“Okay…thank you.”
He lifted his hand in a wave and jogged the rest of the way to the elevators. Maybe, for Colleen and him, the third time would be the charm.
Colleen finally knew what it meant to just be.
She sat on the bench at the conservatory, right next to the Rumrilla Sugar Baby, and knew that whatever happened was supposed to happen. Until then, she closed her eyes and listened to the beautifully deafening quiet of the gardens. She inhaled the rich scents. She felt fully present in the moment and at peace.
Before long, someone sat next to her on the bench. She smiled, opened her eyes.
He searched her face. “Shouldn’t you have a cup by your side?”
“What?”
“For coins. I heard you’re unemployed.”
“I am. Thank God.”
“What happened?”
“I came to my senses. I couldn’t defend Ned Jones. You were right, it was just a stupid case. I’d been so focused, I lost sight of the fact that I have a choice in this life. And I couldn’t stomach working for that bunch one moment longer. Most of all, I couldn’t bear the look of hurt and disgust in your eyes.” She edged closer to him and reached for his hand. “Eric, I’m sorry. Everything closed in on me and I—”
“Ran scared.”
“Yes.”
“Again.”
“I know. Does it help if I tell you I’ll never do it again?”
He draped his arm around her waist, and she rested her head on his shoulder. “What kind of assurances can you give?”
“Well, the Gold Coast doesn’t come cheaply. Forgive me for being forward, but I’ve hung back far too long. Are you interested in some roommates for that big house of yours?”
“Nope.”
Her breathing hitched before she could remind herself to “just be.”
“But I am interested in family.”
She swallowed thickly. “You mean, Brian and the others?”
“No.” He smoothed his hand down her cheek, kissed her gently on the lips. “I mean a wife. Kids. Even a mother-in-law in the carriage house.”
“And her little dog, too?” she teased, although love clogged Colleen’s chest.
“Absolutely. A chicken in every pot, a dog in every yard.”
“Eric?”
“Yes?”
“Are you asking me to marry you?”
“Yes. Are you accepting?”
“Nothing would make me happier. Although a new job would be the icing on the wedding cake.”
“I can probably help you out there, too. You can work at our firm. Fast track to partnership, no Framus, no McTierney.”
“And you know this because…?”
“I’ve been checking into things.�
�
She cupped his face with both hands and kissed him deeply. “I was foolish to ever let you go.”
“No kidding.” He winked, then his expression sobered. “I have never loved another woman like I love you, Colleen, and I’ll never try to change you. I love you.”
She groaned. “God, I was such an idiot.”
“Oh.” He snapped his fingers. “I’ll probably never let you forget that either. Sorry.”
“You’ve earned the right.” She glanced around them. “Can we be married here? And can the reception be catered by the Bourgeois Pig Cafe?”
“Anything you want.”
“Well, then, Counselor, I’d say this case is closed.”
Epilogue
The wedding had been simple, small, perfect. Colleen carried a bouquet of white roses—with thorns as a reminder—mixed in with Rumrilla Sugar Baby Orchids. Chip, who’d turned out to be the perfect little dog, wore a pillow on his back and served as the ring bearer.
When the “I dos” and “you may kiss the bride” parts were over, Colleen stood glowing next to her husband in the receiving line, hugging the guests and accepting their congratulations.
Jack Hanson and his wife, Samantha, approached.
He and Eric shook hands and did the obligatory back clap. “Thanks for clearing the case, pal.”
“My pleasure. Glad the drama’s over.”
“Right.” Jack pulled a droll face. “Kimi’s home, dropped out of college like she’d threatened. The drama remains, the focus has just shifted.”
Colleen peered up at her husband with curiosity.
“I’ll explain it all later,” he said, kissing her forehead.
Jack grinned at Colleen. “Glad we pulled you back from the dark side, doll. You look beautiful.”
“Thank you. For the record, I’m glad Eric exonerated you and Robby Axelrod, too. It was the right thing to do.”
Jack looked at Eric and aimed his thumb at Colleen. “Didn’t I tell you, Nelson? Everything happens for a reason. And this woman happens to be a damn good reason.”
Colleen laughed, head thrown back, bubbling with joy. She’d been doing a lot more of that lately.
The line dwindled, and Eric turned Colleen to ward him. “I’m going to make you the happiest woman in the world.”
Her Favorite Holiday Gift Page 13
